Absence Of Fear

Chapter 1

Eye Of The Storm



Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters, it's just wishful thinking. This is a fanfic based on spoilers I read ages ago for the last few episodes of Season 8, I don't know if this will actually happen but I thought it would make an interesting read. So please let me know what you think, feedback greatly appreciated, enjoy!!

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Susan rubbed the temple of her forehead irritably as she stared blankly out of the window. Her head was pounding from a constant sharp pain, due to the amount of tears she had shed over the past couple of days. Tears of pain, tears of agony, tears from the loss of a dear friend. As she sat in a half empty carriage of the El, she heard Kerry's words echo a thousand times over in her head.

'I'm so sorry Susan, Mark passed away about an hour ago'

Even now, days after Mark Greene's death, those words simply made no sense in Susan's confused and distraught mind. How could he be dead? How? It simply wasn't possible to think about a world where the man didn't exist anymore. A world where he was simply a fond memory in the back of people's minds. Even though Susan had become well aware of the extent to Mark's illness she had never even dared to imagine that he would lose his fight for survival. She had spent nights praying that he would recover from this brain tumor like he had previously done. Sadly those prayers had not been answered, and now Mark Greene was gone.......forever. Susan wrapped her leather handbag tightly around the shoulder of her light blue shirt and stepped outside onto the El platform. The warm rays of sunshine immediately hit her body, bringing much loved warmth and heat. Tucking a strand of her shirt blonde hair behind her ear, she began walking slowly to the hospital. She was in no rush thought o reach her headed destination, the workplace would only bring back painful memories of her departed friend. Shielding her eyes from the intense sunlight with a newspaper which she used as a visor, Susan remembered the fond memories they had shared before she had left for Phoenix. The nights they spent sharing a pizza at her flat, the problems they had shared with one another, the times he had lent help to her concerning her niece Susie. He had been such a dear friend, so trustworthy and caring. She loved him, not in the way he had once loved her, but deep down she most certainly did have a soft spot for the man. And today she would have to help bury the great doctor, the great man she loved.

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Elizabeth stroked tiny Ella's small lock of silky, smooth hair and hummed a peaceful lullaby to help her sleep. She was all Ella had now. Elizabeth smiled as she saw the resemblance of her late husband in the young infant. She was thankful to have a reminder of the wonderful man that she could love and cherish forever. But life simply wasn't the same anymore without him there by her side. It was the simple things she missed the most. Like making breakfast together, taking the El to work together, having someone to cuddle on a cold, winter's night. She missed his companionship, his warmth, his humor and most of all his love. They hadn't exactly been getting on well recently, what with his problematic teenage daughter Rachel and Ella's accidental overdose but his illness had brought them together again. The last few months had made the couple grow stronger and realize how much they did truly love one another. Now he was gone, and she could never hold him or kiss him again. Her life seemed so empty without Mark, a part of her went with him when he died. She had always believed that there was one person out there for everyone, a soul mate. And four days ago she had just lost her soul mate. Forever.

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"Don't come near me, I don't want you to touch me" the male patient protested as Kerry tried her best to examine him.

"David, we're not trying to hurt you" Abby tried her best to calm the agitated man down. "You came to us complaining of sickness and headaches, Dr Weaver is just trying to help you"

"I'm not ill, I'm perfectly alright" David snapped. "You're lying to me, you want to harm me"

"David we're not trying to harm you, I need to know what's wrong with you so we can help you" Kerry replied.

"Don't touch me!" he screamed as Kerry placed her stethoscope over his chest. "I told you I don't need your help!"

"Okay, okay" the female doctor nodded as she removed her gloves and motioned Abby to follow her to reception. "Give him 5 of Haldol and page Psych down here stat" she ordered.

"Do you want him put in restraints?" the nurse asked as she filled out the chart she was holding tightly in her hands.

"No but keep a close eye on him till DeRaad gets down here. If you need me I'll be in Exam 2"

"Okay" Abby sighed deeply as she ran a hand through her tangled hair and placed the chart on the desk. Call it a gut feeling, but she simply knew that this case wouldn't be as easy it seemed. Nothing ever was that easy in life, she knew all about that throughout the past year or so. Whenever one problem in her complicated life was solved, another would simply appear. From her divorce, her mother's mental instability, her battle with alcohol, her relationship with Luka to her recent assault, her life seemed to have more twists and turns than a rollercoaster. But one major problem that never seemed to disappear was her battle to hide her feelings from Carter.........

"You okay Abby?" a gentle voice broke her out of her deep thoughts.

"Um......sure" the female nurse replied politely as she looked up to see John's concerned face. She could swear her face was turning the shade of beetroot........

"You looked deep in thought, anything troubling you at all?" he asked handing her a mug of steaming, warm coffee.

