Never Going To Forget You
Characters:
Alexia Full name: Alexia Trust. Facts: Black hair, brown eyes, 160 cm tall, 16 years old, born May 5 1983. Daughter to Marie and Douglas Trust. Lives in Australia.
Susan Full name: Susan Wind. Facts: Brunette, brown eyes, 172 cm tall, 16 years old, Alexia's best friend.
And the Backstreet Boys!!!!!
- Alexia? Hey! Wake up! You can't keep on drifting of like that again!
- Hu? I'm sorry, I looked up at my best friend Susan.
- You were thinking about him again weren't you?
- Yes... I really miss him...
- It was a summer fling! Not even that! He was here for two weeks and you seem to be completely sold! He's been gone for a half year now Alex, he doesn't remember you...
- How would you know? I looked her in her brown eyes even though I knew she was right, he hadn't even written me a letter since he left.
- Weeeellll, she said and looked at me in that way that I knew so well, How about that he's surrounded by screaming teenage girls everyday, that you had two weeks seven months ago... He isn't coming back until next year! He doesn't have your phone-number and you don't got his and no e-mail...
- I know but I love him...
- Yeah, but so does all those fans, she looked at me in a way that I knew meant that she felt sorry for me, I know you love D. but he's on the other side of the world right not...
- Don't say his name or any of his nicknames! I looked angry at her, I don't want to remember him but I can't help it!
- I know that you loved those two weeks, but were they so special that he would remember them?
- For me it was, I said slowly to make her believe that he probably recalled them to.
- And for him?
- Probably not... But I really want him to, and I'll never forget about that time!
- THAT doesn't surprise me, he took your virginity I think that you would remember that.
- Well...
- Did he know that you were only 15 then?
- He thought that I was 22...
- How?
- I kind of said I was...
- So when he comes back he'll be looking for a 24 year old girl... and the only one that spent that time with him is someone who's going to be 17 then...
- I know! It was stupid...
- You are telling me, Susan smiled, you are aware of that he got screaming girls around him all the time and they would do anything he asked for...
- Shut up Sus! I don't want to hear about that, you know we had an incredible time together and I miss him and I'm probably going to go insane because of that, stop reminding me!
- If you ask me you have to forget about him.
- Well I'm not asking you, I replayed, and how will I be able to forget about someone that wonderful anyway?
- I don't know, just try?
- But I don't want to try, I want him to remember me and that we will come back and...
- ...marry you?
- God that sounds so stupid!
- It's because it is stupid, it's never going to happen. Beside, how would he be able to understand where you are when you move to California?
- Don't talk about it.
- Well it's the truth, isn't it?
- Unfortunately.
- So, if he against all odds remember you, and love you and all that, when he comes back then you've moved. So he won't find you anywhere at all. You had him once; you won't get him back again. Sorry...
"You aren't sorry" I thought "Not the slightest bit sorry. You are the Backstreet Boys fanatic of us two, you are just happy that I lost him."
- What's the matter Alexia? Did the cat catch your tounge?
- Hu?
- You aren't talking back, Susan smiled.
- I just...
- Wandered off to dream land again?
- Yes.
- You and Howie...
- What about it?
- I know that you had way too much fun according to me but I mean...
- How far we went? I looked at her.
"You are supposed to be my best friend! You are supposed to be comforting me, not trying to find out what happen" I thought and looked at her.
- Yes, I mean you aren't pregnant, cause it's been seven months so that would have showed...
- Susan, I really don't wanna talk about it.
- I'm sorry. I just thought you were over it you know, after seven months...
- Well I'm not.
- I'm sorry Alex, calm down...
Howie's beautiful smile made me soft in my whole body, he held me closer. He softly kissed me again, slowly moving from the neck to my lips. His hand slipped up...
- Alexia!
- Hu? I looked up at the bitch to a math-teacher.
- Can you solve the numbers on the blackboard or what? This is the fifth time I've aksed you to do it and you've been of in your fantasy world with the Backstreet Boys again! At my class I'm not going to let you sleep, you hear me? This is math, either learn it or leave.
- Fine! I hissed and got up.
- What do you think you're doing?
I threw my books in to the bag and looked up at her again.
- Doing as you said, I'm leaving.
- You are not leaving my class until I give you permission!
- You just gave me your fucking permission, I hissed and hurried out of the classroom.
- Miss Trust you get back here right now, your parents are going to hear about this!
- Who cares! I stopped and looked at the hag.
- Alexia Trust, she hissed, you can be sure that you'll fail this class! If you wanna daydream about some boys that you'll never have then do that on your spare time, not in my class!
