[A/N: I own SideAlley Girls, the cameramen, the security people and all other none-famous people/animals/things in this story. Tyke belongs to Brian and LeighAnne Littrell, BSB belong to themselves, 'NSync belong to themselves, and Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears belong to their pimps.]
SURVIVOR
KEVIN RICHARDSON
Nickname: Kev, Kevvy-Kev, Mr.
Body-Beautiful, Train, Sexy-man
Age: 28
Work: Member of the Backstreet Boys, even though
he practically never sing.
Most valuable asset: His oh so fine body.
Least valuable asset: His wife. (ooooohh... the
jealousy...)
Special thing: A pair of tweezers.
Purpose on the show: To be hot, basically.
Quote on why to be in the show:
"................................................................................."
Chances of survival: Hopefully high.
Team: North.
BETH
Nickname: Blond bimbo,
annoying blond bimbo, stupid bitch.
Age: 17
Work: Member of SideAlley Girls.
Most valuable asset: Her voice will scare
pirates away.
Least valuable asset: Her voice will make
everyone at the island deaf.
Special thing: Her "lucky" shoes.
Purpose on the show: She looks good, that's why
she's there.
Quote on why to be in the show: "I'm going
to do what?"
Chances of survival: So far they seem to be
okay. Unless she forgets to breath.
Team: South.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
Nickname: Ghetto-boy,
Brillo-pad, Sponge-hair, Timberbutt, airhead, amongst others...
Age: 19
Work: Being a member of 'NSync when he's not
busy with Britney.
Most valuable asset: Teenyboppers will watch.
Least valuable asset: He exists.
Special thing: Ebonics dictionary.
Purpose on the show: Teenyboppers will watch.
Quote on why to be in the show: "Dat show
be fly yo!"
Chances of survival: In the same camp as Sara,
very low, on the other side of the world, better.
Team: West.
JAMES BASS
Nickname: Lance, Lansten,
Poofoo, albino, troll, albino troll, transvestite, girly-boy,
shemale, Miss I-wish-Toby-were-still-alive.
Age: 21
Work: Overpaid background singer for Justin and
J.C. of 'NSync
Most valuable asset: He is very easy to make fun
of.
Least valuable asset: The nightly voodoo
sacrificing he makes to make Toby come back from the dead.
Special thing: Makeup.
Purpose on the show: None really.
Quote on why to be in the show: "I'm from
Mississippi."
Chances of survival: Slim to none. Nobody wants
to hear that he's from Mississippi and he is most likely to
"disappear" during the first episode.
Team: East.
EPISODE 1
*stupid music plays*
A.J: I'd like to welcome you all to the first episode of Superstar Survivor. I, A.J. McLean, will be your host for the coming episodes. Here are our contestants.
*camera turns into a blur, clears up and you can see 12 people sitting on two benches, obviously bored*
A.J: Beth, Mandy and Sara of the new act SideAlley Girls, here for various reasons. Britney Spears *coughwhorecoughcough*, Christina Aguilera *coughcoughslutcough* and Kevin Richardson, Nick Carter and Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys, which I'm also a member of.
*camera goes back to filming A.J.*
Lance: But what about us?
*camera turns back to the contestants*
A.J: Oh.
*camera goes back to A.J.*
A.J: Right, and...
*camera shows the contestants*
A.J: Lance, Joey, Justin and J.C. of that other group *coughcoughloserscoughcough*
Brian: *holds up Tyke* Hi! Look at the little puppy! Look at the cute little puppy! *makes funny noises*
A.J: Right. You all know the rules, so now can you tell us what you brought here as your special thing. Brian?
Brian: I brought my bible *holds up Tyke again* And LOOK at the cute little puppy!
A.J: *sigh* And you Nick?
Nick: I brought fishing equipm...
Kevin: *interrupts Nick* I... brought... a... pair... of... tweezers... that's... what... I... took... with... me... here.
A.J: Good for you. Then you can keep those caterpillars of yours in shape.
Kevin: Are... you... making... fun... of... my... caterpillars... again?
A.J: Oh no, why would you ever think that?
Kevin: Good. Cause... I... might... not... like... it... if... you... did... make... fun... of... my... pets.
Brian: Look at the little puppy!
A.J: Bri, that's enough.
Brian: Oh, sorry.
A.J: Thank you. Would any of the SideAlley Girls tell us what you brought?
Beth, Mandy and Sara: *looks at each other*
Sara: *sighs* *pokes Mandy in the side*
Mandy: Oh, right. I brought these bands *holds up bands in various colors* To have around my arm just like Mandy Moore.
