Ice: Oh great...this guy rocks the mic...how would he say it...LIKE IT'S HIS JOB!
Frost: A very verbose man indeed, is Taylor Dawkins
Tiff Taylor: Ladies and gentlemen, from San Francisco, California, he is one half of the tag team champion F'N JerkOffs, Taylor Dawkins!
Frost: Ahh yeah, here he comes...big bad Dawk, and he doesn't look too pissed.
Ice: He does, however, look rather dapper in his t-shirt with the tuxedo design, and his VERY formal black sweats. This must be REAL important.
Dawkins: George Washington. John Adams. Abraham Lincoln. Ben Franklin. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Harry Truman. Names that bring a tingle down your spine, inspiring images of greatness, of hard work, and of dedication. Names of men who built this country on their blood, sweat, and tears. Men that won elections fairly, and didn't have to resort to a hearty amount of whining and pressure to get the job done.
Frost: What the hell is he talking about, Chris?
Ice: You sure are a slow one, ain'tcha?
Dawkins: Last week at Rebirth, the greatest tragedy since American Pie 2 was snubbed by the Academy took place. For those of you who didn't watch the show, don't worry, cause I WAS THERE!
Ice: You can just sense the audience growing calm knowing that Dawk was there to see it. He's got something reassuring about him.
Dawkins: Last week, Hack N Pain, a tough brute of grappler, who gave me a hell of a run for my money in my first ever match with the FWA, was cheated, robbed, dicked, chintzed, and ganked of his RIGHTFUL spot in the FWA Hall of Fame!
Frost: Wow. He really meant it when he said he was gonna address this?
Ice: He sure did, Nicky Baby.
Dawkins: That's right, Hack N Pain was DICKED! You don't believe me? Let's then examine the FACTS! First off, Hack had to get nominated. And he was. Secondly, he had to earn enough votes to be put onto the final ballot. And through the grace of God, he DID. THEN, to actually get INTO the Hall, he had to earn more votes than Chomp... and you know something weird? HE DID THAT, TOO!
Chris Ice: Oh God... this won't be good.
Dawkins: And when that happened, that's when the whining started. That's when the crying started. The pissing, the moaning, and the bitching. And who did it? Well, I'm not gonna name any names, but rest assured, it was done by people who WALKED OUT ON THE FWA! People who had NO BUSINESS giving their opinion on the matter, because THEY COULDN'T HACK IT HERE! And the saddest part? Our esteemed leader Anarchy, a man I once respected, caved in. He LET himself be their bitch, and he gave into the Good Ol' Boys of the FWA. Way to go, BOSS!
Frost: Oh man, Dawkins isn't going out of his way to sugarcoat this.
Ice: When has he EVER done that, Nick?
Dawkins: I mean, I don't know WHY the guys were whining in the first place. Oh, the votes were tainted. Tainted? Are you frickin kidding me? In an OPEN FRICKIN BALLOT?!? Hey, it's not Hack's fault that Chompy couldn't get enough friends to vote for him! I mean, where were all those whiners at when he needed them most? Sitting on their thumbs, doing NOTHING, that's what! While Hack continually gathered vote after vote, Chomp just didn't have the backing. So what'd he do? He pulled out his I'm gonna cry card, and Anarchy caved. The sad part is that these are the same people that threw a fit over Bush cheating his way into the White House. Different story when it's YOU, huh guys? Chomp, the bottom line here, is that you do NOT deserve your spot. You lost FAIR AND SQUARE! It was an open ballot, and just because you're embarassed to all hell that some nothing like Hack N Pain got more votes than you, DOESN'T mean you can! piss and moan like a five year old brat. And that goes to EVERY OTHER MOUTH that crapped their pants over it. Maybe next time, you'll learn some basic math, and realize that one number is larger than another, instead of sitting around, doing NOTHING. I just PRAY that no one else is made to feel the loss of dignity and pride that Hack N Pain lost. The only good thing is he walked out of the situation WITH his manhood, which is a lot more than what I can say for the REST of the pissass sluts.
{And the fans cheer, cause they can, and Dawk laughs, cause he can, and the music plays...
CAUSE IT CAN!}
Frost: Good God, Chris. Taylor Dawkins didn't sugarfy ANY of that.
Ice: There are going to be a LOT of angry people, and I doubt Dawkins could care less.
{Suddenly after "The Brews" starts, it stops, and then restarts again. But this time, it is not "The Brews" that plays...it's "Der Golem" by Fantomas. President Anarchy steps out from behind the curtain accomponied by Devastator.}
Ice: Holy smokes. PA is pissed. And who's that with him?
Frost: That appears to be Devastator. A new-comer to the FWA.
Ice: Anarchy looks around to the fans as his brutally mental music plays. He has a mic. They stop at the top of the runaway. Fans are not happy.
Anarchy: Cut my music! Cut it. Well...well...well...what do we have here? Taylor F'N, F'N, F'N...F'N...Dawkins.
{Taylor Dawkins, jumps up on the first rope, leans over pointing at PA and goes to say something, but finds that his micropone has been turned off.}
Anarchy: Don't bother Taylor, I've had taken the liberty of having your microphone cut off.
