An open letter to my daughter on her 21st birthday

Fortunately for later generations it was pretty dark in those old caves and the lack of light more than made up for the lack of looks of UgLee and her contemporaries. In fact some developmental anthropologists argue that its a jolly good thing that electric lighting wasn't available until some time late in the nineteenth century or else it is likely that UgLee and other hairy human precursors would have given up on the evolution bit as just too much trouble and gone off the shack up with some slightly less hirsute baboon.

What would have become of mankind then? Fortunately the man wouldn't be around to read the meter for just over 2 million years so UgLee and Co. just had to make the best of it and settle down to some serious evolving.

It took a while.

In the case of Port Power footballers the process still has some way to go, but that's another story. The fact is evolution worked for the Ugs. People changed. People stood up. they walked on two legs. They stopped dragging their knuckles on the ground - except, of course for Port Power footballers, but that is as I said another story and I don't want to keep harping on it.

So here we are today to celebrate to 21st birthday of Kristy Willett. The end point of 2 million years of evolution. Now it may be that in another two million years some other dad will be standing in a room something like this slagging off me and my daughter and frankly I'm a bit upset about that.

Cheap shots slagging off your 2 million year old ancestors is just not on mate. Oh go on, you can laugh and wave your tentacles all you like but you'll be hearing from my lawyer. Chew on this:

I've already invested 10 cents with the Commonwealth Bank. With the compounding of the banks interest rate over 2 million years that 10 cents will grow into nearly ten dollars. More than enough to call my lawyer.

So watch it.