The characters belong to Paramount so I am just borrowing them.
Note: None of the additions are related to each other--it was just easier to put them all in one spot. There are some that have not been posted on my page. (Alter Ego through Rise episode additions make up the Coda Vignettes.)
She watched Neelix leave sick-bay and stood there. Trust, that was what held the ship together. She had placed her trust in her crew and they hadn't disappointed her. Not completely true, but in the last year they had come together, they were a family.
She moved to leave sick-bay, wondering if she would be able to trust Neelix again. Probably.
She thought of the last time she had reprimanded a member of the senior staff and smiled. There were similarities and one major difference.
She keyed in the code to her quarters and entered. She didn't bother to turn on the lights. She sat on her couch, her mind still pondering the last few days.
She recalled her words. A family, Voyager's crew had become a family. She smiled slightly. "If Voyager is a family, does that mean I'm the mother?" Which led to thoughts about who would the *father* be. Dangerous thoughts. Very.
She moved to her replicator, "Hot chocolate." She took the cup and stood there.
She was not surprised when her door chime rang. Nor was she surprised that *he* had come. He seemed to know when she needed someone to talk to.
"Commander."
"Captain." Neither spoke for several minutes. "Neelix?"
"Cleaning the exhaust manifolds, giving him a chance to think about what he did."
He chuckled slightly.
"This all started because he was worried I would toss him off the ship. This is as far in the Delta Quadrant he's ever been."
"And it just cascaded." He heard her sigh and he took a couple of steps to move closer. "He's not the first to do something dumb and then justify their actions with it was for the good of the ship."
"No." She didn't add that Neelix's *adventure* was very likely not going to come back to haunt them either. Seska was long gone. "I told him Voyager was a family, we had to trust one another. That we didn't know what was coming either, that was part of being Star Fleet."
"That's life," he added quietly. "A family?"
She groaned quietly to herself--of course he would catch the reference. "We rely on each other..."
"Uh huh." He was standing behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"We can't," she stuttered but didn't move.
"Why?" He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
"The good of the ship..." She almost laughed.
"What about the good of the family?" He whispered into her hair.
She didn't respond.
He didn't say anything either, they stood there in the closest to an embrace they'd ever been in, both minds racing. He wondering if perhaps she was finally realizing that *command isolation* wouldn't work out here. Her thoughts were moving along a similar line.
"Kathryn," he said quietly as he stepped away from her.
"Chakotay?" She turned to look at him. Even in the dim light reflected from the cloud she could see the passion in his eyes as she stepped toward him.
#
Tom Paris entered the briefing room for the morning staff meeting. The Captain and Commander were the only two others in the room. "Good morning, Captain, sir."
"Tom, how does navigation look."
"It's going to be a mess. Instruments are already going haywire." He sat down as the others started entering. He greeted Harry when the ensign sat down behind him, but his attention was drawn back to the two commanding officers. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, but something was different between them.
Neelix had told him that she considered Voyager a family. Tom grinned as B'Elanna started talking about the modifications they would need to make to the shields.
Kes looked at Janeway and nodded. "Yes, he hasn't talked about it, but the whole experience has upset him."
Janeway glanced at Chakotay, then looked at her hands. Two years ago she would have thought this impossible. He's a hologram after all. But on Voyager the Doctor had shown himself to be so much more--almost human...She paused in her thought. In some ways--no, all ways, he was human. She looked at Kes. "Grief is a part of life, we all deal with it in our own ways." She shrugged slightly. "Some deal with it better than others. It's part of life."
Kes nodded. "I don't know how he's dealt with it. For a week now he hasn't talked about his family. If Tom hadn't mentioned that the daughter was dying, I don't think I would have known." Kes looked at the Captain then the Commander. "Maybe you should talk to him, offer him your condolences..." She stopped.
Both the commanding officers nodded. Janeway glanced at Chakotay who spoke. "Kes," he said, "We'll be come by this afternoon."