{The boos become insanely deafining.}
Anarchy: Talk about the "pot in the f'n kettle". It seems like I am hearing some more whining...
{Boos.}
Anarchy: Don't even think about it! Don't even move another step closer to me Taylor, you know I can take you...
Ice: He says this, as Devastator steps in front of him...how intimidating our Prez is. He is a fearless "bat yeilding" leader if I have ever seen one.
Frost: Those threats don't phase Dawkins, they never have. He's just waiting to hear a retort.
Anarchy: I am personally sick and tired of hearing you run your F'N mouth off.
{Asshole chants start.}
Anarchy: Among other people as well. So tonight Taylor, as I told you...I have someone who is going to step into the ring. He is more than man enough...he has power...
Ice: Here he goes again. He's tearing his shirt off...PA is going topless...
Frost: Now he's flexing, and Taylor is laughing.
Anarchy: You son of a bi...I have more brains than you, I am more manical...I am stronger and smarter, and tonight when the Hell Razors take you and Cliff Blood...Taylor Dawkins! Devastator will stop at nothing to destroy you...
{President Anarchy slaps the microphone to the ground and walks into the back, as Devastator stands there with a shocked looked on his face. "Der Golem" hits, and Devastator folds his arms, and stands firm staring at his new opponent, just as Taylor Dawkins waves him to "bring it".}
Ice: What in the hell?! I though PA was going to fight...wha...
Frost: I too, am confused...PA throws another curveball. The FWA rookie Devastator walks into the back staring at Taylor the whole time. This should be an interesting main event.
Ice: It's amazing what happend at Rebrith. I've never seen a title change hands so many times in one night.
Frost: Well all three contestants truely are Hardcore to the bone.
Tiff Taylor: Now introducing BAMF...
Frost: Something odd is happening here, as BAMF has not made his way down to the ring yet.
Ice: Wait a minute...there he is.
Frost: Indeed there is BAMF, but his head is cut wide open, as he staggers down to the ring.
Ice: Don't tell me these guys have been fighting all the way since Buffalo.
Frost: Well I highly doubt that, but something happend to BAMF. He rolls into the ring, and the mat is stained from the drips of blood coming from his forehead.
Tiff Taylor: And his opponent...at 7'2", weighing 374 pounds...Captain...Devon Storm!
Frost: This monster of a man is on his way down to the ring, and it is appearent he is not bleeding.
Ice: This guy is huge. I'd like to see him take on Cliff Blood sometime. Monster vs. Monster.
Frost: Devon Storm is in the ring now, eyeing up a wobbling BAMF.
Ice: What the heck happend to BAMF?
Frost: The gigantic Storm leans over in the opposite corner of BAMF, who is leaning up againts the ropes in a daze.
Tiff Taylor: And now introducing the Hardcore Champion, One third of the Hell Razors...Re...
{Tiff's microphone cuts out, and "Dissention" by Orgy fills the arena's sound waves.}
Ice: And here comes one of the most insane men in wrestling today...EL Macho!
Frost: El Macho? It's Reko.
Ice: We'll just have to see about that.
Frost: Out comes Reko, and he's holding a dented steel chair. He's pointing at BAMF. He must have been the one that attacked BAMF in the back!
Ice: Or was it El Macho?
Frost: Will you stop that?! Reko comes running down to the ring, and immediatley BAMF rolls out of the ring.
Ice: He's got to try and get his senses together. You can't go into a hardcore match and last the limit with a head wound like that.
Frost: Reko slides into the ring, and Devon Storm starts stomping away.
Ice: I would too. Reko's gotta chair. If he gets up, he's gonna swing.
Frost: Storm drops to his knees, and lifts his arm in the air, and brings it down on the back of Reko's head.
Ice: He's wearing Brass Knuckles! When he lifted his arm, I saw brass knucks!
Frost: This is gonna be a brutal match. Reko rolls over in unconcious pain as Storm gets to his feet. He picks Reko up by the head. He position's his head between his legs. Picks him...Power Bomb!
Ice: Oh damn!
Frost: Reko, not moving. BAMF is leaving ringside under medical attention, it looks good for Captain Devon Storm.
Ice: Damnit. That bastard Reko, why did he have to cheap shot BAMF in the back? BAMF is the only guy to ever get a fatality on someone else before. Now he's been ordered to get medical treatment?! That sucks.
Frost: Rave did not die. Devon Storm picks up Reko once again. He slaps him across the chest and Reko reels back. Storm with another slap. Reko's chest turning red. Storm slaps Reko again and backs him into the turnbuckle. He grabs Reko's arm and slings him into the turnbuckle in the other corner...
He flips over the top rope and is on apron. He falls to the floor outside.
Ice: This is bad. It's gonna get ugly outside. Frost: The giant Storm climbs over the top rope and hops to the floor. He lifts up the FWA mat tapestry and looks underneath the ring for hardcore goodies. Ice: He can't find anything. Jesus, appearently the production crew didn't find any reason to leave "Stop" signs, and baseball bats underneath the ring this week. Frost: You are correct. It seems Captain Devon Storm cannot find anything. He reaches back into his tights, and grabs the brass knuckles again. He slides them on. He is approaching Reko.
He picks him up again.
Ice: I thought this guy trained for this fight. What did he learn? How to hit with illegal objects.