A.J: Aren't you Britney Spears?
Mandy: *shocked* How could you say anything like that?! I'm so insulted!!
Sara: Shut up.
Mandy: But...
Sara: You'll live, just be quiet now.
Mandy: *nods and shuts up*
Sara: I had no choice, I had to bring my pills, even though I hate them.
J.C: *shines up by the word "pills"*
Beth: And I kind of took my lucky shoes with me.
A.J: Aha. And Britney?
Britney: *stops twirling her hair* Huh?
A.J: What did you bring with you?
Britney: Oh! I got like shampoo you know. *giggles* *looks at Justin*
A.J: And Christina?
Christina: I brought this *shows her Grammy* I won over Britney, cause they count vocal range.
Britney: *pouts*
Christina: *smiles proudly*
A.J: Do you think you'll have any use of it?
Christina: Well, I was up against Britney and I won, that's what's important.
A.J: Okay. What about you girls *cough* I mean guys.
J.C: They took my crack... caffeine, I mean caffeine *smiles nervously* by the boarder. So I got nothing.
A.J: They took yours? That's odd, I got to keep mine and... ehhhh... Joey? What did you bring?
Joey: Condoms actually *smiles and looks at Christina*
Christina: *does her best to ignore Joey*
A.J: Very good decision, except for the fact that we'll supply you with condoms anyway.
Joey: Dammit! I actually should have brought my Twinkies.
A.J: Someone else, please...
Lance: I brought makeup. I don't think I could go a day without it.
Justin: I got ma book Ebonics dictionary yo.
Nick: *mumbles* What a surprise...
Kevin: I... got... my... tweezers... with... me... here... on... the... island. I... took... it... with... me... cause... you... were... only... allowed... to... bring... one... thing... so... I... brought... my... tweezers.
A.J: Mhm. I will now tell you which teams you're in and of you go to your end of the islands, and I can go back to the hotel and Tasha and Autumn...
Mandy: They are here too?
Beth: *twirls her hair* Aren't they like in our group too?
Mandy and Beth: *looks at Sara*
Sara: *mutters* I hate my life.
Mandy and Beth: *still looks at Sara*
Sara: Yes you morons! Tasha and Autumn in his hotel are the same Tasha and Autumn that are in SideAlley Girls.
Beth: *thinks* Isn't that umm... I've heard about them...
Sara: *grabs Nick's (who is sitting next to her) arm and prays that she'll die soon*
Nick: Umm... *pets Sara's back* There, there... *confused*
A.J: Okay. Team North is... Kevin, Nick and Mandy.
Nick: *freezes by the name Mandy* She's here?
A.J: Team South is Beth, Christina and Brian.
Brian: And Tyke! Look at...
A.J: *gives Brian a pissed look*
Brian: Nothing. *looks as innocent as he can*
A.J: Team East is Lance, Joey and Britney, and team West is Justin, J.C. and Sara!
Sara: *holds on to Nick's arm while begging him to save her*
Nick: Mandy? Where are you? *looks around, worried*
*camera shows a beautiful beach, team North's blue flag and two guys building a house*
*camera quickly shows a blond girl sobbing beside a palm tree*
*camera goes back to filming the two guys for a while before they notice it*
Kevin: Is... that... a... camera... over... there? *points at the camera that is now zooming in his arms*
Nick: Umm... I dunno.
Mandy: *keeps crying*
Kevin: *shrugs shoulders*
*camera shows both Nick and Kevin again*
Kevin: Doesn't... matter... if... that... is... a... camera... over... there. We... must... finish... this... house... as... soon... as... possible, you... never... know... when... it... might... start... raining.
*camera keeps filming Nick and Kevin as they work, but due to too much zooming at various parts (Kevin's ass) the rest were cut out and kept for other TV shows, just in case*
*camera films some hermit crabs for a while*
*camera shows the beautiful beach, team West's green flag and one guy working at a house*
*camera shows another guy yelling orders to the bleached one*
J.C: HURRY UP JUSTIN! You have to get that house done by the contest or we'll feed you to the sharks!
Justin: *squeaks something unhearable for the human ear and works even faster*
Cameraman: *realizes that something is missing*
*camera films around the camp, trying to find the third contestant*
*camera shows a brunette drawing little men in the sand and then executing them on various ways*
Sara: *mutters* I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life... *kills some more men that she's made in the sand*
*camera shows A.J. again*
A.J: *sniff* Okay, welcome to our first contest. It's a simple race, 100 meters, and two from each team are going to run, one man and one woman. North is going to race South, and West is going to race East.
