Expecting our first child at any moment, my wife, Vanessa, and I strolled hand-in-hand through a shopping mall, looking for last-minute items we'd need at the hospital. For once, Vanessa's belly stretched out farther in front than mine. As we walked, we were approached by a strikingly handsome gentleman, about forty, wearing an immaculately white lab coat and an oversized stethoscope. The stethoscope, it appeared, had been specially crafted to draw attention to itself. In a rich, confident voice, the dashing gentleman introduced himself as a "local physician." He handed Vanessa and me a slick-looking yellow folder filled with attractively-printed pamphlets. The pamphlet on top was titled What Pregnant Women Need to Know about Chiropractic. The "doctor" then invited us to visit his "clinic" the following afternoon. This Hollywood-style man in white was a chiropractor.

        Back home, pamphlets in hand, I read that "although chiropractors do not deliver babies, chiropractic physicians frequently treat pregnant women to guarantee proper spinal alignment for childbirth. Such alignment makes the delivery safer and easier for both mother and child." (I had never noticed any vertebrae in Vanessa's vagina, but then, I'm not a "doctor.")

        Another pamphlet, titled When Will I Get Better?, proclaimed that "the first chiropractic patient was deaf for 17 years and recovered (his hearing) almost immediately after one (spinal) adjustment! The blind, the crippled, the chronically ill, those near death, have been seen to respond after one, or only a few, spinal adjustments."

        As I continued perusing these articles, I thought of my old friend, Ralph Lee Smith. Decades ago Ralph authored two insightful books, The Health Hucksters and At Your Own Risk: The Case Against Chiropractic. It was Ralph who first opened my eyes to the pseudoscience of chiropractic "spinal adjustments." Ralph's books were written back in the 1960's, so I had assumed that the intervening decades had toned down the bogus assertions made by chiropractic "physicians." But my assumptions were wrong. If anything, the pamphlets I held contained more chiro-babble than those dissected in Ralph's excellent books.

        I continued to read. A pamphlet titled Colds, Flu & Respiratory Disease asserted boldly that "Breathing in cold viruses does not in itself cause a cold." The pamphlet explained that "misaligned vertebrae in your spine interfere with your nerves and the flow of information and energy between your brain and the rest of your body." Spinal adjustments "relieve the spinal nerve stress and help restore optimal body functioning for higher resistance to disease, which, we cannot overstate, is the best defense against the common cold." The pamphlet then sneered at flu vaccines and recommended that individuals not be inoculated against infectious disease. Instead, warned the pamphlet, we should all have our spines adjusted to prevent colds and other viral illnesses.

        Yet another brochure, titled What Does a Chiropractor Do?, went even further, claiming that potential chiropractic patients "may suffer from digestive problems, headaches, colds, menstrual cramps, depression, seizures, skin conditions and many other problems and (may) not be aware that a realigned spinal column could greatly improve their health."

        As I thumbed my way through the yellow folder, each pamphlet I read made wilder claims than the pamphlet before. I was particularly "enlightened" by Why Should I go to a Chiropractor? Here I learned that "Chiropractic is for bed-wetting" and that "Anyone with menstrual problems should go (to a chiropractor)." Moreover, "There are case histories of people recovering from nearly every known disease and condition under chiropractic care: heart trouble, hyperactivity, fatigue, allergy, digestive problems, colds, flu and hundreds of other conditions."

        The unfortunate fact is that chiropractic "health care" shares many similarities with Fundamentalist religion. Both religion and chiropractic are wildly popular with the American public, claiming tens of millions of devoted followers. Both religion and chiropractic are represented by a superb network of skilled and attractive spokespersons, persuasively articulating the message. Both religion and chiropractic enjoy the background support of well-financed political lobbyists, guaranteeing that federal and state lawmakers "toe the line" on issues relevant to "the cause." Both religion and chiropractic are rarely, if ever, challenged publicly to prove the validity of their doctrines. Both religion and chiropractic offer emotional consolation to the discouraged, claiming that traditional medicine too-easily dismisses the possibility of alternative or miraculous cures to disease. Both religion and chiropractic, despite their powerful and conspicuous presence on every-other street corner, view themselves as a meek and unfairly persecuted minority. Both religion and chiropractic believe that critically ill people may be cured instantly through the "laying on of hands." Finally, both religion and chiropractic claim to be scientific, but are, in reality, steeped in pseudoscientific hogwash.

        What do traditional medical doctors say about chiropractic "health care"? Let's listen to Milton Helpern, M.D., former Chief Medical Examiner of the City of New York: "The teachers, research workers and practitioners of medicine reject the so-called principle on which chiropractic is based and correctly and bluntly label it a fraud and hoax on the human race."

