Boxscores

Game 1 (vs. Big White Mullet)

Fourskins 21
Big White Mullet 28

Lucky Duck Foot: Trickmaster T
Light 'Em Up Pepper: Trickmaster T's Ankle

Game Story

The Fourskins looked more like the Vikings than a real team. Turnovers and three touchdowns by some hippy were the story of the game. The Fourskins proved that they will never be the greatest show on turf. A tough game was played by both teams, but when two terrible teams take the field, one team has to lose. Usually that team is wearing yellow, sometimes in their underwear.

OTHER NEWS:

*GOON CAN'T PLAY, SO MEISSNER GETS TOASTED FOR 2 TOUCHDOWNS.
*BJERKE DOES SOMETHING RIGHT, BRINGS A GOOD PLAYER TO THE TEAM.
*FOURSKINS GET BITCHED BY A TERRIBLE TEAM.
*EVERYONE ICES THEIR TURF TOE AFTER THE GAME.
*DANKERS, UPSET THAT THERE IS NO PUNTING, THREATENS TO SHOOT COMMISSIONER.
*TOTUSHEK SPRAINS ANKLE ON LAST PLAY OF GAME, IS SEEN PLAYING FLAG FOOTBALL WITH RYAN LEAF LATER THAT NIGHT.

Game 2 (vs. How The Hell Did We Score 52 Points?)

Fourskins 26
How The Hell Did We Score 52 Points? 22

Lucky Duck Foot: Bjerke's Boy
Light 'Em Up Pepper: Fourskins D

Game Story

Coach Wirka said before the game, "I could see it in his eyes...Wait scratch that thought, I could see it in his shoes." He was referring to Gargoyle's strap shoes that he wore during the game. Gargoyle's velcro Athletic Works scored 3 touchdowns, including the game winning hail mary from Doug Flutie look-a-like, Dank Sack. The Fourskins may have given up 22 points, but against the "High Powered" offense of this team, led by Jiggly Tits Quarterback, that is not an easy thing to do. The Skins D came up with 7 interceptions and Jiggly Tits tied the record for interceptions thrown which was set by Ty Detmer a few years ago. John Madden said of the game, "The Fourskins have a lot to look forward to now, they proved that the first game was a fluke and that they're a heck of a team. BOOM, they get a turdunken." The only real downside to the game was the play of quarterback Nick "Stick" Weise. Although he led some nice drives, at times he looked like Daunte Fumblepepper. He coughed up the ball on a scramble, ran into some pressure and threw 5 interceptions. He did perfect the "Huddle" signal though. After the game he commented, "I just have to go out there and do what I do."

OTHER NEWS:

*FOURSKINS DITCH FOGE FAGIO'S DEFENSE AND END UP LOOKING BETTER THAN MOST HIGH SCHOOL TEAMS.
*REFEREE FROM PAST GAMES GETS REVENGE, TAUNTS BJERKE FROM ANOTHER FIELD.
*GORMAN DEDICATES THIS GAME TO HIS MISSING DREDLOCKS, BUT PLAYS TERRIBLE.
*RECORD 7 PICKS BY FOURSKINS DEFENSE COME FROM BJERKE (2), BJERKE'S BOY (2), WENGERT (2) AND TOTUSHEK (1).
*TOTUSHEK AND MEISSNER, AFTER PRACTICING TIP DRILL FOR 2 WEEKS IN THEIR APARTMENT, RUN THE PLAY TO PERFECTION FOR A TOUCHDOWN.
*GORMAN BRINGS CORRECT JERSEY FOR ONCE.
*PLUMS GETS SMALLEST CROWD EVER AFTER GAME, THREATENS TO PULL OUT SPONSORSHIP.
*ZERO DROPPED PASSES A TEAM RECORD.
*TOTUSHEK DOESN'T EVEN TOUCH THE BALL ON OFFENSE, SKIPS WEEKLY TEAM MEETING.
*WIRKA CALLS TIMEOUT AT THE END OF THE GAME, LEADS TEAM TO VICTORY.
*DANKERS COMPARED TO MICHAEL "MIKE" VICK.
*DAUNTE CULPEPPER IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE QUARTERBACK.
*DAUNTE CULPEPPER IS THE DUMBEST QUARTERBACK EVER.

Game 3 (vs. A Real Team)

Fourskins 6
Real Team 41

Lucky Duck Foot: Jim Mora
Light 'Em Up Pepper: Anyone that covered Gargoyle

Game Story

Unbelievable.

OTHER NEWS:

*WEISE CHECKS THE OIL IN HIS "CAR," MISSES GAME.
*WENGERT PICKS OFF ANOTHER PASS, STARTING TO LOOK LIKE COREY FULLER.
*FOURSKINS PLAY MUSICAL QUARTERBACKS, EVERYONE GETS A CHANCE AND SUCKS.
*TOTUSHEK FAILS TO CATCH A PASS IN 2ND STRAIGHT GAME.
*WENGERT THROWS 'SKINS ONLY TD PASS TO DANKERS, CELEBRATES LIKE A GRAMATICA.
*MEISSNER SMOKED IN THE BACK, LANDS ON WATER BOTTLE, COMES UP LAME WITH "WIRKA BACK".
*MEISSNER ALSO CALLED FOR A COREY CHAVOUS TYPE PASS INTERFERENCE.

Game 4 (vs. An Odd Number of Arms)

Fourskins 40
Odd Number of Arms 26

Lucky Duck Foot: Dank Sack
Light 'Em Up Pepper: Stick

Game Story

The Fourskins D starred in this game, coming up with 3 sacks and a CSC football record 10 interceptions. Wengert had another great game, coming up with 3 picks, Meissner had 3, Wiese had 2, and Totushek and Bjerke had 1 apiece. Meissner also had an assist on Totushek's pick, when he tipped it off the face of the player with the worst hands since Wirka. Wiese looked like Daunte Culpepper at the helm again, throwing a couple perfect passes and also at least 5 interceptions. One of those picks was an amazing one handed interception by a defender. The ball was thrown right at him, but the fact that he only had one arm forced him to catch it one handed.

OTHER NEWS:

*WIESE BEATS UP ONE-ARMED MAN AFTER THE GAME, IS SUSPENDED INDEFINATELY.
*DANKERS GETS BALL STUCK IN NETTING, REDEEMS HIMSELF BY GETTING IT DOWN AND IS ALLOWED BACK ON TEAM.
*OPPOSING QUARTERBACK ATTEMPTS SUICIDE AFTER REALIZING HE THREW 2 PICKS TO WIESE.
*TOTUSHEK COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD, CATCHES A PASS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS.
*BJERKE'S BOY SKIPS GAME BECAUSE HE IS SICK OF BEING CALLED "BJERKE'S BOY."
*MEISSNER GOES WITHOUT STRAP SHOES, FANS ARE FURIOUS.
*GORMAN MISSES GAME TO WITNESS BIRTH OF HIS FIRST CHILD, CONGRATULATIONS SIR.