FRACTURED LEG
Smackman is back in town
(feat. Mark Middleton)(©2006 Owen, additional lyrics Midi)
he's got a job but not a normal one
one minute he's here the next he's gone
he's got a job its taylor made
and killing smackheads is his fucking trade
smackman is back in town
you better keep low cos youre going down
smackman is back in town
and he dont like you or your fucking brown
remember this song is dedicated to all you smackheads out there
who are soon gonna feel the wrath of the smackman ha ha ha...
he roams the streets hes looking for you
hes gonna beat you black and blue
heroin, rocks, crack cocaine
youre all gonna get it just the fucking same
hes roaming the streets hes looking for you
hes gonna beat the crap out of you
heroin, rocks, crack cocaine
youre all gonna get it just the fucking same
smackmans back in town
well thats the rumour thats going around
smackmans back in town
fat girls better get your knickers down
hes out of retirement for one last shot
hes gonna show you what hes got
hudson hawk were like a fly on his face
and percy the slug - well hes fucking ace
The ballad of Sam and George
(©2007 Owen)
WITHDRAWN FOR LEGAL REASONS
Hudson Hawk - He's the original! (feat. Mark Middleton)(©2005 Owen, additional lyrics Midi)
HE LIVES IN TOWN, HE'S BEEN KNOWN FOR YEARS
CRAZY ANTICS, JUST LIVING FOR BEERS
ALWAYS FOOLING AROUND
ACTING LIKE COCO THE CLOWN
HIDING IN CORNERS WAITING TO LURK
THIS BLOKE NEVER SEEMS TO WORK
HUDSON HAWK ...HE'S THE ORIGINAL SCROUNGER
HUDSON HAWK ...HE'S THE ORIGINAL SCROUNGER
WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO BUY ANOTHER JAR
HUDSON HAWK, HE'S SCANNING THE BAR
I WAS TALKING TO MY MATE RON
I TURNED MY BACK AND MY PINT WAS GONE
HE COMES ACROSS AS A BIT OF A CHARMER
THEN HE BLAMES IT ON SOME FUCKING FARMER
HUDSON HAWK ... HE'S THE ORIGINAL SCROUNGER
THE BALLAD OF MARK MIDDLETON - SCROUNGER
(©2003 Owen)
It's Friday night & its time for a drink
but i've got no money so i'll have to think
who do i know that's got some cash?
i think i'll ask Minter
so i've got to dash
i'll meet you in the talbot
if they'll let me in
they tried to bar me
for fucking scrounging
money in the fruity
hope i land it
don't get served by that bloody arse bandit
im a scrounger
8.35 and it's skint again
who can i ask now, cos' i've got no friends
i'll lend money off whoever you are
if you wanna stay safe drink down the Old Star
9 o'clock - i've still got no money
i'll pinch your beer, i find it very funny
buy me a pizza don't be tight
i'll pay you back tomorrow night.....honestly
please, please
nice rack luv, nice rack, lend me a fiver
it's friday night & it's time for a drink
but i've got no money so i'll have to think
who do i know that's got some cash?
i think i'll ask Minter - he's got a moustache!!!
i'll meet you in the Talbot
if they'll let me in
they tried to bar me for fucking scrounging
money in the fruity
hope i land it
don't get served by the other arse bandeeeeeeet!!!!
im a fucking scrounging bastard!!!
UTTOXETER RIOTS (©1986 Leech, Owen,Birch)
Unemployments rising in the lower end of town
and it's spreading like pneumonia doesn't look like going down
there's trouble at the biscuit factory
Donk has had the sack
and the lads are gonna launch a scheme to get the bastards back
Benny and Dave Simcox were gonna have a scrap
but fucking big hard Brierley
just had to give us crap
the lads are going down the rec at 6 tomorrow night
where upon they'll bring about a fucking massive fight!
