Chris Ice: Yeah, yeah, and I'm Chris Ice...the IceMan. Listen, I'm not in a good mood this week, and we got a long night. Let's get right to the action. Tiff...
Frost: Looks like that aint gonna happen. Something is going on in the back...
[Scene cuts back to the backstage area and Jeremy Bradley is walking along and turns around a corner. He bumps into Chomp who is seemingly there waiting for him. Bradley steps back and the two get ready to fight..]
Chomp: Put your fists down son, I am just here to tell you this. I do not want you to fight for me to be in the Hall of Fame, I don't want to even be in the fucking thing.
Jeremy Bradley: So what do you want me to do then?
Chomp: Don't bother going out there at all. You don't need too so don't bother.
Jeremy Bradley: And I am suppose to listen to you why? Huh? Because you some old guy who comes back and thinks he can run the place like he used too? Is that it? Am I suppose to listen to you because you some great former owner? Nah.. Fuck that Chomp, I am not going out there tonight to fight Dawkin's for you, I am going out there tonight to get me some exposure, to step into the ring against a former FWA Champion. The way I see it, I beat Dawkins I got my face in the spot light and then it is just a hop skip and a jump until I get to Cliff and my FWA belt..
Chomp: So that's it, you just want to get your face in the spot light...
[Chomp quickly grabs Bradley and rams him up against the wall.. Bradley is trying to struggle..]
Chomp: Want to be the tough guy do you Bradley... well listen here mate, I am telling you, I do not want you to fight for me.. ok! I have other plans. If you go out there tonite, your going to fuck it all up... So be a good little Jammer and go back to your locker room or better yet, go back to you hotel room because your not needed here anymore!
[Chomp lets go of Bradley who just stands there and stares at him. The two just stare at each other as Chomp slowly turns to walk away...]
Jeremy Bradley: Hey Chomp, one more thing..
[Chomp turns around walking back into shot and Jeremy meets him with the Sweet Shot to the head and Chomp goes down..]
Jeremy Bradley: Look old timer, I don't care if you have plans, because I have plans aswell. Tonite I am going out there to fight Dawkins not for you... for me. Because my name is Jeremy Bradley and apart from being the man who just introduced you to the sweet shot, I am the next FWA Champion!
[Jeremy starts taunting Chomp on the ground. He gets up to walk away and as he is getting up another man is standing over the top of Bradley. Bradley slowly looks up and he sees Inferno..]
Inferno: Long time no see James.. Now you've just gone and done something stupid!
[Bradley looks at Inferno and then at the two men behind him, who you can't see quite clearly.]
Inferno: You want Dawkins.. be our guest but if you get in the way tonight.. don't come back crying to us!
[Jeremy looks at Chomp who is slowly getting up and then looks back at Inferno and the two men behind him... The scene fades to black..]
Tiff Taylor: Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. The first competitor, weighing in at an even 300lbs., JACKMAN!
Wake Up by Rage Against the Machine hits the PA and out comes Jackman.
Frost: He's taking some serious heat from this crowd tonight-just listen to those boos!
Ice: I don't see why, Jackman's a good guy, well, if you don't mind wanton destruction-which I don't!
Now, making his way to the ring, and weighing in at 320lbs., the DEVASTATOR!
Frost: Interesting, Devastator is a 7" shorter than Jackman, and he outweighs him!
Ice: Well, he certainly seems to be hiding his fat well . . .
Frost: These two men aren't wasting any time! As Devastator slid in under the rope, Jackman started kicking away!
Ice: Devastator is fighting his way to his feet, and I got to say, this is going to be one tough match-I don't think either of these big men will lay down too easily! Jackman whips Devastator into the ropes, and he's going for a double-handed chokeslam!
Frost: Ooo, he doesn't have it though, Devastator kicks a low blow, and Jackman has to drop him
Ice: It brings tears to my eyes to see that! That certainly brought the big man to his knees! Jackman's down and Devastator pulls him to his feet. Devastator picks up Jackman-what a feat! There's the fallaway slam! Jackman looks hurt, but he's back up-and with a vengeance!
Frost: Both men are exchanging hard rights now! Devastator is back against the ropes. Jackman goes for a gorilla press! Oh my, he's got the big man up over his head! And he threw him out of the ring! Jackman goes after him!
Ice: Devastator gets up groggily as Jackman beats on him. Jackman goes to whip Devastator, but Devastator reverses and whips Jackman right into the stairs! Jackman clutches his lower back as Devastator picks him up.
Frost: Way up! Devastator answers with a gorilla press of his own! And now he's walking! Where's he going?
Ice: He's coming right for us! Damn! Devastator just slammed Jackman through our table! Where the hell are we supposed to announce?
Frost: You know, I'm a little preoccupied with staying out of their way right now! Devastator throws Jackman back in the ring before the count out. Jackman's up, but he looks like he's out on his feet!
Ice: Looks like Devastator could have this one in the bag!
Frost: He sets Jackman up for the Devabomb!
Ice: But Jackman punches out of it! Devastator had Jackman up over his head and Jackman just punches the hell out of Devastator!
Frost: It looks like this one might be far from over! Jackman throws Devastator into the corner-and he goes for the Wake Up Call! These men won't stop until everyone understands that they can pick each other up!
Ice: Well, there it is-the Wake Up Call! I don't see how either man is on his feet!
Ice: Thats it, Jackman, goes for the jack.
Referee Johnson: One.....Two.....Three.....
