questions by Syd

So why are you called Gnomer?

Well, it was on the 24 hour hike, I was camping with Jezz and a couple of mates and he said I looked like a gnome, and that’s it, really unfunny. But on the same trip Jezz, miles and I tried to smoke coffee joints.

Instant?

Indeed

How long have you been skating?

Umm, I started in yr 6. that’s like eight years in total now, but I didn’t really skate in yr 7 or 8, cos no one really skated and I didn’t skate in yr 12 because I dislocated my ankle at the beginning of yr 12 and it put me out for a year, so I’ve been skating for 5 to six years. And how’s this for weird, I started out skating goofy, but then when I started again in yr 9 I was natural.

So are you ambidextrous?

Have u seen my switch kick flips, but seriously no I’m not ambidextrous, but I do have a mean left foot kick in footy.

That was a joke by the way.

What about that notorious ankle injury?

That fuckin stupid injury, all I did was this stupid ollie down this gap that was pretty big, it had like 4 metres of run up, and 1 metre of landing, and I tried to bail at the end, but it stuck to my feet. so I landed on the very edge of the board and next thing I know is that my foot is facing backwards, all ligaments and tendons were in halves and thirds, and then waited an hour for the ambulance, but the wait was worth it, they gave me DRUGS, and I got so high it was awesome, but then I passed out.

Morphine?

Nah, it was like hydrodepthamine or something, but I was on a morphine drip for five days. Self operated as well, if I was bored just push button, it was rad.

Was Jamie there?

Yeah, he took photos of me, Corey was there as well, but he freaked major and he was dry reaching and shit, it was pretty funny

Corey OD'd on weed, did you hear about that?

Yeah i heard about that, but then I heard that it was all bullshit

but yeah he smokes till his lungs turn to poo.

Yeah but what else would you do in Torquay?

True, that skatepark they have there is so fuckin gay, and the locals are fuckin wack diggity

Have you ever wondered about sound and vision?

Yes, constantly

You know how Outkast said "I'm sorry Mrs Jackson." Do you think he meant that?

No he meant, I’m sorry Erika Badu, Ms Jackson is some metaphor for his ex wife, its about their baby called seven, probably cos seven is a fags name

Ok, so you're at a really hot chicks house... And you've got to take a shit. Do you shit at fine girls' houses?

When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go, but if its like gnarly diarrhea then their is on chance you’re going to be boning that babe.

No, not on

Like when you're in a spa you pee, right?

If the timings right

What music do you like?

I like the cure, danzig, iron maiden, misfits, hellacopters, franz ferdinand, scorpions, metallica, kiss, the beatles, iggy pop, judas priest and belle and sebastien

Thats a pretty impressive list. Did you know Rob Halford (Lead singer of Judas Priest) was gay?

No I didn’t, do you know in the northern territory there are these hardcore gangs that are driven by metal music, and they fight each other, their names are like sons of judas priest, the maidens, and some puppets of metallica?

Maybe the sons of judas priest are all fags too

gnarly biker fags, oh how scary

Really. Thats funny because if you look at those bands they are not into violence or anything... Dave Murray and Nicko McBrane play golf, Yanick Gers goes fishing, Bruce Dickinson flies planes and Rob Halfords gay. But I don't like Metallica because I'm an ACDC fan and they had a fight with Metallica and probably kicked their asses.

Atleast those gangs aren't your average Snoop Wogs and FUBU niggas.

Yeah, fuckin ruff ryders niggah

Like Jez

Haha, jezz, oh man i mean at least he steals his clothes, he doesn’t actually give money to those trashy nigger companies

When you were young did you ever spend a night at a friends house, and you're the first one to wake up and you go downstairs, and it's just you and his parents, that's uncomfortable huh?

Hahaha, yeah I remember there was some like sleepover party and I woke up early in anticipation of going to play mini golf or some shit and yeah it was pretty bad, sitting and having breakfast with some old people, they could have been pedophiles u know, just like Pete Townsend, and that guy who lives on the corner of my street

We yelled at that guy today, well Jezz did

Yeah I never got to see that dude

He’s a cock man, he doesn’t go for hot kids he goes for like Asian kids

Have you ever cut your toe nails, and you cut them and you assemble the debris and you find a chunky bit of nail and you bend it, it's quite springy huh?

Nah, I've done that with finger nails though, they do spring

Yeah

Only for the first day though

Hahaha

Have you ever poured glue on a bird?

No, but I poured glue all over a dudes hand, and he didn’t get it off quickly and it got really crusty

You know what else is crusty?

Girls who need to buy vagi clean

I was thinking more of bread but that'll work

Do you ever go to karaoke bars?

I did a couple of times, there fun, u get so drunk and do stupid stuff, but then spend way to much money, I did an awesome rendition of Ronnie James duo - last in line, but I fell over in the middle of it and tried to cover it up by break dancing

Hahaha

Did you ever put a teacher in hospital in high school?

Nah, my friend did though, he ran around a corner really quickly and knocked Miss Hardy over, she went to hospital to x-ray her knee

Was she a good teacher?

Nah she fuckin sucked, not literally, she was ugly, boring and she spoke English....it was my Indonesian class

Would you flip at Betjak Driver over and...?

It would be fun

Did you pass VCE?

Yeah, but not with flying colours

Is it easy?

Yeah if aiming for a mediocre score, hard if your aiming to be a doctor

or lawyer, lawyers are so gay

Do you think a monkey could pass VCE?

Well all u need to do to pass vce is hand everything in, and sit exams, and get over 40 in the score, so if a monkey that was the monkey equivalent of Battlay smart I reckon he/she could

Gnomer what the hell happened one day you just popped up at Prahan and like a cork in the ocean you just kept popping up. And now you're a regular and you're throwing down some damn good bangers?

Well I used to skate with Jamie, Corey and Randal, those guys don’t skate much anymore so like a good parasite I clinged on to you guys

What ever happend to Jamie?... He went all mainstream... Talk some trash on him please:

Nah he’s still cool, I went for a skate with him the other day, oh here’s some shit, he skates really slow

Did your mum ever beat your ass when you were a little kid?

Nah, but Battlays opinion on that topic differ to mine.

Oi man I’ve got to go, do u wanna finish this later

Nah I think enough has been said

Do your thankyous and any last words now

Umm, thanks to camberwell skatepark, the crew, Battlay, the old crew, to Battlays sponsors for hooking me up with second hand proddy

last words: skate for fun, don't be a trashy nigga!

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