5. CONSEQUENCE: Kein Alkohol ist auch keine Lösung… or VODKARYHMÄ
Place of action: Mainly Kuopio
Starring: Same as usual, and some up until now unknown stars…
(As we know the elder Hautamäki got the job as the babysitter for Mico Ahonen. It’s Sunday evening a few hours since Matti called, the baby is in bed and Jussi sits in the living room and reads when the doorbell rings)
Jussi: *grml* *hurries to the door* If that someone wakes up the baby I’ll kill it! *opens the door*
Peksi: HI!!!
Jussi: Ssssssh!! Mico is sleeping, and if you wake him up you’re in trouble!
Peksi: *smiles* I’ll be nice! Can I come in?
Jussi: Sure! *walks into the living room together with Peksi*
Peksi: Have you heard any news from Hinterzarten?
Jussi: Yes and no. Janne calls every night to talk with Mico and ask if everything is ok, he updates me.
Matti got himself a new haircut… *tells Peksi what it looks like*
Peksi: *lol* How did he get it?
Jussi: *g* Some kind of bet with Janne. Ask them when they come home.
Peksi: I guess it was something crazy again! Thought Matti had learned that bets are not smart when they are against Janne.
Jussi: Matti never learns!
Peksi: Any news about the new band? *curious*
Jussi: No, not really.
Peksi: Who are the members of it?
Jussi: *lol*
Peksi: You can tell me! And what music is it?
Jussi: The style is like that of Vieraileva Tähti. And the members… Nordic combined and ski jumpers of course. *sly smile*
Peksi: WHO!? Stop teasing!
Jussi: Why? It’s funny! *try hard not to laugh*
Peksi: *grml*
Jussi: *lol* Ville, Samppa, Matti, Jaakko Tallus and I.
Peksi: Matti I can understand, but JAAKKO?
Jussi: He plays drums…
Peksi: Thought you used Olli for that?
Jussi: Olli is too busy, we needed people that are close to Kuopio and it’s shorter from Jyväskylä and Lieksa to Kuopio than from Lahti to Kuopio.
Peksi: Who plays keyboards?
Jussi: Samppa...
Peksi: Eeeeh…
Jussi: …until we find someone that can play them. *lol* But don’t tell Samppa that I said that! He tries to convince Akseli that he should do it.
Peksi: Kokkonen? *bäh*
Jussi: No, Lajunen.
Peksi: Good! The other Akseli I don’t like.
Jussi: Just because he first kicked you out of the b-team and then got a place in the a-team? *innocent* Or because he has better luck at the ladies?
Peksi: You are heartless! *grml*
Jussi: Sorry! Shall we order something to eat?
Peksi: Pizza perhaps?
Jussi: *nods*
Peksi: *orders the pizza*
(Meanwhile in Trondheim. Tommy is babysitting Olav before his parents will pick him up. Olav is still
mumbling and smiling pathetically)
Olav: b-team, b-team, b-team…
Tommy: NOOOOOO. Please don’t start over again!
Olav: *continues*
Doorbell: *ring*
Tommy: *runs to the door and open it*
Olav’s parents: Where is our little angel?
Tommy: *sad* He sits and mumbles like he’s done since he realized that he wasn’t going to Hinterzarten.
Olav’s mum: Oh my poor little child. Come to mummy! I’ll take you home and make chocolate cake for you
Olav: *smiles* Mum?
Olav’s mum: Yes?
Olav: You know I’m not in the team?
Tommy: *silent* We’ve got that point by now!
Olav’s mum: But my little heart, you’ll be in the team for the rest of the season if you train hard.
Olav: Sure?
Olav’s mum: Yes, come let’s go home. *takes Olav’s hand and the Dønnem family leaves*
Tommy: Finally! The psychopath left! Now I can prepare for the COC in Oslo and Falun in peace!
(Eeh, Tommy? You know that the a-team will soon be home? And with them MIKA KOJONKOSKI?)