*camera shows the contestants, Kevin and Mandy for North, Brian and Beth for South, Sara and an exhausted Justin for West and Joey and Lance for East*
A.J: Are North and South ready?
Brian: Can she change shoes first?
Beth: It's my lucky shoes!
Brian: They are high heals!
Beth: So?
Brian: We're going to run in sand!
Beth: Yeah?
*start signal goes*
*camera shows Kevin, Mandy and Brian running, leaving Beth behind*
Beth: Huh?
A.J: You're supposed to run now.
Beth: Oh! I knew that. *starts walking while the other three pass the finish line*
A.J: Okay, as we easily could have seen if our cameraman hadn't been filming Kevin's butt again *gives the cameraman an irritated look* that team North won, while Beth came in last. Since all contestants of one team must be over the finish line in order to win, South lost. *looks at the camera* And Autumn, next time you have to film someone's ass, film mine.
*a sigh and a "fine" is heard somewhere behind the camera*
Brian: *grabs Beth's arm and drags her back with him to warn her about what will happen if she ever tries to compete in her "lucky shoes" again*
Tyke: *looks at Lance who is walking up to the starting line*
A.J: Okay, West and East, are you ready?
J.C: You better win Justin!
Justin: *whimpers*
Sara: *sighs*
Joey: *is pretty busy looking at Mandy*
Lance: *hisses* She's 14!
Joey: So?
A.J: Alright, first team who got both members over the finish line wins.
*start signal goes*
Justin, Joey and Lance: *runs as fast as they can*
Sara: *standing by the start line, not even bothering to move a millimeter*
Tyke: *barks and attacks Lance*
Lance: *squeaks and tries to get rid of Tyke by running in another direction*
Tyke: *keeps following Lance, barking and biting his legs while he can*
Justin and Joey: *passes the finish line*
Justin: Sara? *turns around and sees that Sara haven't moved at all* *looks at J.C., then at Sara again* *realizes what he have to do* *runs back*
Lance: HELP! It's attacking me!! HELP!!!!
Brian: *too busy lecturing Beth about how running in high heals is a really bad idea*
Joey: *doesn't even notice Lance's cries for help* *keeps watching Mandy*
Mandy: *giggles* *twirls her hair*
Joey: *drooling slightly*
Justin: *picks Sara up and starts carrying her to the finish line*
Sara: *not happy, but doesn't bother to do anything anyway*
J.C: RUN DAMMIT!
Sara: *gives J.C. the finger instead*
J.C: *shocked* WHAT did you just do?????
Sara: *wonders if Justin's hair really is hair*
*camera zooms in Kevin while he's bending over to tie his shoes*
A.J: Autumn!
*camera shows A.J. instead*
A.J: Not me! The competition... *sees what's going on* Good god...
Justin: *puts Sara down by the finish line*
Sara: *sighs* We're over the finish line, can I go home now?
Lance: HELP ME!!!
Brian: *notices that Tyke's life is in danger (Lance might step on him)* TYKE!
Tyke: *runs to his master instead of trying to bite Lance anymore*
A.J: And the winners are team West.
Britney: But that's like not fair you know! That like little you know, monster like attacked Lance!
A.J: First of all, that's a dog and it got a name, second, I'm the host, I decide who wins in these cases, and Lance didn't pass the finish line so therefor West wins.
Britney: But Justin like carried Sara! It's not you know fair!
A.J: She passed the finish line, and that's what's important.
Britney: But...
A.J: *ignores Britney* Autumn.
*camera shows A.J.*
A.J: Thank you. Can the winning teams come here?
J.C., Kevin and Mandy: *walks over*
Justin: *laying in the sand, too tired to move*
A.J: Umm... hold on... where's Nick and Sara?
*camera tries to find them, but stops at Kevin*
A.J: *rolls eyes* What did I just tell you?
Autumn: But...
A.J: You can film team North's camp scenes if you stop doing that at competitions and votings.
*camera focused on A.J.*
A.J: Okay, since we obviously won't find Nick and Sara, and Justin is too tired to come here at the moment, I'll just give you what you've won. *hands Kevin and J.C. a big dark green sausage each*
Kevin: What... is... this... green... thing... that... you... just... gave... us?
A.J: It's a tent. Since team North had the best time, you get the bigger tent for four, and team West gets the tent for two.
J.C: *nods* And how are we supposed to put it up?
A.J: There's instructions in it, or you can just try to put it up yourself.