CHORUS
Someone get a mesage through to Sgt Toon that he'd better start assembling his boys very soon
and keep Billy Thorogood right out of sight
cos there's gonna be a riot in Uttoxeter tonight
Finbo's down at Bamfords to get himself a job
he drives a fucking fork lift truck and thinks he rules the mob
he's had unemployment for 27 days
and now he's talking RAF with Mrs fucking Jays
All this unemployment has really got to stop
we all pile in the arcade and get "nicked by the cops"
the workers and the schoolkids
that storm the market place
we'll get them druggie bastards and kick em in the face
S.H.A.G (©1986 Jock,Birch,Owen)
Lying in the hospital
feeling half dead
a sex starved victim
of a session in the bed
in came a doctor
she was a fit bit
beautiful golden hair and a great pair of....
S is for Sex
H is for hump
A is for arsehole
G is for grunt
she clambered on top of me
and ripped off her pants
with her fanny hanging over me
she started to dance
with my tongue up her cunt
and my hand on her bum
i started to slurp her
and she didn't half cum
there was one thing she wasn't
and that was daft
we reversed our positions
and she licked my shaft!
PETTY BREAK-UP (Owen)
No point in ringing
she won't reply
She's changed her fucking number
I wonder why?
She's been out shagging with some fucking bloke
Andy found out
And it ain't no joke
Jiff shagged Debbie
Jiff Shagged Debbie
It all started off
A few weeks ago
Up the Parks
At a fucking disco
She walked him home
And smoked a fag
Ended up in bed .....
Having a Shag!
Jiff shagged ...
Now he's left home in search of his roots
Leaving her behind with his smelly boots
I heard 'she' really left him cos' his feet smell
And as for Carf
He fucked her as well
Jiff shagged ...
The marriage is over
And thats no joke
The blames been put on the other bloke
But it weren't his fault
She was on a manhunt
And lets fucking face it
Her husbands a CUNT!
FRED WEST (Owen,Carf)
The bobbies called when they got the word
Inside my pants
i felt a turd
cos im Fred West
Well i rushed to the window
and i looked outside
i could hardly believe my eyes
as the 99th bobby turned up outside my drive
Well they know where im living
and where im gonna go
They don't know what i've done but they ought to fucking know
cos for 24 years i've been murdering young kids & spastics
24 years building patios
Laying fucking bricks & still no fucker knows
cos for 24 years i've been murdering .....
25 Cromwell street
Me & Rose we used to meet...
and mix concrete
Our daughter Heather was out the back
chopped her head off with the fucking axe
and chucked it in the mixer
Well they know where im living......
BUGGY DUFF (Carf,Owen)
I wanna be just like this guy
For some daft reason
I don't know why
He don't make me laugh
He don't make me cry
I don't need a tissue to wipe my eye
When he left school
He toed the line
Joined the Navy
Served his time
Scrub that deck
Get rid of the slime
You fucking fat cunt
Ugly swine
I just want to be like 'Buggy'
Shaved off his hair
He looked a cunt
He looked a right twat
To put it blunt
I heard he once tried to get into punk
They wouldn't let him in
He fucking stunk
I just want to be ....
Buggy Duff - you're always skint
Buggy Duff - you fucking stink
Buggy Duff - you shagged a puff
Buggy Duff - He loves Mark Shuff
I don't want to be like Buggy - No More, No More ...
BUGGY DUFF ADDRESSES THE NATION (Duff,Owen,Carf)
This is the transcript from the after thought of Buggy Duff after the 'infamous' Live at the Parks evening. This recording was later "remixed" with a backing track, although to this day it still hasn't been 'officially' released!
"They told me they were the replacements for the sex pistols....Toss!
I do apologise for this
Do not give up your day jobs
I tell you that now
I thought i was a bad singer
You were crap
Please enjoy the rest of the evening and appreciate the disco
I apologise for the entertainment for the last hour
They cannot sing they cannot play
Next time i will be reaping up the sex pistols
They've been dead for 20 years But they'll play better than these two
Im sorry i apologise"
CUNTS & BASTARDS (Owen)
Out at a party
Kingstone village hall
Coppers come arrest me
For doing bugger all
They're all fucking cunts
They're all fucking bastards
Coming to arrest us
For fuck all
Fracas down town
Waiting for a taxi
Coppers come along
Throw the book at me
They're ...
