| Comedy Index | Home Page The Return of the King- 2 Minute Script Smeagol: What a BEA-U-tiful day! The sun is shining! The grass is green! The birdies are chirping in the morning air! Deagol: Hey look, Smeag; a Ring! Smeagol: DIIIEEEE!!!!!! Smeagol (V.O) And we forgot stuff....and developed keen interest in raw fish.... Sam: Well, after that disturbing flashback I seem to have lost my appetite! Want some, Mr. Frodo? Frodo: No thanks; I'm on that new Atkins diet Merry and Pippin: Hey guys! Gandalf: Let's go to Edoras! Legolas: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails. Aragorn: ...thats cool Pippin: Help! I've supperglued myself to a flaming bowling ball! Aragorn: Dont worry I'll save you! Aaaah! Never mind! *faints* Merry: *screams* Gandalf: *gasp* Legolas: *gasp* Gimli: *snore* Gandalf: So, what'd you see, fool? Pippin: Death! danger! despair! and a really ugly old guy on a chair! Gandalf: Must be Denethor...let's go! Elrond: Time to reforge the sword! Denethor: Oh, woe is me! Death has vanquished my coolest son! Pippin: Wow...that expression looks just like his when he dead....all crimpled and nasty looking... Gandalf: Uh..pippin... Pippin: kinda like a muddy raisin...except he had like, 50 arrows sticking out of his chest squirting out blood in every direction... Gandalf: *nervous chuckle* eh, heha... Elrond: Here's your sword; go get 'em cowboy! Aragorn: Ok gang, let's find those ghosts! Gimli: What is this? a bad episode of Scooby-Doo? Faramir: Anything I can do for you, Dad? Denethor: Yeah, go die. Faramir: Nice. Real nice. Denethor: How about a song to celebrate my cruelty! Pippin: The sun'll come out!!!! TOMORROW!!! Frodo: You know what, Sam, me and my new accomplice have decided it's time for you to go... Sam: What?!?!?! That's not in the book! Frodo: You are the weakest link! Goodbye! Sam: But I... Frodo" And good riddance to bad rubbish! Gollum: Come on, Frodo, we'll show you they way into the spooky tunnel, that's what BEST friends do! Denethor: So here's my plan: a barbecue. Featuring smoked and roasted stewards of Gondor. Pippin: Ohhh-kay, crazy man alert. Frodo: help! I'm caught in a web Shelob: boo! Frodo: Eeeek! Gollum: Ope! Got you BAD, Precious! Sam: Hm...I wonder which is the way out...I think I'd better read the script....*pulls out big heavy book* Oh, hey! I go back and save frodo's BEhind! wahoo! SHELOB: *poke* FRODO: *thwacked* *falls down for like the 500th time in the movies* SHELOB: yummy! SAM: Boo! SHELOB: Run away!!!! SAM: Uhoh! Orcs! Hide! ORCS: Hey cool! A strange little man! Let's take him home! WITCH-KING: Growl! EOWYN: Roar! WITCH-KING: I'm melting! THEODEN: *dies* AUDIENCE "aw..." ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, AND GIMLI: *save the day* AUDIENCE: Hm…Orlando Bloom... on a pirate ship.... full of zombies…Now, what does that remind me of? DEAD GUYS: Buggga Bugga BOO!!! ORCS: *die* FRODO: I escaped somehow....Let's go! FRODO and SAM stumble into view wearing Orc gear. AUDIENCE: They're SO CUTE!!!! FRODO: I'm forlorn. Desolate. Wretched. SAM: Very eloquent, sir. Here I was just going to say, "This place sucks." Aragorn: Let's pretend we're all cool and try to destract Sauron Legolas: A diversion! Aragorn: Thank you, Captian Obvious Frodo: Here we are at Mt. Doom...know what...I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD...Ahahaha! I always wanted to do that over a steep cliff Sam: ahhahaha! Frodo: No...really...I'm the king of the world...*puts Ring on* Sam: uh... Gollum: *chomp* Sam: uh... Frodo: Ow...that was pain... Sam: Let's go! *Frodo falls down for like, the 1 billionth time in the movies* *Saved by Eagles* Gandalf: Howdy, Frodo! Frodo: Hi everyone! Everyone: Hi Frodo! Aragorn: Oh! Arwen! Right. Wow, hi. Heh. Uh - come here, you! *kiss* Aragorn: I'm king...got a babe...life's great... Frodo: Welp, time for me to leave! Sam: But Frodo! Frodo: Sam, Everyone's found their love....Aragorn found Arwen...you found Rosie...Legolas looked in the mirror...there's nothing here for me! SAM: So true...bye! FRODO: Goodbye, Pippin. I'm glad you found your courage. Pippin: I never would have found it if it weren't for you! Frodo: goodbye Merry! Merry: Now I know I got a heart....cause it's breaking! FRODO hugs SAM. Frodo: I think I'm gonna miss you most of all Scarecro- uh, Sam... GANDALF: Ok, hurry it up, Dorothy; the Balloon's starting to sink... SAM: Oh Rosie....There's no place like Hobbiton! THE END!!! No really..thats really it...no joke....last movie |