(So. The b-teams will prepare for the COC-competitions. On Monday morning we visit the Puijo hill in
Kuopio. Jussi arrives with Mico in a pram)
Jani: *lol* You are sweet Jussi!
Jussi: *grml* At least I get attention from the girls now!
Jani: So you don’t scare them away like you use to?
Jussi: Very funny! It’s nice to be single!
Jani: That is only said by a person who tries to convince someone that’s not single that he has a nice life
and that he’s not jealous on them.
Jussi: Wow what philosophic we were in the morning here? *walks away* *grml* Trainers!
(The training starts. Jussi has some problems to coordinate the role of being a jumper and a babysitter,
but finally parks Mico at Jani in the trainer building)
Peksi: Is that smart?
Jussi: He needs training! His wife is pregnant. Guess she’ll thank me. *lol*
Other jumpers: *lol*
Arttu: Have you talked to Matti lately?
Jussi: Yep, he’s having fun like always.
Arttu: Talking about fun. Are we going out tonight?
Jussi: Not me, I have a baby to take care of! I’ll tell you that it’s going to be a long time until I marry and
get kids!
Peksi: That is something that can happen before you know it I’ve heard.
Jani: *yells* Hey, are we jumping or talking here?
Peksi: *sigh* Better go and jump…
(The training pass without any problems and Jussi starts to prepare for the way home)
Mico: *screams*
Jussi: Please no… Be a nice little man now? We’ll go home and I’ll make dinner for you and everything.
*think for time 100* Heeeeelp, why did I say yes to this job?
Mico: *continues to scream*
Jussi: *lifts Mico up and the crying stops* Daddy will be home on Wednesday, that’s only two more nights.
Mico: *sniff* *yawns*
Jussi: *places Mico in the pram and starts to walk home*
Peksi: *passes Jussi and Mico on his bike* Don’t you have a car?
Jussi: I do, but I haven’t found out how to get the pram into it!
Peksi: *lol* Nice excuse for walking with a pram and get jealous looks from the female part of the population!
Jussi: HA-HA!!
Peksi: *lol* Don’t tell me that you don’t like it!
Jussi: *grml* *continues to go*
(Wednesday evening comes fast. Janne finally comes home and on Thursday a group of people are placed
in Jussi’s (and Janne’s) apartment. Mico is at an aunt of Janne for the night)
Janne: *grml* I don’t understand why you had to have that group meeting here!
Jussi: This is the best place. It’s too untidy at Ville. Not to mention that my neighbours don’t give me
problems when we practise in the basement.
Janne: Guess you’re right, but we’ll go out afterwards?
Jussi: Don’t worry! The Nordic Combined guys are with us. I hope Jaakko and Matti come soon.
Ville: *looks sad*
Samppa: Hey Ville! *boxes him in the site* Stop thinking about that girl and start to prepare for playing!
Ville: I can’t play when I’m sad…
Samppa: Bullshit! You play best when you’re sad! *forces Ville down to the basement*
Doorbell: RIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG!
Janne, Jussi: MATTI!
Matti: *comes in* Hei!!! Nice to see you again big brother! *hugs Jussi*
Jussi: WHAT have you done? *suspicious*
Matti: *innocent* Nothing? I just wanted to be nice to you!
Jussi: *even more suspicious*
Janne: Might have to do with that girl in…
Matti: *looks angry at Janne*
Janne: *fg* Sorry…
Jussi: I’ll find out sooner or later! You didn’t see Jaakko on your way?
Matti: No, but he’s always late.
(Jussi and Matti go down to join Samppa and Ville in the basement. Janne is left in the apartment to wait
for Jaakko to come)
Samppa: Rock!
Ville: Hip-hop!
Samppa: ROCK!
Ville: HIP-HOP!
Matti: Oh no, they’ve started that discussion again…
Samppa: I’m the strongest so give up! ROCK!!
Ville: Never! HIP-HOP!!
Jussi: DEFTONES!!!
Samppa: *lol* Against that we can’t discuss.
Ville: *lol* Especially since it’s his basement!
