INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM > >>>> >DATE: Today >FROM: Your friendly human resources dept > >>>> >It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals >throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of >normal conversation with co-workers. Due to complaints received from some >who may be easily offended, this will no longer be tolerated. To express >yourselves we have a list of "try saying" new phrases so that proper >exchange of >ideas of information can continue, without the risk of offending our >sensitive employees. > >>>> >TRY SAYING PHRASES > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. >INSTEAD OF SAYING: When the fuck do you expect me to do this? > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible. >INSTEAD OF SAYING: No fucking way!! > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Really >INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me. > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with..... >INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned >INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in that project. >INSTEAD OF: It's not my fuck up > >>>> >TRY SAYING: That's interesting >INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?!? > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that >INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner? > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem? >INSTEAD Of: Who the fuck cares? > >>>> >TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem. >INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass. > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Excuse me sir? >INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die motherfucker > >>>> >TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? >INSTEAD OF: kiss my ass > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment >INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand >INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I love a challenge >INSTEAD OF: This job sucks. > >>>> >TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of this? >INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss? > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I see >INSTEAD OF: blow me > >>>> >TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it. >INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!!!!! > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem >INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit > >>>> >TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive >INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick > >>>> >TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go getter >INSTEAD OF: She's a ball breaking bitch > >>>> >TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training >INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing