Rupert Holmes, Howard Meltzer, and AMC own the rights to Remember WENN...I just like to play. I've decided on my excuse--one of my Holmes ancestors was married to a Roberts.
Betty took a deep breath as she again glanced at the note Gertie had given her. The Sweets thought their show should do more for the war effort. "Hilary?"
The actress looked up from the magazine she was reading. "Yes, Betty?"
"It's about your cooking show..."
"I thought roast quail would be good for this afternoon's show."
"Mrs. Sweet wants you to start doing recipes appropriate for the current situation."
"And what kind of recipes would those be?" There was a slight warning in her voice.
Betty silently handed her a piece of paper and waited.
"Green tomato pie? Canned salmon and cheese souffle? Betty these provisions are potentially poisonous to a person's palate."
"The sponsor is right. We need to present recipes for..."
"I do *not* use canned salmon. I demonstrate cuisine for a fine party...not the peasants."
"Hilary, you don't have any choice. The sponsor insists--"
Hilary stood and looked icily at Betty. "The day that canned salmon and I are in the same building, let alone the same room...I shall wear calico."
"We'll find something else. I have a recipe for a honey spice cake...Uses no sugar."
Hilary rolled her eyes. "From the mouth of Apis melliflora. I shall *never* use insect spit in any of my recipes." She gracefully crumpled the piece of paper. "My cooking show is to demonstrate the elegant side of eating. Fine silver, the good crystal. Canned salmon...is so...declasse." She walked out the door and straight into Mackie. "Peon..."
Mackie watched her cross the hallway and looked at Betty. "What's with Hilary?"
"Canned salmon." Betty picked up the crumpled paper and smoothed it. "Mackie...Have I ever told you that I think you are..."
"Don't butter me up...What do you want?"
"Have you ever considered cooking?"
"I can prepare a pot of water. What do you need boiled?"
Betty chuckled slightly. "Canned salmon and cheese souffle."
"Heavenly," he made a strange face. "Sounds like something I should avoid. I don't blame Hilary." He picked up the morning newspaper.
Betty sighed as she watched him leave. She wondered if Maple would take over Hilary's show...Then laughed, Hilary would suffer serious distress at the thought of anyone taking any of her parts.
#
Maple sat down in her chair and focused on her guest. "Mr. Meade, welcome to radio station WENN."
The older man smiled shyly and whispered, "Thank-you. It is a pleasure."
"Mr. Meade, you need to speak louder." She reached over and touched his hand. "Mr. Meade is a member of Ape Society of Pittsburgh."
"Excuse me, miss. But that is apiary."
Maple nodded as she repeated the word. "Just what does an apiary society do?"
"We raise bees. In fact..."
Maple jumped out of her chair with a yelp as he reached under the table and pulled out a white wooden box. "Don't worry miss. Even though the bees are no longer hibernating, I decided..."
She looked at him warily. "Um. Hibernating?" She took another step away from the table.
Mr. Meade nodded vigorously. "Yes, during the winter months the bees hibernate...sleep."
"I had a date like that once," Maple looked at the box, but didn't move closer. "The bees are asleep--in there?"
"No, They are awake now, but I left them on the farm...I brought an empty hive to show--" He laughed. "Well, I can't show it on the radio." He took the lid off. When nothing flew out Maple cautiously walked over and looked, while Mr. Meade explained.
#
Betty took her finger out of her mouth when Jeff walked into the control room. He threw her a suspicious glare, then sat down. "I have no idea what you did, but please don't do it again."
"Do? All I did was sample the honey." She quickly put the jar she was holding down, near the controls.
"No, I meant with Hilary."
"The sponsor wants to make changes to her cooking show...Hilary disagreed with those changes."
"Ahh," Jeff smiled sympathetically. "Creative differences. I'm very familiar with those." He reached for the jar, reached in with a finger and took a sample. "Mere used honey a lot. But I could never interest Hilary in it." He licked his finger and smiled. "Not bad. From Mr. Meade's hives?"
"Uh huh. Honey isn't rationed."
"The creative differences?" He chuckled when Betty nodded her head. "Not surprised." He looked into the studio as he watched Mr. Meade buzzing around the studio demonstrating something. Maple was playing a piece of music--he thought he recognized--in the background. Whatever it was, it was fast and appropriate.
"Betty," Hilary said with an icy tone as she pushed the control room door open.
Betty looked at the controls first and wondered why Lester wasn't back from his lunch break yet. "Yes?"
