TITLE: Right In Front Of Me (Part 6 of `Here With Me`)
AUTHOR: Ceri
EMAIL: ceriellis@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: AL/JC
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: If there were, I forget which ones. Oh, and in my world, Rena never existed. Cruel, but necessary.
ARCHIVE: Sure, just ask
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the original ER characters, just the ones I make up, and, naturally, the twisted little plots that are products of my addled mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the sequel to `In Spite Of Me`.
SUMMARY: A friendship is mended, and advice is given.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

The weather was surprisingly balmy for the time of year; a soft breeze rustled the curtains but nothing more disturbed the still night. He watched, entranced, as her jet black hair spilled over the pillow, her bright blue eyes lighting up the dark, soft flesh covered in goose pimples as the cool air reached the bed.

He had been certain that the date has been a bust - it wasn't every date an ex-girlfriend showed up at the next table, and happened to know the latest girlfriend, and then proceeded to storm out in a flurry of emotions.

The last part made the least sense to him. Since when did Abby show any emotions - let alone a flurry of emotions - in ppublic view?

But what could have been a disastrous evening turned out quite nicely. Ellen didn't say a word about Abby - though he was certain that was still to come - and they finished their dinner in peace, only briefly distracted by the sight of Luka flirting for Croatia at the next table. Dessert came and went, and then they went back to Carter's apartment, and engaged in the sex that he had really begun to enjoy.

And he only had to bite his lip to stop yelling out Abby's name once. It was progress, he was sure of it.

So there they were, lying in each others arms, quite content. One thing was playing on his mind - and he was sure it was on her mind also - and he knew it would come to a head soon enough. Ellen was a direct, honest woman. If she had something to say, she would say it.

"You never mentioned Abby."

Carter nodded imperceptibly - he had her timed to the second with her interrogation. He glanced down at her, studying her stunning features, trying to determine what level of honesty would be appropriate in the situation. Damn. It looked like it was a full-on honesty moment.

"Did I need to?"

Okay, so it wasn't honesty. Answering a question with a question - classic delay tactics. But he didn't care. It gave him more time to think, more time to prepare. This wasn't a subject he was going to converse at length about with no preparation.

"Most people drop names in..." Ellen stated softly. "Hell, I brought up my ex's name a couple of times."

This was true. And Carter hadn't cared less. But with Abby...with Abby it was different. She wasn't just an `ex`. She was the one. She was his one true love, and it wasn't the name to drop in to idle chatter with the rebound girlfriend....he respected Ellen, he cared for her greatly...and he wasn't about to make her feel any less loved by bringing up the woman whom he measured everyone else against.

"I guess I'm not most people."

Ellen managed to stifle a snort of laughter. "You got that right," she replied, then paused. "Did you know we knew each other?"

"No." Now that was the honest-to-God truth. Of all the things that had surprised him about the evening, that had been the main one. It seemed to be too much of an awkward coincidence...but nevertheless accurate. Life really was too cruel sometimes.

"I should have realized," she murmured, fixing her eyes on him with startling confidence. "All those times Abby talked about `John` this and `John` that...I never made the connection."

So Abby talked about him. Well, that was news to him. Good news or bad news, he wasn't sure. Hell, it could have meant anything at that moment in time.

"Oh well. Does it really matter?"

She held his gaze, then bit her lip, looking suddenly very saddened. Carter frowned, instinctively reaching out to cup her face in his hand. She leant in to his touch, closing her eyes briefly, before looking up at him again.

"It matters, John."

He didn't know what to say. His hand dropped from her face, falling to the sheets, playing with them anxiously. Was there a text book response to this sort of thing? - if there was, he needed that book. His experience was barely enough to fill the back of a postage stamp, and that wouldn't get him through these hellish situations. He needed help. Therapy. Oprah. Anything.

"I'm trying to move on," he murmured at last, not looking up to meet her stare. There was a long silence.

"Trying?"

He looked up hurriedly, realizing his error. Damn it all. He hadn't been joking...he really needed some kind of relationship course...something to get him out of the tough spots that he always managed to land himself in to.

"I *have* moved on," he corrected quickly. "With you."

She didn't say a word - she really didn't have to - as she held his gaze, captivating him with her electric blue eyes. Then, as if nothing had happened, she lay back down, resting her head on his chest comfortably, and letting her eyelids flutter shut. "Goodnight, John."

He paused, waiting for something more, then allowed his eyes to close also. Anything else they had to say could wait until tomorrow.

"Goodnight."

*****

He knew when to admit defeat. He knew when to ask for advice. And, despite their estranged status as of late, he knew just who to ask.

