Dream

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His kiss was like fire as she felt his hands on her body coaxing her to become more aggressive. She raked her fingers through the softness of his hair and was about to break the kiss to suggest they go indoors for more privacy when she felt as though someone was behind her--watching.

She broke the kiss from Mark and turned around quickly to see why her hair was standing up on the back of her neck. Chakotay was standing about 20 feet away from her. He stood like a small boy uncomfortable about finding his best friend with candy that belonged to him. He wanted to shift from foot to foot, but he also didn't want to appear nervous. Chakotay's eyes bore into hers desperately yearning for an explanation that would make sense to him.

Kathryn looked back at Mark for a second and silently asked for him to go on ahead inside. She didn't watch him walk away but instead turned back to Chakotay and walked slowly towards him. She couldn't keep her hands from wringing together as she approached him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked softly. She didn't want to be rude, but he should have never come.

"I needed to see for myself." His voice was thick and slow. "I don't understand Kathryn--I thought we meant something to each other. How could you all of a sudden go back to him as though there was no interruption--no us--just because we made it back."

Kathryn could see the pain in his eyes but she didn't know how to comfort him. "Chakotay, it isn't 'all of a sudden'. It's only been a few years. Did you really think that I had completely stopped loving Mark? I have loved Mark for years--longer than you and I have even known each other. I still love him Chakotay, you can't believe that I wouldn't go back to him just because I had some feelings for you did you? Mark loves me. He waited for me. I can't just turn my back on him. I'm sorry you don't understand."

She would have reached for his hands to soothe him, but that would have made it worse. "Please leave here Chakotay. There is nothing here for you. I cannot love the two of you at the same time and I have known Mark and loved him longer." She didn't notice the tears that were sliding down her cheeks until she turned away and felt the wind blow on her. She walked away from him and headed back to the cabin to be with Mark when...

#

She bolted upright in the bed with her heart pounding and her face wet from tears. She looked at the sleeping man beside her and she started to cry again.

"No no no no..." She cried softly as she held her head in her hands and wished she could stop the pain. "Not again. Not the dreams again! After all this time. After all the pain and guilt had been dealt with, why was she having the dreams again."

She settled back onto the bed and curled into the back of the man who lay beside her. She brought her hand up to rest on the solid strong shoulder before she traced his arm with her fingers. She couldn't tell him about the dreams this time. He had such a difficult time before with the whole idea of him in her life causing her to lie awake at night sometimes wondering if she had done the right thing, or if she had been to quick to make her decision.

He felt her touch and rolled back towards her to face her. He gave her a sleepy smile and shifted his body so that he was finally facing her fully and could take her into his arms.

"Mmmm. Morning." He sighed as he closed his eyes and felt the softness of her next to him.

"Morning." She whispered back careful to keep the emotion out of her voice.

He opened one eye to look at her. "What's on the agenda for today? Can we sleep in?"

"Sorry. We can't do that. I have a big meeting this morning that I can't miss."

"So. I don't have to be there do I?" He asked wishing he could change her mind, but knew he couldn't.

"No, but I need you on the Bridge. I need Tuvok's assistance and I don't want to leave the ship in the hands of Paris today. I'm still angry with him for the stunt he pulled the other night.

Chakotay groaned. "Can't you just forgive him for one day so I can sleep in? I'm exhausted."

"Well then you shouldn't have kept me up so late last night then should you?" She berated him lovingly getting the reaction she thought she would.

His smile returned. "That's different. Keeping you up late at night is not a chore." He leaned in kissing her forehead. "I'd gladly do it again. In fact..." He shifted himself so he could pull her closer. "...if you would like...{kiss} I could do a repeat {kiss} performance for you."

#

#

Captain Janeway sailed into the briefing room, every hair in place, precisely on time. "Good Morning, folks. B'Elanna, what do you have for us?"

Was the Captain sounding a bit breathless this morning? And what is that on her collar? No time for that now, she's asking for her report:

"I've been working out the theory of recalibrating the internal sensors on deck six. I think it will work. In fact, it shouldn't take very much time at all to increase the sensitivity to continuously monitor for all humanoid vital signs as well as adding the holo recorders and projectors to keep the deck under constant surveillance, as Lieutenant Tuvok specified" reported B'Elanna.

"Excellent. You've been busy" Janeway responded with a wry smile and an arched eyebrow.

"I haven't even gotten to the best part, Captain," continued B'Elanna excitedly, "I was also able to find a way to link the holoprojectors to both the Doctor's program and the inter-ship transporters, so if anything goes wrong the doctor can immediately download himself there without having to put on his portable holo-emitter and make his way through the ship via turbolifts. And in the case of an extreme emergency the computer will be able to initialize a transport directly to sickbay without a voice command! Of course, the Doctor and I will need to work together on programming the computer to assess what constitutes such an emergency, but it is definitely possible! I can begin trial runs imme..."

"Whoa, slow down B'Elanna. You've done an amazing amount of work in such a short time. I was only asking for possibilities. I don't expect we will be ready to begin implementing these security protocols until we physically restructure the deck. I take it that that was so simple a task that it was not worthy of mention in your report."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry Captain. We can change the physical layout without compromising bulkhead strength quite easily and with a minimum of energy and material waste. It was figuring out a way to program the computer with the new security protocols that kept Tuvok and I up all night. But it will work!"

"I guess I won't need to ask for your report, Mr. Tuvok."

"Indeed, it appears not."

"Well, well done, you two. It looks as if Voyager will have it's very own children's deck in time for little Kim Wildman to take her first steps on it!" Answered Janeway, beaming at her two officers, hands on hips and a wide smile lighting her face.

"Uh, Captain,?" began B'Elanna hesitantly

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

"Is there something we should know? I mean I realize we were excused from shift's end briefing yesterday to begin work on this project, but I thought that we'd be filled in if we missed anything important."

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok interjected "I too was going to make a similar query."

"I don't understand what you are asking, Lieutenants. You both received full minutes from the briefing."

"Indeed we did, Captain. But they did not inform us that you would be wearing a Commander's level Maquis rank bar instead of your Captain's pips and the purpose behind such an action."

"What!?!" Exclaimed Janeway pulling her collar out to see for herself. *Shit! I grabbed the wrong turtleneck on the way out of his quarters this morning. How the hell am I going to explain this?*

"Well, uh!"

"Bridge to Captain Janeway."

*Bless your timing, Chakotay, this time. You still owe me for getting me in this predicament to begin with because of your bad (well maybe not so bad) timing this morning!*

"I'm on my way! Janeway out." She turned to Tuvok and B'Elanna, "If you'll excuse me." She practically bolted to the nearest turbolift.

#

#

Chakotay shifted slightly in his chair, quietly glaring at the back of Tom Paris' head...almost daring him to turn around and make another smart-ass remark about his missing rank bar. The man was too observant for his own good. He was sure Paris had made some loose connection between his missing rank bar and his summons of the Captain to the bridge. *Damn.* They had been so careful to keep their relationship quiet...though he was sure that there were members of the crew that more than suspected that he and Kathryn were...involved. Suspected? Yeah...right...how were they going to explain this one? How many crewmembers had noticed his rank bar on her collar...his collar...as she walked through the ship this morning? And Tuvok...he groaned silently, closing his eyes...Tuvok would definitely notice...*Shit.*

His eyes snapped open when he heard the swoosh of the turbolift doors.

Kathryn Janeway moved quickly to the main level of the bridge "Commander."

"Captain." came his even reply. He met her steady gaze, completely aware that another set of eyes were also resting on him. "There is a...matter that we need to discuss."