        After an exhaustive and conscientious study of the chiropractic profession, the Faculty of Medicine of McGill University writes simply that, "The theory which underlies chiropractic is false."

        The normally-restrained U.S. Department of Health spoke up loudly to say that "Chiropractic theory and practice are not based upon the body of basic knowledge related to health, disease, and health care that has been widely accepted by the scientific community. Moreover, irrespective of its theory, the scope and quality of chiropractic education do not prepare the practitioner to make an adequate diagnosis and provide appropriate treatment."

        In October, 1998, The New England Journal of Medicine published two persuasive studies demonstrating that chiropractic is not only worthless in combating disease, it is also virtually useless in the treatment of simple backaches. A control group, given a $2.50 booklet on back pain, fared just as well as patients who spent thousands of dollars on chiropractors.

        Even The World Book Encyclopedia boldly asserts, "Claims that chiropractic can cure diseases have never been proved scientifically. The American Medical Association (AMA) has a long history of opposition to chiropractic. In 1967, the AMA ruled that it was unethical for physicians to associate professionally with chiropractors."

        Nonetheless, the American public appears to hold two erroneous beliefs about the chiropractic profession. The first misconception is that chiropractors treat only problems of the spine. A casual reading of chiropractic literature, however, reveals that spinal manipulation is offered as a cure for literally every malady known to mankind. The literature speaks for itself.

        The second, and more dangerous misconception about chiropractors is that they are "medical doctors" specializing in diseases and treatment of the spine. Chiropractors routinely advertise themselves as "doctors," and the general public uncritically accepts their credentials as equivalent to an M.D. Factually, however, many chiropractors practicing today are not even college graduates. Chiropractic schools have long suffered a reputation for accepting practically anyone, regardless of his or her impoverished academic background.

        Ralph Lee Smith tells of his experience with the nation's seven best-known schools of chiropractic. Ralph sent out seven letters of student application -- each letter deliberately full of grammar and spelling errors -- applying for admission to these chiropractic schools. All of Ralph's letters apologized for being unable to enclose a high school transcript or any evidence whatever of high school graduation. Five of the seven chiropractic schools nonetheless responded immediately with letters of acceptance. Another school suggested that the applicant take a GED examination, and, on that basis, gave him conditional acceptance! Because of these nonexistent academic standards, many boards of accreditation, until recently, did not even recognize "Doctor of Chiropractic" as an accredited degree. The typical chiropractic school is filled with students who first applied to colleges of medicine, but were turned down.

        To the above criticism, chiropractors often respond that, to earn their license to practice, chiropractors are required to pass the identical state board examinations required of medical doctors. While this fact is true, a crucial difference needs to be highlighted. The medical student takes his state board examinations as an incidental part of his career preparation, sometimes years before completing his science and medical studies and residency program. By contrast, chiropractic colleges do not teach the scientific causes and treatments of disease. Rather, the schools tend to focus on coaching the students to squeak past the state exam. Moreover, because chiropractors and chiropractic students have been historically barred from practicing in medical hospitals, most chiropractic students have completed their educations and become "doctors" having absolutely no experience with hospitalized patients. In no sense therefore is a D.C. ("Doctor" of Chiropractic) equivalent to an M.D.⁽¹⁾
 
 

        What, precisely, is so unscientific about chiropractic theory and practice?
 

        1. When you visit a chiropractor, chances are good that he will take a gigantic x-ray of your entire spinal column. (Critics of chiropractic call these oversize x-rays "glamor photos.") Unlike medical doctors, who x-ray only a small number of their patients, chiropractic "physicians" x-ray almost everyone who walks through the door. Ignoring for a moment the excessive radiation generated by full-spinal x-rays, and further overlooking the poor image quality intrinsic to these overly-broad exposures, the chiropractor claims that these x-rays are necessary to spot "pinched nerves" running through the spine.

        Such a claim, however, is completely vacuous because nervous tissue is invisible to x-ray film. No spinal nerves -- "pinched" or otherwise -- are visible on any x-ray taken by a chiropractor. To image a spinal nerve, a liquid or gaseous contrast media must be injected into the patient -- a procedure that chiropractors do not perform.

        Since chiropractic x-rays cannot really detect pinched nerves, the true purpose of these mammoth-size x-rays is to serve as a prop in the chiropractor's "show-and-tell" sales pitch.⁽²⁾ The chiropractor shows the patient the full-spinal x-ray, pointing out any minuscule asymmetries -- asymmetries which every human spine possesses. The chiropractor then claims that these so-called "subluxations" are "impinging upon nerves and causing disease in the area of the body supported by the nerves." A series of "spinal adjustments" is then offered for sale. The point to remember here is that these "pinched nerves," like the objects of religious belief, cannot be seen or detected in any way, and must be accepted through blind faith in the "revelator."