"Thanks Captain, Commander." Kes stood to leave. "I really appreciate this, and I know the Doctor will too." She exited the ready-room.
They sat quietly for several seconds before she spoke, "I think this is the second worst job of being Captain."
He looked at her, "Cap...Kathryn?"
"Offering condolences to a member of one's crew. I never know what to say, everything sounds so...so unreal" She looked at the ceiling. "The worst is having to tell someone that a friend or family member has died." Her voice trailed off, she didn't notice him nod in agreement. She looked at the PADD in front of her, "the anomaly, Commander..."
Life continued.
#
It wasn't until mid-afternoon that the Captain and Commander made their way to sick-bay. The Doctor was standing by the small centrifuge apparently lost in thought.
"Doctor," Chakotay said.
The Doctor turned quickly, "Captain, Commander. I didn't hear you come in. How can I help you?"
"Actually, we're here," she started. "To tell you how sorry we are about the loss of your daughter."
The Doctor's face clouded. "Thank-you Captain. I...I..." He turned so they couldn't see his tears. After a second he spoke again. "I started this so that I could understand better what my patients were going through. How do you deal with it. The death, the despair, the misery..."
Chakotay smiled slightly, "The bad is balanced with the good. There is also birth, joy, love..."
The Doctor turned to face them again. "Right now it seems so hopeless. Why bother if in the end it leaves you with such pain..."
This time Kathryn spoke, "Because the pain lessens and you remember the good. It takes time. Sometimes lots of time."
The Doctor nodded, "I've been reading on the grieving process, how different cultures deal with loss of family or friends..." He stopped, something else was more important at this moment. "Tom was right, Voyager is a family, we've all shared a life for three years, we've all suffered loss, and we've all moved on..." He looked at the Captain quickly. "If you will excuse me, but I would like to be alone. And Captain, thanks..."
She just nodded then turned and left with her First Officer. Together the walked silently to the lift.
While they waited, he looked at her intently, ignoring the young crewman who passed them. "He's right Kathryn, most of the crew have moved on. They've started to make a life here on Voyager."
She nodded. "There's another wedding in a week. Yes, the crew have definitely moved on."
The lift doors opened and both entered. "Bridge," she said, aware that he was looking at her, even though she was staring at the rail.
"And Voyager's Captain?" He whispered.
There was silence, she closed her eyes. She'd moved on, far earlier than she'd care to admit. Silently she nodded as the doors opened to the bridge.
Both officers walked quickly to their chairs, "Report Mr. Paris," she called out as she sat down.
"All systems nominal. No sign of any anomaly or anything else remotely interesting."
She shook her head at the report, but could relate to his views. "Very good." She leaned back in her chair and quickly typed something.
Chakotay heard the quiet beep that there was message, he pulled it up and read it. Surprised, he turned and looked at the Captain who just smiled and nodded her head. He grinned at her and winked.
Tom turned back to the navigation board. *What had that been about?* He thought.
Chakotay looked at the command console between their chairs and with a quiet smile, typed, *I'd be honored to have dinner with you. What time?*
Captain Janeway sat down in *her* chair behind *her* desk and revelled in the feeling of having *her* ship back. It was good to be home.
Home? She closed her eyes.
Home...Voyager was their home, the Nereians had done more than take their ship, they'd invaded their home. Though they had done far less damage than the Kazon had. The only remaining problems, were residual effects from the sabatage Chakotay had done before being removed from the ship. B'Elanna would be griping for days.
She reached for her coffee. B'Elanna and Tom, now there was a pair. She smiled, it was a very interesting courtship. The whole ship knew about it--and tried to stay out its way.
She sipped her coffee peacefully, willing to allow herself a brief moment of relaxation before going over reports.
She frowned when her door chime rang. "Enter," she called out as she put the now empty cup down.
"Captain," Chakotay smiled at her. "You look like you are hard at work."