"Of course, Commander. Why don't we adjourn to my ready room." She turned to Tom Paris, noticing that his eyes were resting on her now barren collar. Slowly his eyes moved upward to her own...a hint of mischief dancing behind them. She imperceptibly raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Paris...you have the bridge."

"Aye, Captain."

Kathryn Janeway preceded Chakotay across the bridge to her ready room. "Oh...and Mr. Paris...the inertial dampeners are to remain on-line." she threw over her shoulder, without turning back.

Tom watched his commanding officers until the ready room door slid shut behind them. A smug grin made a quick appearance, as he glanced at Harry...and winked.

#

#

"What is it, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked in a clipped tone as she entered the ready room.

"I just thought I should tell you that your uniform isn't exactly up to regulation standards this morning, Captain," said Chakotay, smiling. She glared back at him. "Come on, Captain, I'm sure no one noticed, yet." His smile faded as he saw that she was annoyed. "Kathryn?" He reached out to touch her arm.

She moved out of his reach. "Never mind, Chakotay, I'm just in a bad mood." Sighing audibly, she uncurled her right hand, revealing the Commander's rank bar. She extended her hand, palm up...offering the rank bar to him.

Chakotay attempted a weak half-smile, as he retrieved the rank bar. "Oops." He debated placing the metal strip on his collar. Paris would definitely notice that he was wearing it when he returned to the bridge...and would no doubt know who had given it to him. *Shit...it's not going to matter if I wear it or not...he knows.* He quickly donned the rank bar.

"Now, just let me have my pips."

"Here, I brought them with me." He slightly unzipped his jacket, reaching into the inside pocket...her pips. "These belong to you...unless I've suddenly been promoted." he teased, handing them to her. "Kathryn..."

"Chakotay..." She attached the pips to her collar as she met his eyes. "Don't apologize." She turned to the replicator to order two cups of coffee. "We can't make a habit out of this, Chakotay." She handed him one of the cups...then led him to the sofa on the upper level of her ready room. "I can't believe it--I went through a whole meeting with Tuvok and B'Elanna wearing your rank bar! And, of course, they noticed it!"

He quietly studied the cup in his hands. "So much for discretion. Don't worry about it, Kathryn. I'm sure both B'Elanna and Tuvok have guessed the nature of our relationship," Raising his eyes to meet hers, he asked "Well...what do we do now?"

"You know how I feel about this affecting our jobs! Every day this week, you've tried to convince me that we should sleep in!"

"You need to relax a little. I don't ever expect you to say yes. Kathryn, did I really keep you up too late last night?" asked Chakotay, tracing the dark circles under her eyes.

Kathryn bit her lip, thinking about the dreams. He really didn't need to know. It was nothing. After a pause she said, "Yes, well, it was probably later than we thought."

He bent over and kissed her. "I'm sorry, Kathryn, I promise we'll go to bed early tonight."

She rose, smiled, told him she was going on bridge duty, and left. The moment she was out the door, he frowned. Something was bothering her, and she was not telling him what it was, he suspected.

#

#

Janeway leaned back in her command chair. Chakotay had spent the day with Tuvok, planning the upcoming security training. Otherwise, it had been a very dull day, not even a bit of stellar dust to analyze. To much time for a certain helmsman to think and smirk. *Good,* she thought. Her shift was almost over. A quiet bath, a relaxing dinner. She smiled. A backrub. She was just noticing that Tom was grinning again, when the ship slammed into something...sending everybody flying.

Tom was the first to sit up. He moaned as his head began to throb. He felt the blood drip down, and reached up and felt it. "Bridge to sick-bay. Doc, we've got injured on the bridge."

The Doc's acerbic voice answered, "We've got injuries from all over the ship. Send the most serious--treat the minors wounds there."

Tom shook his head and looked around the bridge. "Captain? Tuvok? Harry?" There was no response, but he could hear moaning. He stood gingerly. And started to make his way around the bridge. The others were starting to come to. He stopped at Harry's side. "Harry?"

The young ensign moaned, "I'm fine Tom. What the hell happened." Tom helped him stand-up and Harry set out to find the answer himself.

Tom made his way to the center of the bridge. "Captain?" He looked around her chair. "Captain!" She was lying still on the floor. "Emergency beam-out."

#

#

Kathryn Janeway reached up and touched her forehead, she had a splitting headache and felt like she was going to throw-up.

"Kath, are you all right," a familiar voice said.

Puzzled she looked around, "Where am I?"

"You're home, sweetheart," Mark laughed, though his eyes were still full of concern. He helped her to a sitting position as he explained what had happened. "You were out here planning a spot for a garden, although I have no idea why we *need* a garden, when you got dizzy. Maybe I should call medical personnel..."

"No," Kathryn rejected the idea as she tried to shake off the remnants of something...something lost..."I just need a second to clear my head."

"Are you sure, honey," Mark asked again. "You haven't been the same since we got the news, and the doctor says that your state of mind isn't good for the baby."

"Baby?" Kathryn echoed.

"Yes, baby," Marked tweaked her nose. "Every since Chakotay was lost in that accident you've been..."

As Mark's words settled on her senses, Kathryn felt the air suddenly change as her vision tunneled. Sunlight faded to grey and then to black.

But there was no peace in the dark. Echoes of distant explosions sounded all around, and yet no where. Grey appeared. Then, in a rush of stunningly brilliant light, a gaping crevice sprang into her view.

"Kathryn!" a distant voice yelled her name. She turned to see him topple over the edge. "Kath-ryn!!...." she heard him yell her name all the way down. She screamed.

#

#

"How is she, Doctor?" Chakotay asked, the minute he entered sickbay and had located the Doctor.

The Doctor, who was treating Ensign Betehart for a broken wrist, turned to face him.

"No change, Commander. She appears to be in some kind of coma, but according to analysis, it is also apparent that she is experiencing REM sleep."

"Doctor?" Chakotay expressed his failure to understand.

"In essence, Commander, the Captain is dreaming."

"Dreaming? Then why can't you just wake her up?"

"As I said before, she is in some kind of coma, although perhaps trance might be a better description. Nothing I have tried has had any effect on her condition. I have been unable to bring her out of it. Needless to say, I will keep on working on the problem, but for now, her condition is stable and I have other patients to attend to."

He turned back to Ensign Betehart, who had been following the exchange avidly, also obviously concerned for his Captain.

Chakotay nodded absently at his dismissal, and walked over to the bed where Kathryn lay so silently. Taking her hand, and aware of the many eyes watching him from various vantage points throughout the room, he leaned down close to her ear and whispered, "Hurry back, Kathryn, we need you."

He desperately wanted to stay with her, but he knew there was nothing he could do, and with the Captain incapacitated, he was in charge and needed elsewhere. Placing her hand gently back on the bed, he straightened and looked around the room. It seemed that the Doctor and Kes did indeed have their hands full. He wondered whether what was affecting Kathryn was affecting anyone else, and whether or not it was related to what had hit them, or whether it was all just a coincidence. Moving towards Kes, he voiced the question.

She answered him immediately. "No, Commander, the Captain is the only one who is experiencing those symptoms."

After thanking Kes for her help, he left sickbay and headed back to the bridge, deep in thought. Just because no-one else was affected, it didn't necessarily mean that the two events were unrelated. They still hadn't figured out exactly *what* had hit them yet, or whether or not it was still there. The external sensors were off line and so were all propulsion systems. Repair crews were working frantically to get systems back on line, but he had no definite time frame to work with. If what ever it was, was affecting the Captain, there was absolutely nothing they could do about it, because one thing was certain. They wouldn't be going anywhere for quite some time, which left them virtually 'sitting ducks' for whatever happened to be out there.

Chakotay looked around the bridge. Harry was struggling with the panel under his duty-station. Tom was muttering Klingon obscenities. Chakotay smiled as he briefly wondered where he had picked those up. "Report."