        2. Even if we pretend that displaced spinal vertebrae are "impinging the flow of nerve energy and causing disease throughout the body," chiropractic spinal adjustments do nothing to relieve the "problem." Why not? Because vertebrae which are "realigned" by a chiropractor return to their original position almost immediately. No permanent realignment is accomplished through spinal "adjustment."

        The chiropractor fully recognizes this fact, and so convinces the patient that a long-term series of "adjustments" may be necessary to cure his heart trouble or his acne. Thousands of chiropractors use the income-boosting techniques taught in How to Create Lifetime Patients, an audio-videotape course, designed by and for chiropractors, teaching the art of slick selling, personal persuasion, patient recruitment and income enhancement.

        Another salesmanship tutorial, Textbook of Office Procedure and Practice Building for the Chiropractic Professional, blatantly admits that it (the Textbook) "is designed to make you a 'D.C.' -- 'Doctor of Chronics' rather than a Doctor of Acutes." "You'll make a lot more money," boasts the author and seminar instructor, James W. Parker. Intended for use by chiropractors, the Textbook advises that "You might suggest only as many adjustments as the patient can pay for."

        This popular, yet unconscionable volume also tells chiropractors what to say to patients after each series of spinal "adjustments." Suggested "post-adjustment" comments include:
 

        "Your eyes are brighter."

        "I hope you're feeling as good as you look."

        "You're getting a spring in your step."

        "Did you know you'll live longer as a result of these adjustments?"

        "Did you know you'll have fewer colds, sore throats, etc., as a result of these adjustments?"

        "Did you know you'll do better work during the time you are having these adjustments?"
 
 

        Chiropractors abandon science in favor of personal charm and hand holding. The Textbook additionally recommends that chiropractors occasionally give surprise gifts to their patients and, above all, to "Lather Love Lavishly."

        Perhaps the most disgusting advice in this entire volume, however, is that chiropractors should frighten their patients with the "Yet Disease." "If the patient has a pain in his left shoulder," says the Textbook, "ask, 'Has the pain started in your right shoulder yet?' Use it when you must instill a sufficient amount of fear to get the patient to take chiropractic." Enough said!

        3. The chiropractic "pinched-nerve" theory of disease was "discovered" by Daniel David Palmer, a nineteenth-century Iowa grocer and fish peddler. Palmer, who married six times, claimed that his hands were magnetic and so opened a "magnetic healing center" in Davenport, Iowa, home of the now "prestigious" Palmer College of Chiropractic.

        In September, 1895, Palmer "adjusted" the back of Harvey Lillard, who had been deaf for the previous 17 years. (See an above reference to this event in the chiropractic pamphlet When Will I Get Better?) According to Palmer, Lillard's hearing was instantly restored after the adjustment. (Palmer apparently did not realize that the bones of hearing are completely self-contained within the head and have no connection whatever to spinal "nerve energy.") Palmer then began preaching the gospel that all disease is caused by misaligned spinal vertebrae. Thus was born the "science" of chiropractic.

        While many of today's true sciences have equally zany origins, the "science" of chiropractic differs from the rest in that its principles have not been revised or corrected since its comical debut. Most chiropractors today still believe in Palmer's original theory that misaligned vertebrae may cause virtually any health problem -- including problems, such as Harvey Lillard's deafness, which are, in reality, wholly unrelated to the "flow of spinal nerve energy."

        (In July, 1913, Palmer narrowly escaped death. Palmer's school had sponsored a high-spirited parade through the streets of Davenport to celebrate the wonders of chiropractic. Shortly before the parade started, Palmer exchanged heated words with his son, B.J., who was then president of the Palmer School. B.J. became so enraged that he later lurched his car out of the parade route and attempted to run over Palmer, who was standing on the sidewalk watching the parade! The local prosecutor sought an attempted-murder indictment against B.J., but two grand juries refused to indict.)⁽³⁾

        4. That an interruption of "nerve energy" causes disease is easily disproved. Paraplegics and quadriplegics, whose spinal nerves have indeed suffered damage, show no greater tendency toward deafness, arthritis, skin problems, eye disorders, ulcers, allergies, or any of the other problems allegedly curable through chiropractic spinal manipulation. If an impingement of "nerve energy" truly causes all of these diverse problems, then why do these ailments fail to manifest themselves in individuals whose spinal nerves have been severed?