"Oh I am, Chakotay. I am. I'd be careful. B'Elanna has a Bat'leth and she's not happy with you."
"So I hear." He grinned as he looked around. "Do you think I'm safe in here?"
"Perfectly."
"Oh, that's too bad..."
She froze, the smile fading from her face. It had been a long time since they'd flirted like this, not since...
He watched her, sorry he'd said that. They'd worked as a command team but ever since that day their personal lives had been separate. It had hurt, even though he didn't blame her. He'd been..."I...Kathryn..." He was also at loss of words.
The chimes chirped again before she could respond. With a look of relief on her face, she called out, "Enter."
B'Elanna entered. "I'm sorry Captain, I didn't realize I was interrupting..."
"No, no. I was just leaving." Chakotay left quickly not sure whether to curse or thank the young lieutenant.
"Lieutenant?" Janeway asked.
"I have the analysis of the Nereian decryption programs. It was a very sophisticated algorithm. Captain, is everything all right?" B'Elanna noticed that she seemed distracted. The younger woman almost smiled.
"I...Yes. I'm just glad to be back. About this algorithm?"
B'Elanna handed her a PADD. "Here's my analysis. Captain, what is your opinion of the possibility of relationship between, say, two members of the senior staff." She smiled as the Captain blushed. "I know, normally its frowned upon, but out here, if two people are interested in pursuing a relationship..."
"You and Tom?" The Captain asked.
This time B'Elanna blushed. "Yes, Captain."
"You're right. Normally I would advise against it. But out here..." She looked down at her desk. "I'll read the report. Dismissed." She didn't even watch the lieutenant leave. Out here...
#
B'Elanna grinned at the commander as she walked by. "Commander, we're still having problems with the lighting in engineering. What ever you did..."
"I just pulled the green wire and put it where the red one should go."
She shook her head and nervously shifted her feet. Ever since she had been beamed into the compound (in Tom's embrace), she'd felt like everybody was watching her. She glanced at the pilot's back. He'd been avoiding looking at her ever since she'd appeared on the bridge.
Chakotay too looked at Tom's back and almost smiled. While he still wasn't sure about them as a couple, they had become the leading topic of the rumors.
#
Neelix looked at the diners in the mess hall. They seemed happy to be home. But as he watched the Captain, he sensed an underlying sadness. Between serving and cooking he observed her.
Kathryn poked at her food, it was not the worst thing Neelix had ever made. She just didn't feel like eating anything. She glanced up everytime someone entered the room, then looked down again upon recognizing the newcomer. *Come on, Kathryn. Admit it,* she admonished herself. *You're waiting for him...* Her first officer would be in soon, and like the past several months eat his meal quietly at a back table--opposite where she sat. She looked up, and smiled slightly when she saw him enter. Then looked at her plate when he sat in the back like usual. No longer hungry, she dumped her plate in the recycling bin and left.
#
Kathryn managed to read through several of the reports before she felt too restless to sit. After discovering that both holodecks were in use, she just started pacing. She considered walking through the corridors, but people would watch her or talk to her. She closed her eyes. The academy had prepared her for life as a scientist and a leader. But not for life so far away from everything familiar...so far away from support...just far away with everything and one she'd known all her life.
After three years, she was getting used to being on Voyager constantly. Possibly becoming a bit more paranoid and cynical about every alien encounter. Made friends with people she would never have met back in the alpha-quadrant...She stopped that train of thought as she looked out her window. "Why don't you just admit to yourself," she said quietly. "You have fallen in love with your First Officer." And he'd hurt her. Even though not intentionally...After leaving the Borg, he'd tried to talk to her several times, she'd very carefully had left no room for doubt that *that* topic was forbidden. They'd re-established a working relationship...But their friendship and budding romance had...vanished. He no longer tried to be with her on a nonprofessional level. They'd both taken to avoiding each other when not on-duty and the social occassions.