- That's where you're wrong Mrs. Rust, I've already had one of them!
- Spare me that nonsense Alexia, both you and me know that the Backstreet Boys that you've been talking about for three years wouldn't want someone like you, now get back in to the classroom.
- How come one of htem did want me that time then? Tell me that you bitch!
- Don't you call me anything like that! She hissed, And you better stop lying right now young lady.
- Then tell my parents, I'm so, so scared, I said with a grin, You think that there's a punishment that you can give me that will make me obey you but there isn't.
- The principal is going to hear about this, she said as I walked away.
- Whatever!
I walked down the stairs, she couldn't make me suffer anymore that I already did. I knew I never was going to forget him, Howard Dwaine Dorough, and his sweet smile and his gentle touch, I missed him like crazy and my heart ached like hell.
- Why are you home so early?
- Leave me alone! I hissed to her.
- Alexia! My mother stared at me as I went in to my room.
I slammed the door and picked up the picture I had put in a frame and placed beside my bed. It was Howie and I that time when we'd been at the beach and just fooling around. My parents though that he was just a friend, but they hadn't been at home the second week he had been there either. They knew he was a Backstreet Boy, how could they ever had mistaken when I had posters of them all over my room? But they still thought that he was a friend and they didn't understand why I was acting like I did now.
I looked at him for a long time, I wished he were here beside me so he could tell me that everything was going to work out just fine, as he had done when I told him about the teachers and the so-called friends at my school.. He had always made me feel like I was on cloud 9 all the time and I never thought that I'd fall down again, but then I never thought that those two weeks ever would end either.
I putted it down and pressed play on the CD player. His sweet, wonderful voice filled the room, he had given me this tape to listen to the day before he left. It was a song I had on a single, which he sang a cappella solo, it was "My heart stays with you" and I used to play it every night until my mother came in and told me to go to bed instead of listening to that song again.
- Alex?
- What? I looked at her, of course she had to come in to my room to.
- Are you okay sweetie?
I looked at the photo of Sweet D. and started crying.
- Angel, what's the matter? She sat down beside me at the bed.
- Nothing, leave me alone.
- What happened in school today? Are they picking on you again?
- No they are not picking on me again, I hissed.
It was always the same question, just because I've been bullied from 4th to 8th grade. They still weren't exactly nice to me but they left me alone most of the time.
- But why are you home already then? You are two hours early.
- Leave me alone mom!
- But sweetie...
- Don't call me sweetie!
- Don't you yell at me!
- I didn't yell, I said and looked at her, You are the one yelling at me.
- Alexia, I don't know what's wrong but I'd like to know why you've come home two hours early and why you are crying.
- I'm home now because I got a bitch as a techer in math.
- Don't say things like that about people, they will get hurt. But why are you crying, she looked at me with that look again.
I hated it, she couldn't figure it out herself, and neither could my father.
- I miss him, I said and pointed at a poster on Howie.
- Of course you do angel, she smiled, But you were lucky that you even met him, and that you two became so close friends, you are a very lucky girl you know that? Not many people got their idols visiting them every day for over a week you know.
- I know.
- You should be happy that you got to know him like you did, why don't you go back to school and do your math and that economy lesson? He would have wanted you to do that.
"That's where you're wrong mom" I thought "He didn't like the teachers or my school when I told him about it."
- I don't want to...
- Please go before your father comes home, you know how mad he gets when you don't go to school.
- I know.
- Then what are you lying here crying for? Go on, get up and get back to school.
- No!
- Alexia, she gave me that I'm-very-disappointed-in-you-right-not-look.
- Stop that, I hissed, leave me alone. I don't wanna go to school, leave me alone!
- You can't sit here and do nothing...
- I'm listening to music, now leave me alone.
- That isn't esactly something you can do all day long, expecially not if you only listen to that song. Why are you listening to that song anyway? You've done that for over half a year now.
- He gave it to me, now leave!
- Sweetie...
- Don't call me sweetie!
- Fine, then stay here, I won't help you when your father gets home.
- Don't then, I don't care.
- Alex, you can't lock yourself in to your room like this again, we don't want you to live in front of your computer all the time.
- But maybe I want to, it's my life so leave me alone right now!
- I really don't like your attitude when you get like this, she hissed, you can stay in your room then, but you are going to school tomorrow.
- Fine! Leave!
She got up and slammed the door after her so the poster that weren't properly attached to the walls flew and a few seconds later looked like normal.
I laid down on the bed and looked at the poster I had over my bed, a huge poster with all of them. Howie had found it a bit annoying to be in my room because of the posters. I smiled to myself, maybe he remembered me anyway... just maybe...