Tiff Taylor: You're winner.....JACKMAN!
Frost: There it is Jackman takes the victory. What a good show by both men. I can't wait to see them in action againts new opponents next week...
Frost: I'm not sure, but PA doesn't look to happy. He's in the ring now, lets go to him.
President Anarchy: I'm not quite sure how to say this...
[Boos from the crowd.]
PA: I regretfully must step down from my position as President...and the FWA will once again be closed, after this Showdown tonight...
[The crowd is extremly audible, and boos louder than you can imagine.]
PA: Just joking...hahahaha! Just a little April fools joke, since I we didn't have a show on Monday.
[Boos from the crowd.]
PA: No, I just wanted to let all of you know that my Vice President here, will be helping me with more than I had originally planned, and will be making sure each and every Showdown and PPV is run smoothly. He will guarentee you great shows, week in, and week out.
[Cheers from the crowd as they realize PA may not be on TV anymore.]
PA: And I'll still be here.
[Boos from the crowd.]
PA: And I'll still be here to recruit new talent, help all of the guys in the back along, and make sure nothing corrupt happens.
Frost: Oh C'mon. Save us from this BS.
PA: It's a good thing that the VP has the same dislikes that I have. He will keep Taylor Dawkins in check...he will keep order...Thank you...all of you. I will see you around, and am still available for chit-chat, and running the FWA overall...Enjoy the rest of our show.
Tiff Taylor: The following contest is a non-title match, scheduled for one fall! Presenting your challenger, weighing in at 249 lbs., SHAQ DADDY!
Bad Boy 4 Life hits by P. Diddy and Shaq makes his way to the ring, He is focused and ignores the boos from the crowd.
Tiff Taylor: And now, currently the FWA U.S. Champion and weighing in at 256 lbs., Tommy Levi!
As Hot to Death by Everlast hits, Levi runs to the ring, sliding under the rope and lays into Shaq Daddy.
Frost: Well, apparently Levi's not going to waste anytime on this match!
Ice: Would you? I mean this is a non-title match with a virtual unknown, you can't waste a champion's time like this!
Frost: Levi has Shaq backed up against the ropes now and he goes for a clothesline-but Shaq ducks and Levi over-committed-now Levi is outside the ring! Shaq poses for the crowd.
Ice: But Levi's not down for long, he reaches under the rope and pulls Shaq's feet out from under him! Levi slides into the ring. . .
Frost: Shaq picks himself up, but only to receive a double axhandle from Levi! Shaq is back down, with Levi on top of him-oh my, he's got him in the Figure Four!
Ice: Now that's how a champ should move-look at that! Not even a minute into the match and already he's got it won!
Frost: It looks like you've spoken too soon, Shaq just rolled over, reversing the hold! Levi is in quite a bit of pain!
Ice: He's not gonna tap-he's a champ! See, look-he's kicked his way out of the hold and now both men are staring each other down!
Frost: But not for long-Shaq lays into Levi, this time backing him against the ropes! He grabs Levi and whips him into the corner! Now he's hitting him with knife-hand chops!
Ice: I hate it when they do that-these stupid fans have to "Whoo" with each one!
Frost: Now Shaq hits Levi with a massive sidekick, and Levi is down! Shaq jumps over him and onto the turnbuckle! This could spell the end for Levi!
Ice: Not so fast! Levi groggily makes his way to his feet! Ooo, Shaq hits a massive jumping, swinging DDT off of the turnbuckle-Levi is down again!
Frost: Shaq pulls Levi to his feet, circles around behind! He's going for finisher, the Full Nelson Slam!
Ice: There's my champ! Levi rolls through the hold and into a pin! The ref counts it: 1. . . .2 . . .no!
Frost: Wait, Shaq has just rolled Levi over into his own pin! 1. . .2. . . .kickout! Both men are staring each other down again.
Ice: This time Levi comes at Shaq with a kick to the nether regions!
Frost: Shaq is writhing in pain! And Levi hits a big fisherman's suplex! Levi has Shaq around the neck-trying to choke him out! The ref is counting to 4, but Levi lets him up! Only to go right back to the choke! The ref counts again. . .Levi lets him go and goes for the cover instead! 1. . . 2. . .thr: Kickout! Shaq kicks out at the last minute!
Ice: You know, I think Levi let him up-you know, he hasn't even gone for the Snake Eyes yet. . .Levi throws Shaq outside the ring and follow him out! He's now slamming Shaq's head into the steel stairs. Shaq is busted open!
Frost: Levi rolls back into the ring to stop the count, then goes back to work on Shaq and the steel steps. Finally Shaq can't seem to stand up anymore, so Levi rolls him back into the ring.
Ice: This is it Frost! All he's got to do is pin Shaq Daddy!
Frost: How many times are you gonna say that this match is over?
Ice: One more time, because this is it...He's pinning him!
Referee Johnson: One......Two......Three....
Tiff Taylor: You're winner, the United States Champion....Tommy Levi!
Chris Ice: Two guys of the same height, but Giantkiller has the bigger frame of the two as he outweighs Williams by nearly 60 pounds.
Over the p.a. plays “Twist” by Korn
Tiff Taylor: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 336 pounds…he is a proud member of the Hell Razors…Giaaaantkillerrrr!!
Nick Frost: Baltimore is giving Giantkiller a nice reception here tonight.
Chris Ice: And did you notice? No Drag-On…no Reko..he’s taking the newcomer on his own.