Tuvok turned from the two ensigns he'd been talking with. "Structural integrity is at 93 percent. B'Elanna has just been able to bring communication on line. Shields are holding at 67 percent. Navigation, sensors, and both the warp and impulse engines are off line."

Tom interrupted, "I've got some control with the thrusters..."

Chakotay nodded. "Sick-bay is overcrowded. Lieutenant Tuvok, have a security team report there to assist. Any idea what hit us?"

Harry peaked around the console, he was still kneeling on the ground. "Not yet sir. Just before the collision, the scans had picked up a concentration of oxygen. Sensors are still off line."

B'Elanna's voice interrupted. "Engineering to bridge."

"B'Elanna?" Chakotay asked.

"The dilithium matrix has destabilized. It'll take us five hours to restore it. Warp engines can be on line soon after that. We'll have the impulse engines up in half-an-hour. Short range sensors should be back on line in minutes."

"Keep me informed. Chakotay out." He turned and looked at the view screen--it was blank, then it flickered, then it showed the stars surrounding them. "Harry?"

"Nothing..." There was a pause as he adjusted the controls. "I'm detecting residual oxygen and carbon dioxide. But I'm not detecting signs of any life form. Or ship."

#

#

Kes looked at the doctor then at the captain. "He does have a right to know..."

"The doctor looked up from the ensign's wrist. "And she should be the one to tell him." He looked at Betehart. "And ensign, your wrist will be fine. Just don't do any one handed push-ups, for two days." He turned to his next patient as Kes looked at the captain's bio scans. It was most peculiar.

Kes frowned, staring at the scans. How could this have happened? And how could she have missed it? Her telepathic powers were supposed to be getting stronger, not weaker. And her connection to the captain was certainly the strongest she had onboard Voyager, Neelix not included. So why had she missed something so obvious? She turned to stare at the door, wondering how Chakotay would react to this information, then returned her gaze to the still face of her captain. She noted the motion of her eyes, confirmed the REM activity on the monitor.

#

#

"Kath? Honey, you okay?" The voice brought her out of her reverie.

"What?" She found herself staring up into those caring, warm eyes she loved so well. "I'm sorry, Mark, I just--"

"You were thinking of him again, weren't you?" She looked away, unable to answer him. "Kath, it's okay. Under the circumstances, I'd be thinking of him, too. But you know what the doctor told you about stress upsetting the baby. You don't want to have another bout of premature labor like that, do you? The baby won't be able to handle it if you do."

Kathryn sighed explosively, then rested her hands on her six-months-along stomach. When she spoke, her voice was soft, filled with concern and emotion. "Do you think I enjoy this, Mark? It's not as if I *want* to remember what happened, I just do. I don't mean to upset the baby, really I don't, but I can't stop thinking about him."

Mark grunted softly, looked out at the setting sun for a moment. Kathryn knew her husband well enough to know he was debating something. She was about to ask when he turned to face her, a heaviness in his heart that was obvious in his eyes. "Then I guess I have no choice, do I?"

"Choice? Mark, what are you talking about?"

"If you can't resolve these feelings on your own, Kath, I'm going to have to comply with the doctor's suggestion."

Dread filled Kathryn, and her hands tightened about her stomach, as if protecting her child. But her voice was calm when she spoke. "What suggestion is that?"

"You need to be monitored more closely than I can manage myself, Kath, so I am going to have to get you a private nurse."

"Excuse me?"

"And this one will be a telepath who will prevent you from these thoughts of him."

Anger bubbled to the surface and exploded like a volcano. "How dare you? How *dare* you? I am *not*--"

"Calm down, Kath. Remember the baby."

"I *do* remember the baby, Mark, and I also remember who fathered this baby. Why do you think I'm going through what I'm going through?"

"Calm down, Kathryn!"

It was almost a direct order. Too bad he didn't outrank her...in anything. Kathryn stood and stared at him with that cold, calculating look she'd so often given her enemies. And right now, Mark was beginning to feel like an enemy.

"I'll calm down when I'm damned well ready to," she said, in that deadly calm "Captain Janeway" voice. "And right now, I'm not ready to. I think you and I need to get a few things straight here, Mark. I don' t care what you or anyone else thinks. Chakotay was a very important part of my life for three years. He meant a lot to me, and now that he's gone, I miss him. And carrying his child does not help me to forget him. I have no desire to lose my child, but I will *not* allow some telepath block my memories of my child's father. Is that clear?"

#

#

Chakotay awoke suddenly. Sitting up in bed, he looked around in confusion. "Kathryn," he said, bolting out of bed. Barely throwing on his robe over his boxers, he ran down the hall toward Sickbay. He didn't know where the feeling came from, but Kathryn needed him, and she needed him now.

#

#

"Kathryn, it's not just the accident that you are re-living is it? When you sleep he is there, always, isn't he? Those are the memories you don't want to give up."

"Mark, I don't know what you are talking about."

"Kath, sweetheart. You don't have to protect my feelings. You can't. I know you too well. I watch you sleep. You can't protect me, you can't keep the truth for me in your sleep. Yes, you have the occasional nightmare where you re-live his death, but that is not what you dream about every night and every day as you nap in the garden alone. They are more than dreams. You live a whole other life in your sleep. He's there with you, back on Voyager. You are lovers again."

"Mark, no. I...Oh, god, how can I make..."

"Kath, you don't have to explain. I knew when you came back to me that you still had feelings for Chakotay. Yes, it hurt that another man could win your affection when no other woman had won mine, but I understood and the proof of your love for me came when you came back to *me.* I'm beginning to see that he had won more than your affection. Your feelings for him ran a lot deeper. That hurts, but I am adjusting to that too. All that matters to me now is that you are here, with me. You came back to *me.* That will be enough. But, sweetheart, you need to let him go. He is gone. Those dreams are not real. I'm real. *We're* real. You are only tormenting yourself and wounding us by not letting go of him once and for all."

"Damn it, Mark!" Kathryn cried out as she began pacing agitatedly. "Damn, damn, damn! Why do you push...why do...do you really want to hear...god, *I* am not even sure of what is going on. How can you possibly understand? Why won't you give me the space to deal with this? He's DEAD, Mark! He's *dead!* He's no threat to you! Just leave me alone!"

"Yes, Kathryn, he's dead, but you won't let him go. He *is* a threat to me, to us. You need to let him go, now. Honey it will only..."

"Stop it! Stop trying to placate me. Stop that infuriating calm. Stop pretending to be so reasonable."

"Kath, please.."

"I will *not* let him go!" She finally cried out desperately. "You want to know what is going on? You want me to stop trying to protect you? Fine. I'll tell you. I *love* him! You're right. He did more than win my affections. He won, he earned my love, my heart, my soul. God, Mark, I love him. I thought I could stop it. When I found out that you had waited for me my heart nearly broke for my betrayal of you precisely because I had fallen in love with Chakotay in a way that I could never have imagined loving anyone. But I was committed to you. I did, do love you. I thought that I would get over the pain and be happy with you. I did not want to betray you again. And I didn't. I loved him. I was carrying his child but I found myself marrying you, honoring our commitment. And he let me, and god help me, I loved him *more* for it. Mark, I gave him up once. I gave up waking up in his arms everyday. I gave up raising our child together. I gave up having a life with him. Now I've also been forced to give up his friendship, his love, his presence. You cannot ask me to give up the memory of the life that we *did* have. I am so sorry. I know how this must hurt you, but you pushed for the truth. The truth is that I do love you and will remain by your side, but I cannot, will not let anyone, not even you, rob me of the happiest life I've ever had."