I woke up and looked at my father.
- How long have you've been ditching school?
- Leave me alone, I said and rolled over to the side facing the wall.
- Alexia get up and talk to me right now!
- Dad, leave me alone.
- Is there someone picking on you in school again?
- No.
- Then why are you not there? I got a call from your math-teacher Mrs. Rust, you didn't come to her class...
- I did come to her class, but that bitch picked on me so I left.
- You just can't leave class like that, he looked at me, do you understand that Alex?
- I understand, but I don't care!
- You've been like this since he left! What is your problem?
- What do you think?
- I know you love these five boys more than anything in your whole life but that doesn't give you a reason to drop out of your classes all the time, this isn't the first time this has happen now is it?
- No, leave me alone.
- Not even them would want you to sit here and look at their picture, listen to their songs while your brain rots away.
- What do you mean "not even them"? I looked at him.
- I know that you've met one of them, that Howie but... You can't think that you know him after a week or two?
- I do know him, and I love him, that's the problem now leave me alone!
- You love him? I know that you're in a very confusing age but I don't think that you really love him angel...
- What do you know about my feelings? I got up and stood there for a while.
My head was spinning like it always did when I got up to fast.
- You can't jump up like that, he said and looked at me, you know that.
- Get out!
- Now you listen to me young lady, you better realize that no matter if you think you love that guy or not you can't drop out of school like you do! Besides that, he said and calmed down, he's much older than you... What is it? 10? 15 years?
- Ten, now leave!
- You can't possibly think that he thinks about you as anything more than a friend angel...
- Well he sure did that last week, go!
- What did you say?
"Shit, forgot it was my father and not my mother I'm talking to."
- Nothing, leave me alone!
- What did you two do that week?
- Daddy please...
- We are going to talk more about this tomorrow when you come home from school, just so you know about it Alex.
- Fine, go!
- And you get to bed, do not listen to that tape again, I'm sick and tired of that guy wining about how is heart will stay with someone no matter where he is and so on, okay?
- Yes! Go!
- You go to bed okay?
- Okay!
He left me alone and I looked at the clock, it was 10.54 p.m.
- I don't feel so good, I said and looked at my mother.
- Nonsense, you are going to school now. Get your bag and go.
- Mom please... not today, I don't wanna go today...
- Honey, you have to go today, you have to. I don't know why you don't want to go to school but you must, there's a law on that.
- I hate that stupid law! I slammed the door behind me and walked away to school.
I sat and looked at the so-called food that we had to dinner, it looked like it already had been eaten. The girls in my class had already asked me a billion questions about why I left school yesterday. It didn't help to tell them that Mrs. Rust had been more bitchy than she normally were cause she never picked on them. I was her little hate object because I'd told her that I didn't like the fact that you never were aloud to try your own way first when there were a new way of counting. Since then she'd been a bitch to me. And that was about two years ago.
- What's the matter Alex? Are you thinking about him again?
I looked at Susan, she was supposed to be my best friend and she acted like a bitch some days... Maybe she didn't, maybe it was all in my head...
- I don't feel so good, I said and watched her reaction.
- Maybe it's because you'be been staring at that food for the last ten minutes, she smiled, Is it really something?
- Yes.
- Oh, is it bad?
- Not really, maybe you're right, maybe it is the food...
- Well, if it's the food don't eat it, it taste like it looks.
- Yummy, I forced myself to smile.
- You know what Alex, you've been pretty weird since Howie left you know that?
- I have?
- Yeah, one second you've been of in the dreamland and the next you've been nauseous. If it hadn't been such a long time ago I'd bet that you were pregnant. Cause there hasn't been anyone else, right?
- No, it hasn't. I miss him that's all... I wish he were here...
- So he could save you from this hell?
- You mean Inferno and Lucifer also known as school and Mrs. Rust?
- That too, she smiled, this is what I mean.
- What?
- Either you are smiling like there's not a problem in the world or you are bluer than blue. Have you ever consider a psychologist?
- Why would I go to someone so that person could dig in my brain?
- What brain?
- That pea in my head that's twice the size yours, I smiled.
- Thank you, she smiled, but at least I got something in my head, you got vacuum.
- Better that than nothing.
She smiled and started giggling, this was something that I'd missed, Susan at her best days.
- Hello angel, my mother smiled, how was school?
- What do you think? I had math you know...
- Okay, maybe this will cheer you up, she handed me a letter.
- What is it?
- I don't know, it's to you.
- Oh, I went in to my room and sat down on the bed.
I opened it and started reading it.