Kid Rock’s “Cocky” blasts over the arena. Williams appears on the entrance ramp to a mixed reaction.
Tiff Taylor: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Jennifer Cox, weighing in at 276 pounds..Scottyyyy Wiiiiiiilliams!!
Nick Frost: Both men in the ring circling each other, Williams winds his arms to loosen up. They tie up and the much more bulky Giantkiller overpowers and locks on a headlock. Giantkiller now pounding his fist into the skull of Williams. Williams drops to the mat, but gets back up to his feet quickly. Giantkiller on Williams swiftly…ooh nice gordbuster.
Chris Ice: Yes, consider Scotty’s gord officially busted.
Nick Frost: What the hell does that mean?
Chris Ice: Ummm…hey, why don’t you focus on the match for once?!
Nick Frost: This coming from you? Oh that’s fresh. Williams stumbling to his feet and Giantkiller clotheslines him to the outside.
Chris Ice: Ouch, that had to sting. He landed right on his left shoulder.
Nick Frost: We’ll have to see how that effects the rest of the match. Apparently, Giantkiller isn’t too worried. Look at him over on the turnbuckle. He’s just sitting on his ass.
Chris Ice: God I hate when people say that: “sitting on his ass”. That’s completely redundant.
Nick Frost: How so?
Chris Ice: Well when you sit down, it’s implied that you’d be sitting on your ass. What the hell else would you sit on?
Nick Frost: A chair…
Chris Ice: You and your sarcasm, Frost. Got an answer for everything, don’t ya?
Nick Frost: I try…Giantkiller apparently got tired of waiting and goes outside the ring for a piece of Williams. He tosses the rookie back in the ring and slides in after. Giantkiller setting Scotty Williams up for a powerbomb…he lifts and Williams is fighting back, punching away, trying to get down from his precarious position. And he finally slides off his shoulders. Williams off the ropes and hits a bulldog.
Chris Ice: Hey, Williams is finally showing signs of life.
Nick Frost: Williams going for a cover…and Giantkiller kicks out at the count of one. It’s entirely too early for Williams to be going for a pin. What was he thinking?
Nick Frost: The rookie just trying to get his FWA career on the right foot. Williams with a spinning neck breaker. Giantkiller again is right back up. Williams whips him into the turnbuckle.
Chris Ice: Full steam ahead…
Nick Frost: A charging back elbow in the turnbuckle. Williams whips him again to the other side.
Chris Ice: Hey it worked once, didn’t it?
Nick Frost: But this time Giantkiller moved out of the way. Williams dazed and stumbles forward
Chris Ice: Holy geez! Nice ass powerslam.
Nick Frost: For the win…one…two…Williams kicked out. Williams is whipped into the ropes, comes back and sidesteps…full nelson by Williams…facebuster. Good move.
Chris Ice: Great move. The other guy has no way of protecting his face. That one’s a killer.
Nick Frost: And AGAIN Giantkiller slowly makes it to his feet. Williams runs at Giantkiller and he stands his ground with a shoulder block.
Chris Ice: But it didn’t knock Williams down, he’s just laying on the ropes.
Nick Frost: Giantkiller waiting for Williams to face him…aaand he lifts up over his head and drops him just as quickly. Gorilla Press Slam! The Dead he calls it. And this cover is just a formality. One…two…and three. Williams never could take control.
Chris Ice: He just couldn’t keep Giantkiller down. Whatever he threw at him…nothing worked.
Tiff Taylor: Here is your winner…Giaaaaantkillerrrrr!!!
“Twist” by Korn hits as the ref raises Giantkiller’s hand.
Nick Frost: A nice victory for the Hell Razors.
Chris Ice: Speaking of tag teams...the winner of this next match will face another team, to eventually face the Jerk Off's for the belt. Wait, I just confused myself.
Over the speakers, “Bodies” by Drowning Pool plays and Ravyn and Storm come out.
Tiff Taylor: Making their way up the entrance ramp at a combined weight of 637 pounds…Captain Devon Storm and Ravyn Starr…here is Holier than Thou!
Nick Frost: These two guys are ready to get started as they wait for their opponents.
“Stain of a Mind” by Slayer plays and Wuken and Chaos walk down the ramp.
Tiff Taylor: And their opponents, they weigh in at a combined weight of 252 pounds…Wuken Bloodstar and Chaos…the Blood…Star…Maaaaafia!!!
Nick Frost: Wuken and Chaos stand in front of the ring eyeing their opponents. They look at each other and give a nod. And we are on our way! The BSM run in the ring and Wuken’s on Ravyn and Chaos is on Storm. Chaos and Wuken roll out of the ring now still fighting. Ravyn ddts Chaos and he goes for a quick cover…hardly a one count. The winner of this match goes on to face the Hell Razors and then the winner of that match has the privilege of facing our FWA Tag Team Champions.
Chris Ice: A match against the Jerkoffs? I don’t know how much of a privilege that is…more like a punishment.
Nick Frost: Chaos and Ravyn locked up. Ravyn twists his arm and an elbow to the face. Starr pulling him to his feet and locks on another arm wrench. Chaos gets knocked down from a Ravyn Starr clothesline as Wuken and Captain climb to their respective corners. Starr backs up into the ropes, bouncing off and drops a double axe handle on Chaos. Starr now tags in Storm.
Chris Ice: Ugh…
Nick Frost: What’s up with you today? You’ve been unusually tolerable today.