        5. Chiropractors claim to be practitioners of the scientific method and members of the professional scientific community. Why, then, has no article ever been published in a peer-reviewed scientific or medical journal substantiating the chiropractic theory of disease? Publication and peer-review are the scientific method.

        6. Since chiropractors are forbidden by law to prescribe medicines, they hawk all forms of potions and elixirs. Such tablets as "Spine Align" and "Nutra-Disc" are sold routinely in chiropractic offices throughout the United States. These tablets are packaged in bottles which are designed and labeled to mimic the appearance of doctor-prescribed medications prepared by a pharmacist. "Spine-Align" is made from the freeze-dried spinal column of a cow. Some of these eye-of-newt remedies appear to have been inspired by various episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies and the prescription pad of Dr. Granny Clampett.

        7. Why do veterinarians never suggest "spinal adjustments" for animals? Surely an occasional dog or cat must suffer a "subluxation" now and then. Wouldn't a good veterinarian want to manipulate the animal's vertebrae back into place, and thereby cure all forms of animal disease? Or is it possible that spinal manipulation of animals would be fruitless since they are not vulnerable to psychological and financial manipulation?

        8. Both medical science, and simple common sense, tell us that, if a person truly suffers a pinched nerve, the last thing we should do -- the very last thing -- is to forcibly manipulate the victim's spinal column! Such a pinched nerve would call for immediate and complete immobilization of the victim (rather than forcible manipulation), and would likely require the most-delicate surgery to repair.

        Individuals who genuinely suffer spinal-nerve impingement are relatively few in number, usually sustaining their injuries in serious traffic accidents or through other violent trauma. The chiropractor, however, diagnoses "pinched nerves" on an hourly basis, even among those patients who never suspect that their backbones are hosting "the silent killer."⁽⁴⁾ Chiropractors -- and sue-happy attorneys -- shamelessly postulate that a "victim" may be seriously injured for years and know nothing about it. Both chiropractors and attorneys are kind enough to offer "free consultations" to further discuss the injury. (When was the last time a real doctor offered you a free consultation?) The fact that many states permit chiropractors to testify in court as "expert witnesses" is a disgrace to the justice system, and is frightening evidence of the power of the chiropractic lobby to influence scientifically-illiterate legislators.
 

        If I were to further quote all of the pseudoscientific nonsense published in chiropractic pamphlets and patient handouts, such quotations would have to be so extensive that I would risk crossing the legal line between "fair use" and violations of federal copyright law!
 
 

        If chiropractic "health care" is as unscientific as I claim, why does the average person never hear a critical word spoken publicly about chiropractic? Is there a sinister plot to "keep the lid on"? Is there an elaborate mass conspiracy of silence to protect all chiropractors?

        The unfortunate and surprising answer is, "Yes, there is." By threatening to file nuisance lawsuits against any public critic of chiropractic, the profession has enjoyed remarkable success in shielding itself from public criticism. Instead of rebutting their critics by publishing articles in peer-reviewed scientific journals -- as true scientists do -- the well-oiled machine of professional chiropractic associations can, at will, generate ten-thousand bullyraging telegrams of protest.

        When a television news broadcast or magazine promotes an upcoming story focusing, even tangentially, on chiropractic, the organizational machine is shifted into overdrive, flooding the network or magazine with tough-guy threats of legal reprisals, both individual and class-action. The message from the chiropractic profession is clear: You'd better portray us in a positive light, or we'll force you to spend a lot of money defending yourself against our harassing lawsuits. Here again, the chiropractic profession closely resembles a group of religious Fundamentalists, bombarding television networks and magazines with morally indignant letters whenever an opposing viewpoint is expressed publicly.

        Let me provide one chilling, concrete example of how the legitimate scientific community has been frightened into silence by the attack dogs and legal henchmen unleashed by chiropractic organizations:

        As the 1990's began, the American Chiropractic Association (ACA) was still refusing to endorse routine childhood immunizations! Such a breathtakingly foolish policy was perfectly consistent, however, with the tradition of the National Chiropractic Association, predecessor of the ACA, which fought bitterly against the polio vaccination program of the 1950's. (Let us recall that, according to chiropractic theory, immunizations are unnecessary if our spines are properly aligned.)

        During the 1990's, the chiropractic profession launched a massive public-relations campaign to lure children into chiropractic back offices. Even babies were actively sought as patients. Meanwhile the American Academy of Pediatrics -- which represents M.D.'s -- became very distraught over the prospect of chiropractors' discouraging new parents from having their children immunized. Moreover, children were being exposed needlessly to excessive radiation doses generated by the chiropractors' giant "glamor photos" -- all in pursuit of false theories of disease. Other pediatricians were upset because young children are especially vulnerable to permanent injury or paralysis if their spines are rapidly or forcibly manipulated, as is standard chiropractic procedure.