"I'd like to start to tell you that I love you Alexia, and that I'm sorry that I haven't written to you earlier, but there hasn't been any time and you know how lucky I am with the luggage.
There was a fan that found the bags, she was nice enough to send them to my home (but I still wonder where my red jersey is) and well, my mother told me about it now when I got home. I know it's been a long time, and I've missed you so much you can't imagine.
Everything has been going great, but during a repetition I almost lost my pants - again ;) The dancers thought it was really funny, I didn't. I guess that you are smiling when you read this, maybe you even think that I got a problem to keep my pants on, am I right?
I'm only going to be home for two days, then it's off again... I know that it's been a long time since I've seen you but I still can remember your face (and it's not only because I got your picture right here in front of me).
Have you listen to the tape until it broke? I hope you haven't. And you know, my heart stayed with you all the time, and it's still there. You can't imagine how much I've missed you, I live on the memories that we share. Do you think it sounds silly? You always thought I was a bit over romantic... remember when I bought you a dozen roses? I can still remember the look on your face, it keeps me warm you know, inside... I'm guessing that if I told you this to your face you'd say that I'm doing it again ;)
I can't believe that I'm actually doing these little smily-faces ( :) ;) and so on), I never did that before we chatted together with some fans, remember that?
How is life now Lexi? Still hate your teachers? I hope you don't, there's already too much hate in this world, and you shouldn't hate. You got a beautiful outside, combine that with a beautiful inside, I know you got it in you.
I wish that I could write you a longer letter but I'm running out of paper, I'll send you a song in the next one, but I won't be singing it ;) It's a song that I love, and I hope you'll like it too. Maybe this is how we are going to end up? A couple that only keeps contact over letters... I hope we won't, I don't want to live without you.
I love you Alexia hugs, kisses and cookies (and yes I know you used to laugh when I wrote cookies, do you still do that?) forever yours Howie D."
I read it three times before I putted it on the bed and looked at it one more time. He remembered me... little naive me... I smiled and felt how the tears came, but for once it was happy tears.
- Alexia? My mother opened the door, What's the matter angel?
- Nothing mom, I said and wiped away the tears, nothing.
- But you are crying...
- The letter, it's from him.
- Who? She sat down and looked at me.
- Howie, he wrote me a letter.
- Oh, is that so? She said with a relieved look all over her face, What did he say?
- Just that um... he miss me and that he would have written to me earlier if he hadn't lost his bags where he had my address, he always looses his bags, I smiled, And that a fan sent the bags to his place...
- So he is home right now?
- No, he were only going to stay for two days, but he was going to send me another letter soon, with another tape. He knows I've played this one till the point of annoyance...
- Good, maybe we'll hear something else soon then? She smiled and left me alone.
- Yeah, as soon as it comes here.
I picked up the letter and red it again; I could see how he was trying to keep his pants up on stage. I found myself smiling when my father came in to my room about an hour later and I still hadn't moved.
- Hello Alexia, did you go to school today?
- Yes, I said and putted the letter under my pillow.
My father didn't exactly like the fact that Howie and me had become more then friends.
- I need to talk to you about him, he pointed at the photo of Howie and me at the beach.
- Why?
- Cause you told me last night that you andhim had become more than friends, he is what, 26?
- Yes.
- I know that you ain't going to like this but... I really don't think it's a good idea to have something going on with someone who's ten years older than yourself. Especially not when you are in your age...
- You think he used me?
- He's 26, I know this may sound cruel but there's no way that a 26 year old man would want a 16 year old girl.
- He loves me daddy, he told me he loves me.
- Sometimes people say that and still don't mean it, he looked at me, How far did you two go anyway?
- Dad...
- I know it's really embarrassing but...
- Douglas? My mother opened the door, Can you come to the kitchen?
- Not now...
- Yes now, we need to talk about something.
- I'll talk to you later Alex, okay?
- Okay dad.
He left the room and I took out the letter again and putted it behind the frame of the photo with him and me on the beach. His curly hair was a mess but he was still smiling and he was really cute, me, I was shining like a sun. We both were completely messed up after running around on the bach, falling in to the sand, throwing water at each other... It had been so fun, and I missed him so much...
I looked at her, the biggest bitch in the whole class had been talking to me for the first time since she used to pick on me. Monica who was one of the most popular girls too looked at me with a superious look all over her face.
- Well, how was it Alexia?
- It was just fine, I said and got up.
She had had the nerve to ask me how it was to have sex with a Backstreet Boy.
- What are you two girls doing? Mrs. Dwight - our English-teacher - hurried over to us.
- Nothing really, Monica smirked, I just wanted to know how it was to be a slut and sleep with anyone who asked.