"While Maple and Meade manage to mangle radio...My show is on in five seconds..."
Betty didn't look at her. "Your show? I thought you wouldn't be caught in the same room with a jar of honey." She picked up the jar. "Maple and Mr. Meade will be discussing recipes using honey..."
Hilary stared at the jar and snorted. "Very well. But Pittsburgh wants to hear recipes using quail, not bees. But if that is your wish, let them eat honey cake."
#
"Birds two, bees ten," Gertie said loud enough for Hilary to hear down the hall. She handed Betty a pile of messages. "When is the cake going to be ready?"
"Maple says in ten minutes." Betty glanced through the messages. "Did Mrs. Sweet call yet?"
"Oh, yes. She wants to talk with Mr. Meade about selling his honey at the hardware store. Sweet for the sweet..." Both Gertie and Betty groaned at that. "She raved about the show, though she hopes Hilary's voice is better next week. She's sending a recipe for roast mutton that she claims is...Well...she claims is edible."
"Mutton?" Betty rolled her eyes slightly. It had been cheap when she was growing up...Now it wasn't rationed.
"We must be patriotic." Gertie handed her the mail. "And eating mutton..."
"Mutton?" Hilary asked, her face showing her disgust as she approached them. "As in lamb that has grown up and should now be allowed to live?" She turned to look at Jeff and the jar he was holding. "Honey..."
"Yes, sweetheart?" He said with a slight smile as he stuck his finger in the jar again.
Hilary raised her hands in frustration. "I'll be on the air. Wash your hands before you come into the studio. You don't want to make the equipment sticky."
"Speaking of on the air, does anyone know where Lester is?" Betty asked. "Mackie is running the controls and broadcasting the news. And I really need to get the books caught up, so I can't do it." She nervously thumbed the papers she was holding.
Gertie shrugged, "All he said when he left...Actually, he didn't say anything."
Any further conversation was halted when Maple leaned out of the green room and shouted, "It's done!"
Hilary watched the others walk away and frowned. "The food that to him now is as luscious as locusts, shall be to him shortly as bitter as coloquintida."
"You must be Hilary Boothe," a voice behind her said. Hilary spun around.
"Why, yes I am. And you must be one of many adoring fans."
"Actually my name is Hester, I'm Lester's twin sister. He told me that you use big words no one understands."
Hilary deflated slightly as she looked at the older woman (who did bear a slight resemblance to the missing engineer) for a second. "Everybody is in the green room partaking of..."
"Bitter apples, or so I gather." Hester smiled then winked at Hilary.
"I'm on the radio in," she looked at clock. "I'm on now."
#
Betty smiled as Maple finished the commercial and Mackie introduced the next show. Hester was fussing with something, then smiled slightly as she tried another knob.
"Lester said the board had a few quirks." She glanced at Betty. "Well?"
"Well what?
"Can I have Lester's job?"
Betty stared at her a few seconds, before she could speak. "Why? Where's Lester?"
Hester looked astonished. "He's on his way to Texas. He joined-up. Radio operator."
Betty was totally astonished now. "Joined-up? He never told us..."
Hester smiled sadly. "That sounds like Lester, he rarely tells anybody anything. He only told me yesterday...I would have been here earlier except his directions sent me off in the wrong direction."
Betty nodded sympathetically. "Yes." She finally said after a quick mental debate.
"Thank-you. I appreciate it."
#
#
#
Hilary moaned slightly as she looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't believe she'd been lowered to such a level. But after the success of last week's honey show, Mrs. Sweet had been boiling over with ideas. Including a publicity campaign...
"I'm a Broadway Star of the highest magnitude," Hilary said to the empty green room. "Not a farm girl..." She studied herself, in her starched pink calico dress and frowned. Betty had tried to convince her to think of this as a new part...
And worse, she had to demonstrate how to make a canned salmon and processed cheese souffle. Fortunately time didn't allow them to actually do it. She took a deep breath and opened the door. She would do this with style and grace, if it was the last thing she did. Then she would cook Betty's goose--or whomever had decided that the dress should be pink.
Hilary smiled evily as exited the green room at the same as Betty was leaving her office.
"Betty," she called out as she modeled the dress. "What do you think?" The writer's response was even better than she had hoped for. Betty paled some more, clasped her hand over her mouth, and bolted down the hall.
"Exactly what I thought," Hilary said with a satisfied smile.