This was ridiculous...Before she could change her mind, she left her quarters and quickly walked down the hall to his quarters, nearly running over Harry Kim.
"Sorry Ensign," she said hastily.
"Captain..." He watched her.
Janeway was aware that Kim was watching her, for the briefest second she considered just walking past the Commander's door. No. She pushed the door chime. The door opened and she spoke quickly. "We've got to talk..." He nodded and let her in, but as she walked past him, he reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him and found herself in his embrace or possibly he was in hers.
#
Harry grinned as he watched the red ball sink into the far corner pocket. "Well Tom, you owe me..." He couldn't stop grinning as he took a sip of his drink.
"Double or nothing?" Tom looked at his friend. "OK, Harry. Spill it. What do you know..."
"I know lots of things--but how about this. A certain officer of this ship, went to the quarters of another officer of this ship. Before the doors closed I saw them in one passionate embrace..."
Tom rolled his eyes. "Which officers..." His voice trailed off and he grinned. "Well, well. They wouldn't by any chance be members of the senior staff?"
Harry just smiled. "You said double or nothing. You're on..."
Kathryn Janeway looked at her First Officer and shook her head sadly. "It seems hard to believe, that such an advanced society could still prefer to hide, to deny the truth."
Chakotay didn't respond. He'd seen the pain on Gegen's face when he'd realized the council had cornered him. No matter what he did, Gegen had lost. And lost everything. His life as he'd known it, his honor, his reputation.
She looked at him. "Chakotay, do you think he made the right choice?"
He looked at her and nodded. "Gegen wouldn't have been able to live with himself knowing he'd caused the deaths of 148 strangers. No matter what he did, he'd lost. This way he kept some of his pride...his self-respect."
"His theory won't go away. It will sit, others will work on it. Then some day it will resurface. And be accepted as fact. Maybe someday the descendants of dinosaurs will return to visit Earth..." And maybe, someday, we will see it again too. She looked down at her hands, which she had clasped in front of her.
"Kath..." There wasn't much to say. She looked up at him and smiled. He returned the smile.
"We never did get to have a friendly chat with any of them, what is Gegen like?" She asked.
"Broken. He'd been arrogant, determined to get his theory proved...In the end, he knew he was right--and the minister did too. But she was not going to back-down. I don't know if it was fear of what his theory would do their society or fear at losing her power...Or both."
"And yet, I would have liked to learn more about them." Janeway looked out the window. "The galaxy is a strange place. Every place seems stranger than the previous."
He laughed. "They thought us equally strange. Gegen thought we were a matriarchial society...I had to explain to him about our rank structure...He found it most interesting. They'd been on Voyager for a while before we discovered them. I have some very useful information on a certain helmsman and chief engineer..."
She laughed. "Point of View. What about B'Elanna and Tom..."
Chakotay grinned. "He asked if they showed typical human courtship behavior. I replied probably not, since she is only half human. It's not Klingon courtship unless something is broken..."
"She'd better leave enough intact so he can fly the ship..."
"Gegen said something about Bat'leths..."
Janeway closed her eyes. "Oh Lord. This could be interesting." She smiled. "What did you tell him were typical human courtship behaviors?"
"I..." He grinned, his dimples showing. "Have dinner with me at 1900 hours and I'll tell you..."
"Deal." She watched him leave. As the doors closed behind him, she wondered, *Is that tell me or show me, Commander.*
Commander Chakotay sat in his office reading the report Kes had written about the Krenum. They had asked for details about this unknown alien and she had provided some very good ones. But at the same time the report was lacking. She described one battle, apparently the initial one, in detail. Apparently Voyager would suffer extensive damage and losses. And from something the young Ocampan had said, he knew one of the losses would be the Captain.
From the information Kes had given them, they knew to avoid the Krenum--except they didn't know where this group was. They would have to start asking. They also knew how to prevent the damage and defend themselves. Possibly even enough to survive.