- If that was so wouldn't you just have to ask yourself? I smiled.
For once I had a good thing to say to her, I probably were going to have to pay for that but it felt so good saying it.
- Now girls, sit down Alexia, and Monica you move over to Betty, I don't want anyone fighting in my class, is that clear?
- Perfectly clear, I said and sat down.
- We are going to have a little talk about this after class Mrs., don't worry.
- I don't want to hear anything like that okay? If you two got something that you need to talk about then talk about it after school, but do not start fighting.
- I'm not going to fight, are you Monica?
She didn't answer me, instead she just took her books and walked over to the other side of the classroom.
When I got home I hurried over to Marie.
- Mom?
- Yes?
- Did the letter come?
- What letter? Oh, that letter from him?
- Yes.
- It's on your bed, and angel?
- Yes?
- Daddy and I had a talk about you being together with him...
- Oh, what did you decided about my life now?
- Don't sound like that now Alex, you know we only do it because we love you.
- Okay, then what did you decide then?
- Daddy and me thought it would be best if...
I looked at her, if she were going to say that I thought she were going to say I hoped that she knew that I weren't going to speak with them for a long time.
- We just thought, she looked at me, don't give me that look Alex!
- What look? I'm just wondering what you two decided!
- Your father and me, we think that it's better if you and him...
- Howie.
- You and Howie doesn't... If you and Howie break up.
- WHAT?
- I know that you think that you love him and so on but sweetie...
- Didn't I tell you not to call me sweetie?
- Angel, it's for your own good. We don't want you to get hurt that's all.
- He isn't the one who's hurting me mom, you two are!
- Alex!
I walked away from her and in to my room. I hated when she talked like she knew what was best for me, she didn't even know what was going on in my head.
I slammed the door so the posters flew, just to land at their normal places again. The letter were laying on my bed, it had the same envelope as the last one but this one was bigger.
I picked it up and opened it.
"Hello Lexi.
How are you today? Did you get my other letter? Maybe you are reading this one before the other? If you do, put this one down and read the other first, it's better that way.
I promised you that I was going to send you a song this time, I have, it's on the tape, together with another song too. Use the other parts on the tape to something good, not only Backstreet stuff ;)
Did you go to school today? Maybe it isn't even a school day when you read this letter... Since you haven't answered me on the last letter (how would you be able to do that when you probably just got it) I don't know what to write to you.
I guess that you can't tell me what you are wishing for Christmas... but it's a while to go too.
I'm bringing your address with me in my bags and I've written it down at home, in two places, just to be sure it won't get lost.
My mother asks about you, I've told her that you are a very sweet person with a big heart and a good head on your shoulders. That's the truth too, she thinks that you look a bit younger than you are, she guessed that you were 18, 19 years old. Sometimes I think that you even look younger, but you are still you and I love you (beside, in this society you are supposed to look young until you die).
Remember (here I go again, I know) that night? (Stop those dirty thoughts right now, I don't mean THAT night) When we watched the stars. You still live with your parents? I wish you were here beside me right now so I could kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I think that I'll send you a letter at least once a week, no matter what country I am in. If I don't loose my bags again that is...
I'm running out of paper (and time) again. I'm leaving tomorrow morning (6 am, tuff day) so I have to back, don't worry, I won't forget your address, it's already in the bag.
I love you, I just want you to know that, listen to the songs, I think you'll like them, and keep a smile on your face, you are always so beautiful when you smile...
Love you Lexi. Yours only Howie D."
I couldn't help smiling; he always made me smile, not only to the outside. I opened the CD player and changed the tape and pressed play.
"Okay, Lexi, the first song is Richard Marx, with "Right here waiting" after that one it's Christina Aguilera, and her song "Love will find a way". Don't sigh now, I know that you think I get a bit over-romantic sometimes, but that's me. I kind of sound like one fo those who's sitting talking on the radio right now, hu? Just listen and enjoy."
I couldn't help smiling by the sound of his voice, for the first time in a long, long while he sounded to be so close to me again.
"Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you"
I wiped away the tear that rolled down my cheek. It was quiet for a while and then the next song started.
