| June 2 I had my first ever nervous breakdown last night. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. I'm not used to a) expressing that much emotion at one time or b) talking about my problems to anyone in a direct way. It was my mother who walked in on me. We must have talked for upwards of 2 hours. Essentially, I still can't really eat. I hadn't told my mum about any of my eating troubles before. She just assumed that I ate at other times or that I was just a picky eater. I never sought out help for any problems I had, so I guess this is hard for my mum to grasp. At first, she didn't believe me at all. Once ( got around to telling her about how bullemic tendancies are my way of relieving stress, she got to thinking that I might need some help. So, I guess I'm going to start looking for a therapist or something. I just need someone to talk to. I mean, I can trace back to exactly who and what caused me to hate my body, but I need to let the voices talk. That is the best advice I ever got. I guess I was still upset after talking to my mum (who, despite her good intentions, was still upsetting me far more than helping me), so I ended up talking to a friend who helped me work things out a bit and had me laughing and grinning my fool head off by the end of our talk. So, Europe was quite an experience. Germany was a bit of a bore. We had no free time, so we were either in rehearsals, performances or doing something touristy/educational. Bah. It was a nice place, don't get me wrong. Once I got to Purmerend, I was puking a lot and I had no energy. Bah, stupid ovaries. I did have more free time, but I spent it in bed. And dang, I didn't get Brian's e-mail until I got back. I totally didn't get around to seeing Sumpuran (Harimandir) either. I'm just whine, whine, whine tonight, aren't I? One more gripe, then I'm done: I'm on the pill to stop future cysts from starting and it is making me mad nauseous and my calves are aching. I'm waiting for the cyst on my right ovarie to rupture, then I'll get better. So, it gets worse, but then it gets better Happy BELATED birthdays to Camille and Liz. I hope you partied hard! Stuart, milk/melk/miwk. Camille, nice KAT. Here are MI KATZ. Cindi, Mendi, Joel: You sound like you had a great time. Joel, how are you holding up? It was nice talking to you this evening. Drop me a line if you ever need to talk, mmmkay? Lisa, it's great to see you singing about coconuts. And, nice nudie pics! ; ) Kara, Terra: I've watched the Adventures of A.D.D. girl about 30 times over the past few days. I love it (and I'm also totally hooked on the Gulf Islands film and television school site.) Hey, sorry I didn't get your e-mail until it was too late, Brian. Fred, I love the paragraph written by the left and right sides of your brain. Paul, I'll e-mail you. Carol, I adore your stories. I'm not sure where that soundfile is, though. Welcome back, Kim! Still absent: Tim and Kerry. Liz, got any septum piercin' plans? Sorry for all of the bitching and mindless fluff here. I'm in an odd mood tonight. Listening to: Rolling, El Oso, Soul Coughing Badly compressed background gif: 3armedrunner. Ovaries: OW! |