Frost: Nothing is illegal in Hardcore. He's grabs Reko by the head, and attempts to bring him to his feet.
Reko smacks Storms hand away. The Knucks go flying.
Reko jumping spin kicks Storm. Storm is reeling on his feet. Reko backs up. He is gonna charge!
Reko: EL....!
Ice: He was gonna yell El Macho! But he stopped?! Why?
Frost: Reko charges, and nails a jumping clothesline. Storm hits the floor. Reko now on the attack. He jumps up and lands a leg drop on Storm. Now he mounts him, and starts punching him in the head. He gets back up and grabs for the steel chair in the ring.
Ice: It's chair-meet-Storm time!
Frost: It certainly is. Reko brings the chair down on Storm's leg. He's gonna try and take the juice out of the big guy. Storm is holding his leg. He rolls over and grabs the railing to pull himself up.
Reko nails him in the back. Ice: Owe...that had to hurt. Frost: Storm winces in pain, and turns around only to receive another chair shot in the head.
Ice: But notice he's not down yet. Sure, he's now bleeding like crazy, but this giant will not fall.
Frost: He is dizzy however, and is walking crookedly around the outside of the ring.
Ice: Where is he going?
Frost: Reko follows and nails him in the upper back again. Storm gets pushed forward from the momentum, and grabs the side of the scaffolding to hold his balance.
Ice: Bad move, Reko is just gonna...
Frost : Reko hits him again. Storm is yelling in pain, but will not fall.
Ice: And he knows better not to turn around and get hit in the face, or head.
Frost: Instead he starts to climb the scaffolding?! Oh lord!
Ice: Dear God. I don't think that's a good idea!
Frost: Reko seems thrilled at the thought. He hits Storm again, and Storm almost falls off from his climb up.
Reko swings again. This time hitting Storm in the leg, as he is halfway up the scaffolding.
Ice: Storm is still holding on though!? Insane threshold of pain this guy has. He makes it to the top board, and crawls onto it.
Frost: He lays down to escape the barrage of chair shots from Reko. No Reko is on the floor.
Ice: Does he climb and attack, or risk Storm recovery time, and simply wait for him to come back down. That scaffolding doesnt look sturdy with that big man on there.
Frost: None the less, Reko drops his chair, and starts his climb. He makes it to the top quickly but gets kicked in the face by Devon Storm. Reko holds on though.
Now the two men are the top. Both are standing.
Ice: This is insane. Both men are at least 15 feet above the mat, on the outside of the ring.
Frost: Fighting on a peice of plywood none the less.
Reko nails a few punches. Storm chops a few back.
Storm kicks Reko in the midsection. Reko bends over to catch his breath.
Ice: NO! NO! NO! He's going for another powerbomb?! He'll die! He'll die! He'll F'N Die!
Frost: Storm turns about 60 degrees with Reko's head between his legs he lifts him up, and the scaffolding wobbles badly!
Ice: POWERBOMB INTO THE RING!
Frost: NO! NO! NO! DEAR GOD! HE COULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED THAT!
Ice: Oh man, oh man...I cannot believe that. Reko just bounced onto the mat like a rag doll. He's not moving, and his body looks broke in half. The fans are cheering in amazement of sacrafice that these guys.
Frost: The Scaffold...
{As Nick Frost tries to be on top of his job, and call the play by play as it happens, an unplanned event occurs. It happens before he can even say it. The plywood in which Devon Storm stands on, on top of a 15 foot + tall scaffold breaks under his weight. The second level also breaks, and Storm hits the floor hard. The crowd and commentators are silenced.}
Frost: ...
Ice: ...
Frost: ...Dear lord. The scaffolding just gave out, and now Devon Storm has unexpectantly fallen to the floor outside. Through two peice of thick plywood, reinforced by metal locks.
Ice: He's not moving...we need paramedics. Right away...
Frost: Folks...this should not have happend. We will be right back from a commercial break...
Ice: I did, but that's because I ALWAYS use 1-800-COLLECT. Save the people you love a buck or two!
{Lonely Road of Faith by Kid Rock plays quietly to add that creepy WWF sappy feel, as Frost and Ice get teary eyed.}
Frost: Just to let you know, both Reko, and Devon Storm have been rushed to Reading Emergency Medical Center.
Ice: And although this shouldn't matter, the match is declared "a no contest".
Frost: In my opinion, both men truely are Champions.
Ice: Well...if the scaffolding wouldn't have broke, Storm had that match. We'll have to hear from PA on an offical decision.
Frost: In my opinion, both men truely are Champions, and you have no dignity. It's a no contest, have some respect. These men fought to limit, and are hurt! Reko is still the champ.
Tiff Taylor: This match is scheduled for one fall with a forty five minute time limit, and is for the FWA Intercontinental Championship! Entering the ring first, the challenger, he towers at six feet, eleven inches, and weighing in at an even THREE HUNDRED POUNDS... JACKMAN!!!
~Jackman appears through a cloud of smoke, smiling while he walks down the aisle~
Ice: Look, Nicky; the boos from the fans don't even register with him!
Frost: It seems as if he just doesn't care, or maybe not smart enough to register.