Jussi: *grml*
Matti: *lol* What do we have now?
Samppa: *counts on his fingers* 4 guys, one who plays bass guitar and 3 who play lead guitar. 2 of us
can sing the other 2 shouldn’t… *looks at Jussi and Matti*
Jussi, Matti: *grml*
Samppa: *g* *continues* …so what we need is a drummer – that’ll be Jaakko when he arrives. And someone to play keyboard…
Matti: Akseli?
Samppa: He continues to say no, but it looks like he might say yes. What about Hannu?
Matti: Hannu who? *suspicious*
Samppa: Hautamäki.
Jussi, Matti: NOOOO!!!!
Samppa: *lol* I’ll try Akseli again. Can I borrow your mobile Jussi?
Jussi: Use your own! You have more money than I have!
Samppa: I forgot it at home!
Jussi: Typical *gives Samppa the mobile*
Samppa: *calls Akseli*
Akseli: Hei?
Samppa: It’s me Akseli. I’m at Jussi...
Akseli: I’ve said NO!
Samppa: *voice like honey * Pleeeeaaaaseeee? (Who can resist that??!!!)
Akseli: *grml* Ok then, but only until you find someone else! Good for you that I’m in Kuopio now! I’ll be there in 15 minutes. *hangs up*
Jussi: What did he say?
Samppa: *big smile* He said yes *tells the others what Akseli said*
(So the guys start to practise. 20 minutes later it knocks on the door)
Janne: *comes in* Gentlemen, the lost and the beautiful are here.
Akseli, Jaakko: *grml* *go in*
Janne: *finds a place to sit* This can be funny…
Jussi: Look who arrived!
Samppa: *shows Akseli the keyboard and gives Jaakko the drumsticks*
Everybody: *starts to play*
Janne: Ouch!
Matti: What?
Janne: It’s a little …eeh… a little out of tune…
Ville: So? We haven’t been a complete group before!
Band: *continues to play*
Janne: *pain* I need something to drink… *goes to get a beer and then sits down again* Oh God, this is
terrible!
Jaakko: *hammers on the drums like a madman*
Matti: *kicks Jaakko* HEY! You’re supposed to follow the rhythm!
Janne: *to himself* If he knows what that is!
Jaakko, Matti: *quarrel*
Akseli: I’m not doing anything!
Samppa: Did I say anything?!
Akseli, Samppa: *quarrel*
Ville, Jussi: *sigh*
Janne: I need to do something *think* I know! *leaves the room*
Ville: Where did Janne go?
Jussi: I don’t know.
Janne: *comes back with 2 bottles of vodka*
Ville: We are not drinking while we are playing!
Janne: It’s worth a try!
Ville: No, we do n…
Others: *grab the bottles* *drink* *starts to play*
Music: *sounds great*
Janne: Aaaaaaaah… MUCH better! *leans back* Hey Ville! You’re supposed to sing!
Ville: *speechless*
Janne: *forces Ville to drink vodka*
Ville: *sings very nice*
(The band continues to play for 1 hour. Then the bottles are empty and they have to get up for more)
Samppa: How many bottles of vodka have you stored Jussi?
Jussi: Enough!
Janne: Have you rock artists decided a name for this group yet?
Matti: We thought about “Ville and the heartbreakers” but it didn’t fit…
Ville: *grml*
Janne: I have it… “Vodkaryhmä”!!!
Jaakko: *starts on a new bottle of vodka* Good idea!
(So the new band has a name. Translated it will be something like vodka-group… *lol* And since they
found a name they have to celebrate…)
Next morning…
Jussi: *wakes up, takes a look around him, lay down again* AAAAAUUUUUCH!!!
Akseli: What? Where? *also looks around, lay down on the pillow next to Jussi* AAAAAUUUUUCH!!!
(Imagine: Living room. Sofa, Ville in sofa – SNORING. Chair, Samppa with legs in it, head on the floor.
