“Is he dangerous?”

“No. He’s too aware of his own ego to be dangerous.” Precocious shook her head to get the last few minutes pushed to the back of her mind and smiled up at Tyler. “So, shall we see if we can run into anyone else who will make this an awkward night?”

“I could call up a few high school girlfriends, if you’d like.” Tyler placed his hand on Precocious’s back and led her away from the drinks table. They walked the perimeter of the room until they found Linda, who had decided to hole up in a semi-secluded corner. Tyler greeted her with raised eyebrows. “Hiding at your own exhibition?”

“Yes.” Linda sounded a bit peeved. “Mr. Patterson’s daughter is back in town, and she’s just as much of a mouthy tart as she’s always been.”

“We know. Tyler married her.” Precocious seemed rather cheerful to give up the information.

Linda looked ready to rip off Tyler’s head and serve up his brains as an appetizer. “You *married* her? Do you have some short of non-functioning shrewdar that steered you wrong?”

“Shrewdar?” Tyler was confused. “I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s like gaydar, except you use it to detect shrews,” Precocious explained quietly.

“Ah. Well, my shrewdar works just fine.” Tyler threw a look of annoyance to combat Linda’s look of disbelief. “Julia went to boarding school for most of the year when we were all growing up. I didn’t know her from around town because I grew up on a farm, and she didn’t. I met her at a meeting for the Chamber of Commerce. She seemed docile enough at the time.”

“You *married* her.”

“And now I’m *divorced* from her.”

“But you *married* her.”

Precocious intervened before Tyler or Linda could get any redder in the face. “Stop it, both of you. If we’re going to be childish, let’s do it with more than caffeine in our systems.”

Linda let out a long breath and gave Tyler a quick, but genuine smile. “Sorry. I get testy when my stuff goes up.”

“It’s okay.” Tyler realized he wasn’t really angry so much as annoyed at Julia for helping wreak havoc on what should have been a nice evening. “We saw Chad, too.”

“Yeah, I saw him.” Linda’s tone was disgusted. “I’ve got to start giving invitation only showings. I can weed out the hooligans much more easily that way.”

“You would never through an invitation only showing. It goes against your self-made law that everyone should be entitled to view art.” Precocious poked Linda in the ribs and was rewarded with a smile. “We got rid of Chad, at least, and we can avoid Julia.”

“Remind me to order a boatload of liquor for the next show.”

“There’s champagne.”

“I said liquor, not fizzy water the color of piss.”

Precocious nodded. “Duly noted.”

Linda pressed the flat part of her palms against the wall as she saw Tonya Carter walking over with three women in power suits. “The Steinem Brigade beckons.” She pushed off the wall and gave Precocious and Tyler a quick, tight smile. “Hang out. I’ll be back.” She intercepted Tonya Carter and the Steinem Brigade and let herself be led away.

“Steinem Brigade?” Tyler was starting to wonder if Precocious and Linda had a name for everything and if he’d be around long enough to pick up on it all.

“The women Tonya was with are all hardcore feminists who embraced the idea in the 80s when post-modern feminism called for ball breakers and shoulder pads. They’re nice enough women, as long as you’re a woman.”

Tyler felt like putting one hand over his crotch in protection. “And if you’re not?”

“They hate you, your patriarchal society, and the fact that you want them barefoot, pregnant, and jobless in the kitchen. It’s not my brand of feminism, but it seems to work for them.” Precocious shrugged. “They’re really not bad, once you get to know them, but they will see either a clit or a penis in every one of Linda’s paintings.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious.”

Precocious laughed. “I’m being completely serious. It’s just the way they’re wired.”

“I think I’m going to stay over here in this nice, dark corner.” Tyler backed himself against the wall.

“I think I’m going to go on a beer run.”