Chris Ice: Hangover…
Nick Frost: What did I tell you about those keg parties with the Jerkoffs?
Chris Ice: Um you said “Can I go?”
Nick Frost: Oh…
Chris Ice: I told you “no”, remember? Remember? Hey! Frost, I’m talking to you!
Nick Frost: Yea I remember, but look who’s fit to do their job tonight. The big man slugging Chaos in the corner. Chaos gives him an uncharacteristic luchadore kick to the balls. Devon groaning in agony.
Chris Ice: Unghhh…
Nick Frost: Our audience doesn’t need the sound effects. Chaos runs up with a face buster. He’s trying to crawl his way to tag Wuken. He’s almost there…no Storm snuck up behind and lifted him up with a sleeper. He’s holding Chaos up choking the life out of him. Storm finally releases and slugs Wuken off the apron. Storm drags Chaos over to his corner. Wuken runs in the ring trying to get his hands on Storm.
Chris Ice: The ref’s holding him back. Why doesn’t he just punch that little shit in the face?
Nick Frost: He’d get disqualified and that would diminish any chances the BSM have of getting the Tag Team Championship.
Chris Ice: Wimp…
Nick Frost: Ravyn and Storm doubleteaming Chaos and Wuken is trying to point it out to the ref, but he’s too busy keeping Wuken back. After a few kicks to ribs, Starr comes in and Storm comes out They didn’t even tag!
Chris Ice: Easy, it’s just a formality. They could’ve easily tagged, but who needs it?
Nick Frost: You may be right. Starr lifts up Chaos…big powerbomb coming!
Chris Ice: The luchadore reversed with a sweet hurricanranna. He runs to Wuken and tags him finally.
Nick Frost: Wuken’s fully rested…arm drag on Starr…another arm drag…and again…and again!
Chris Ice: Just stay down Ravyn!
Nick Frost: He does finally stay down and Bloodstar yells for him to stand back up. Wuken pulls Starr to his feet. Starr whipped into the ropes and Wuken puts a knee in his gut. Wuken gets on top of Starr, just cutting off all the oxygen with that chokehold. The ref gets to the count of 5 and pulls Wuken off of him. Wuken pulls Ravyn up after arguing with the ref briefly. He tags in Chaos who goes to the top rope. Wuken lays Ravyn on his knees…Chaos with a leg drop! That move broke Starr in half! Chaos with only the second cover of the match…one…two…and Starr just BARELY kicked out!
Chris Ice: I’m not so sure he did, Nick.
Replay screen comes up and shows Chaos pinning Starr, and he did in fact get a shoulder up before the count of three.
Nick Frost: You stand corrected.
Chris Ice: I don’t want to stand at all…gives me an fn headache.
Nick Frost: You slosh you.
Chris Ice: Hey screw you, ya slutass…
Nick Frost: Punk and Dawk…you see what you’ve done. I’ve got to work with this guy for crying out loud. Anyway, Chaos whips Ravyn in the ropes…Chaos jumps and goes for a flipping dropkick…but Ravyn held onto the ropes. Storm with a blind tag. He comes in the ring for Chaos, but the ref is holding him back. He didn’t see the tag.
Chris Ice: Oh now he doesn’t see a tag. Good ol’ FWA help.
Nick Frost: Chaos tags in Wuken that the ref does see. Wuken avoids Ravyn’s clothesline…lifts up in a torture rack position…reverse DVD! BURNING HAMMER! He got it! Here’s the pin attempt. Storm running in for a save, he nails Chaos who tries to get in the way! One…two…! Storm breaks the count. He grabs Wuken, picks him up and body slams him! Ravyn is up now. He hits Chaos to knock him out of the ring. The Giant Storm picks up Wuken, he picks him waaaaay up, this could be it. Ravyn goes to the turnbuckle, climbs up...They hit the Fall from Grace on Wuken. One....Two....Three!
Chris Ice: Storm quickly recovering, as he is known for in his hardcore tenure seem to have saved HTT this match.
Tiff Taylor: Here are your winners…Holier than Thoooouu!!
Nick Frost: They’ll go on to possibly face the Hell Razors for the number one contendership. Prez Anarchy will schedule their next opponents, and the BloodStar Mafia will rise above this loss.
Tiff Taylor: The next contest is scheduled for one fall with the winner to receive a U.S. title shot at the next FWA event! Introducing first, weighing in at 215lbs.-KID PUNK!
Music blares over the PA, but it isn't Fuck Authority by Pennywise, instead it is music from the duel scene in Star Wars Episode 1.
Frost: What is this? Who could this be?
From behind the curtain steps a well dressed, dark-haired man. He is 6'4" and approximately 245 lbs. He has long black hair in a ponytail. He is wearing a black with black pinstripe suit and a silver shirt with silver tie. It is apparent that his suit costs more than half the FWA superstars make in a month.
Ice: It's the new FWA Commissioner, Bruno Baldoni!
Baldoni: Good evening! I thought it was time to make my presence known here in the FWA! I am Commissioner Bruno Baldoni! First of all, I'd like to say that I will always be fair to the fans-and tonight will be no exception! This next match is a No. 1 Contendership match for the U.S. title! With special guest referee Tommy Levi! And I thought to myself-what could make this match better? Only one thing came to mind. . .a NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH! That's right-no count-out, no rope-breaks, and bring all the foreign objects you can find! And now, on with the show!