Jaakko, sleeps next to a lamp that has been crushed. Matti - Janne, on the floor - back to back, both snoring…)
Akseli: *touches head* What happened yesterday? I mean I remember someone saying kippis after Janne
made up the name.
Jussi: I think we drunk a lot. I don’t remember more. Luckily there is no one else but us here.*tries to stand up but gives up*
Jaakko: *wakes up* Don’t speak so loud… *hands around head* OOOUUCH! I’ll never drink again!
Akseli, Jussi: Me neither!
Akseli: Do any of you remember what actually happened yesterday?
Jaakko: No. It’s too early to think *looks at watch* F***!!!
Jussi, Akseli: *also look at watch* F***!
Clock: 3 pm…
Jaakko: I’m glad the trainer hasn’t called…
Akseli: I’m glad we don’t have training today! *rubs his temple* Aaaaauuuch!
Jussi: That’s one good thing with not having Mika as a trainer anymore. He always called us the day after we’d been drinking a lot, commanding us to train.
Jussi’s mobile: RING
Jussi: *grml* I’ll make a bet… yes! MIKA! *grimaces of pain* Whatever the problem is don’t speak loud…
Mika: Good morning sleeping beauty! *cheerful*
Jussi: How do you know that I just woke up?!
Mika: *laughs* Sixth sense… Do you have Janne there?
Jussi: *looks at Janne who still sleeps with his back against Matti’s* Eeh…
Mika: Either he’s there or he’s not there…
Jussi: *sighs*He’s here, sort of. He’s still asleep. Call back in one hour.
Mika: Ok *hangs up*
Jussi: We better get on our feet and wake up the others *gets up and stands swaying* That’s it; I’ll not drink in a long time!
Akseli, Jaakko: *Also on feet*
Jaakko: Let’s try to wake the others up. *goes to Ville*
Jussi: Well, why not? *goes to Matti and Janne and manage to wake them both very quickly*
Akseli: *happy* What a pleasure! *goes to Samppa and gives him a kick* Hey good-looking! It’s mooooooorning!
Samppa: *grml* Go away!
Akseli: *continues to kick Samppa* Mooooooorning
Samppa: *grml* *does not move*
Jaakko: This is interesting. I’ve tried to wake him up and it’s almost impossible!
Ville: *yawns* Samppa is tough!
Akseli: *manage to get Samppa’s feet down from the chair*
Samppa: *opens eyes* *scowls*
Akseli: *sweet smile* Hey! It’s breakfast in 5 minutes!
Jussi: I don’t think so… *sick*
(It takes a while, but finally they are all awake and up – more or less)
Ville: Anybody remember what happened tonight?
Janne: Fragments
Samppa: My back! Ouch! *pain*
Akseli: That’s what happens when you sleep like you did!
Samppa: And where did you sleep?
Jussi, Akseli: *g*
Janne: As far as I remember when I fell asleep you 2 were still up drinking?
Jussi: I guess so. I don’t remember, but I must have gotten some pillows from the bedroom. We slept next
to the TV.
Jussi’s mobile: RINGG
Jussi: Guess it’s Mika again, he wanted to talk to you Janne.
Janne: I haven’t done anything wrong now have I?
Jussi: *picks up the phone* Hi Mika.
Mika: Is Janne awake now?
Jussi: *gives Janne the mobile*
Janne: *grml* Yes? *says yes a few times, then no and then good bye*
Matti: Wow that was a long conversation. What did he want?
Janne: Nothing special.
(The guys starts to clean up Jussi’s apartment and soon everything look like normal again. Samppa, Ville,
Akseli and Jaakko leaves and the 2 Hautamäkis and Janne sit down in the sofa to rest when suddenly…)
Janne’s mobile: RIIING
Janne: Oh!!! *runs to the bedroom*
Jussi: WHAT was that?
Matti: Is this the time to do some eavesdropping?
Jussi: If you want your nose crushed, yes.
Matti: Maybe not… *leans back and soon fall asleep*
(To be continued…)
© 2002 by Ran, all rights reserved!
(
geocities.com/folgenfan)