Ice: Oh, don't YOU go trying to be the funny guy tonight. That's why they pay ME the big bucks!
Tiff Taylor: And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by HIS Bitch... standing at a height of six feet, ten inches, weighing in at three hundred, TWENTY SIX pounds... he IS the FWA InterContinental champion... ladies and gentlmen, the Soul Brother...TYREL JONES!!!
~"Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy starts, as the champ walks out~
Frost: Well, referee Cadillac Twelve Inch Johnson now being handed the championship belt by Jones, who looks to be in spectacular shape tonight
Ice: I'm gonna ignore that nickname you gave Mister J there, because you're absolutely right. Tyrel Jones is a superstar in the making, and you give this guy another few months, and he'll be fighting Cliff Blood, I guarantee you
Frost: The bell sounds, and the two men standing, face to face
Ice: Oh yeah, this is where you try to get into the other guy's mind. I love this stuff, Nicky!
Frost: Absolutely. A lot of people forget that though the physical game is very important, you can NOT overlook the mental aspect of wrestling. These are two very big men, and the first shot could be-- HOLY CRAP! Jackman with a HUGE overhand right to the head of Jones!
Ice: Sweet Jesus, Nicky! Jackman just WALLOPED Jones with that haymaker, and now another clubbing forearm across the back of Jones' neck, dropping him to a knee!
Frost: Jackman bringing Jones back to his feet via the hair, and now sending the champ into the ropes, HUGE leapfrog, Jones stops... Jackman turns... GRECO ROMAN KICK TO THE BALLS! Jones with a BLATANT low blow to stop THAT momentum, and now Referee Johnson-
Ice: Are you talking about the ref's johnson?
Frost: No, I'm saying that Mister J now admonishing the champ, warning him about another shot like that, or it'll end in a disqualification!
Ice: Yeah, but that's what Jones wants. He's the champ, he doesn't have to beat Jackman, Jackman has to beat HIM, and Jones is gonna use that leverage
Frost: Jones on the offensive now, gorilla press... into a HUGE throw! He threw the monster Jackman halfway across the ring! Jackman back to his feet, he charges Jones, Jones tries the leapfrog, JACKMAN SPINEBUSTER!!!
Ice: Did you see that Nick?!? He CAUGHT Jones in midair and transitioned it to a spinebuster! That was so fast, it was IMPOSSIBLE for us to keep up! It's like we need some kind of narrator or something!
Frost: In the FWA? NO WAY!
Ice: Yeah, what WAS I THINKING?!?
Frost: Now the rookie Jackman bringing Jones to his feet, whip into the corner, and Jones CRASHES into the turnbuckles! Jackman follows up with a CRUSHING Avalanche splash!
Ice: And look at Jones, he didn't even go down! These are the big boys going at it tonight, Nicky! Both six ten or higher, both three hundred pounds or higher... El Gigante versus Sid Vicious this AIN'T!
Frost: Jackman, placing Jones up on the top turnbuckle here... what's he gonna try now? He's got him on his shoulders now... OH MY GOD!!! TOP ROPE GUTBUSTER! He pressed Jones over his head, and dropped him across his knee! What agility by the rookie Jackman!
Ice: And look at him stay on the champ, Nicky baby! Stomping away now at those ribs which DEFINITELY have to be injured following that move... Jackman grabbing the legs, turns Jones over... ooh, the BOSTON CRAB!
Frost: And at his height, he can REALLY turn the torque on that midsection of Jones! A very smart move by the challenger!
Ice: Jones is screaming in pain, and it's scary to think we could ALREADY have a new champion crowned!
Frost: Tyrel Jones in a world of hurt here, and he's trying to fight his way over to the ropes now... and he... MAKES IT! Referee Mister J giving Jackman to the count of five to break...
Ice: Another smart move by the challenger here, using all five of those seconds before releasing the hold, giving Jones as much as he can! I LOVE it!
Frost: Jackman being held off by Mister J now as Jones slowly gets to his feet, and now Jackman back on the offensive, a HUGE soccer style kick to the ribs, and now a back breaker! Jackman with a great offense here... I don't care how big you are, if you can't breathe, you can't fight!
Ice: That's why there aren't any asthmatic champions! I bet you didn't know that, home boy
Frost: I don't think THAT'S the reason...
Ice: It is, trust me. I study up on this stuff
Frost: Please excuse him, folks... we found him in a ditch
Ice: Jackman just grabbing the face of Jones with his hand, and now... HELL YEAH! CHOKE SLAM! Cover by the challenger!
Frost: ONE! TWO!! THREE!! HE GOT HIM! We have a new champion! Just like that! I don't believe it! UNBELIEVABLE!
Ice: Hey retard, back here in reality, we know that it was only a TWO count! But thanks for the enthusiasm, Suckly McAssface
Frost: Well it was a CLOSE two count, to be sure! Jackman a little discouraged, I thought he had him, that's for sure!
Ice: Oh, is THAT what that yelling was about? I thought you thought that he DID kick out! Thanks for explaining, you tard
Frost: Hey, I'm not the one that can't sleep without a bottle Seagrams. Who the hell drinks Seagrams, anyways?