"No one ever said that love was gonna be easy
Gotta take the ups and downs, the in-betweens
If you take this journey, gotta give yourself compelely
Never let nobody ever step on a dream
You better stop
Listen to these words I say
You better stop
Don't you throw this good thing away no no
Put your trust in me
And I'll make you see
No the rain wont last forever
Find a way to make it better
Long as we can stand together
Love will finda way
Gonna make a new tomorrow
Say good-bye to tears and sorrow
Better listen when I say
Love will find a way
Somebody tried to tell me love doesn't last forever
Said it only happens in your wildest dreams
After all is said and done we're still here together
Never listen to the lies and jealousy
You better stop
Don't you let them turn you around
You better stop
Hang onto this love that we've found
Nuthin' ever say
Can stand in our way
No the rain wont last forever
Find a way to make it better
Long as we can stand together
Love will find a way
Gonna make a new tomorrow
Say good-bye to tears and sorrow
Better listen when I say
Love will find a way"
My mother opened the door.
- Angel?
I looked up, suddenly I remembered the things she and my father had planned, my future.
- GO AWAY!
- But you're crying, she went over and sat down beside me at my bed, What did he say?
- WHAT?
- He's hurt you, hasn't he?
- NO! You are the one who's hurt my feelings! I looked at the photo of him and me on the beach, He's the one who makes it alright again, now leave me alone!
- Your fathar is going to be home soon, I need to know how bad it went?
- What?
- How far did you two go?
- None of your fucking business! I hissed, Leave my room right now!
- But sweetie...
- Don't ever call me sweetie!
- But...
- LEAVE!
She gave me a confused look and left.
I pressed rewind and waited for the tape to roll all the way back again.
My fathar opened the door to my room.
- Alexia, your mother is very upset and with a good reason.
- Now what?
- Don't use that tone to me young lady, you know why. You tell me right now what you and that Howie did.
- That's none of your business!
- I'm your father, it's my business if some 26-year-old is using my daughter.
- He didn't use me okay! If he did do you think that he'd write me letters and send me tapes?
- What did he do? Your mother is crying cause she doesn't know what he did to you.
- He didn't hurt me in anyway, right in that moment I felt how my voice started to tremble.
- You aren't telling the truth, I can hear it, I'm very disappointed in you right now so you better start telling the truth.
- Okay, I said and got up, we had sex and I loved it!
He stared at me, I guess he didn't believe me at first but then I wasn't the type of girl who usually talked up to my father.
- Happy daddy? I said still angry, I've told you now that was how far it went. And you know what? I'd do it again.
- And we would for sure, Alexia, you are 16 years old, you aren't supposed to have anything near sex.
He sounded more scared than angry, which came as a shock to me, my father always used to get upset if I said or did something that he didn't like.
- Well I did and I don't regret it at all! The only thing I regret is that I can't be with him right now!
- Don't talk to me like that Alexia, you know I only want what's best for you.
- Then let me stay here, don't force me to move... He don't know that I'm moving...
- Then why don't you tell that child molster that then?
- First of all he's not a child molester, he thought I was 22, and second of all I don't have his address, he thinks that I got it though...
- He thought you were 22? How could he ever get that idea?
- Cause I told him that because I didn't think that he'd be interested in me otherwise.
- Well then I guess I'm not supposed to be mad at him then, he looked at me, Alexia, WHAT IN EARTH HAS GOT IN TO YOU?
- WELL I'M SORRY THAT I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM! I'M SO, SO SORRY! BUT IT WON'T MAKE IT BETTER YELLING AT ME!
- I guess you're right, he turned around, but you are not getting out of this easy. I guess you didn't get pregnant?
- No I didn't, we did use protection.
- Oh, then I guess that was his idea? You don't seem to have something in your head anymore.
- According to him I do, and that's what counts.
- According to him you might just be one of his little call girls! He hissed and left my room.
- I'm not a call girl, I whispered mostly to myself.
I closed the door and looked at the photo of him and me. He was smiling, and it was a real smile. Maybe I was a cheep slut anyway? I'd only known him for two weeks, not even that, before I slept with him. He'd been around after that though but still... Not that he's pushed me in anyway...
I took out the other photos of him and me together. I was smiling on every single one of them, and so was he. Except one where he did one of his faces... I let my fingers slide over the photo, I missed him so much...
What if he'd come back and try to find me? He wouldn't find me then... I'd be in California instead of Australia. I didn't wanna move to California, sure it was there Nick's family lived now and it was closer to Howie in Florida but I didn't wanna move. He wouldn't know where I'd went either.
I looked at the cards I'd got from him, 37 cards to be exact. From Austria, Germany, Italy, Sweden, Denmark, Spain, France, Japan, Florida, Chile, New York, Ireland, Engaland and so on. Now I'd got my 38th card, on the very last day that I stayed here in Australia.
"Hello Alexia, how are you today? I'm fine, but my head hurts a bit, the fans wouldn't let me fall asleep last night. I'm in Stockholm, Sweden again, recording... Zzzzzzzzz... Just kidding, I love it.
