Warning: No romance.
Disclaimer: Paramount can keep them, I'm just trying to *save* them.
I know, I said I wasn't writing one. But here it is anyway. It is not a part of last season's Fortune series and I really doubt that I will attempt to write a series of episode additions. My heart isn't in it.
Janeway sat and stared at her wall. She had just notified Commander Tuvok that she would be late. He'd said, 'understood,' and left it at that. He knew.
Hell, her entire crew probably knew why she was sitting here. It had been a long time since she'd really second-guessed her actions. She didn't believe in it. Starfleet Captains didn't do it...
Hell...Was she even worthy of that title? Ransom had violated almost every principle she believed in, but hadn't she done the same? Both Commanders Chakotay and Tuvok had questioned her actions. Chakotay had voiced his opposition; and had been willing to disobey her. Fortunately he had, otherwise Noah would have been dead. Yes, she'd been playing chicken, but Noah had been a loyal crewmember of Ransom's: he wouldn't have spoken. She still didn't understand why, but that was the truth, and only Chakotay had seen it.
It hurt. She almost couldn't believe it had been her...
Then there was Chakotay. Challenging almost every action, every command, even taking charge--however briefly--to force her to see an alternative. Spirits, when had she become so obsessive and single minded.
Her five-year Captains review had complimented her on her ability to listen to her staff recommendations; to be willing to try alternatives to her own ideas. The Delta-Quadrant was changing her--and as she looked back on their five years here, she realized she didn't like many of those changes.
Chakotay had proven he could be a damn fine First-Officer, but she'd continuously ignored his advice, didn't listen to him, and had relieved him of command when he'd pushed too far. It was little wonder he rarely offered help anymore. He was almost content as being a background piece--a token to the Maquis.
She sighed. And she had let him. She had been happy to take greater control. The added work left her less time to reflect on where she was and what she was becoming.
The Equinox. Ransom had allowed his desire to get his crew home to become an obsession. An obsession so great that he had willingly sacrificed his humanity to achieve that goal. And his crew, in true Starfleet tradition, had followed him, believing in him, letting his obsession become theirs.
She had come too close to that same level of obsession in finding and destroying Ransom. Chakotay may have saved her from completely crossing the line. No, he had saved her. If he hadn't acted, she would have willingly killed Noah, and possibly her own crew.
She definitely did not like what that implied about herself. She had crossed a line. A line that no Captain should cross. And if she had been Voyager's First Officer, she would have relieved such a captain of command. There were plenty of grounds.
Chakotay hadn't.
The really terrifying thought was, that despite her behavior, her *obsession*, Chakotay still believed that she would not cross that line. He still believed in her.
At a time when she wasn't sure if she still believed in herself.