Ice: Back to the match, since that's what were paid to do... Jackman continuing to work on the ribs, just standing on the stomach of the champ, and I'm AMAZED at how little Tyrel Jones has done this match. And what about His Bitch? Why isn't that slutty little skank doing anything?!? I know that if I was Tyrel, I'd slap His Bitch around after the match for being such a USELESS WHORE!
Frost: She turned you down again?
Ice: Bingo
Frost: Jackman, letting Jones slowly get to his feet, Jackman with a right-
Ice: BLOCKED by Jones! And Jones ROCKS Jackman with a right of his own! And another! And another! And another! And another! And another! And another! And I think SOMEBODY was trained at Ol' Right Hand McGee's Rasslin School!
Frost: Jackman has been busted open above the eye with those SEVEN straight right hands! Jones throttling the challenger! He's got him by the goozle, and Jackman is struggling for precious, PRECIOUS oxygen!
Ice: It's nearly Shakespearean in its irony. First it was Jones who struggled to breathe under the vicious onslaught of Jackman... and now, the roles have been reversed! BRILLIANT!
Frost: Thanks for that, Johnny Theatre
Ice: No problem! Jones continuing the assault, throwing Jackman into the corner, and ROCKING THE DOME with those elbow shots! Jackman's eyes are rolling into the back of his head!
Frost: Jones seems to have snapped, just CLUBBING the challenger with stiff elbow after stiff elbow! It's almost as if he's been playing No Mercy on Nintendo 64!
Ice: It sure is, Nick... it sure is
Frost: Jones backs off, and Jackman stumbles out a few steps, and falls on his face... blood is EVERYWHERE, his face looks like the forbidden entry to a rather unscrupulous old tramp
Ice: And the world thanks you for THAT analogy, Nick
Frost: Wait a minute... Jones is calling for it! He just signalled for the Insult to Injury!
Ice: Nine out of ten Jones opponents have stated that that move does INDEED live up to its name, dealing out not ONLY Injury... BUT ALSO dishing out a smidge of Insult!
Frost: He's got Jackman by the hair, THERE'S the bitchslap... and he's gonna lift 'em! NO! He collapsed! Those ribs must've given out on him, cover by Jackman! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!!
Ice: TWO AND NINETY ONE HUNDRETHS!!! Johnson struck the mat for a third time, but he's now saying that Jones DID get his shoulder up, and Jackman probably feels a bit robbed right now! What intestinal fortitude by the champion, but now he's gotta start all over, cause it's obvious that he's HOITIN!
Frost: It's a race to their feet... they're both up, and they're just throwing wild punches... His Bitch hops up onto the apron... she's got the attention of Cadillac Johnson! JACKMAN HITS THE WAKE UP CALL!!! COVER!!! HE'S GOT HIM COVERED!!!
Ice: Ahh, now the rookie's gonna learn what happens when you mess with a pro like Jones. His Bitch is doing a perfect job, and look... exactly... Jackman just got up, and now he's yelling at Johnson to do his job... He shoulda kept on Jones
Frost: Johnson turns now to check on Jones, and His Bitch just threw her SHOE at Jackman! Jackman turns and His Bitch drops to the floor!
Ice: Oh man, Jackman is making a HUGE mistake here! His fight isn't with His Bitch, it's with Jones... and Jones is getting back to his feet... Jackman turns around! BITCHSLAP!!! He liiiiiiiifts him!!! INSULT TO INJURY!!! HE GOT IT!!!
Frost: ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!! Jones got him!
Ice: What a brilliant game plan there by the champ and His Bitch. They played Jackman for his inexperience here in the FWA.
Frost: Jackman, I have to say it, robbed here tonight, thanks to His Bitch. What a filthy, slimy slut
Ice: My hats off to Tyrel Jones, STILL your InterContinental Champion!
Tiff Taylor: Here is your winner, and STILL InterContinental champion... TYREL JONES!!!
{"Smack My Bitch Up" starts again, but something is happening!}
Frost: Someone has hopped the fence from ringside, and enters the ring.
Ice: I know this guy! It's Billy Dreamer. I've seen him in "Hate Wrestling". He rushes in and starts wailing away on Tyrel Jones! Yes! Yes!
Frost: Lefts, Rights...he's going to town. "His Bitch" grabs Dreamer, and he nails her, knocking her to the mat. He kick Jones in the midsection! He hits the Dreamland Driver.
Ice: Nice variation of the Vertebreaker. Jones is down.
Frost: What's he doing now. He's going to the top rope! He jumps up to the top rope, turns around. He's airborne!
Ice: "Sweet Dreams Frog Splash"! I've seen this before. BAM!
Frost: He nailed Jones hard with that splash.
Ice: No one gets up from this one!
Frost: Dreamer is calling to the ref to comeover and count. The ref looks confused, but as Dreamer goes to get up, the ref realizes he is in danger, and drops to the mat...
{Dreamer's fans count aloud.}
Ice: One...Two...Three...
Frost: This is outragous. Of course this mockery doesn't count.
Ice: Of course, but you gotta love that "it just happend.
Chris Ice- I wonder how Durten will fare with all these voices in his head talking to him.
Nick Frost- Yes, it seems Durten has been having some mental issues as of late and we'll see how that effects him in this match. It should also be interesting to see how his Hall of Fame induction affects his status.