With that, Fuck Authority by Pennywise hits and in walks Kid Punk. The crowd explodes at the sight of a longtime FWA superstar. Kid Punk flips them off as he slides under the rope and out the other side of the ring. He picks up a folding chair and climbs back in the ring, waiting for Drag-on.
Tiff Taylor: And now introducing, weighing in at 225lbs., representing the Hell-Razors, DRAG-ON!
Twist by Korn blares out over the arena as the crowd pops again! Drag-On walks out, with a chair of his own. As he approaches the ring he throws the chair at Kid Punk, who swats it away, but is distracted long enough for Drag-On to get in the ring.
Frost: Well, it looks like both men are ready for business!
Ice: Punks swings his chair for Drag-On, only to have Drag-On drop-kick it back into his face!
Frost: That's gonna leave a mark! Drag-on is pulling Punk to his feet, and whips him against the ropes.
Ice: Drag-on nailed a massive jumping, swinging DDT! Punk is down and stunned! Drag-on is going to the top rope!
Frost: He's going for a frog splash! Oooh, I don't know if Punk is coming back from that one! Drag-On goes for the cover!
Levi stoops to count: 1. . . . . . . . .2. . !
Ice: Punk kicks out and Drag-On is pissed at the slow count! He's arguing with Levi as Punk makes his way to his feet!
Frost: Drag-On had better turn around, or he's gonna-there it is! Punk nails a bulldog! Punk is stomping away on Drag-On's face!
Ice: Punk pulls Drag-On to his feet and then heads to the top rope! Punk hits a massive Hurricanrana! But Drag-On is up almost instantly!
Frost: There's nothing like a second wind. Drag-On is taking it to him with hard right hands. Punk is being backed into the corner.
Ice: Drag-On is certainly in control now! He sets Kid Punk up on the turnbuckle, and climbs up after him-he hits a Frankensteiner! Punk is down! Drag-On goes for the cover again!
Levi is down to count again: 1. . . . . . . . . . . . .2 . . . . . . . . . . . . .Kickout!
Frost: I can see why Drag-On is so upset! That has to be the longest two-count I've ever seen?
Ice: You're not implying that Levi would, in any way, be partial in this match?
Frost: Are we watching the same match?
Ice: Enough of that-it looks like someone else wants in this match!
Frost: That's the Captain! And he has a pool cue!
Ice: Captain slides under the bottom rope and breaks his pool cue over Drag-On's back. Drag-On stumbles, but Captain picks him up and hits the Drop Off! Is there any move more powerful in the wrestling today?
Frost: That's a military press into a Jackhammer-I don't think there is!
Ice: Captain is now rolling the near unconscious Punk over onto Drag-On's body. Levi goes for the count: 1,2,3-this one's over folks! Punk is headed to a U.S. title shot on next week's Showdown!
Frost: Punk rolls off of Drag-On and makes his way to the back, followed by Tommy Levi. Captain makes his way over to our side of the ring and signals for a microphone!
Ice: He's not letting Drag-On leave though, he's just picked him up and he's holding him so that he faces the Titantron.
On the Titantron we see a dressing room door with the Hell Razor's logo on it. There seems to be smoke billowing out from underneath the door. We hear some shouting backstage and we see a stagehand run up and touch the doorknob. He pulls his hand back quickly, apparently from the heat and then kicks the door in anyway. The sudden rush of air creates a back draft, throwing the door and the stagehand across the hall. Flames reach out from the now open doorway, licking the ceiling and covering it with thick black soot. Multiple stagehands now run in with fire extinguishers, trying to put the blaze out.
Captain: Now Drag-On, take a long hard look-that's how your raise Hell! See ya next week, jack*ss!
With that Captain drops Drag-On and walks backstage.
Frost: Oh my God! What a deranged individual!
Frost: Tyrel Jones walks out to Prodigy's "Smack my Bitch Up".
Ice: Something you didn't have to say, but your trying to be hard-ass. Goodjob!
Frost: He steps into the ring, and begins to pose but from behind the Wolverine enters with a chair and begins slamming it into the back of Jones head!
Ice: The ref is throwing this match out and giving it to Jones, I can't believe Billy is acting like this, Jones must've really gotten to him.
Tiff Taylor: Winner and still Intercontinental Champion Tyrel Jones!
Chris Ice: Yea and if not…it’s a shit break match.
“My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit plays and Jeremy Bradley comes out to a sea of boos.
Tiff Taylor: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 241 pounds…he is representing Chomp…here is Jeremyyyy Brrrrradley!
NOFX’s “The Brews” echoes over the arena and Dawkins slowly walks towards the ring.
Tiff Taylor: And his opponent, he weighs in at 255 pounds, representing Hack N Pain…the one…the only…Taaaaaaaylor Dawkiiiiiiiiins!!
Nick Frost: Dawk and Bradley eye each other and the ref has ordered for the bell. Both men talking trash and getting in each other’s face. Dawk’s heard enough. He launches a right hand into the Bradley’s skull. Bradley returns it with a left. Both men slugging it out until Bradley gets the advantage with a knee to the midsection. Dawk slowed down with the wind knocked out of him. Bradley runs off the ropes towards Dawk…and Bradley gets backdropped to the outside!
Chris Ice: Dawk needs a breather like a chain smoker does after jogging 5 yards.
Nick Frost: Well he ain’t going to get it. Bradley just pulled his feet out from under him, and dragging him to the outside.
