Frequently asked questions

What's wrong with mushrooms?

If someone asks you this, they are obviously a mushroom criminal. Mushrooms are evil. Mushrooms want to dominate the world. Mushrooms are grey and slimey and vile. They smell horrible when they are cooking. They are shoved into recipes without discrimination and spoil attempts to eat out in restaurants. They particular target vegetarians, not only in their native fungal form, but because Quorn is made from fungi. What about athlete's foot? And don't get me on to blue cheese - what is that blue mould, but a fungus?.

What's a mushroom criminal?

Someone who lurves mushrooms and who delights in taunting FAF members with their purchasing/cooking/eating of mushrooms. These minions of the dark force of fungidom are a frequent target of anti-FAF campaigns.

Aren't I helping FAF to rid the world of mushrooms, by eating them?

Mushroom criminals often attempt this line of defence. It is however obvious to an student of elementary economics that this means mushroom criminals are fairly stupid. If you buy mushrooms, the market will produce more for you to buy. It's a vicious (and we do mean, Vicious) circle.

What can I do to help the FAF cause?

It's fairly simple:

Don't eat mushrooms
Discourage others from eating mushrooms
Shun all mushroom criminals
Tell people about FAF
Visit the FAF website regularly
Email FAF and see your anti-mushroom propanda published online!

How do I avoid temptation?

It's disappointing but a lot of would-be FAF members ask this question. If you are struggling with mushroom avoidance, then you are simply not strong enough to achieve full FAF membership. Take time out to meditate on the error of your ways. Go and get a bag of chanterelles and stare at them. Cook them and breathe in the aroma. If you are not disgusted, then please go away. In fact if you get as far as buying the things then I'm not sure we want to know you.

How do I report a mushroom criminal?

Email us a profile and, preferably a lovely photo. See our profiles page for ideas of what to write - you must include examples of their most heinous crimes and any measures you have taken to oppose them.

Do you think you need psychological help?

People who hate mushrooms are normal - ok? It's all you fungiphiles who have a mental health problem.

Why is your site so basic? Where are all the fancy graphics?

If you don't like it, build your own. And no I don't want any help.

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