Put me on a charge
Bailed to appear in court
Solicitor - fucking useless
Plead guilty - keep it short
You can get away with murder
But they'll get you for bugger all
What about Rapists raping old grannies
You know they never get fucking caught
Jim Macdonald (Owen,Carf)
Jim Macdonald beat up Liz - tee hee hee hee hee
beat her up when he were on the piss - tee hee hee hee hee
with a smack smack here and a smack smack there
here a smack there a smack get down on the floor you cow
Jim Macdonald beat up Liz, get down you cow
Philip Mitchell beat up Kath - tee hee hee hee hee
tried to drown her in the bath - tee hee hee hee hee
with a splish splish here and a splash splash there
here a splish there a splash hurry up and drown you cow
Philip Mitchell beat up Kath get drowned you cow
Trevor Jordache he raped Beth - tee hee hee hee hee
beat up Mandy broke her neck - tee hee hee hee hee
with a smack smack here and a smack smack there
here a smack there a smack get down on the floor you cow
Trevor Jordache what a man - get raped you cow
KISS CHASE (Owen)
When i was a young boy
They used to say
Don't play with that "boy"
Because he's fucking gay
He used to play kiss chase with boys
Look at their Dicks in the showers
But now he's a rent boy
350 an hour
When it came to pop stars
his favourites were Freddie & Cliff
If you had "cheese" on your dick
That cunt always wanted a sniff
He used to play ....
HIV POSITIVE (Shepherd,Owen, Carf)
Please let it be known that we tried our hardest to understand just what it was Shep was originally singing about so we have just mad a rough guess)
Mary was a girl, i thought she was a Beaut
Until i found out she was a prostitute
I hadn't heard that she'd been around
She been shagging every fucker in town
Every time i walk down the street
I feel that everybody is laughing at me
HIV positive
Just a bad choice that i have to live with
HIV postive
she takes takes takes and then she gives
H-I-V x3
What the fuck was she playing at
Letting me shag her diseased twat
How was i meant to know the score
Im from out of town, didn't know she was a whore
Gifts & money to her i'd give
In return HIV positive
H-I-V positive ....
THE OTHER NIGHT (Owen)
I was walking home the other night
I got to the town hall & got quite a fright
I'd been to the pub & had a skin full
Left the Town House it was rather dull
I was starving it was time to eat
Plenty of food outlets up the street
But on the way there i got stopped
A tart jumped out and her knickers they dropped
Her legs were open, she parted her lips
I thought to myself - Fuck the fish & chips
She was hungry so i gave her my meat
I said "open up" and she started to eat
After a while she wanted a drink
so i tipped my head back and i started to think
She was getting tired
My bell end was sore
I said keep going just a little bit more
*I said keep going you fucking whore*
She couldn't speak
Her mouth was full
Now my night was quite good
It was no longer dull
Time finally came
i shot her with cum
I told her to fuck off and kicked her up the bum
I thought blow job!
Man she'd got it mastered
Im still fucking starving
Chippy shut - what a bastard !
When i got home i was pissed wet with rain
I swear to myself it won't happen again
So remember what i say and don't be a fool
Get a full stomach before you give em your tool
Then tell them that you love them
Cos they really like that
then tell them to Fuck off and be a complete fucking twat!
*ALTERNATE LYRICS*
PEOPLE SAID (Owen,Carf)
Shep thought he was our leader
But he thought fucking wrong
Cos' he could not remember
The words to any of our songs
What a fucking wanker
That Shep turned out to be
Good job he got married
He couldn't round up sheep
People said we couldn't play
They put that rather blunt
But that was Glen Uftons fucking fault
People said we couldn't play
They put that rather blunt
Cos' that Dave Shepherds a fucking cunt
Then along came Skippy Ufton
Thought he was a bush kangaroo
He'd bounce around 'Truck Panels'
Trying to find nothing to do
What a lazy bastard that skippy turned out to be
He never did any overtime
He used to fuck off at five with Tory
People said ...