Chris Ice: Did you just say “ain’t”?!
Nick Frost: Yea and?
Chris Ice: I dunno, just wondering.
Nick Frost: Um, ok then…Dawk and Bradley on the outside. Bradley whips Dawk right into those steel steps.
Chris Ice: Ouch, he’s going to be icing his shoulder after this one’s done.
Nick Frost: Bradley rolls Taylor into the ring. Bradley stands up on the apron. He leap frogs over the rope and hits a leg drop. The cover…one…Dawk kicks out with ease.
Chris Ice: What do ya think a “slutass” is?
Nick Frost: Um..I don’t know Ice. What do you think?
Chris Ice: Well I’m not really sure. See, it could be a chick who takes it in the butt all the time…OR it could just be a slut who’s just a prick…OR MAYBE it means…
Nick Frost: You have put way too much thought into this.
Chris Ice: I know…
Nick Frost: Back to the ring, Bradley has Dawkins in the corner…Bradley up on the second rope now…he lays one punch…two punch…No! Dawkins just hit an incredible jackknife powerbomb!
Chris Ice: Uh…that was cool.
Nick Frost: Ah, your usual witty commentary.
Chris Ice: Meh…I get paid either way.
Nick Frost: Right…Dawkins now on top of Bradley and has a sleeper on him. He releases surprisingly quickly and begins elbowing the back of Bradley’s neck. Really laying into him…what the…I don’t even know what to call this…
Chris Ice: I’ll give it a whirl. Looks like a camel clutch, except he’s got him in a full nelson.
Nick Frost: Whatever it is…it looks painful. Dawkins leaning back, putting on tremendous pressure. Bradley doesn’t look like he’s tapping. Dawkins releases and pulls Bradley back to his feet. Irish whip….beautiful spinebuster. Dawk with a cover…one..t-Bradley kicks out. Dawkins stalking Bradley…Bradley getting to his feet…he turns around and Dawkins got clotheslined hard! Bradley now walking around, trying to shake some cobwebs loose. Bradley now going back to Dawkins, but gets a drop toe hold for his trouble. Now Dawk locks on a half Boston Crab, but Bradley is right by the ropes.
Chris Ice: You would’ve thought that Dawk would notice that.
Nick Frost: Maybe he doesn’t care. He ain’t letting go and the ref finally pulls him off. He better be careful that he doesn’t get himself disqualified.
Chris Ice: There’s that “ain’t” word again. What’s the deal?
Nick Frost: I don’t know…just trying to spice things up a bit. You know, be a little more daring.
Chris Ice: “Daring” to you is saying “ain’t”? You’re an odd little man, Frost. Odd little man…
Nick Frost: Alright already, I’ll stop if that’s what it takes to shut you up. Dawkins now has Bradley in a half nelson looking for a suplex, but Bradley kicks him downstairs! That’s gotta sting a bit.
Chris Ice: Yikes…isn’t it a lot more fun to sit over here and tell the world who we think is good and who’s bad….rather than actually get beat up in the ring?
Nick Frost: Indeed. Let’s continue.
Chris Ice: Sweet…
Nick Frost: Dawkins dazed now, but is on his feet. Bradley’s up on the top turnbuckle…he leeeeeeaps….oh shit! Flipping neck breaker from the top rope! That was incredible! The cover…one…two…NO! The ref’s holding up just two fingers! That one was awful close. What a move by Jeremy Bradley…
Chris Ice: Whatever man, I could do that with my eyes closed.
Nick Frost: Oh?
Chris Ice: Well no, but that’s what I was talking about before. We can just sit here and say how easy or hard a move was to sway the viewer’s opinion of a wrestler. So if I say “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MOVE! I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING OF THAT SORT IN ALL MY YEARS IN COMMENTATING!”…then it makes the wrestler seem like he’s really good.
Nick Frost: So we could use that whole spiel you just said for say…an arm drag? C’mon, the fans aren’t that gullible
Chris Ice: Of course! They’re eating out of our hands…so much power! Muhahahahaha!!
Nick Frost: You’re sick, you know that? In the ring, Bradley has Dawk in a superplex position…he lunges back…or I should say is pushed off by Dawkins. Dawk with a knee drop from the top rope…pin attempt! One…two…kickout. Close, but not close enough for Dawkins. Dawkins got a handful of Bradley’s hair. He pulls him to his feet. He hooks a leg…DAWKINATOR! He hit it! Hack N Pain’s in the Hall of Fame! One…two…three!!
Chris Ice: Not so fast, Frost. Someone just put Bradley’s foot on the bottom rope.
Nick Frost: It’s that rat bastard, Chomp! Chomp standing back, pretending he didn’t do anything. Dawkins is talking trash as Chomp just smiles.
Chris Ice: He better focus on Bradley. Ooh! Sweet Shot! Bradley’s taking this one for the Chompster!
Nick Frost: One…two…thr-someone just broke up the three count with an elbow drop on Bradley and it’s our World Champion! Where did Cliff Blood come from? And the ref’s calling for the bell on this one. Blood just cost Dawkins the match and Hack N Pain his HOF bid. Chomp runs in and starts brawling with Blood. Who’s that guy that just ran in the ring?
Chris Ice: That’s Inferno! Inferno’s back in the FWA! He’s got two other guys following close behind that I don’t recognize.
Nick Frost: Me either. Dawk and Bradley still fighting and Blood is getting quadruple teamed by Chomp, Inferno, and two other men.