Chakotay looked at his hands as he continued to think. He couldn't imagine life without Kathryn. She'd become such a presence in his life. He loved her and had since they had first met. He also knew that she was still trying to ignore that part of their *relationship.* And he let her.
He pushed his chair out from the desk and stood. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."
"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."
He looked at the chronometer--it was later than he thought. The shift had ended an hour earlier.
#
Kathryn sat on her couch holding her cup of coffee. She was staring blankly over the top, the liquid had long since cooled.
"Weird is part of the job." Her own voice broke her contemplation.
Yesterday, Kes had run off the holodeck to write the report about the Krenum. No wonder she'd been in a hurry. Janeway had read the report and assigned B'Elanna to use that knowledge to prepare a defense.
But there was what Kes hadn't said. She'd seen the future, what life was like, she knew what had happened. Always in motion, the future and with Kes's knowledge they could change it. But would it be better?
Only Kes would know. And the young woman wisely wasn't telling anymore than she absolutely had to. It would be interesting to ask her in 6 years.
Her door chime interrupted her train of thought. Puzzled, Janeway looked up. "Enter?" She took a sip of coffee and realized it was cold. "Commander."
"Captain," he responded. "I thought we should discuss Kes's report."
She smiled. "I was just thinking about it. Care for a cup of coffee? My rations."
"Sure." He watched her walk over to the replicator. "She doesn't tell us much about the Krenum."
"Enough." There was something in his voice, a bit more emotion than he usually let show. "B'Elanna and engineering are working on the modifications necessary to survive any Krenum attack. I'd rather try to avoid them."
"Logical." He walked over to stand by her. He took the offered cup, but his eyes never left her.
She was aware of his watching her, and she could make a good guess. Kes hadn't said anything about the specifics of the future, but a few things in the report and in conversation strongly suggested...
"We've not heard any mention of these Krenum..." She started a conversation to avoid the one she didn't want to have. "We must still be sometime away from them."
"Yes." He put his cup down and stepped behind her. She grasped her cup tighter, but didn't resist when he took it from her. "Kathryn, we can't ignore this."
Neither moved.
In a last ditch effort to avoid the subject, she continued on the old one. "No, the Krenum sound like a very advanced race..." She stopped speaking when he placed his hands on her shoulders.
He laughed gently. "Kathryn Janeway I love you. Our life out here is too precarious, time to precious, to keep pretending there isn't more than a simple captain, commander relationship between us." He felt her stiffen. "Even the crew knows that isn't true." He smiled as he continued. "And I think, so do you."
She nodded. "It was never simple..." She turned to face him. "Chakotay..." She didn't finish, because he leaned down and kissed her. She smiled and blushed when they separated. "You do know how to keep our relationship complicated," she added quietly.
He grinned. "Its a dynamic relationship. Always changing..."
She grinned in return as she remembered her thoughts from just before his arrival. "Always in motion." She wrapped her arms around him and they stood hugging each other for several minutes.
Finally he let her go. "Dinner? I understand Neelix is serving something new."
Kathryn laughed. "Why not, Commander. I think it is entirely appropriate for a Commander to escort the Captain to dinner."
He laughed too, then quirked an eyebrow. "Hmm, I wonder what else is appropriate." He smiled when she blushed. Quickly he pulled her back into his embrace and kissed her. This time she wrapped her arms around him and let herself melt into his fiery embrace.
She smiled when they separated, then looked at her hands. "Perhaps we should go eat dinner," she said rather self-consciously.
"Yes, ma'am." He ducked when she swatted at him.
#
Kes sat in the dining hall, alone watching the crew. She felt a twinge of something, sorrow perhaps, when she heard B'Elanna laugh. Through out her experience, she had never loved Tom, but she knew that the family she'd had (would have had?) would not happen. There'd be another child, another grandchild. Another father. She smiled though as she glanced at Tom and B'Elanna.