"Oh, Kathryn, Kathryn. I know how much *you* must be hurting. That's why I can understand your unreasonable behavior. You are not in your right state of mind. You are my wife and I love you. I am responsible for your well being when you cannot look after it yourself."

"I am perfectly..."

"You need me now. I know that you will be angry now, but you will thank me later for taking responsibility and giving us, all *three* of us our chance at being a happy family with no ghosts, no matter how compelling."

"How *dare* you? Chakotay is more than a compelling ghost..."

"Shh. I *will* take you to the medical facilities. You need to be set free of the hostage situation that Chakotay's ghost has you in. Come now. Kathryn, please don't make me sedate you to do so. I want you to trust me. Take my hand and walk to the transport with me. I don't want to force you, but I will if I have to, for the good of our family."

Mark approached Kathryn, one hand outstretched in a gesture of invitation and supplication even while holding a hypospray in the other.

Kathryn backed away, the fear of losing everything desperately apparent in her eyes and voice as she yelled...

"NOOOOOO! Chakotaaaaayyyyy"

"Kathryn!" Chakotay, who had just run through the sickbay doors heard Kathryn's agonized scream, rushed to her side and cradled her in his lap before the Doctor could stop him from climbing onto the biobed with her.

"Kathryn, I'm here. I'm right here. You're O.K. You're safe now. I'm here."

Kathryn opened her eyes and upon meeting Chakotay's warm, safe, *alive* gaze, she wrapped her arms tightly around his head and shoulders, buried her face in the crook between his neck and chest and wept tears of relief, terror and joy.

"Oh, Chakotay. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me alone. I need you. I'm so scared of loosing you forever. Please don't let me fall asleep again. I don't want to go there again."

Kathryn again collapsed into helpless sobs in his arms, a confused, concerned but strong and loving Chakotay holding her securely against him as a stunned Kes and Doctor look on.

"It's all right now." Chakotay murmured softly against her hair holding her and rocking her gently. His voice was calm as he spoke, but his eyes were wild with questions as he looked helplessly at the two people standing before him. Kathryn raised her head realizing where she was and quickly brought her hands up to smooth away her own tears.

"Can someone tell me what's going on with me? I can't take these dreams any longer." Slowly, she regained her composure and Chakotay took his cue to release her from his embrace. His eyes however, remained on her for signs of stress.

"What dreams Captain?" Kes asked. Kathryn looked guiltily at Chakotay and swallowed before returning her gaze to Kes.

"Earth." She said simply. "I keep dreaming we made it back...and..." His voice began to falter at the memory of her despair over Chakotay's death and the harshness of Mark's decision. "...and that..." Her eyes filled up with tears that began to spill once again down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I am so emotional."

"Of course you do Captain." The Doctor said firmly. He looked briefly at the Commander before going on. "You have know for at least 5 weeks now why your emotions seem closer to the surface, but I need you to concentrate and be steady for now so that we can determine the nature of your injuries. Perhaps the dreams are meaningful and perhaps they are incidental. We need to discuss this further so if you would allow me to give you something that will calm you, it will make things easier for you." As he approached her with the hypospray, her eyes went wild with fear and she gripped the edges of the bio-bed with white knuckles.

"N...n...no." She managed shrinking away from him into Chakotay's back. "N...no. Not you too! Stop!" She struggled with wanting to burst from the room and her need to retain her Captain-like composure. "I...it's okay.. I can go on without...that." She said pointing to the hypospray. She took a deep breath and looked at Chakotay. Her eyes were filled with sadness. "I'm having dreams again. Kind of like before...you know. Only this time they are much more intense and...different."

He looked back at her finally understanding what had been bothering her these past few nights. He remembered the dreams from before about Mark and how guilty she had felt. They had spend many nights talking about them and working through her fears. But now? "How are they different?"

"They continue. It's not a repeating dream like before, this time it continues from one dream to the next." She felt much steadier than she had minutes before and she slid off the bed to stand with them. "Also..." she swallowed, "...also, there is an element of realism..." she hesitated not knowing just how to talk about this since she had not told him yet. "I don't know how to explain it. I only know that I can't take them anymore."

She looked at the Doctor. "I need something to prevent me from dreaming for a while. Just until I can get some rest. Maybe it's just exhaustion that is fueling them."

"That can be dangerous Captain. Humans need to dream or else they become mentally unbalanced. I will agree to a 'short term' dream inhibitor, but that's all." As he picked up a second hypospray, he continued. "What about that other matter? Are you going to take care of that sometime soon?"

Kathryn blushed slightly and nodded noticing the puzzled expression on Chakotay's face.

The doctor continued to analyze the readings on the tricorder. "You have a rather severe concussion. However, that does not seem to be in any way linked to your nightmares. I'm going to release you, however, I don't want you to return to duty for the next 72 hours, and I want you to contact me if you have any problems. The effects of the dream inhibitor have not been fully tested on..."

"I understand Doctor thank you."

Kathryn eased herself down off the biobed and Chakotay kept a tight grip, afraid to let her go. He had come too close to loosing he more times than he cared to remember.

"Kathryn, why did I get the impression that you and the doctor were hiding something from me?" He asked, once they were on the turbolift.

"It's nothing really," she turned away, unable to meet his glance.

Chakotay guided her into her quarters and then to the couch. He sat down next to her, and looked at her intently, "It's not nothing, you've never been able to keep anything from me, what is it."

She sighed, and fought back tears, "I can't; not yet."

"Dammit Kathryn, what could be so serious that you can't tell me!!"

The tears were flowing freely down her face now. "Chakotay I love you. I love you more than anything. Please, Chakotay, trust me!"

"Trust you?!? You won't trust me, and yet you ask me to trust you! It doesn't work that way Kathryn!" He stormed out of her quarters.

*CHIRR-UPP* "Commander Chakotay?"

"Yeah, this is Chakotay."

"Commander this is Kes. I need to meet with you. Privately. It concerns the captain. It's very important. Can you be in the arboretum in fifteen minutes."

"I'm on my way Kes."

#

#

Kathryn's mind was whirling.

Chakotay was so angry and she was so tired and frightened.

All right, Kathryn, think, she told herself. What are these dreams about? You're home. You're pregnant. It's Chakotay s baby, but you left him and went back to Mark out of a sense of duty. Then Chakotay died in some accident without knowing how much you love him. Maybe even believing you don't love him. And Mark wants to force you to forget him.

Now you really are pregnant. So what about the rest of it? Does it correspond to reality some how? Maybe. What if it's prophetic somehow? If we were to get back to the Alpha Quadrant tomorrow, would you really go back to Mark? Perhaps these dreams were a warning.

Oh, Kathryn, You're really reaching now. It's totally unlike you to speculate like this! But it's the only thing that made even a scrap of sense. Now where were you? Oh yes.

A warning. A warning that going back to a man she didn't love was a mistake. That wasn't entirely true. She did love Mark, but that love had changed in nature when she'd found Chakotay. Mark had always been safe, reliable and comfortable, but Chakotay was the other half of her heart. He loved her the same way. She knew it. He told her and showed her every day since their relationship began. She had her answer for that much, at least. Going back to Mark was no longer an option, no matter when they returned. It would only hurt them all if she did.

With that decided, other pieces began to shift slowly into place. She knew she was the most important person in Chakotay's world. If this dream sequence was some sort of foreshadowing, then could her rejection of him made him careless and caused the accident? Perhaps. And wasn't what she was doing now a form of rejection? He certainly seemed to think so.

The child she now carried was just as much his as hers and keeping something this important from him simply wasn't right. He was worried, maybe even afraid for her. Suddenly, she was appalled at her own unintentional cruelty.

He deserved to know.

#

#

Chakotay waited in the arboretum for Kes. The moist, softly scented air was soothing, but nothing was going to loosen the knot of hurt and worry that was tightening inside him. No one but Kathryn could unravel it.