Cos' that Glen Uftons a fucking cunt
Then along came Miles Jennings
That zitty faced twat from the star
He promised us the fucking drums
The van, the fucking car
What a fucking wanker
That Miles turned out to be
He used to spend time shagging
Girls at the Weaver Lodge chippy
people said ...
Cos' that Miles Jennings' a fucking cunt
Then along came Eddie Ramone (Neil Edwards?)
That cunt from Cannock
He said he could drum
But he couldn't
He were wank
He'd got long hair and he thought
He was Dave Vanian from the Damned
So we kicked the fucking cunts head in
And told him "fuck off out of our band"
people said ....
Cos' that Eddie Ramones a fucking cunt
Fucking Wank Bastards ....
MORE COMING SOON
Plaster Cast
COMBAT 18 ( Cast / Owen / Carf )
There used to be a newsagents called Lavells, for many a year it was run by the Patels
in the morning it fucking stunk of curry, people stopped going in and the Patels started to worry
eventually business began to wane, so the Patels fucked off home on a fucking plane
Listen up pakis im gonna fucking warn yer, get the fuck out of your shop on the fucking corner
Listen pakis - i don't wanna be mean, but on New Years Eve you're gonna get a visit from....
COMBAT 18 COMBAT 18 COMBAT 18
GOLLYWOG (Owen)
(*Additional lyrics by Cast*)
listen here niggers who think they can rap
you're just black bastards and you look like dog crap
you drive around in bouncy cars
you got your fucking pictures on fucking jam jars
cos' you're a Gollywog....fucking Gollywog
you came on a boat and introduced AIDS
you're fucking black as the ace of spades
your blood is green , it's not fucking red
and you've got daft haircuts....microphone head!
cos' you're a Gollywog....fucking Gollywog
*Wogs, Niggers & Spades
You're all fucking black bastards & you've all got fucking AIDS
You look like monkeys and you live in the trees
You walk round town and you've got fucking fleas ...Gollywog
All you multi-racial people of the world
Go back to where you 'really' come from
Just one request
FUCK OFF!!!*
TRACEY ANDREWS(Owen)
He's dead, He's brown bread
Road rage attack she said
Over 30 stab wounds in his face, His fucking blood
All over the fucking place
cos Tracey Andrews fucking stabbed him
slapper
Hospital, she disposed of the knife
Lee Harvey paid for it with his life
On TV with his mum & dad
Her face beat up, it should have been her twat
cos Tracey Andrews fucking stabbed him
Slapper
THE FUNKY BLACK CHICKEN (Cast,Owen,Carf)
if you're from the town you probably know a bloke called Pete
He can't walk properly
he's got spasticated feet
he shunts about like the fucking cock of town
hasn't anyone told him
his fucking skins brown?
Pete, Pete
you fuckin freak
Pete
you're a bit of a geek
Pete
you're a fucking knob
Pete
you've had Some blokes dick in your gob !
Late one night when "the nightspot" started to close
i decided to hang around and have a bit of a 'nose'
the things i saw that night
gave me a right fucking fright
i looked through the window and i was nearly sick
there was Pete sucking some cunts dick
then in came another bloke with his dick hanging out
stuck it up Pete's arse and made him shout
he sits all day outside "some" shop
selling shoddy goods and ripping people off
do as i do and tell the cunt to "FUCK OFF"!