Kid Punk runs down the entrance ramp and into the ring.
Chris Ice: Here comes the cavalry.
Nick Frost: Evening the odds up by little…wait here’s Tiff Taylor with the decision.
Tiff Taylor: The referee has told me the decision so without further a due…your winner via a disqualification…Jeremy Bradley!!
“Boom” by P.O.D. plays for some reason.
Chris Ice: Hey this isn’t Bradley’s music!
Voice: Hold it right there…
Chris Ice: Who’s this guy?
Everyone stops fighting and looks to the ramp. On the entrance ramp is a burly man in a black suit and a green shirt and tie. He has dark hair slicked back and is clean shaven.
Voice: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Vic Vaughn. Your new Vice President.
Nick Frost: Ah, yes he has spoken to a few of the superstars but this is his first appearance.
Vic Vaughn: President Anarchy has hired me to weed out all the bullshit that goes on around here. I think this is one of those times. Since Chomp was the first to interfere in this match, I think it is only fair that the match be awarded to Taylor Dawkins! So Hack N Pain…wherever you may be…congrats. You’re in the Hall of Fame.
Nick Frost: Oh wow! Vic Vaughn in his first appearance, already throwing his weight around.
Chris Ice: He can’t do this!
Nick Frost: He’s hired by Anarchy. He has that power, I’m assuming.
Vaughn begins to turn to exit, but stops and looks at the clusterfuck in the ring.
Vic Vaughn: Oh and uh…you kids shouldn’t play so rough. Somebody’s gonna start cryin’
“Boom” by P.O.D. plays and Vaughn exits
Nick Frost: I don’t really know what to say except…Congratulations to Hack N Pain! You join an elite class, my friend.
Frost: Oh yeah! Wait I'm hearing that the match has already started, they started fighting while being fitted for the strap!
:: The camera fades to backstage as Tyler Durten and Reko are strapped together and beating the hell out of each other. Reko wraps the strap around neck and starts to choke him, dragging him towards the mens restroom. ::
Ice: Does someone need to potty?
Reko gets Durten inside of the bathoom, and trys to ram his head into the toilet, but Durten sends a elbow to Reko's midsection and then slings him against the wall with the strap. Durten guides Reko out of the bathroom and and into an empty locker room. Durten grabs a chair and swings towards Reko's head, but Reko ducks and hits Durten with a lowblow. Reko then folds the chair up and gets Durten ready for a piledriver, but its reversed and Reko gets back body dropped by Durten. ::
Ice: Man, this match is intense.
Durten begins strangling Reko with the strap as he's on the ground. Durten gets up and grabs the chair. He slams it toward Reko but Reko rolls out of the way. Reko pulls his arm and it pulls, Durten's making him drop the chair. Reko then gets up and clotheslines Durten to the floor. Reko graps Durtens legs and catapults him into one of the lockers. Reko stomps away on Durten and go's for a pin... 1...2.. and a kickout.
Frost: Close match here Chris.
Reko drags Durten and the cameras shift as it shows Reko and Durten outside. Reko rolls Durten onto the top of a limo. Reko gives Durten a russian leg sweep on top of the limo. He then goes for the pin. 1...2.. and no a kickout again. Reko gets up and goes for suplex, but Durten blocks it and hits the Durtgrinder on top of the limo. 1...2... and 3!
Your new Hardcore Chamion: Tyler Durten!
Durten undoes his strap and gets down on the ground as the ref hands him his hardcore title. He raises it up in the air, the camera shifts to the side somewhat and shows Cliff Blood standing behind him, Blood grabs Durtens shoulder turns him around then puts him in the Corona Crush, putting his head against the cement parking lot.
Frost: Looks like Cliff Blood didn't like that run-in last week.
Ice: This is going to an amazing match. The All American has got a lot to prove tonight against our Heavyweight Champion.
Frost: Well I don't know how much he has to prove. He is just as great of an athlete as Blood.
Tiff Taylor: And his opponent. . ..at 7', weighing 365 pounds. . ..The FWA World Heavyweight Champion! Cliff Blooooood!
Frost: The FWA Champ is heading down and he does not look like he is in a good mood.
Ice: This is gonna be one hell of a match. Monster vs. Monster.
Frost: Cliff Blood is in the ring now is staring down Steve. Steve steps up into the face on a taller Cliff Blood.
Ice: There is a lot of trash talking going on in there. Lets get this match started already!
Frost: I'd like to see it just as much as you Ice.
Ice: Steve and Cliff continue to talk their trash, Oh come on guys, we want to see some blood.
Frost: Cliff makes the first move and its a shove, Steve responds with a shove of his own and now Cliff lays in a kick to get this one going.
Ice: He's got to use his head if he wants to be a contender here in the FWA. Irish whip into the corner by Blood. Steve raises a knee and now has Blood stunned.
Frost: Steve charges and Blood drops him with a drop toe hold.
Ice: Good move, that is why he is the champ!
Frost: Every wrestler performs that move, but Blood is now on top of Steve and is pounding his skull and now has him in a rear choke hold.
Ice: Is that legal?!
Frost: I am not sure, it looks as if the ref is asking Blood to let go. He is counting 1...2...3... Almost gets to four and Blood releases.
Ice: This one better not end on a DQ!
Frost: Blood looks as if he showing some sportsmanship by letting Steve get to his feet. Oh he cheap shots him in the groin as the ref went around Steve's backside.