Deb's apartment door hadn't changed in the past eight months. Of course, he hadn't expected it to. But, when he was stood, frozen, in the hallway, fist in place to knock on the door, all he could do was study the woodwork. Truth be told, he was nervous. He had missed Deb's friendship, despite all his self-assurance that he didn't need anyone else, and he knew that it was his fault that their friendship had deteriorated. It all just made him that much more apprehensive about talking to her properly again.

Just knock, he told himself. It's not hard to do.

Barely a few seconds after he had done the deed, Deb pulled open the door, phone to her ear and grinning like a Cheshire cat. She paused, staring at Carter like he had something unsightly on his face, then muttered in to the phone, "I gotta go, Abs. I'll call you later."

With a resounding beep, she turned off the phone and placed it on the table by the door. For a few seconds, Carter and Deb just looked at each other, both equally unsure of what to say, and then, as if someone had hit the `power` button, they wrapped their arms around each other, and hugged.

Deb had always given great hugs. There was something about her body - `squashy` sounded unflattering, but strangely accurate - something about the way her arms tightened around his waist, something about how she rested her head on his shoulder that made them so comfortable, so reassuring, so...more-ish.

And he was a guy. They weren't supposed to like hugs. So it meant a lot.

Deb pulled back to smile at him, her eyes sparkling as she stared up at him. "I missed you," she declared, pulling him in to her apartment and kicking the door shut. He grinned.

"I missed you more."

She tipped back her head and chuckled, finally letting him out of her iron grasp and collapsing on to her couch. "Well, I would ask for the gossip, but I already have it," she teased lightly as Carter sat next to her. He shot her a mock-glare, then grinned tiredly. Obviously his reputation had preceded him - and no doubt it was Abby's tainted version of events.

"It's quite the melodrama, isn't it?" he responded, rolling his eyes. "I'm getting good at them."

"You sure are," Deb agreed, crossing her legs and shifting her body so she was looking straight at him. "The question is, does the lovely Ellen Crawford enjoy the soap opera relationship?"

He almost smiled - Deb always seemed to know what was on his mind, no matter what. They had an innate connection, something that couldn't even be broken by months apart...it was a friendship that he should have spent more time trying to save.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted quietly. He looked over at Deb, unsure whether he should expand on this point or not. Her silence told him to continue. "I mean...Ellen's great. She's a wonderful, gorgeous woman, she's funny, she's kind, loving...."

"But?"

Carter sighed - an inaudible sigh, draining the energy from his body as he finally faced up to what the answer was.

"She's not Abby."

Silence fell, and at last Deb replied, "That's true. She isn't Abby. So now you have to ask yourself...do you want to be with Abby, or do you want to move on with Ellen?"

It was a question that, oddly enough, he hadn't even begun to consider, the ramifications being so great. His entire future happiness rested on the answer to this question, which was why he couldn't find a response. Too much was weighted on it, too much for him to take in...he couldn't make this decision alone.

"I..." He paused, then nodded, clarity falling over his being as if the clouds had parted and let the sun shine through. "I want to be with Abby."

For one fleeting moment, he thought he saw a flash of triumph in Deb's eyes, but the next second it was gone, and she nodded gravely. "Then you know what you have to do," she told him calmly. "You have to end things with Ellen. It's not fair on her, it's not fair on Abby...it's not fair on you."

Carter nodded uncertainly. "I...I know I have to," he murmured, meeting Deb's gaze again. "I just...I guess I'm scared of being alone again." He paused, waiting for a reaction, then laughed nervously. "Pathetic, isn't it?"

Deb reached out and grasped his hand, shaking her head. "No. I understand totally. You and Abby have been through a lot...and without her you feel empty..." Carter nodded in agreement. "...but you know as well as I do that if you want to fill that void, you need to take action. Nothing will happen if you sit back and wait."

He exhaled deeply, managing a small smile in her direction. "You should have your own talk show, you know that?"

She smiled. "Deb's Date Advice?"

"Desperate Deb's Date Advice?"

She chuckled, swatting him lightly on the arm. "Less of the desperate, John."

"Sorry," he apologized with a wink, then paused. "Thanks, Deb. You don't know how much I appreciate it. I know I haven't been much of a friend lately - "

"All in the past," she interrupted sweetly. "Let's look to the future."

He grinned, happy to discover that he hadn't lost her friendship forever. No matter how much he had pretended he was fine with it all, he really had missed talking with her, joking with her...just being with her in general. Good friendships were hard to come by, and he had been a fool to think this one was replaceable.

"To the future."

*****