        But perhaps the gravest concern of the medical community was the chiropractors' advertising themselves as "Primary Care Physicians" -- "physicians" whose standard recommendation is that ill children (and adults) forgo conventional medical treatment in favor of "spinal realignment." Some chiropractors were even prescribing spinal manipulation for such childhood illnesses as asthma and ear infections!
 

        The real danger was (and still is) that children who urgently need medical attention will instead be rushed to the nearest chiropractor for another "glamor photo" and cure-all spinal adjustment.
 

        The Executive Director of The Montreal Children's Hospital has denounced the chiropractors' child-recruitment campaign as "akin to abuse" and has advised all pediatric hospitals in Canada to publicly oppose chiropractic treatment of minors. In the United States, however, the American Academy of Pediatrics remains officially silent on the issue. Why? Because of "fear of legal reprisals," says a spokesman for the Academy. "But behind closed doors we wring our hands about their practice-building campaign."

        It appears that America has sadly reentered the Dark Ages: a tragic time when men and women of science could not freely speak their minds, fearing goon-like revenge from practitioners of superstition and witchcraft.

        Honestly, now. What would our opinions be of a physicist or chemist who published no evidence whatever to substantiate his highly-dubious theories, and who threatened to file utterly groundless lawsuits against any scientist who published contrary opinions? Such a physicist or chemist would be viewed by his colleagues as an embarrassment to the scientific community; his very sanity would likely be questioned; and he would certainly be shunned professionally by any university or research institute. Similarly, the chiropractors' opposition to public debate, and their childlike intolerance of any form of criticism, are not only unscientific, but anti-scientific, directly rebuking the free flow of ideas upon which the scientific method is based.

        Few, if any, of these threatened lawsuits are ever actually filed. And, to the best of my knowledge, no judge has ever permitted such an ultra-frivolous lawsuit to go to trial. Most judges do still respect and enforce the First Amendment. But winning a lawsuit is not the chiropractors' real goal. Their goal is simply to intimidate their critics into silence, just as the Catholic Church sought to strong-arm Galileo into silence. Such intimidation is not merely evidence of intellectual bankruptcy, it is evidence of blatant hypocrisy, since the chiropractic profession is itself continually publishing literature which openly ridicules vaccinations, antibiotics, surgery, and other effective tools of modern medical science. "They can dish it out, but they can't take it."
 
 

        I believe that the chiropractic profession should be free to practice without any form of government intrusion or outside restriction -- just as I believe that The Psychic Friends Network should be free to operate unimpeded. Chiropractic literature should of course be openly accessible to everyone, as should The Tales of Mother Goose. But in my opinion, the field of chiropractic more closely resembles a religion than a science. And its practitioners more closely mimic television evangelists and faith healers than men and women of science.

        America's medical doctors need to voice their objections to chiropractic more forcefully, openly and courageously. America's M.D.'s need their backbones stiffened, not through spinal adjustment, but through a motivational kick in the ass. Medical doctors are often viewed as pillars of the community; and their stated opinions carry much influence, particularly on issues of health care. Yet America's M.D.'s are cowering from this debate like a frightened litter of whimpering puppies. Galileo and Darwin must be rolling in their graves, for both men taught us that science demands, not only brains, but guts.
 
 

Question: What are the principal functions of the spine?

Answer: To support the head

To support the ribs

To support the chiropractor.

-- B.J. Palmer, Answers (1952)
 
 
 
 

2. To forestall patient anxiety about excessive x-ray exposure, many chiropractors have dropped the term "x-ray" from their vocabularies and now use the folksier term "taking pictures." It sounds less threatening to hear that the "doctor" is going to take a few pictures than to hear that he is going to bombard you with a half dozen gargantuan x-rays.

3. During his undercover investigation of the chiropractic profession, Ralph Lee Smith learned that B.J. Palmer and his family invariably went to traditional medical doctors whenever they themselves became ill -- despite the fact that B.J. was president for decades of the Palmer School, and despite his being the son of chiropractic's "founder," Daniel David Palmer. Most chiropractors, when facing a true illness, follow B.J.'s example, placing themselves and their families in the hands of qualified medical doctors, rather than chiropractic "physicians." B.J. was also the founder of Davenport radio station WOC, whose call letters stand for Wonders Of Chiropractic.

4. What Does a Chiropractor Do? uses this phrase as a scare tactic to denote vertebral "subluxations."