Phoebe: That's right, Chandler does still think I'm pregnant. He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling, or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. After you, of course.

Ross: I'm just thinking about your new bride, at home, okay? Do you really want to start you life together by letter her down?
Chandler: Marriage advice? Really?

Chandler: You opened all the presents without me? I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Monica: You kissed another woman?
Chandler: Call it even?
Monica: Okay!

Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What, because that's your answer to everything?

Ross: Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk with you about something I'm really uncomfortable talking about.
Joey: Sure. How about, uh, you showering with your mom?
Ross: I actually had a topic in mind.

Monica: He is totally incompetent, okay? I called the chef who recommended him to me. He said, "Ha ha! Gotcha!"

Rachel: Hey, what do you think is the better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight? Um, I'm a recovering alcoholic; I'm a Mormon; or, I got so hammered last night, I'm still a little drunk.

Rachel: Monica, we need more candy.
Monica: What? There's only been, like, four kids.
Rachel: Yeah, I know, but one of them just said that she loved me, so I just gave her everything.
Phoebe: No wonder you're pregnant.

Phoebe: I'm going out with Eric! Oh, this day is really going to be so much better than I thought it was going to be. Oh, Ross, I can't make lunch.

Ross: You're moving?
Rachel: Yeah. I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doin'?"

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.

Rachel: Oh, you guys made up. He's a good kisser, isn't he? I'm going.

Phoebe: So, how's the game?
Chandler: I have no idea.
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: Yeah, I'm just pretending to watch the game so I don't have to help out with stuff.
Phoebe: I don't believe you! That is... brilliant!

Ross: That's right, I love you. And I'm gonna play with you all the time.
Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby!
Phoebe: Oh, okay! Because when he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick!"

Joey: She's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Yeah, you know the S.A.T.s?
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: She took 'em!

Chandler: I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. It's oddly unsettling.

Rachel: You gave her a key to your apartment?
Ross: Not just a key. I gave her the only key. I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.

Rachel: Wow, so I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So, do you have any moves?
Joey: No, no. I'm just myself. If they don't like me for... [cracking up] I'm sorry, I couldn't even get through that.

Phoebe: Why won't you let me massage you?
Monica: Well, it's... I mean... I would be self-conscious. You're my friend. You'd see me naked.
Phoebe: Monica, we lived together for years. I've seen you naked.
Monica: That's different, we were roommates. And when?
Phoebe: I'm curious about the human body.

Chandler: I'm not really in a sexy mood right now.
Monica: Hey, what's going on?
Chandler: Well, remember the first time you saw Jaws, how long it took to go back in the water?

Chandler: It haunts me! Up 'til now, the worst thing I ever saw was my father doing tequila shots of the naked house-boy. After this, I would gladly make that my screen saver.

Rachel: Ah, that's so sad, they never had a chance to meet.
Chandler: Luckily the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about.

Ross: Joey and Rachel? I mean, it's like you and me going out, only weirder!
Monica: All right, I know you're hurting, and I want to be supportive, but don't say that again.

Ross: Oh! Chi-Chi! I loved this dog! You know, Monica couldn't get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.
Monica: What?
Ross: You were the 230-pound eleven year old who rode her!

Chandler: Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net, looking for that man.

Phoebe: No, I'm a positive person. You're like Santa Claus, on Prozac! At Disneyland! Getting laid!

Joey: You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid.
Ross: Just then, or all the time? Because we have jobs, you know?

Ross: Wow, this picture of you sure is steamy.
Joey: Ah, yeah, that's just something for my huge, gay fan-base.
Ross: Did you just wink at me?
Joey: Hey, you're the one who loves the picture.

Joey: Man, this is bad! And I've had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one, though. "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."

Monica: All right, let's be practical. If Ross isn't willing to do it, he's not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow Chandler! Chandler is good!

Rachel: But you'll be performing a service, okay? Just think of me as a ketchup bottle. You know, sometimes you have to bang on the end of it just to get something to come out.