TITLE: Misunderstood (Part 7 of `Here With Me`)
AUTHOR: Ceri
EMAIL: ceriellis@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: AL/JC
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: If there were, I forget which ones. Oh, and in my world, Rena never existed. Cruel, but necessary.
ARCHIVE: Sure, just ask
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the original ER characters, just the ones I make up, and, naturally, the twisted little plots that are products of my addled mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the sequel to `In Spite Of Me`.
SUMMARY: Abby gets two visitors.

MISUNDERSTOOD

She didn't know what to think. It had been two hours, and Deb still hadn't called back. Abby was in desperate need of advice - and her friend really was very good at handing it out. Abby had been on the verge of confessing her undying love and passion for John Carter when someone had interrupted them, and cut her confession short. So she had embarrassed herself, and not even been given some advice to tide her over.

It was something she didn't appreciate.

Who could be more important than her anyway?! What could possibly be more important than her problems, than her life? She couldn't see what. This was life-altering stuff. One wrong move and everything could turn to nightmare status, and she'd have to become a nun. And really, it was a career that only looked fun in Whoopi Goldberg films.

A knock at the door barely distracted her from her thoughts. She stood up slowly, tucking a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear idly. What was it about her life that turned it in to one huge drama? It wasn't like she enjoyed it. She'd be quite happy to settle down, have a normal life with the man she loved, and not have to go through all these confusing trials and tribulations before anything remotely appealing came through.

"Hey."

Abby's eyes widened as she realized who she had opened the door to. He stared back at her, looking strangely nervous - probably worried about Ellen, knowing her luck - and smiling a weak smile.

"Hi," she replied, drawing out the word as far as she could manage, staring at the man in front of her with a dazed smile. "Come on in."

Carter edged past her to get through the door, his body brushing against hers. She wasn't too dazed to feel the electricity currents flow between them. Reluctantly, she moved out of the doorway, allowing him to enter her apartment fully. He looked around him as if he had never been there before. He sat on the couch as if he had never engaged in sexual relations with her on that very piece of furniture. He looked at the blaring TV as if they hadn't watched it together so many times before - from Dirty Dancing to The Weakest Link to their baby's sonogram video. It pained her to see that distant look in his eyes, as if he was trying, and succeeding, to forget everything that had ever taken place in that apartment.

"Coffee?"

He looked up in surprise, meeting her eyes. "Hmm?"

"Would you like some coffee?" she repeated, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, like his eyes could see through to her mind and soul, and all her thoughts were being broadcasted to the world around them.

"No," he replied, dropping his gaze, his hands shoved awkwardly in to his pockets, "Thanks."

Abby paused, exhaling slowly, just trying to calm herself down - she could feel her heart racing at the very sight of him - and then sat next to him on the couch, awkwardly folding her hands in her lap. "So..." she started uselessly.

He turned to look at her. "I'm sorry about last night...at the restaurant...I - "

Oh God. He was there to apologize for moving on with his life. As if anything could possibly be more humiliating. Now she looked like the pathetic ex who was still desperately pining away after him - so what if it was true? He didn't need to know that...or think that.

"You don't need to apologize," she interrupted quickly. "Really."

He shot her a confused glance, then continued, "Ellen and I, we're just -"

"John," Abby interrupted again. "You don't need to explain. I'm happy for you. I'm glad you can move on too."

There was a pause, then Carter murmured, "Too?"

Abby flashed him a confident, false smile. "Yeah. I'm glad we can both be with new people and be happy."

Oh well, she was probably going to hell anyway. What would a few lies hurt, if they were saving her pride? And she had to save her pride. She wasn't going to be left the lonely spinster, the reject from a failed relationship. That wasn't her. No way.

"Oh..." he started quietly, then added with a little more confidence. "So you're...?"

"Dating," Abby confirmed with her brightest I'm-happy-for-you-and-happy-for-me smile. "And honestly, I can't remember being more happy. I mean, you're with Ellen, I'm with Michael, everyone's happy."

So now her fictional boyfriend had a name. This really was reaching new levels of desperation. Well...if she could choose a name...she could choose a job, a whole life for this fictional lover of hers. And he would be a lot richer than the damn Carter family. Maybe an internet entrepreneur? -

"Do I know him?"

Abby blinked, confused. "Who?"

"Michael. Do I know him?" Carter repeated, looking oddly defeated. Ha! That would teach him to assume she was the miserable and desperate spinster.

"Ohhh. Michael. No, you don't," she replied, settling back in her seat and glancing over at him. "I met him a few weeks ago at the video store." She paused, then added with a fond smile, "We were both going for the last copy of American Beauty."

Carter nodded slowly, then stood up. "Well...I'm glad...happy that we're both...happy." He paused, looking down at her with the strangest hint of despair in his eyes. "And that we've both...moved on."