Kes would be here in another minute or two. Maybe what she had to say would help a little. Maybe Kes had an understanding of the situation that even Kathryn didn't have, although Kathryn certainly knew more than she was telling. Kes had a way of knowing the seemingly unknowable.

The arboretum door slid open and Kes entered, smiling gently as she approached him. He was about to greet her when his communicator sounded and Kathryn s voice filled the air.

"Chakotay? Can we talk?"

He was just irritated enough to want to be contrary with her. "I've just started a meeting with Kes, Captain. Can it wait?"

"I'd really rather not."

Was that a quiver in her voice? What you do to me, woman, he thought. He glanced at Kes, who nodded toward the door.

"I'll be there in a minute, Kathryn." He closed the channel and turned to Kes. "I'm sorry. Can we meet a little later?"

"Talk to her first, Commander. Maybe you won't need me after all." She laid an understanding hand on his arm. "Go now. She needs you."

#

#

"Chakotay!"

"Kathryn!"

They had both attempted to speak simultaneously as Chakotay entered their quarters. "Please, Kathryn, just tell me what's been going on," said Chakotay.

"Well, I'm, we're pregnant, Chakotay," she said, turning her head away from him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but it's just that I wanted to wait for the right moment, and then I started having the dreams again, and--" Kathryn continued her apology, unaware of Chakotay's widening smile, until he lifted her off the floor, spun her around, and hugged her. "You're not mad?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

"Kathryn, how can I be mad? We're going to have a baby!" He led her to the couch, and they both sat. "Though I do wish you would have told me sooner. Kathryn, I know you value your independence, but sometimes, when you insist on leaving me out, you're making yourself alone."

She wiped the tears from her eyes, hoping he wouldn't notice. "I'm sorry, Chakotay."

"Apology accepted. Are you crying?" he asked.

"No, I'm not...Yes, I am," she admitted, followed by a sob. "I'm sorry. The doctor said that I'm going to be a little emotional for a while."

"It's all right, Kathryn." He pulled her close to him and held her, stroking her hair, gently. She was very close to falling asleep when she jumped up, startling them both.

"Chakotay, are you sure this dream inhibitor will work through the night?"

He smiled what he hoped to be a reassuring smile. "I'm sure it will work just fine, Kathryn. Now, let's go to bed. I'm sure my baby needs sleep, and I suppose you do, too." He kissed her on the forehead.

"If you think I'm dreaming, would you promise me that you'll wake me up?" she asked, genuine terror showing in her features.

"Kathryn, do you think it would help to talk about these dreams?" asked Chakotay.

"I don't know...But I don't want to talk about it now.. What I really need is a good night's sleep," said Kathryn, punctuating that last statement with a yawn. Chakotay had already begun turning down the bed. After another hour had gone by, both of them were sound asleep.

Kathryn became aware, slowly, of voices murmuring softly around her and dim lights above her. She groped for consciousness as though from the depths of the ocean. Ocean? Was she drowning? Why was everything so fuzzy and far away?

"Are you certain that you've given her sufficient sedation, Doctor?"

A familiar voice...Mark's voice! Sedation? She struggled to concentrate on the conversation around her. Another male voice assured him, "Yes, of course, this will not be a lengthy procedure at any rate...", and behind her, speaking muffled through a--surgical mask?, a female voice was relaying vital signs, blood pressure, heartbeat...

She needed, wanted, to focus, to speak, to ask where she was and what was happening...her head was pounding. After a long moment, she tried to reach up and rub her forehead, but found that she couldn't move her arm. She tried the other arm with no more success. (Why can't I move? What's happening here!)

As Kathryn struggled against the fog in her brain, and became more and more frightened, she tugged against the restraints at her wrists.

"Doctor, she's REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS, DO SOMETHING!"

She heard Mark's voice become sharp with fear, and it made her struggle harder.

"Ma--Mark? What--why am I--where--"

"It's all right, Kath darling, you're safe and sound, do stop fighting, you'll hurt yourself, now now..."

She felt him smooth her hair, push her gently back down onto the biobed, caress her face. "It will be over in a few minutes, and you'll be fine, no more bad dreams, no more bad influence from the past...we'll be able to start over, dear, start our OWN family, just the way we used to talk about so long ago..."

"What do you--wha--family? Over?..." The words swirled around in her brain like the famous mists on Endor, not quite making sense but sending shivers down her spine nonetheless. "But I don't want to start over, I'm having a baby already, Chakotay's and my..."

"Yes, yes, dear, but the doctor will take care of that, you'll see, it'll be fine after that, no need to see this pregnancy through, it would only be a hardship and a constant sorrow for you to see his child, much too hard on you...No, darling we'll take care of it, just relax..."

"No--but--I--no-" She recoiled from his touch and raised herself up again as far as she could, and gasped as a hypospray touched her neck. "Mark! Don't do this! Don't-"

The cold silent mists swirled around her again, drawing her into the blackness, as her mouth formed one last word and drew breath to scream...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Her voice reverberated off the bedroom walls and woke both of them up, startled and disoriented.

Kathryn sat up straight in the bed, clutching her abdomen against the sudden pain. Chakotay blinked as he struggled to awaken, pushing his pillow away. He looked at her fearful face, then down at her hands.

"What is it? Are you ill?" He moved to touch her.

"I--there's a pain--ohhhhh..." Her eyes widened in fear as she doubled over her hands.

"I'll get you to Sickbay," Chakotay breathed hard as he groped for his comm badge. "Chakotay to the Bridge, whoever has the conn, please respond!"

"Tuvok here, Commander."

Chakotay scooped the groaning Kathryn into his arms, the pit of his stomach dropping as he saw the blood that had been hidden beneath her on the bed. "Oh God, Kathryn..."

She looked up at his ashen face, fighting to stay conscious, to explain to him. "It's Mark--it's Mark, Chakotay, somehow he's found me and he's taken our child! I've lost it, I've lost the baby, it's NOT a dream, help me..."

"Tuvok, beam us directly to Sickbay--FAST! And activate the EMH!"

The two forms melded into the transporter beam as Chakotay looked anxiously down at the woman in his arms.

Silence. It was over. No pain now, just the dull ache of sadness, knowing that the life within her was gone. The Doctor was kind, Kes had looked at her with eyes full of love and tears, even B'Elanna had sat with her for a long time, just holding her hand and crying with her. Now, just silence. They had sent Chakotay back to the bridge for a while, away from the chair where he had spent the afternoon, staring at her and off into space. His tears would fall later.

The Sickbay door swished open, and Chakotay entered, stopping to see if she was awake before approaching the biobed. As he came to her side, she raised her hand to him, and he took it in his.

Both their eyes filled with tears though no words were spoken, and spilled down their cheeks. Chakotay sat beside her, looking in her eyes, ignoring his tears.

Finally she took a deep breath and spoke. "I'm afraid--for you now."

"Me?...Why, Kathryn? I'm fine, just fine...We'll--we'll have another chance someday, I'm sure of it..."

She shrugged off his efforts at comfort. "That's not what I mean. It's Mark, or some awful form of Mark, I don't know...He found me, Chakotay, somehow, found the baby. In my dream, you died--or were killed to get me back! I don't understand how yet, but if he can do this, and my gut tells me he did, you may be next!"

She clutched his arm with a grip that made him wince. "I couldn't bear that, Chakotay, not now. I know you don't want to believe me, but we have to find out how this happened--find out who or what is behind these dreams, before it's too late!"