Tommy Levi walks down to the ring as "Hot to Death" by Everlast plays over the p.a. to some heat.
Tiff Taylor- Making his way to the ring weighing in at 256 pounds...Tommy Leeeevi!
Levi runs in and slides into the ring with the U.S. title around his waist.
Nick Frost- Now here comes the Number one contender for the heavyweight title and current Hall of Famer
Tyler Durten appears on the entrance ramp as "Defy You" by Offspring plays
Tiff Taylor- And his opponent weighing in at 263 pounds...and current Hall of Fame inductee...Tylerrrr Durten!
Nick Frost- Durten runs in and goes right after Levi locking up with him in the center of the ring
Chris Ice- Durten looks like he has a new fire in his eye after his dissapointing loss to Blood at Rebirth.
Nick Frost- Durten with an arm wrench and then follows it with some shoulder blocks to the gut, sending Levi to the canvas.
Chris Ice- Durten staying on him, locking on an STF.
Nick Frost- Durten holding on, but Levi shows no signs of submitting so he reluctantly lets go.
Chris Ice- Levi back up and is met with a double arm suplex by Durten.
Nick Frost- Quick pinfall attempt by Durten...just a one count.
Chris Ice- Durten needs to keep this up. Grind away at him over and over and over again.
Nick Frost- Levi is staggering to his feet and Durten is trying to keep him down with some double ax handles. Levi finaly up and kicks Durten in the gut. Nice looking ddt and Levi finally gets some offense.
Chris Ice- Tyler up quickly and Levi bounces off the ropes and Durten launches him up with a back toss.
Nick Frost- Durten drops a leg drop and goes for another pin attempt.
Chris Ice- There's another one count. It's going to take a lot to keep the U.S. champ down.
Nick Frost- Well I would've thought he would've got at least a 2 count on that one.
Chris Ice- Yea well as usual you're wrong.
Nick Frost- Oh shut it, Ice.
Chris Ice- *gasp* I am shocked and offended.
Nick Frost- I bet you are. Levi charges and swings at Levi, but Durten ducks. Durten with a backdrop, but no Levi flipped over and landed safely on his feet. Shuffle side kick by Levi! Here's a cover...one...and Durten kicks out easily this time.
Chris Ice- This time Durten charges at Levi and he sidesteps hooking the arms in a full nelson. Dragon suplex with the bridge...one...two...Durten got a shoulder up. Geez I think I'd have to flip a coin to predict a winner.
Nick Frost- Yes, these men are going back and forth, neither really gaining much momentum
Chris Ice- Tails.
Nick Frost- Huh?
Chris Ice- Tails. I flipped a coin. It was tails. The winner of this match will be Tyler Durten.
Nick Frost- We'll see if that holds true as Durten hits a somoan drop.
Chris Ice- Coins don't lie, my friend.
Nick Frost- Whoa, you actually consider me a friend?
Chris Ice- Psh, hell no. It's a figure of speech, you tool.
Nick Frost- Whatever. Durten's got Levi in the corner, lifts him up. Hooks the arm, going for a superplex. Levi resisting, punching him in the gut and Durten falls down. Levi raises his arms in the air and a diving headbutt into the sternum of the number one contender!
Chris Ice- What a stupid move. He could have easily just done a leg drop or an elbow drop...something that doesn't hurt you as well. I never understood that.
Nick Frost- Levi is putting it all on the line, slowly putting a hand over Durten's chest. One...two...Durten kicks out again.
Chris Ice- Tommy thought the ref had a slow count clapping his hands together. Maybe he shouldn't be such a retard on the top rope.
Nick Frost- Levi back on Durten. Whips him into the ropes and knocks him down with a vicious clothesline. Durten on the ground spits out some blood. Levi must've gotten him right in the mouth.
Chris Ice- How did Levi even get a match with Durten? He's not even in Tyler's league.
Nick Frost- I'd have to disagree with you on that one.
Chris Ice- Yea, typical of you people.
Nick Frost- What people?
Chris Ice- You ugly people...you're all the same...
Nick Frost- Everyone disregard my immature broadcast partner.
Chris Ice- Immature, maybe...but at least I'm good looking.
Nick Frost- Back to the match...Durten is in a precarious position, Levi possibly looking for a piledriver, but Durten reverses flipping Levi over. Levi clutches his back and gets to his feet. Durten runs up and lifts him up in a sidewalk slam position. Ooh! Pendulum back breaker! Levi rolls over in agony onto his belly.
Chris Ice- Durten just grinds his boot into the spine of Tommy Levi. Look at the intelligence of Durten, focusing on that back that he just hurt with the backbreaker. Sheer brilliance.
Nick Frost- Now Durten locking in a dragon sleeper, focusing on that back and neck area once again. He's really got a tight grasp on it. Levi is trying to squirm his way out, but he may just be putting himself in more pain.
Chris Ice- Well, he's gotta do something if he wants to walk out of here with a "w".
Nick Frost- Levi now looking for that rope break, slowly inching towards the ropes. It's almost within his reach...only a centimeter away...aaaaaand he got it! Durten reluctantly lets go and Levi is really hurting. Durten is now stalking a staggering Levi. Levi reaches his feet finally and Durten sneaks up behind and hits a gut wrenching neck breaker! Christ, I'm surprised Levi is still conscious.
