November 27, 1999

What is it that I search for?
I can sit on this bed, and pass 
A million thoughts in my old age.
Was it your body that I longed to hold?
Was it your voice I longed to hear?
Or perhaps your loving words that 
Flowed freely from your lips?
Yes, yes, and yes.
We stop here, as half my search has ended, 
Yet I find myself in a coma of words.
All has been done; the long talks, the caresses, 
A loving touch.
But where were the words I searched for?
"I love you,"
"I love you," and 
"I love you," still. 
Words that floated from the mouth into air, 
No longer through the heart.
More expressions, mere triteness.
I searched to find. Words that spoke,
"I want to spend eternity with you,"
"I would do anything to have another moment with you,"
"I would give anything for you,"
"I would die for you,"
and yet the
"I love you," lingered on.
Everything, anything and nothing 
Between the "I" and" you"
Pray, tell me now, on my knees as time 
Soon ends my search, tell me,
What is it that I must do to express this 
Loving misery in me to you?
Nothing I say, nothing can even compare 
with what you did or said. 
I wanted to search for a greater love to 
Give to you but what I search for now is 
You.
As after a lifetime of searching I now need to 
Search for your love again, 
Now that we have both dissipated back into the 
Nothingness from which we came.