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HOW SYD GOT IT RIGHT AND GOD GOT IT WRONG
Syd was born in the year 1986. If he had been born two years earlier he could have said something about being born in 1984. Beware the savage jaw. His childhood was tough growing up in the working class suburb of Ashfield. Steel was the main legal source of industry in the region. However, at about mid afternoon the town became an open air brothel. Street sex workers would often urinate and defecate all over residents properties and letterboxes were commonly used as disposal units for syringes. Syd would see the prostitutes and seedy characters on the way home from school. Syd became to get really good at chess. By the age of 7 he was defeating every chess player in the land. He played up to 20 games at the same time without a board or pieces... All in his head. One day Erko Joe tried to trick young Syd by moving one of the pieces in his head to A4 when it could only go to A5. Syd was furious and tied Erko Joe to the RSL by wrapping wet bamboo around his testes. When the bamboo dried up it contracted exploding Erko's testes.
ANyway Syd continued to win cash and prizes across the land... Mainly meat trays. Syd by the age of eight had already accumulated some disciples. His disciples would spread the word of Syd by leaving messages and clues and riddles around. By the age of 8 Syd had moved on from chess. He was now playing Late Night Poker on SBS and getting heavily involved in drugs and alcohol. Syd now owned Ashfield and adjacent lands Summer Hill (don't be fooled by the nice name) and Dulwhich Hill. Syd would come home everyday and start drinking. The drinking resulted in a child born not of thy woman but of thy man. The child was no ordinary child, for it was a child who held incredibly large hands. He was also Indian and called Hando and was born out of an anus. Hando was a sweet child. If you looked beyond the cigarette burns on his face and his battery acid stained eyes. He was challenging nEwtons laws of physics while Syd was getting drunk and writing music on top of the house and feeding the ducks.
But SYd had now seen the light. He saw the only way to save the people of the land from the plague was to make a sacrifice to the King Apollo. Apollo however was very picky and would only accept hairless virgins. Hando came in very handy. First he had to get an enema. Second he wasn't allowed to eat for 3 days and on the third day he was to be crucified. The full panel of the bench crew were present to witness the slaughter of young Hando. Hando carried the cross across the oval and got strung up like that Jesus guy. Hando was covered in seasoning and ready to be put in the tandoor. Syd noticed a small cut on Hando's head which would Certainly offend Apollo. If there was visible blood the execution could not take place. The nails were screwed out of Hando's, hands and he was set free.
Then it was deemed, the first Thursday of every month was to be known as Black Thursday. Every Black Thursday the bench crew would inflict pain upon thy cut one (Hando). These actions would mostly include head slaps and stick fighting. Unfortunately for the Bench crew these acts were frowned upon by the school administration and seen as racist. Hando was set free and begun dating chicks. He's currently going out with a nun who's got big ol' boobs.
Syd went to Melbourne to start afresh. He solved the riddle of the sphinx and was granted Kingship of the Camberwell skateboard facility. He was also presented with the beautiful Queen Jocasta. Syd went on to be a worthy ruler who was much loved by his people. If you see him kill him!
And that is how Syd got it right and God got it wrong.