Kevin: *nods*
Kevin, J.C. and Mandy: *goes back to the other contestants*
Mandy: *whispers to Kevin* That's a tent? How will we get in??
*camera shows Sara of team West*
Sara: Well, I hate my life, but I've already stated that a couple of times. Although I think it's worth saying again, since it's true. I hate my team. J.C. is so annoying, and he's been trying to take my pills all the time, it's not like if I like them or anything, but I need them. He's been begging me to give him some, but that's not going to happen. And I hate Justin, he's such a crybaby. Although he did build our house, but that kind of fell in since he did it so lousy, got I hate him. Anyway, I like Nick. But of course he's not in my team. What did I expect? *sigh* He think his ex is here and well, he has since he heard that Mandy was here, I tried to explain that they are not the same but he's kind of... well he's not the brightest crayon in the box, if you understand. The mosquitoes are eating us alive, the food sucks, and I can't believe our manager said that this would be good for our group. Tasha and Autumn are on a hotel! They get to film! *shakes head* I know it's just cause they are legal and all, but really, I'd screw pretty much anyone if I'd just got out of here. *sigh*
Joey: *enters the picture* I'm listening.
Sara: *hisses* Piss off!
Joey: But...
Sara: Leave me alone! *picks up a stick and hits Joey over the head with it*
Joey: Ouch... *leaves*
Sara: And he's been following me ever since Mandy gave in. Which I know she did, you don't have to be a genius to understand that if you know her.
*camera shows Nick of team North*
Nick: Umm... what am I
supposed to say? What's happen? Oh, okay. I kind of got here by
boat but we had to go on an airplane before. I'm not as scared of
flying like I used to be but you know... Anyway, I was sitting
next to this really pretty brunette anyway, so I kind of talked
to her. It turns out that she's a member of SideAlley Girls and
that she's a fan of ours. SideAlley Girls... hmm... I like the
name. Her name is Sara, but we couldn't go on the same boat, she
had to go with the other members of her group, even though she
didn't seem to happy about it. I saw a shark, which was kind of
cool, although I'm glad it wasn't that big.
*pauses* What else? Oh yeah! Me and Kevin have built a house, but
there weren't enough bands for the roof so we took Britney's
bands that she brought. She's pretty smart for bringing them. She
sounds different though... and she's nicer and not so stuck up as
she usually is. Sara says that she's a member of SideAlley Girls,
but you know I'm not so sure. I haven't heard anything about
Britney becoming a member of a group... *thinks* Yeah, Mandy is
supposed to be here... I think. Sara says that she isn't, and
that Mandy is just a member of SideAlley Girls, which I don't
believe at all. Mandy wouldn't become a member of a group, since
I got her a solo career and all. Then she broke up with me of
course... hmm... *sighs* But now I got Sara, and she's nice and
all. She doesn't hit me. Although she says she hates everything.
Except me. She likes me, which is cool you know. Umm... I think
that's it.
*camera shows Mandy of team North*
Mandy: *twirling her hair* We won the contest, but that was kind of expected you know. But then Nick insulted me with calling me Britney when he came back! *stops twirling her hair* I mean, I've never been so insulted in my whole life! Except for when he, that... um... A.J.! He called me Britney too! And so did that crackhead! *fights the tears* Everyone is so mean to me! They took my bands that I brought to build a house!! *sobs* I'm trying to be like Mandy Moore, I mean we even got the same name and all, but they just... they just ruin it all! Although Kevin's hot... I mean, Nick's hot too, but Sara would you know, oh my god, she'd kill me. But Kevin's hot anyway. *starts twirling her hair again* He got a really, really great ass... Autumn agrees with me. Which is understandable you know.