Ice: Dammit! That bastard Blood, why did he have to cheap shot The All American like that?
Frost: I dont know, Cliff has Steve against the ropes and whips him across the ring, on the relay he attempts a clothesline, Steve ducks. . .comes back of the ropes and spears Blood! Blood is holding his ribs and Steve is slow to get up.
Ice: Get up Guys!
Frost: Steve is up! And he grabs Blood by his hair, kicks him in the face. Oh My! Steve looks crazed. He picks up the massive Blood in a suplex attempt!
Ice: Are you kidding me! He is 365 pounds! No one has ever done that!
Frost: If anyone can do it, its one of two men. Steve The All American and the other FWA giant, Captain Devon Storm! Steve almost has him up and cannot get him. Blood is fighting it. He counters with an eye rake to Steve's eyes! He punches his way out of Steve's grasp.
Ice: A small package by Blood!
Frost: The ref goes for the count...1...kick out!
Ice: What is Blood thinking?
Frost: Steve ducks a punch by Blood and pops him the head with a quick jab. He throws Blood into the ropes and catches him with an atomic drop. Blood is holding his groin now and Steve sizes him up and delivers a powerful clothesline, which jars the big man. Steve hits him with a drop-kick! The FWA World Champ is stunned. Steve steps back and charges the big man and knocks him down with another powerful clothesline
Ice: Geez, these guys are taking it to each other.
Frost: Blood has been rocked to the canvas! Steve mounts him , grabs Cliffs hair with one hand and pounds away on Cliffs skull. Blood has been split open!
Ice: Yes! That’s what I like to see!. Steve is going to the outside of the apron. Blood makes it to his feet. Steve leans over grabs the Champs head and nearly takes his head off when Steve drops to the ground holding onto Bloods head. Blood snaps back and lands in the middle of the ring. Steve is a maniac. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said he was gonna bring it tonight!
Frost: No he wasn't! Steve slides back in and both men are on their feet. Steve grabs the Champ and picks him up in a belly to back suplex! Cliff crashes to mat! It looks as if all the life has escaped his body. Steve for the cover!
Ice: Here it is! 1...2...Kick out! How did he do that?
Frost: This may not be one of the most fast paced match ups that we are used to here in the FWA, but these guys are giving all they got. Blood is being choked by the All American. . .the ref breaks it up.
Ice: Blood is back to his feet and catches Steve in a chin breaker. Steve it knocked senseless for a second and Blood takes advantage by grabbing him around the back of the waist. Blood is landing some vicious elbows to Steve's lower back. He picks Steve up and drops him in a very nice German suplex.
Frost : From almost getting pinned, Blood comes back again and again!
Ice: Blood grabs Steve and just punishes him to the mat again with another German suplex. There is an old saying. The bigger you are the harder you fall but when you are as big as these two guys it takes a lot more time to get back up!
Ice: Blood sets up Steve in a piledriver. Awesome! It looks like Blood is working his man. He is softening him up for his finisher.
Frost: Cliff Blood is not an idiot Ice! He is just as technical as he is powerful. He rolls Steve to his belly and now applies a camel clutch! I am surprised that this ring has not collapsed yet! Two very big men taking it to each other like that?
Ice: The All American looks like he is fading quickly. He is trying to get out of it!
Frost: The more you fight this move Ice, the more you tire yourself out and if he keeps it up he may eventually pass out. Which isn't such a bad idea considering you are in the ring with the FWA Champ!
Ice: Steve is close to the ropes, if he just knew how close he could get the ref to break this devastating hold.
Frost: You spoke too soon, Steve gets his left boot on the ropes. The ref breaks the hold! Steve rolls over and kicks Blood, who comes back and Steve kicks him again. Steve is in a very vulnerable position, laying on the mat trying to fight off his opponent.
Ice: It looks like its working though. Steve makes it to his feet. They are back to their feet! Cliff Blood kicks Steve in the midsection and clubs him in the back. Steve can't take much more of this punishment. Blood is calling for the Corona Crush. He has The All American up and Oh my! Steve slides over Bloods back!
Frost: What agility! Steve nails Blood with a throat thrust. And drop-kicks Blood in the knee! Blood is bent over. Steve straddles Blood for the One Night Stand. He cannot get the massive arms of Blood behind his back! Blood lifts and drops Steve with a back body drop. I think blood has had enough of this, he goes to the outside! He is grabbing a chair. He goes back in the ring. Steve is staggering to his feet.
Ice: Steve looks tired as hell! The ref is trying to get the chair from Cliff Blood. Cliff accidently nails the ref! And now he stalks The All American.
Frost: NO! NO! Don't do that Cliff!
Ice: Oh man, Cliff introduces Mr. All American to Mr. Steelchair! NOOOOO, Steve sidesteps, Cliff, kicks him in the gut...DOOMSDAY! DOOMSDAY!
Ice: I cant believe this!
Frost: Blood just couldnt do it in the ring so he took matters into his own hands, and he paid for it!
Frost: The ref is coming to, he's most likely gonna call for the bell. But Steve is pinning the Giant Blood. The ref drops to the mat...
ONE....TWO....Three! It's Over! It's Over! Steve the All American wins it?!
Tiff Taylor: And Your Winner....STEVE...The ALL...AMERICAN!
Frost: That's It Folks...Thanks for watching, and let's rejoice! Less Anarchy...More VP Vaughn and Boldoni.