#

#

Later that night as she lay next to him in bed, she remembered a time long ago when she was just a little girl. She was playing in a field of tall grass only a few meters from her mother. Her sister had decided that she wanted to play alone today leaving Katie to find amusement on her own. It hadn't taken her long to stumble upon a large flat rock deposited in the perfect position for her to sit upon and survey her surroundings while still being somewhat hidden in the grass.

Kathryn closed her eyes feeling Chakotay shift slightly beside her. She knew he was going to watch her fall asleep. She needed to forget about him for the moment though. For some reason this memory was someplace that she needed to go, the loss of her baby was something she couldn't bear right now and she needed to go back to a time when all was well and she had people who protected her and no worries. His hand on her upper arm was warm against her cool skin as she drifted off to the place of her childhood.

Slowly the rock hardened and materialized beneath her feet. Little Katie Janeway shifted her yellow Sunday dress under as she deposited her bottom on the rock. She curled her arms about her knees and drew her feet up close to her. She liked this rock. She liked the peace and the seclusion that it offered her while at the same time keeping her close enough to her mommy for security.

A little red and blue beetle flew in from some excursion and landed quite skillfully on her knee. Katie studied it a moment waiting for it to decide if this was the correct landing pad, or if it had made a mistake. It seemed to be satisfied because it stayed with her and surveyed her skin.

"Hello there little beetle. My name is Katie and I'm 4 years old." She held up her fingers like her daddy had taught her so the beetle would be able to see her four fingers in case it misunderstood her. "How do you do?"

The little bug opened its wings and flew up in the air briefly and before settling back down. Katie laughed.

"Why that's wonderful!" She clapped. "Do you suppose you could show me how to fly? I'd really like to go fly to my daddy and surprise him in the sky."

The little bug repeated its performance for her happy to have someone to talk with. Katie would have been happy to have the little beetle stay with her and play all day, but the sky had suddenly begun to darken and the grass was blowing wildly against her. She was about to stand up on the rock to shout for her mommy when a bright light flashed to her left and the little bug was scared off away from her.

A large dark figure was emerging from the light and coming towards her. Something seemed wrong. Little Katie suddenly had the feeling that she was a woman and not a little girl and the dark figure should not be here at all. It only took a moment for the figure to become the outline of a man--she briefly thought it was her daddy, but then she new better. It wasn't her daddy.

"Hello Katie. Do you know who I am?"

She did. She didn't know why she did, but she did. It was no surprise when he told her.

"My name is Mark."

"I know," Katie replied. "You scared my bug away."

The man looked at her silently for a moment.

"Do you know why I'm here?"

Katie nodded slowly. "Uh, huh."

"Then you know you have to come with me now."

Katie shook her head,

"No!" her childish voice was emphatic.

The man, Mark, squatted down in front of her. "Katie, you *have* to come. If you don't come now, it will be too late to save them all."

The little girl shook her head. "I'm not going. You can't make me." She stared at him fiercely. She was terrified beyond anything she had ever experienced before but she knew, somehow, that if she resisted, there would be nothing he could do.

She fixed him with a determined stare. "I can make you go away. You can't hurt me," she said, desperately hoping it was true.

Mark regarded her with a serious expression.

"You're right. I can't make you come with me and I can't hurt you. But if you don't come, the others *will* be hurt."

Katie's eyes opened wide in fear. "You can't hurt Mummy, or Daddy. They won't let you hurt them either."

Again there was silence as Mark stared at her and she felt an icy chill rush through her all the way to her bones. The eyes looking at her turned cold and hard. "Come now, Kathryn, you know we're not talking about *Mummy* and *Daddy* now.

Suddenly the scene changed. Kathryn found herself standing on the bridge of Voyager, facing the man with the cold, steely eyes. The man she had once loved. Mark! "Why are you doing this?" she cried in anguish. "What do you want from me? You already have my baby. What more do you want?"

"You know what I want, Kathryn. It's the same as I've always wanted. I want you."

"But how can you be here? You're in the Alpha quadrant."

Mark held out a hand. "You brought me here, Kathryn. You!"

Kathryn covered her face with her hands. "No!" she denied. "How could I? It's impossible."

"Kath, really," said Mark in a slightly disgusted voice, "You, better than anyone, should know that nothing is impossible. Not if you really want it. You brought me here because you wanted me here. You wanted to know how I'd react to knowing you were having Chakotay's baby." He gave an evil laugh. "Well, now you know! I hated the idea. In fact, I hated the idea so much I decided to do something about it. Isn't that what you expected? I've only done what you've expected, haven't I Kath? And now, you expect me to go after Chakotay in a fit of jealous rage. I'd hate to disappoint you, my dear. Not after all we meant to each other. The least I can do is fulfill your expectations of me."

"No," Kathryn shook her head, keeping her hands there so she wouldn't have to look at the cold, implacable face of the man she had once loved. "None of this is real. It can't be."

She felt her hands wrenched away from her head, and found herself gripped in a bruising, grasp, arms forcibly pinned against her sides as his fingers imbedded themselves in the tender skin of her forearms.

"Does this feel as if it isn't real?" The steely eyes looked directly into hers. "This is real, Kathryn, as real as you are. You have a choice. Come with me now, the way it was always meant to be. Or stay here with him and..." He let the words trail off as he released her. "The choice is yours my dear."

He stood there, watching and waiting. Kathryn shook her head, desperately trying to think clearly as she rubbed her throbbing forearms.

"I...need time to think," she managed confusedly, trying to pull her thoughts together.

"You're just playing for time, Kath. Trying to think of a way around all this. You forget, I know you only too well!" He continued to study her confusion for a moment and then he added, "However, since this is a major decision for you, and I am not completely heartless, a fact you seem to have forgotten, I will give you 24 hours in which to decide." He reached out a hand to stroke her face and she winced away. His eyes blazed. "There was once a time when you longed for my touch, Kathryn. But you will again." He smiled confidently. "Until later."

Kathryn sat bolt upright in the bed. Instantly the man who had been lying beside her was sitting as well.

"Kathryn, what happened?" he asked in alarm.

Kathryn turned to face him, absently rubbing her forearms. She was about to tell him of the latest part of her dream when a sudden thought occurred to her. She called for lights and heard Chakotay's sharply indrawn breath as illumination filled the room. There on her forearms, where Mark had grabbed her, were two of the largest, most colorful bruises she had ever seen.

#

#

Harry was sitting in the Dining Hall staring at his PADD--blindly ignoring the deep magenta vegetable he was eating. He tapped something and read the new information that came up. He scratched his lip in frustration/puzzlement.

"It must be fascinating, Star Fleet."

Harry nearly jumped. "B'Elanna," he said in greeting not wanting to lose his train of thought.

"Harry, relax. You've been reading the same report since the accident..."

He relaxed slightly. "There's something in this report, I just know it. It's that ever since...well you know."

There was no such thing as a secret on Voyager. Within an hour of the Captain's miscarriage, everybody knew. And most had heard about the dreams. Though not in specifics.

B'Elanna nodded. "Let me see the report." He slid it over to her. She started to read it. "Have you tried scanning the ship?" She asked quietly after a couple of minutes.

"I don't know what to scan for. I've scanned for intruders, but sensors are still a problem."

"Have you talked to Kes or Tuvok?"

Harry shook his head. "It seemed so far-fetched..." B'Elanna grabbed him by the arm as she tapped her comm-badge. "Torres to Kes meet me in engineering." She sent a similar message to Tuvok.

#

#

Both Tuvok and Kes were waiting in engineering when B'Elanna and Harry arrived. B'Elanna glanced at each of them, then Harry. "Harry...no we think there is an alien onboard Voyager. Have either of you sensed anything."

Tuvok shook his head, but Kes's brow furrowed as she remembered..."Yes...I didn't pay attention to it--I thought it was just part of the Captain's dream..."