MORE COMING SOON
Wulley Munkee
WULLEY MUNKEE(Owen)
Bought a Digibox from Sky tv
Getting ripped off, so it's off to Currys
35 quid a month, what a disgrace
So i stuck a gold card into my bloody pace
Guess what channels, they were all for free
Even got myself a little woolly monkey
KoNdIgItAl (Owen)
Go and buy a box & give a false name,
When they come to get it back
Some cunt else gets the blame
Don't pay for your cable,Don't pay for your sky,
You can kiss your subscription bye bye bye
All the films free
They can't do a thing
Disconnect your phone
Don't give them a ring
Buy a gold card,take the real one out,
Get all the channels, for fucking nowt,
Thirty fucking pound you're on your way,
Fiver a month's all you need to pay
Why pay murdoch 30 when you can pay 5,
Watch free porn channels,and watch them muff dive
All the films ....
Ondigital,are gonna be in the shit,
We get free channels, and they can't do fuck all about it
We're dead clever,and you're fucking not,
Look at all the channels,that you ain't fucking got
all the films ....
They don't cost a bean
They don't cost a cent
Free television's
Money well spent
Walk into a shop
Wear your favourite socks
Give a false name
Keep the fucking box
All the films ....
British Leyland (Automatic)
Bought a puppy,
Shat on the floor,
Kicked it's arse,
Comes back for more.
Sleeps all day,
Howls all night,
Kick it again,
It'll be alright.
Work away all week,
To earn some cash,
Get pissed again,
And have a slash.
I've got short legs,
And I am quite fat,
No one likes me,
I am a twat.
Spar flat party,
On drugs and beer,
Came round next day,
But my head wasn't clear.
Hit me with a phone book,
To wake me up,
But there I lay,
I could not give a fuck.
Barred from pub's,
Pissed again,
Needed a drink,
Changed my name.
Had 13 pint's,
Head on crash,
Lost my licence,
Have to dash.
Went down town,
Bought a friend,
I'll never learn,
This will never end.
I've been married twice,
And got 3 kids,
2 girl's and a boy,
All like flids.
Can't get drink,
Took some drug's,
Kick that dog,
Fuckin cunt's.
Town House car park,
In her gob,
Ten quid suck off,
Just the job.
She wants me out,
Can't pay rent,
Live in the pub,
Sleep in a tent.
Sick on the floor,
Shit in the bed,
Pissed again,
She want's me dead.
Got no friend's,
Buy you a drink,
On drugs again,
I can't think.
Still in work,
Not long now,
Living on the streets,
Our last row.
FUCKING FAT DIGBY(Automatic,Owen)
Here's a story sad but true
About a local girl who stunk of Dog poo
12 years ago she got her only shag
Then she had a girl, or is that a lad?
Sits all day watching Sky TV
The house is a mess, thats plain to see
She stinks of fish, covered in hair
Fuck off back to St John Square
She's a fat bastard, she's got headlice
The doors are left open to let out the mice
Every now and then she comes out for a walk
She's out there looking for a man to stalk
So there's the story sad but true
About the local girl who stunk of Dog poo
Just the other day she had another shag
That Trevor from Tesco he wore a bag
Fucking Fat Digby .....
SMACKHEADS(Owen)
Do you know where your children are playing today?
Who's property they're having away
Selling their toys so they can get their fix
The dealers mix it up with shredded wheat and weetabix
Oi! Smackheads - the first fix is free, the local dealer said
Oi! Smackheads - take an overdose and you'll end up dead in bed
And they ain't got no life, it's been taken away
It affects all people including the bloody Gays
Their gonna get AIDS from a needle or Anal sex
The Dealers mix up shit with fucking ready brek
Oi! Smackheads.......
HENRY J's (Owen)
Don't go down there
and drink their beer
Don't go down there
because they're queer
Don't go down there
You'll get a sore bum
Don't go down there
You'll get covered in Cum
Henry J's we're on about
No decent lager for us louts
Fucking gay bar every friday night
Sticking cocks up each others arses
Fucking bent bastards behind ...
Don't go down there on Saturdays
Don't go down there cos' it's full of gays
Don't go down there if you wanna fight
Don't go down there cos' it's fucking shite
Henry J's we're .....
MORE COMING SOON