Don't Want To Let You Go

Prologue

Abby felt hands around her waist and lips press against hers. This is what she wanted. Hands up and down her back. She felt herself gently being eased onto her bed.
"Carter..." She began.
"Don’t talk." He said softly.
Abby knew she shouldn’t be doing this, but she couldn’t resist him. She’d wanted this for so long, she just didn’t know it. How could she get out of this?
"Just relax. It’s okay." Carter said.
"It won’t be when I wake up in the morning." Abby worked up her strength and pushed lightly on his chest.
Carter was silent. He thrust himself off of Abby. "I’m just gonna go." He got up and started walking toward the door of her bedroom.
"No." Abby found herself saying. Damn, that she was only supposed to say that in her head.
Carter stopped and turned around. "What do you want Abby?"
"I want you."
"You aren’t acting like it."
Abby turned away. "Do I have to tell you every little thing I’m feeling before we can get anywhere?"
Carter looked at her, not knowing what to say. "Do you want to do this?"
Abby nodded her head. This usually wasn’t what he was like. He was just impatient. She didn’t blame him. She didn’t mind that he was scaring her.
Carter walked back over to her and touching her again around the waist and kissed her. Abby felt the sparks she knew all too well all over her body. "Just don’t go." She pleaded with him.
"I won’t." He reassured her.
That look in his eyes. It was a hard look. The last time she’d seen that he was blaming her for taking telling on him for doing drugs. Still, she couldn’t refuse him. He was a magnet. The attraction was so strong. She could feel him taking off her clothes. She felt herself taking off his clothes. Him kissing and touching her everywhere. Abby ran her hands’ through his thick hair and held him as tight as she could as they made love. This had to heaven.

Chapter One

A couple weeks later...

Abby looked over at Carter sitting on a chair, doing charts. She tried to watch him. There were so many feelings floating around between them it made her head spin just by laying eyes on him. Why did she have to do that? Everything was different now.
"Hey." She heard a voice come up behind her. It was Luka.
"Hi." Abby replied, shaking her head to clear it.
"You almost off?" he asked her.
"Uh, yeah, in twenty minutes." Abby said, her gaze wavering to Carter again. This time, he was looking at her too. His look was disappointed. She knew Carter wanted her to break it off with Luka. Abby would do anything for him, yet she couldn’t break up with Luka.
"Do you want to go get a bite to eat?" Luka questioned, oblivious to Carter and Abby looking intently at one another.
"Sure." Abby said, turning back to him, breaking the look.
"Okay." Luka said. "I’m going to go finish up with some patients." He kissed her and walked away.
Abby looked back at Carter. He was gazing at her again, this time with hurt in his eyes.
"I can’t take this anymore." Abby thought to herself. She took off toward the lounge. Once she was inside she sat down on the couch and dropped her head to her hands. She heard the door open and she looked up. Carter was standing before her.
"We’ve got to talk, Abby."
"I know."
"Why do you keep doing this? One minute you’re begging me not to leave you, the next time I see you, you’re going to dinner with Luka." Carter exclaimed.
"Listen, I-" Abby began.
"Abby, you can’t be with both of us. I’m saying it right now, loud and clear. It’s me or him."
"I don’t know what to do! I...I can’t...this is complicated."
"It wasn’t complicated two weeks ago."
"It wasn’t on the outside, it most definitely was on the inside."
"Every minute I spend with you I fall more and more in love with you. Did you think that night was any different? I can’t keep going on like this until I know there are feelings on both sides. Can‘t you see where I‘m coming from on this, Abby? I‘d rather just be your friend than be hanging like this."
"I’m sorry." Abby looked down at her lap.
Carter nodded his head. "So I’m guessing that’s a no."
"I don’t know what I want, Carter. If I did I’d tell you."
"Somehow I doubt that."
"Carter-"
"No, I got all the answer I need." Carter said, starting to depart from the lounge. He stopped and turned again. His voice was softer this time. "Abby, figure this out. I’m not asking for a lot." And he left.
Abby put her head back into her hands. She didn’t know why she couldn’t let herself be with him. She didn’t know why she couldn’t break up with Luka. Maybe her feelings for Luka were stronger than she thought they were. Were they?

"So, did you have a good day?" Luka asked Abby, then shoveled another bite of pasta into his mouth.
"Not really." Abby said distantly.
"Why not?"
Abby didn’t answer.
"Abby?"
Abby snapped back into attention. "Yeah?"
"Why didn’t you have a good day? Luka asked again.
"Oh, just, because.." Abby responded, a loss for words.
"Mmm." Luka smiled and took her hand across the table.
Abby forced a smile back and tried to concentrate on him. "How was your day?"
"Good. Same old thing."
"Good."
Abby looked into his eyes and thought, "Maybe this IS what I want."