"It was a feeling of...darkness, and anger," Kes continued.

"What about during dutyshift," B'Elanna asked. "Could you still sense it then?"

"No...well, not precisely," Kes shook her head as she tried to explain the strange patterns of telepathic senses. "It was more an after image. I thought it was because the Captain was still worrying about the dreams."

"When did it start? Can you sense it now?" B'Elanna continued her train.

Kes closed her eyes, separating her thoughts from those in the room. "I'd been sensing it for a about a week, but I don't sense it now." She opened her eyes confused. "That's strange..."

"What is strange?" Tuvok questioned.

"The sense is always strongest in the early hours of the morning. Now there's...nothing. I can't feel it at all. Perhaps it's gone."

B'Elanna passed Harry a meaningful glance. "We think you should see what Harry found." Turning toward a nearby console, she loaded the results of Harry's scans. "Notice the low-level EM band. Harry found this stray signal shortly after we ran into...whatever we ran into. But the logs indicate that it's been there at least a couple days *before*. We ran it through the medical database and it bears a striking resemblance to human brain waves."

Tuvok gazed at the screen for several moments before he spoke. "Is the signal localized?"

"No," Harry spoke up. "That's why it caught my attention. It seems to be free-moving. It's been traveling through the ship from deck to deck. I've been able to isolate it by boosting the EM gain and running it through a Kieger loop. Even then the data is several minutes behind real time. Extrapolating a time index on the Captain Janeway's movements from ships logs I've been able to determine that it's never far from the Captain."

#

#

"I suppose it should make me feel better that this is a real, physical phenomenon. I am not just hallucinating. But real or not, I'm not sure if I can take very much more of this before really losing my mind." Kathryn sighed, leaning into Chakotay's strength. She rested her head against his chest while he tenderly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close against him.

"Kathryn, I wish I could fight this demon for you, but the damn coward won't even let you fight, choosing to attack your vulnerable unconscious at a time when you should be at peace. But, Kathryn, we are gaining on it. We will find him and stop him. This torment will end soon. You just have to hang on a little bit longer. I promise you this will end." Despite the passion in his words, Chakotay was gentle as he held her, soothed her, delicately smoothing his hand over her hair while holding her close with his other arm.

"I don't know if I can hang on any longer, Chakotay. I don't know if I can" she wearily exclaimed, her words muffled against him.

#

#

Meanwhile on a planet in a galaxy not so far away, in fact it's right in the same galaxy, just a few parsecs away...

"What have you done!?! How could you let yourself become so obsessed with one particular soul that you'd violate our most vital ethical tenets?" Demanded the tall, imposing figure, apparently some sort of leader among his people.

"It was *she* who made a violation first. She *refused* me! She refused to come with me when it was her time. No one has ever refused me! Why am *I* to be punished?" The almost as imposing alien was clearly on the edge of his control. He was panicked, like a wounded animal lashing out one final time in a futile attempt to save himself.

The leader spoke again: "She is not of our kind. She is not bound by our laws. I will grant you that she did demonstrate unheard of strength and tenacity in rejecting you. It seems to be the way of her people to fight death rather than embrace it. It *is* unfortunate. However it is you who are wrong. Instead of learning from this ill-fated incident and staying away from her kind you broke our capital law and *pursued* her. You stalked her and murdered her unborn child. That soul was not at the point of death. He did not come willingly. You *murdered* him--that is the poison churning inside of you now. Instead of nourishment it has become a deadly venom devouring *your* existence--the fatal miasma that is a soul stolen, cheated of its existence. The punishment is just. Even if I could, I would not stop it. Our laws of nature must run their course. Your predatory existence must cease as the innocent soul which is now your demise must be freed of this unsolicited purgatory and find peace. That is the nature of our world."

#

#

"Kathryn, are you okay?" asked Chakotay. He was at her side as she awoke and found herself in sickbay.

"I-I think so. What's going on?" she asked.

"We were detecting an alien presence, and then all of a sudden, it was gone. It seemed similar to the one that nearly killed you a few months ago," said Chakotay.

A look of recognition crossed her face. "The baby's dead," she murmured.

"Unfortunately, yes. But I think whatever the danger was is gone now," said Chakotay.

"I don't think I can just accept that some unexplained mystery killed my unborn child, Chakotay!" said Kathryn frantically, which caused an instrument to beep.

"Captain, you're going to have to remain calm. If you can't do that in Chakotay's presence, he's going to have to leave," admonished the doctor.

"Sorry, Doctor," said Chakotay. "Kathryn, I'm not going to give up on this, either. We'll try to find some answers. But tomorrow I plan on giving the order to move out of this region of space."

"I understand, Chakotay," said Kathryn.

"Rest, Kathryn," said Chakotay. She closed her eyes. He kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Chakotay walked out sick bay and into the turbo life, slumping slightly against the wall. His heart was broken at the loss he and Kathryn had suffered, when this was over they would performing the parting ceremony. But now, he had a mission, something to pour his energy into. He *would* find a way to protect Kathryn's future from the monster that'd brought her so much pain.

Strengthened by determination and an age-old desire to protect his own, he squared his shoulders and set off to find Kes.

~~Elsewhere~~

He was furious! How dare they turn away one of their own!! He gazed longingly toward the Nexus, no longer his home. He was exiled to the cold of space, no longer privileged to the protection it afforded. His people were long lived, but out here, among other predators who would not hesitate to take on a lone one of his kind, his chances were slim to none. He could feel their approach.

He saw the ship sitting so invitingly in space. Yes, he could return. He could hide until they were away from his enemies, he might even have some fun while he was there...just a little...no real harm. Yes...he could do it.

~~Voyager~~

"Commander, I don't think the Captain would recommend your taking such a risk," Tuvok spoke dryly, ever logical. "It would not be a wise course of action to risk incapacitation of Voyagers commanding officers."

"And neither do I." the Doctor put in acerbically. "It's a foolhardy plan at best. There is a risk of very unpredictable side effects..."

"If you've got any better ideas, Doctor, I'd be happy to hear them," Chakotay shot back softly. Gesturing through the view screen to Kathryn Janeway's biobed, he continued. "Look at her, she's exhausted! You yourself said you don't want to risk upsetting her. If we don't do *something* at least one of Voyagers commanding officers *will* be incapacitated, perhaps permanently! Besides...I could think of worse things than thinking like Captain Janeway."

Tuvok's brow went up at Chakotay's last statement, but he responded only to the Commander's plan. "I would be a more suitable choice for such an endeavor. My telepathic abil..."

"No Tuvok. Your Vulcan brain waves and your telepathic abilities would be a dead giveaway. Kes will be monitoring me. It's not open to debate."

Tuvok stood for several moments, eyes locked with those of the commander. "Very well," he said at last. "I will follow your orders." With that he left sickbay.

"All right," Chakotay spoke to the Doctor and the tiny Ocampa, "Let's get started before our alien friend comes back."

The Doctor continued to lecture and tut-tut the situation, but he quickly placed Kathryn Janeway in stasis...nearly flatlining her brainwaves. He then connected the tiny, nearly invisible electrodes to the commanders brain, along with the tiny transceiver that would disguise his brain wave patterns and alter them to resemble those of Kathryn Janeway. He stood back to admire his handiwork before switching on the device.

Chakotay felt...strange, there was an odd tingling in his brain, he blinked against it. "A slight tingling is perhaps...normal," the Doctor murmured as he prepared to inject the hypospray that would put the commander to sleep.

Chakotay looked at the sleeping form of Kathryn Janeway as the world began to fade. The last thing he heard were Kes's words. "He's coming."

And the first thing he saw was Kathryn lying in the grass at his feet. She was clutching a child's doll in her arms, holding it close to her pale face.