*camera shows Lance of team East*
Lance: That awful dog attacked me! And I'm from Mississippi!! You'd think that they have some control over him if they bring him here, but Brian is kind of cute though... hmm... But he said no when I asked him if he wanted to have sex, cause I'm from Mississippi, he's married. But... *sobs* what's even worse... is that... *sobs* Joey doesn't care for me anymore! *crying* I mean, I'm used to share him with Britney cause I'm from Mississippi and all, I don't mind... I'm from Mississippi... but... He doesn't even care for her anymore! He's been running after those SideAlley Girls and Christina all the time... *keeps crying*
*camera shows J.C. of team West*
J.C: Well of course I've got Justin to work his butt off, but I've done that before. What annoys me is that they don't have any drugs here. Sara doesn't like me, she made that pretty clear. And she won't work, but she said that she'd share tent with me, which is good I guess. I need my drugs though. I'm starting to have some problems already... I'm not sure this is good. I think I'm seeing things now, there's two Britney's running around, I said hi to them both, just to be polite. Although one didn't like it, she started crying, I don't know why. I didn't even grab her ass or anything. *shrugs shoulders* I admit that it was pretty confusing. Justin messed up with the house, of course. I think that he should start to work, just like I do, it is hard to make everyone else work, especially when Sara won't do anything. It's not easy being the leader. So, Sara and I decided that Justin can sleep outside instead, since he was the one to mess up with the house, and there's only room for two. I think Sara got a thing for Nick *shakes head*
*camera shows Mandy, again*
Mandy: Well, Joey was kind of cute when he came on to me today. And he didn't call me Britney *twirling her hair* I mean, he's not like good looking or anything, but you know... Kevin is hot. So I was kind of thinking of Kevin the whole time. I hope I didn't offend him when I called out Kevin's name... hmm... Anyway, that Christina Aguilera seemed kind of upset when I told her I slept with Joey. Something about that she'd just slept with him. I don't remember. That Justin is kind of cute too you know... *goes into deep thoughts*
*camera goes into a blur*
A.J: Welcome to our first voting. We're now going to vote two people of the island. One in each losing team.
Britney: Isn't that kind of hard? I mean, losing sounds so mean.
A.J: *sighs* Okay, not winning team. Happy?
Britney: *nods*
A.J: So, are team South and East going to write down who they want to leave the island of their team? North and West can just sit there, and do whatever you want to do...
Sara: *punches Justin who's sitting next to her in the side*
Justin: Ouch!
J.C: Stop complaining Justin!
Justin: But she...
J.C: Do you mean I have to tell you twice??
Justin: No! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME J.C.! *tries to move as far away from J.C. as possible*
A.J: *watches the whole thing* I see that everyone loves each other. *looks at the contestants* Are you done?
Beth: How do you spell Christina?
Christina: *looks up from her paper* *mutters* Bitch...
A.J: Just write what you think.
Beth: Oh, okay.
*camera shows the contestants while stupid music is playing*
A.J: *collects the little notes* And let's see... One vote for Lance.
Lance: *gasps* Who wrote that????
A.J: *ignores Lance* One vote for... Crisina *looks at Berth* *shakes head* Another vote for Lance...
Lance: *breaks down in tears*
A.J: One vote for Beth.
Beth: *shocked* What?!?
A.J: One vote for Britney... *looks at Mandy, to see how she reacts*
Mandy: What?
Britney: Oh my god! Who'd do that?
A.J: Oh, sorry, looking at the wrong girl. Anyway *reads another note* And one vote for Beth.
Beth: *slaps Christina*
Christina: Ouch!
*bitch fight breaks out*
Brian: GIRLS!
Christina and Beth: *looks at Brian*
Brian: Think before you do anything like that *picks up Tyke* Tyke could have been hurt!
A.J: Okay, anyway, can Beth and Lance come down here?
Beth: Oh, okay. Why? *goes over to A.J.*
Lance: *slowly walks over to A.J., crying* But I'm from Mississippi...
A.J: So, you'll leave the camps. Lance, you'll go back to Mississippi, and Beth, you'll go to my hotel.
Beth: Oh, okay.
Lance: *still crying*
A.J: And the rest of the teams, I wish you a good luck for the rest of your time here on the island.
*camera shows team South's red flag, and yelling are heard in the background*
Brian: *holding Tyke and the bible as protection, with a ripped shirt* I'm married Christina!
Christina: But... *confused* Does it really matter?
Brian: Leave me alone!
Christina: But didn't we get rid of Beth so we could be alone?
Brian: No! We did not! I thought she was a slut, but good Go... *stops himself* Just leave me alone!
Christina: But I don't understand...
Brian: I don't wanna sleep with you!
Christina: *gasp* You're gay?
Brian: *decides that Christina is a lost cause*
Cameraman: *giggles*
Brian: A camera! *automatically starts making funny noises and faces*
*camera shows how the clouds turns pink in the sunset, tries to find some hermit crabs but since it's night it doesn't and then shows the pink flag of team East*
*some giggling and moaning are heard, followed by someone calling out Justin's name*
Joey: WHAT?!
Britney: Oh my god Joey, I'm like so sorry...
*camera walks a little closer to hear what's going on*
Britney: It's like you know... I didn't you know mean it! It was like an accident!
*suddenly the texture that makes the door of the little pathetic hut, or whatever it should be called, opens*
Joey: What the...?
*And Superstar Survivor got it's own fat naked guy*
*stupid music is heard*