Chris Ice- Maybe not for long, Frost. Durten's going for another neckbreaker and he got it! Damn, that looked worse than the first one!
Nick Frost- When will this end? Durten's pulling him up yet again!
Chris Ice- Not a neckbreaker though...he's going for the Durt Grinder! Hooks the leg and he got it! Match over!
Nick Frost- There's one...and two...and wait the ref stopped counting, but Levi's shoulders are still down...the ref's pointing to Levi's right leg draped over the bottom rope!
Chris Ice- What a travesty...
Nick Frost- Durten's not discouraged, quite yet. He drags Levi to the center of the ring and is going for another Durt Grinder...Levi punching trying to break the Tyler's grip and he finally lets go! Levi off the ropes...kitchen sink! Durten is down! Levi hooks Durten's legs and launches him into the turnbuckle with a flapjack. Durten's still on his feet, but is really dazed. Levi is just waiting for him.
Chris Ice- Turn around Tyler! Turn around for christ's sake!
Nick Frost- Levi gets tired of waiting and spins him around and lifts him up for a scoop slam...aaaand running Juvi-driver! SNAKEEYES! SNAKEEYES! He got all of that move! Here's the cover...one..two...threeeee! Tommy Levi's done it! He beat the number one heavyweight contender! What a win for this fella!
Chris Ice- Damnit...I guess coins do lie...
Tiff Taylor- The winner of this match by pinfall...Tommyyyy Leeeeeeeevi!!
Nick Frost- Very impressive showing by both these two men, but in the end Levi got the best of Durten. This has to make us wonder what this is going to do to Durten's already unstable mental health. Only time will tell.
Frost: That's fine with me, because the pizza here is really expensi...whoa, let's get on with our next match...
Ice: Our mics were still on?
Tiff Taylor: On the way to the ring...Tag Team Champions of the World...Taylor Dawkins...Kid Punk...and Heavyweight Champion of the World...Cliff Blooooood.
Frost: Team F'n Champs makes their way to the ring to "F... Authority by Pennywise, eatting up all of the glory from the fans.
Ice: Team F'n Champs...that's funny.
Tiff Taylor: And their opponents...consisting of the Hell Razors...and...
Ice: C'mon Tiff...spit it out, you don't have to swallow.
Frost: Dear Lord!
Tiff Taylor: Ladies and Gentlemen...President Anarchy has changed his mind again concerning the mystery tag partner.
With the Hell Razors...please Welcome...Steve The All American!
{The crowd goes nuts as Steve "TAA" walks down to the ring with Drag-On and Giantkiller to Twist by Korn.}
Frost: Wow!
Ice: Wow!
Frost: Another curveball! This is amazing. The team runs down to the ring, and Steve The All American slides in and jumps up. Him and Cliff Blood start exchanging lefts and rights. Dawk and Punk look at the Hell Razors, who take their corners, so the Jerk Off's do the same.
Ice: What in the hell? Look at these two go.
Frost: Steve has the upper hand, and has Cliff reeling backwards from the punches. Steve grabs the giant Blood, and slings him off the ropes. He nails a knee lift.
Frost: Steve gets Cliff in a headlock. It seems like he isn't doing a thing to Cliff. Steve tightens the hold. Cliff starts to get up slowly, so Steve just lets go of Cliff.
Ice: What the hell? Steve let go of him and then punched him straight to the ground.
{Steve looks over to the corner and sees Drag-On reaching his hand out for the tag. Steve walks over and tags Drag-On in. By then, Cliff is slowly trying to get up, but Drag-On comes in and gives Cliff a kick to the stomach which is followed up by a DDT. Drag-On picks Cliff up to his feet, and tries throwing a right hand at him, but Cliff blocks it and hits a devastating diving powerbomb on Drag-On. Cliff then walks over to Punk and tags him in.}
Frost: Drag-On is still on the ground from that powerbomb by Cliff.
Ice: Yeah, and Kid Punk is taking advantage of the situation. Punk climbs to the top rope and hits a moonsault on Drag-On.
Frost: Theres a pin by Punk. 1... Drag-On reverses it into a pin of his own. 1..2.. kickout by Punk there. Both men rise to their feet and begins to stare at each other. They lock up, as Drag-On gets the advantage. He whips Punk to the ropes, but Punk comes back with a clothesline.
Ice: Punk going for a standing moonsault here...and... it's blocked.
Frost: Yeah, Drag-On put his knees up just in time there.
Ice: Punk now holding his stomach in pain.
Frost: Drag-On is up now, and he begins to kick the crap out of Punk, but Punk catches his right leg and rolls him into the Tijuana Clover Leaf.
Ice: There goes the technical part of Kid Punk.
Frost: Drag-On is stuck in the middle of the ring, but he's trying to make it to the ropes. He's almost there... and Punk pulls him away.
Ice: Drag-On is still not tapping though.
Frost: Looks like GiantKiller doesn't care as he comes in and breaks the hold. The referee pushes GiantKiller back to his corner and Drag-On gets stomped on by all three, Kid Punk, Taylor Dawkins and Cliff Blood.
Ice: Punk just made the tag to Taylor and now Taylor is stomping on Drag-On alone.