"Oh thanks, I need this" she smiled as she gratefully took hold of the mug and allowed the heat of the freshly made drink to rise into her small face. "Working a double shift today, just my luck eh?"

"You didn't answer my question Abby"

"Oh I'm fine John" she chuckled nervously. "Just a little tired that's all"

"Okay I believe you" the male doctor threw his hands aside and grabbed a chart from the reception desk. "Sickness and diahorrea in exam three, I just get all the fun cases" he laughed before turning to walk away.

"Yeh have fun" Abby replied sarcastically.

"Abby" John called as he turned around suddenly. "You know I'm always here if you want to talk about anything. I know we haven't exactly seen a great deal of each other recently what with me and......."

"What with you and Susan" Abby interrupted sharply. She didn't dislike the woman as she couldn't say she particularly knew her that well, but the nurse couldn't help feeling rather envious of her relationship with the handsome John Carter. Deep down Abby knew the same feelings she had for him last year still remained there and would probably never leave. It hurt to see his and Susan's public displays of affection in and around the hospital but what could she exactly do about it? She had told John how she felt but he had refused to believe she was over Luka. The truth was though that she had never ever truly loved Luka, instead always feeling attracted to the man she had built up such a good friendship with since uncovering his drug addiction.

"Abby?"

"Yes I know I can always talk to you" she finally replied whilst smiling politely.

John walked away with the impression she was hiding something from him. He had known the woman long enough to realize when something was on her mind. He had known for long enough to now have the ability to read Abby Lockhart like a book. She was such an extraordinary woman, so different yet so enchanting. He would be lying to himself if he said he felt no attraction to her whatsoever. But what

exactly could he do about it? He was in a relationship with Susan and he felt Abby was still not completely over Luka yet. Abby simply didn't appear to love him as much as he loved her. If she had loved him she would have said so when he poured his heart out to her by the riverside on that fateful day when a mad gunman was on the loose. She didn't though, she went back to Luka. She only came to him when her relationship with the Croatian came to a halt. What hurt though was John still couldn't seem to remove the nurse from his mind. She was always in his daily thoughts, he always worried about her well-being. It wasn't as though he didn't love Susan because he did. She just wasn't Abby Lockhart though.

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"Dr Weaver!" Abby shouted the doctor's name as she ran over to where the red headed physician stood.

"Excuse me a minute" Kerry excused herself from the patient's side and limped over to the female nurse. "Abby, what's so urgent?"

"It's Mr. Young........."

"Mr. Young?"

"The patient we're waiting for a psych consult on" Abby explained quickly. "He's been sick again twice and his mental status is altered"

"Did you page DeRaad again?" Kerry asked.

"I did but he's still not responding to his page"

"Okay I need to find Lewis concerning another patient, but get this man is restraints immediately. Go up to psych and find DeRaad or anyone else and bring them down here. I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

"Okay" Abby nodded as she headed off to find help. Just a gut feeling...........

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"Okay Louise you can go once the bag of saline has finished" Susan sighed as she gestured to the IV the teenage girl was hooked up to. "I'll check back in about twenty minutes" she continued before walking quickly towards the elevators.

"Susan!" Kerry yelled at the top of her voice as she managed to squeeze into the elevator beside the female medic and a tall, young looking male before the elevator doors shut abruptly.

"Need something Kerry?" Susan asked as she shifted a pile of charts from one hand to the other as she pressed the fourth floor button.

"Did you see a patient today, late 40's, a Mr. Brian's?"

"Yeh, he came in this morning complaining of every single pain imaginable, a real hypochondriac" Susan chuckled.

"Well he's in the cath lab right now undergoing an angioplasty after a near fatal MI" Kerry placed her hand on her hip in a sign of annoyance and anger. "Why didn't you get an EKG and cardiac enzymes?"

"He never complained of any chest pains, ear ache, stomach pains, headache.......but no chest pains"

"Susan you are an attending, I expect you to set good examples to our residents and students" Kerry argued, frustrated at the other doctor's careless mistake. "This man nearly died today!"

"I'm not listening to this" Susan shook her head and sighed loudly, reaching her hand over to the controls of the elevator. "Ever since I arrived back at County you've been waiting for a chance to show me up. I don't have to take this crap from you Kerry, I'm a good doctor!" Before she could press the stop button, a sharp blow to the head brought her down to the ground. Forcing her eyes open through a wave of overpowering dizziness, she managed to catch a glimpse of a man standing above her, clutching a gun in his right hand.

"Just shut up and stay down!" he warned her viciously before pointing the gun towards Kerry. "We're going up to the roof of this building, don't try to escape, or I'll shoot........"

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Author's Notes: So what is going to happen to Susan and Kerry? Who is this man holding them hostage, what does he want? Will Carter and Abby finally realize how each other truly feel? Tell me if you want another chapter, feedback always welcome!!