10 Gallon Hats O’ Blood
A Novel by Tom Miller
CHAPTER 2
And the
Sheriff was heading for the town of Flatsacks; the meanest town in
the West. It was said that the worst men in the state had robbed the
Bunkerheim Bank. The owner of the bank, Buke Bunkerheim, got so tired
of it, he installed a special window where the robbers could go and
get all the money without causing trouble. The bank had been robbed
by the likes of Ed "Mule Butt" Cracky, Arthur "One Ball Hanging"
McGillicutty, Sammy "Breastman" Kates, Reddog "Bluedog" Yellowdog,
Lippy "Don't You Ever Make Fun of My Lip" Smacks, and Farlo "Old
Midget With One Leg" Gimp.
These
bandits lived on the land at the outskirts of town, and when they
were hungry, they came into Flatsacks and took what they wanted.
Wine, whiskey, horses, and women. They terrorized the townsfolk with
threats of violence. There was one fellow who reckoned himself a
regular Billy the Kid. She was only seven years old and she had a pop
gun. One day, the gang came into town to rob the Bunkerheim Bank.
They parked their horses, which they stole as mentioned earlier, and
entered the bank with their guns blazing.
"All
right," said Ed Cracky, the leader of the gang and the one with the
smarts, "Git down! This here's a robbery."
"Yeah,
yeah. We know. We know." said the bank customers in unison, pointing
to the direction of the Robber's Window. Cracky went to the window
while the other gunmen covered him. The teller held out a bag of
money.
"Thank
you kindly, mam," said Ed, and he took the money. The gang cautiously
moved outside, keeping an eye out for snipers. They mounted their
horses and were about to ride out of town, when a lone figure stood
in their way.
"Don't
you ugly liver eatin' sons of bitches move one inch." The voice was
high and non-threatening, but nevertheless, the words were said, and
they was fightin' words. It was Little Wendy. She had on a bright
spotted play dress and spurs. Her toy popgun at her side, she looked
like the devil himself stepped out of a nightmare and blew fire.
Well, she was trying to look like that, but instead she just looked
cute. Her puppy stood defiantly by her side.
"This
town's had enough of you scoundrels. Now you're going to pay for what
you done. Now you're all gonna' die like the dogs you are. Specially
you, Reddog "Bluedog" Yellowdog.
There
was a short pause of time where the men just looked at each other,
and then they began to laugh. Ed Cracky got off his horse and strode
up to the little girl. He towered above her a good five feet, but to
be respectable, he dropped to his knees and looked right into the
barrel of Little Wendy's gun.
"Now
what you got there?" he said. "Is that yore gun? What you gonna' do?
Shoot me? You gonna shoot me with your little toy there? You gonna'
gimmie some? Is that what you're gonna' do?"
Little
Wendy fired the weapon and the cork broke through Ed's eye and
stopped halfway into his skull. Ed fell back, grabbed his eye and
began to scream as the puppy gnawed on his boot.
"Fuckin' cunt shot me in the eye!" He shouted. He kicked his
foot as hard as he could and the puppy flew up into the air. The gang
drew their guns and if you've ever seen one of those Westerns where
the guy throws up a coin and another guy blows about six holes in it,
well, it was sort of like that. Then they turned their guns on Little
Wendy and shot about forty rounds at her. There was a cloud of dust
and Ed rolled out of the way and quickly climbed back on his horse.
When the dust cleared, Little Wendy stood there with her gun at her
side.
"You
missed me." she said. With that, she turned and walked down Main
Street and into the town.
"Who
was that girl?" asked Arthur "One Ball
Hanging" McGillicutty?
"I
don't rightly know," Replied Ed. "But I'll tell you this. If she ever
grows up to become a town whore, I ain't gonna' fuck her."
"Me
neither," said Sammy, Lippy, and Reddog.
"I
will," said Farlo the Midget.
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