Frost: Taylor picks up Drag-On and sets him up for a suplex. Drag-On blocks it and hits a suplex on Dawkins.
Ice: Drag-On is really struggling to make it to the corner.
Frost: Yeah. He really needs to make the tag.
{Drag-On finally makes it to the corner and tags in GiantKiller. GiantKiller goes after Dawkins with a clothesline, but Dawkins ducks and GiantKiller turns around, but still hits Dawk with the clothesline.}
Ice: Looks like Taylor couldn't avoid that at all.
Frost: Yeah. There goes a leg drop by GiantKiller to Taylor. GiantKiller picks up Taylor and whips him into the turnbuckles. He runs after Taylor and hits a splash. He then puts Taylor on the top turnbuckle.
Ice: Looks like GiantKiller is going for a superplex. But Taylor blocks it and reverses it into a front suplex.
Frost: Nice move by Taylor. Taylor goes for the pin...1..2.. and a kickout by GiantKiller.
Ice: Amazing effort by GiantKiller.
Frost: The crowd is getting pumped and begins to chant 'Dawkins sucks'.
Ice: Yeah... this is bringing some life to GiantKiller, but Dawkins is up. Dawkins just laughs, but GiantKiller comes over to Dawkins and begins whaling lefts and rights. GiantKiller whips Taylor into the cornor of his team, and tags in Steve once more. Steve steps in and begins to hit Dawkins with a couple of rights, but Dawkins comes back with some rights of his own.
Frost: He finally got out of that dangerous corner. Steve starts to come back with some more rights.
Ice: Steve gives Taylor a kick to the gut, and sets Taylor up for a fisherman's suplex, but Taylor reverses it into him finisher, the Dawkinator.
Frost: Wrong move to do when facing Dawkins.
Ice: Exactly. Dawkins is about to go for the pin, but Punk says he wants to finish him off. So Taylor tags in Punk, and Punk goes to the top rope. He leaps off and hits the Full Circle Press. Punk about to pin, but now Cliff wants to end the match. Punk tags in Cliff, but Steve somehow made it to his corner and tagged in Drag-On. Cliff seems to not care as he charges after Drag-On.
Frost: Cliff tries to hit a big boot, but Drag-On ducks, and turns Cliff around. He goes for a nothern lights and hits it.
Ice: What the hell? Cliff got up immediately. Drag-On looks somewhat surprised, but charges after Cliff anyway. He tries to go for a DDT, but Cliff reverses it into the Corona Crusher.
Frost: Ahh, this one should be over.
Ice: Wait.. look at this, thats President Anarchy with chair in hand.
Frost: Cliff is smiling.
{Anarchy walks into the ring, and stares at Cliff Blood. Cliff snaches away the chair from Anarchy.} Ice: Why isn't anyone doing anything?
Frost: Because this is none of their business, retard.
Ice: It looks like Jeremy Bradley doesn't feel the same way. Jeremy slides in the ring from behind, coming from the crowd, and Dawkins and Punk tried to warn him, but by the time Jeremy got in the ring, it was too late.
Ice: That shot must have hurt. Punk and Taylor come in to attack Anarchy and Bradley, but GiantKiller and Drag-On steps in their way.
Frost: This is a war. Dawkins and GiantKiller and fist fighting, Punk and Drag-On are fist fighting, and President Anarchy and Jeremy Bradley are brutally beating Cliff Blood with chairs.
Ice: What the HELL? Here comes Durten with a chair.
Frost: The ref now calling for the bell.
Ice: Yeah, but Tyler just made it into the ring with a chair. Whats he going to do?
Frost: Everyone stops to see what Tyler is going to do...
Ice: Looks like he doesn't care... he's just swinging the chair at any and everyone. He hits Drag-On. He hits GiantKiller. He hits Bradley, and he swings after Dawkins, but stops himself.
Frost: What the hell? Are they joining sides?
Ice: Hell no. Tyler just thought about how much he'd have to fight Taylor in the future if he did hit him.
Frost: No one would want to see that fued again.
Ice: Tyler swings after Punk, but stops once more.
Frost: He doesn't want anything to do with the Jerkoffs. Tyler turns to Bradley, and knocks him out with a shot. He looks at Anarchy and hits Cliff instead.
Ice: The JerkOffs didn't like that. They're going after Tyler and Anarchy now.
Frost: Yeah, but it's too late for that. Durten and Anarchy fled the ring. Durten drags Bradley out while he was leaving the ring.
Ice: This is total mayhem. Look at this... Durten is calling for a microphone. He gets it...
Tyler: I bet you all are wondering why I hit Bradley with the chair, but helped him out of the ring, right. Well, we are now a team, but I had to get him back for making me lose the f*{bleep}*king title last week at the PPV.
Ice: I don't think Bradley heard that. He looks like he's in lala land.
Tiff Taylor: This match is going to be considered as a DQ and will be awarded to Cliff Blood, Taylor Dawkins and Kid Punk.
Frost: And it's all because Anarchy and Bradley made the first move on Cliff.
Ice: Speaking of Cliff... he's begginning to move now and he looks FURIOUS.
Frost: Thats too bad, because thats our time folks. We'll see you next Sunday....