We'll be coming soon, in two months and four days. But I'll be there in two months and one day, I wanna spend some time with you. Can you blame me? I miss you so much Lexie, you can't even imagine, or maybe you can, are you missing me too? I sure miss you. (I told you that already, I know) We are just going to record for another week and a half and then we'll start a little tour in South America, then we are coming to Australia (and you)!
The Boys says hello to you, they wanna met you too. They didn't last time remember? (Of course you remember, I'm the one who forgets about things) Nick's been asking me about you for a billion years, since I left you that is... but it feels like even longers... Can you imagine? Thirteen months? And on the fourteenth I'll be there, promise. Running out of space again, I'll write to you soon. I love you Lexi, I always will too. Your Howie D."
- But the next time I won't be able to read it, I whispered and putted the letter in the box where I kept the photos and the other letters from him.
- Angel? My mother looked at me, We are leaving now.
- Coming, I got up and looked around me, you could see where the posters had been, like little framse where I'd left space, Mom?
- Yes honey?
- What happens to the mail that comes when we leave?
- Don't worry, I've already... Oh, you mean those letters by him?
- By Howie, yes.
- Well, ask Susan if she can send them to you.
I nodded, that would be the only solution. I just hoped that she wouldn't open them herself first.
I'd been living in this new house for a month now, I liked the room, the window weren't that big so it didn't come in to much light that made my Backstreet Boys posters bleach faster. But I missed Howie so much, the new school was okay, but I didn't like these teachers either, and Mr. Saw was kind of scary.
- Angel?
- Would you learn to knock? I looked at my mother.
- Maybe I will some day, she smiled, you got mail. It's from Australia.
- Oh! I got up and walked over to her.
- Here you go, I hope it's something you'll like.
She handed it to me and left.
I sat down on my bed with the Backstreet Boys covers and opened it. The package was from Susan, I recognized her handwriting.
Two tapes, a small package, eight cards and three letters.
I picked up the first one, it was from Howie, the second one was form Susan.
"Hi Alexia, how are you in California?
I'm sorry that I haven't send you this earlier, I really am. But there's been a lot of test and exams and so on, I hope you aren't mad at me.
But there's one thing I need to tell you, it's important.
My new neighbors (who lives in your house and gives me the letters that's to you) told me that yesterday there was this guy at their place, he was looking for you. When I asked them if it was Howie (I showed them a picture of him) they nodded. Their little girl (she's nine years old, I'm her babysitter) threw herself in his arms and started crying. He was a bit shocked though (for good reasons too, he expected you, not a nine year old). They told him that you had moved, and then he gave Mickey (the girl, her real name is Michaela) an autograph and left. They told me that he was sad, I guess that he cried they were to busy stopping Mickey from gluing on to his leg. If I'd known that he was going to come I'd been there, and there's no way that you can get in to the hotel that they are supposed to stay at either, believe me, I've tried.
I'm going to the concert, I hope that it's good, the last one was, but you know that as well as I do.
I'm really sorry about this, and I'll do my best to get a hold of him (but you were the one who succeeded in that the last time we tried).
Don't be sad, I don't think that he wanted you to be that. The letters and the package are to you from him. One of them came after he'd been here. I think he really miss you. Yours Susan."
I couldn't help crying when I read it. I hadn't forgot about what he'd said in the last letter and now this happened, this fucking disaster, aslo known as me moving to California.
I looked at the letters and putted them in order from which date it had come.
The first one was one of the tapes.
"Listen and care" the little strip on the tape said.
"Hello Lexi, love you, and I want you to know that. This song is Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, with "Endless love."
"My love, there's only you in my life
The only thing that's right
My first Love
Your ever breath that I take
Your every step I take
And I, I want to share all my love with you
No one else will do, you know
And your eyes (your eyes, your eyes)
They tell me how much you care, oh yes
You will always be
My Endless Love
Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one
Our lives had just begun
And forever, I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms
And I, I'll be a fool for you
I'm sure, you know I don't mind
Oh you know I don't mind
Baby (baby, baby)
You mean the world to me
I know, I found in you
My Endless Love..."
I smiled, such a long time ago I'd heard something that he'd given me, something new that was. The old tapes were at the point of becoming unhearable.
I picked up the letter to the next one, the one he'd sent me for Christmas.
"Merry Christmas Lexi.
I'm in my second favorite place right now, at home with my family (my favorite place is beside you). How is it down there in Australia? Is it cold?
It is here, not as it was in Sweden (it snowed so much we had to run through the snow (that was half way up my legs) to the car, followed by fans (who were much, much better at this running-in-snow-thing)).
