FORCE-THE-EDGES

THE OLD MAN AND THE STRING

An old man sat on a park bench,
Eating his left leg,
Stop that, stop that, here's an egg,
An old man sat on a park bench,
Arguing with yesterday's mail,
Stop that, stop that, you're old and frail,
The old man stood up from the park bench,
And pictured Smurfette naked,
Sit down, sit down, you're too damn crooked,

Then along came a string, a mighty string,
A string named Poe, a mighty string,
At gunpoint, made the old man sing,
This mighty Poe, this mighty string,
The old man gasped and shit a brick,
And poked the string with a nearby stick,
He said, "You good for nothing string!"
"Cut yourself shorter, you hippy string!"
"A string that long is just obscene,"
"You silly string, you silly string!"

The string just laughed and split in two,
And crawled inside the old man's shoe,
He bit the old man's smelly feet,
And tickled him until he peed,
Pee pee pee pee tickle tickle tickle,
Your wife's as frigid as a friggin icycle,
An old man sat on a park bench,
Smelling like his own damn urine.

(3 YEARS LATER)

The old man's name is Warren,
He's a little bit green,
Once in a while, he talks to machines,
He moved to Hong Kong to become an old lady,
But Kittywomp Noggle changed his name to O'Grady,
Kittywomp Noggle and Lady O'Grady,
Together they make the sunlight turn shady,
And on every weekday that ended in 3,
They tied themselves to opposite sides of a tree,
They were doing this at the park one day,
When a passing stranger stopped to say,

"Old man and little cat-like thing,
You should know the truth I bring,
That string you're tied with, you should know,
Happens to be a string named Poe!"

"Oh dear, oh dear", said the old man,
"I can't believe it, no I can't,
This string is the exact same string,
The mighty string that made me sing!"

"That's right," said Poe, the mighty string,
"This time I'm gonna make you scream!"

Then, with a jerk, Poe pulled himself tight,
And cut off Warren's head just right,
Kittywomp Noggle just collapsed,
And that's the story of the evolutionary gap.

THE END