"Kathryn." He whispered as he bent down to touch her forehead. "Kathryn, can you hear me?"

Her eyes opened slowly and they seemed to take a moment before focusing on him. "Chakotay, where are we? I feel cold." Her words were mere breaths coming from her lips. Rolling over, she startled at the doll in her arms.

"I'm with you, where ever you are. I'm here with you-inside your mind."

Her expression changed from puzzlement to pain. Somehow the doll brought pain to her face. She started to chuck it away but stopped and clutched it tighter instead. Tears rolled down her face into her hair.

"What is it? What's the matter dear?" He shifted to sit beside her. His hand moved over her hair. More tears fell.

"Come on Kathryn, come here." Strong arms encircled her pulling her upwards into a sitting position where he could rock her against him. "What's with the doll?"

"I'm so tired." She cried. "I don't know what's real half the time and both places are full of pain, I don't know where I want to be."

"That's why I'm here. I'm going to help put this torture to an end. I know reality is hard right now, but you're stronger than that. You just need to get your strength back. You know I love you." Her head nodded silently against him.

"How touching!" The intruder sneered.

ChakotayÕs head snapped in the direction of the voice. Nothing. He scanned his surroundings...looking for the source of the voice. ÒShow yourself.Ó There was no response.

Darkness settled over them like a shroud, obscuring their surroundings. It smothered...invaded...pervaded. The heaviness of it was palpable.

Chakotay shuddered, attempted to push away the dismal mantle. His eyes peered warily into the darkness...his ears strained in the stillness. He pulled Kathryn closer to him. ÒKathryn...Ó He stopped short, his voice booming, even to himself. He settled himself. ÒKathryn...Ó

ÒIÕm so tired.Ó She lifted her face, her forehead brushing against his chin. ÒI donÕt...I canÕt...Ó Her breathing quickened as she realized they were covered in darkness. ÒWhat is happening?Ó

ÒI donÕt know.Ó He raised a hand to her face, cradled her cheek...willed her to look at him against the dimness. ÒKathryn...whatever is happening...you must be strong. We must be strong. My strength to yours, my heart to yours, my soul to yours.Ó His thumbs brushed gently against her cheek, wiping away the tear that fell from blueness.

ÒSoul.Ó A mocking rumble emitted from the darkness. ÒHer soul is mine.Ó

Again, ChakotayÕs head snapped up. He couldnÕt pinpoint the direction of the voice. The sound reverberated all around them. ÒShe belongs to no one.Ó he growled.

ÒYou are wrong.Ó

Kathryn slowly turned her face into the darkness...squinted, attempting to discern anything. ÒYes...he is wrong. I do belong to some one. But not you.Ó

ÒYou are mine.Ó The voice had taken on an edge: nervousness, fear, loathing.

Chakotay slowly turned his head, eyes narrowed, piercing the darkness. ÒShow yourself.Ó

ÒI do not your bidding.Ó

The darkness started to settle into a mist over the ground...swirling...eddies forming in the space around them. Building...receding...building again. Colors faded into being...shifted...melted...blended one into another. Colors took form, scattered, then formed again.

Slowly, Chakotay rose to his feet, pulling Kathryn with him, facing the mass of color and darkness a mere few meters distant. Suddenly, he found himself on his knees, gasping for breath, clenching his chest in pain.

ÒChakotay!Ó Kathryn was immediately at his side. *Oh my God.* Her head snapped up. She glared at the form. ÒRelease him.Ó

ÒDo not forget whom to fear when your time has passed.Ó

"You coward!" She practically spat the words at him, and he looked back at her his eyes holding their same contempt, but something more...surprise? "Release him...and I will go with you."

Chakotay's form dropped, limp, to the ground, and the intruder with Mark's face reached out to take her by the for arm. "I knew you'd see it my way. We're going to be very happy together, you and I. Say good-bye to your lover boy."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay looked up to her.

"I don't want to fight anymore," she said it weakly, in a monotone, "and I can't live without you. It's for the best." She let herself be led away as Chakotay watched in stunned silence.

A blue light engulfed the departing pair, as they started to fade away into nothingness. Chakotay felt his soul ripped in half as a hand touched his shoulder.

It was Kes. She smiled sweetly. "Commander." A simple word. He looked at her and gasped. Behind her were two of the aliens. He couldn't reach Kathryn, but he tried to grab them. Tear them to shreds--but his body remained rooted in place. His arms frozen at his sides.

The taller spoke a harsh phrase. Mark turned and screamed. "No!!! She's mine. Mine!!! Her choice!!!!"

"No it was not." Kes spoke quietly to the alien leader. "He has coerced her...Threatening to destroy everything she loves."

The alien leader barely acknowledged her. He looked at the alien Mark and spoke again. Chakotay couldn't understand the words, but the tone was cold and harsh.

There was a scream and the pale blue light surrounding Mark and Kathryn faded...Then Mark started swirling--a cacophony of colors before vanishing. Kathryn collapsed on the ground.

#

#

Janeway leaned back in her command chair. Chakotay had spent the day with Tuvok, planning the upcoming security training. Otherwise, it had been a very dull day, not even a bit of stellar dust to analyze. To much time for a certain helmsman to think and smirk. *Good,* she thought. Her shift was almost over. A quiet bath, a relaxing dinner. She smiled. A backrub. She was just noticing that Tom was grinning again...Suddenly she felt her stomach lurch and her head swim. Clasping her mouth, she rushed off the bridge, barely able to get the words out that Tom was in charge.

Tom whistled quietly.

#

#

Kes stood bolt upright. She glanced around cautiously before a tiny satisfied smile appeared on her lips. She nodded slightly as if agreeing to something.

"Kes to Commander Chakotay," she tapped her comm link.

"Chakotay here. What is it, Kes?"

Kes smiled at the disembodied voice as her hand hovered over a rose bush bearing blue and pink roses. She finally settled on the pink.

"Commander, can I ask a favor?" she asked.

#

#

Kathryn sat back weakly on the floor of her lavatory. As she ran a trembling hand across her damp brow, a thought occurred to her. Sudden, inescapable knowledge stunned her to her core. Her heart alternately plummeted with fear and soared with elation before rolling again with nausea. The previously dull day was quickly turning into something else entirely.

#

#

Chakotay approached the Captain's ready room more confused than he had been when he'd left hydro-ponics. Kes's entire manner had left him shaking his head even as he agreed to make a delivery for her.

He touched the chime before glancing briefly at the pink rose. Didn't Kes know that this wasn't the Captain's favorite variety? When there was no response, he consulted the computer.

"Captain Janeway is in her ready room."

He frowned before quickly entering his override codes.

At a low moan from the lavatory, he dropped the rose and rushed toward the open door. "Kathryn," he called worriedly to the pale woman leaning against the wall. His eyes skimmed her looking for injuries. From the looks of her she was in shock.

She looked hazily up at him and smiled. Her eyes filled, and then suddenly it seemed that she was laughing and crying and trembling all at once.

He brushed damp tendrils of hair from her face and gazed worriedly into her eyes. "Kathryn, please tell me what's the matter."

"Chakotay...I--we...baby," she managed, tripping over the words.

Chakotay's hands dropped to her shoulders. "What did you say?" he whispered dumbstruck, barely able to breathe.

Kathryn smiled tremulously, "I think we're going to have--"

She didn't finished the statement. Chakotay grabbed her to him as his own eyes filled. "Oh Kathryn, I love you so much," he murmured.

They laughed and cried and rocked on the bathroom floor for several moments before Kathryn pushed away to ask: "Girl or boy?"

Chakotay grinned as his eyes caught the pink rose where it had fallen near the door. "A girl," he said. "She'll be beautiful, just like you."

THE END??