Don't Look Back
by Robert M. Velkym

   Upon returning from a movie with his friends, they sat on the driveway and had a long awaited cigarette. The lack of nicotine from the two hour movie make everything distant but the happy conversation of nothing which rambled into something yet undetermined. He smiled as he looked over his friends; so much love was present. He looked over the newest member and smiled. She was right there smiling back. He felt so warm as to take off his heavy jacket and offer it up to her. She gently refused and smiled slightly. He knew she was cold and didn't want to put him out. He knew. He could read her for some weird reason. Like some kind of psychic connection. Something special was going down, but the air of the day said to keep it inside for the right time.

   He talked and smoked, and yearned for something to drink. Then like that another girl stood from the driveway and announced a need for food. She beckoned for the newest member her old friend. Together they stood and took orders. 'Fries' 'Frosty' 'Spicy Crispy' the nodded in recognition and got in the car and drove off.

   A page flashed suddenly as one person, Scott grabbed for the vibrating leash. He picked it up along with the cordless phone. "Hello. Court? Yea, u-huh, who is with you? U-huh … her to…. Tara? Really…. With Ryan… Yea don't stop by…. K? O.K. bye" He looked up and the sisters and Scott where looking at him. Thinking that he was OK, but unaware that the mere mention of the T word and the R word were like unnecessary daggers in his heart. He smiled slowly and moved to his car to get some CD's and go inside to organize them. He was hurting again and the ones that brought him peace were out getting food.

   He began to think… Was she in pain, this T chick? Was she even someone that he knew? He looked out toward the garage as he began to walk and his heart began to ache, and not from anything but pain. He had loved her so much - he had hurt himself. But now he had to be reminded of the one thing he never wanted to discuss again. He was through getting that sick feeling, he wanted to move on. Now was his chance. He walked inside and lay on the bed. He tried to think why he loved her so much and again and again he drew blanks. He had no idea, he knew that he loved her, that was evident from the pain in his heart, but why? He took a deep and listened the music, "It must be midnight, I must be out of my mind - it feels so good holding you tight…" He smiled and thought. He had to go outside and shake these doldrums. Then it hit him. She (T) said she loved him, and yet all she wanted to do was hang out with someone else, love? Hello. Wake up. Fuck that. He walked outside just thinking on that last thought.

   As he came out of the garage, the two girls had returned. He was deep in thought and his order of food was left to the jackels or the sisters. He sat in his car and thought, then he got up and sat next to the new girl, his pain fading into the background as he rapt his arms around her. She smiled and the thoughts were gone. The future and the things to do right replaced the thoughts of the past and what went wrong. He smiled as he hugged her tighter.

   Love is an interesting monster; it leaves and breathes like any of us. It burns, it soothes, and it kills, but above all it hurts. True love is something that takes little work to maintain. This pain he was feeling was love but not the truest. He had been there once, long ago with someone very special, now he was stuck with love for an immature brat, who would rather run from problems than let her self fall. She should fall, but maybe not. He hoped he was happy, because in the next few days he would be again, and he would never look back.