Nick succeeded in falling and landing on his nose (actually the first time he does that in snow). The fans were kind enough to avoid stepping on him (there were about 20-25 girls (and a couple of boys) there). We couldn't help laughing at him when he got in to the car. After signing about 30 augtographs and hugging them all, he got in to the car (you should have seen him). Soaking wet! He was wet right through this underwear after that, and he had to whine about that until he was able to get to the bathroom at where we were suppose to eat to change clothes. After that me and the others gained up on him in a snowball fight, it ended with A.J. laying in a snowdrift (cursing at Brian for pushing him in to it).
What we didn't know was that there was a couple of guys filming us, and there's going to be some clips of that fight in the next video.
The end was voted by us (4 against 1 (A.J.) that it should stay) to be the last scene in it, with sound and all. But don't worry, you can't hear the cursing, only us laughing at and A.J. in the end going "Could someone get me out of here?". It was even more fun than it looks.
Nick is in California right now, Brian and Kevin are in Lexington and A.J. and his grandparents place.
I hope you'll like my little Christmas gift to you. I'll be right beside you soon Lexi, I promise. I miss you very, very much.
I gotta go now but I'll write to you soon again, love Howie D."
I picked up the little package and opened it, I couldn't help that the tears started pouring down. A necklace in gold and a little star with diamonds hanging on it. I turned on it and read the inscription.
"To Alexia my love, Howie"
I putted it on and wiped away the tears that was rolling down my cheeks. I finally got up from the bed and looked at myself in the mirror.
- Alexia? My father opened the door.
- Yes? I turned around and looked at him.
My annoying father that finally had accepted the fact that I wasn't a virgin anymore looked at the letters.
- So, he started, I guess these are from him? How does he know where we live?
- He doesn't, the family that lives there gives them to Susan and she sends them to me.
- Oh, I guess that's from him too?
I noticed that he looked at the necklace.
- Yes, my Christmas present from him.
- I guess that it must have cost him a fortune.
- Perhaps... I don't know what he paid for it.
- You know that I don't like the fact that you slept with him, neither that you were so stupid that you lied about your age to him. And I don't like that you are keeping contact with him, or well, that he is keeping contact with you.
- I know you don't like it, I said and looked at him, but he makes me happy. Please understand that.
- It's kind of hard to understand that someone on the other side of earth can make you happy when no one around you can. Find some other boy, some one that really cares about you.
- HOWIE CARES ABOUT ME!
- Don't you dare yell at me! He gave me an angry look.
- Fine! I hissed, I won't yell if you stop talking to me like that.
- Like what?
- Like "he doesn't really care about you", "you're just his little call girl", "he probably got someone else" things like that!
- I just don't want you to hope that this will be something, you aren't the same girl as you used to be Alex. I miss that girl.
- Dad, I'm not a little girl anymore. And let me hope cause that's all I'm living on right now.
He nodded and left, without one more word.
I looked at the letters I'd read them all now, except for the last one. The one that had come the day after he'd visited my house. It had come without any stamp or address, just my name, so he must have left it himself.
I slowly opened the envelope.
"Hello Alexia, how are you?
I guess that you probably won't get this letter but I'll just write anyway, I don't care who reads it.
I wonder where you live right now, I went to your old house yesterday. Instead of you there was a girl who welcomed me with open arms, she was about eight, nine years old, don't worry about that.
The necklace I sent you for Christmas, did you get it? I hope you did, I bought it in Spain for you. Nick thought I was insane, so did Kevin. I'd like to tell you something about them but since I don't know who's going to read this I won't. It's a private thing you know. Maybe that girl will read this letter so I won't take the risk and write about our secrets, and special times. I guess that those two weeks we had were special, at least they was for me.
I wonder who got the letters and the tapes I send you, maybe you got some of them, I hope you do. I guess this is the last from me then, I won't write again cause you probably won't read it, and who knows who will.
I hope that I'll see you again some day, when we both are single that is, I don't want you to say that you've got married with some guy and got kids that aren't mine. If I could I'd marry you right on the spot so you wouldn't slip away from me; I want you to know that. But you probably won't.
Since we are so many people on this planet and I can't travel the whole world after you (even though it's very tempting) I won't see you again. But you know that I'll look for you in the crowd. If you read this, come to a Backstreet-concert - soon - and stay for a long time after the show is over, I'll have some people looking for you.
I love you and I always will, Howie D."
I read it over and over, even though he didn't thought that I'd read it he'd still written that he loved me, and so much more.
I wish that I could just be right there where he was so I could tell him that I loved him too, even though it had been fourteen months since I'd seen him.