Her smile grew bigger when she saw the Captain and Commander enter. Kes had very carefully avoided mentioning the specifics about the Krenum attack, like who had died. But from the way they were behaving, she wondered if one or both had seen through that. She noticed Tom wink at her, as he left with B'Elanna. Shaking her head slightly, she returned to her thoughts.
#
Walking with him back to her quarters, Kathryn realized they had only talked about ship's business at dinner. Crew status, schedules...everything except the Krenum, Kes, and what had happened earlier. She grinned. They had entered the dining hall holding hands. "The rumors will be flying tonight," she said outloud.
He stopped by her door and looked at her. "What?"
She laughed, "Nothing, just thinking about the rumors."
He grinned a bit self-consciously. "They've been waiting for this."
She nodded. Neither looked at each other. Not sure what was going to happen, but aware that it would be very easy for them to end up spending the night together.
"Good night, Kathryn," Chakotay finally said after several very awkward seconds.
She smiled. "Sleep well." She looked at him, then looked away, before looking at him again. "Dinner tomorrow?"
He grinned, "I would like that."
"My quarters twenty hundred hours."
Smiling he kissed her hand, "Twenty hundred hours it is." He turned and left quickly, leaving a very happy Kathryn Janeway standing at her door staring after him.
Chakotay poked at his food. It wasn't that it tasted bad. It didn't. It was just he was feeling...Put-out...Disappointed...Embarrassed...
And all because of a holoprogram. Damn Seska. Even dead, she had found a way to manipulate him. To embarrass him before the Captain...and everybody else.
Tuvok cleared his throat again. Chakotay looked up. "Good morning, Lieutenant..."
"Commander. May I join you?"
Chakotay just nodded. Then there was Tuvok. The few times he'd felt untrusted on the ship, Tuvok had been behind it...
"Commander, I was hoping for an opportunity to discuss the recent situation with you." They both looked around. The mess hall was nearly empty. Tuvok continued. "I want you to know, I deleted the program within a couple of months of writing it. Without ever using it. Perhaps I should have rechecked that it had been truly deleted."
"Seska hid it well."
"Yes she did. A very intelligent young woman. One, who in the few months she was on this ship, learned a lot about it." Tuvok stopped speaking as he sipped whatever he was drinking. "I want to reassure you that I believe that the program is no longer needed and hasn't been for some time. You have shown many time your loyalty and devotion to the ship...And to the Captain."
Chakotay looked at him, there was apparently more.
"Seska should have been my concern. Especially when I perceived her increased hostility as you and the Captain became friends."
"Seska lost her control over me long before we were pulled into the Delta Quadrant."
Tuvok quirked an eyebrow. "That didn't stop her from becoming jealous. The Captain was a very real threat to whatever hold Seska thought she still had over you." Chakotay looked down at his food. Tuvok stood. "If you will excuse me Commander, but I'm meeting with my security teams. We're doing an analysis of Seska's program--to determine if she left any other surprises for us."
"Lieutenant." Chakotay almost smiled. Like most of his conversations with Tuvok, he felt there was more. Was Tuvok just admitting to knowing how the Commander felt about the Captain or was he also giving his approval.
"What was that about?" He heard the Captain ask.
"Tuvok, I think, was apologizing for that program. Would you care to join me?"
She smiled. "What did he say?"
"I don't think I should..." He grinned, his dimples showing. "He told me that he never completed or used that program because it was obvious that I would never do anything like that..."
She smiled. "I think everybody knows that. Even me." She reached out and touched his hand. "Dinner tonight?"
He smiled. "When and where?"
"Twenty hundred hours, my quarters. And Commander, try not to get involved in any mutinies between now and then." They both laughed.
"Aye, aye Captain." He stood, then his grin grew bigger as he leaned over and whispered. "Will we be discussing terms of surrender?"
She choked on her coffee, as she tried not to spit it everywhere. Laughing quietly to herself, she too left the mess hall to start her shift.