"Right," she agreed, nodding her head fervently. She paused, looking up at him. "You going already?"

"Yeah," he told her softly, breaking their gaze and starting for the door. "Things to do...people to see...you know how it is."

Abby stood up, following him to the door and watching as he stepped in to the hallway. "I guess I'll see you later then...at the hospital."

Carter didn't look up at her. "Yeah. See ya..."

With that, he made his way down the hall and disappeared down the stairs. Abby frowned - why wasn't he happy?! He was off the hook, he was free to pursue Ellen Crawford. So why did he look like he had just been punched in the stomach?

Life was just too confusing sometimes.

*****

Barely an hour later, and there was another knock at the door. Part of her - the part that found her desperation amusing - hoped it was Carter, so she could build on her fictional boyfriend. The other part hoped against hope that it was no one she remotely knew...maybe it was someone at the wrong apartment, or a delivery guy...

When greeted with the sight of that familiar jet black hair and those electric blue eyes, she realized that she had no such luck. The stunning face stared back at her, her hair pulled back to reveal what was quite frankly a sickeningly perfect bone structure. What Abby had only ever been mildly envious of, she now hated with a vengeance. Damn this woman and her amazing good looks. No wonder Carter had moved on.

"Abby, honey," Ellen greeted. They had decided a few years ago that they should at least attempt to be girlie - the nicknames `babe` and `honey` had arisen from a coffee and chocolate-fuelled chat, and hung around ever since. Abby remembered those days very fondly indeed...it was so strange how she could find herself despising such a close friend of hers, all because of Carter. That man really had a bad effect on her.

"Elly, babe, hi," she replied with an attempt at a smile, standing back to let her friend enter. "You look great, did you get a hair cut? - "

Ellen shot her a glance that silenced her totally. The woman walked - or rather, floated, it seemed - over to the couch, and sat down gracefully in practically the same place that Carter had sat an hour ago. Abby paused, watching, then closed the door, and joined her on the couch.

"I think we need to talk," Ellen stated calmly.

Abby nodded nervously. There was something about Ellen that had always intimidated her - maybe it was the fact that she was a confident, assured, beautiful career woman, who never in a million years would let things get in such a mess as Abby had managed to. She always knew what to do, what she wanted, like she had been built in with a genetic link that Abby had skipped out on. It didn't seem fair really.

"I never would have dated John if I had realized he was...*your* John," Ellen continued softly, eyes fixed firmly on Abby. "But...it's too late for that now, I guess. But there's one thing I need to know."

Abby looked over at her friend, unsure of what she was supposed to say at this point. Ellen had an uncanny way of saying all the right things, leaving Abby with nothing but the wrong things to say. Why she reveled in such a ego-deflating friendship with Ellen, she didn't know.

"What's that?"

Ellen cleared her throat, then asked, "Do you still have feelings for him?"

"Wh - what?!" Abby stuttered, taken aback by the question. *This* certainly hadn't been what she had expected from the current girlfriend of Carter.

"Because I'm not one to get in the way of true love," Ellen elaborated, suddenly looking to Abby uncharacteristically awkward and meek. "I was there. I heard all about your relationship with him - "

"Elly, sweetheart, don't be silly - "

"Abs, please, just tell me - "

"There's nothing to tell - "

"You're lying, I can tell - "

"Fine!" Abby threw up her hands in surrender. "I may...I may have some lingering feelings...of love...for John...."

Ellen looked down at her hands, and Abby got the strange feeling of their roles being reversed - like Ellen was the one who had no clue, who was naive and foolish, and Abby was the one who was confident and assured. And all over one man. It didn't feel right.

"But honestly," she lied, "There's nothing strong enough that would make me want to break you guys up. I'm just happy that he found such a wonderful person to be with."

Ellen looked up at her, and they both knew she was lying. But Ellen said nothing, slowly wrapped her arms around Abby, hugging her tightly, then stood up, going towards the door.

"You're going already?" Abby asked, feeling a sense of déjà vu - but not caring. The sooner Ellen left, the sooner Abby could burst in to the floods of tears that were threatening to break her composure.

"I'm afraid so," Ellen replied, flashing Abby a soft smile and stepping out in to the hallway. "I have to go in to work soon...and I need to sort a few things out before then."

Abby nodded in understanding, though she was far from understanding any of this twisted situation they had all got themselves in to. "Well, I'll see you later then," she said in the most cheerful voice she could muster. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Ellen chuckled, flicking her hand as a make-shift wave goodbye, and started down the hallway. "See you, babe."

"See you, honey," Abby recited emptily, stepping back in to her apartment and shutting the door softly. She paused, waiting for the inevitable tears...and moments later, sure enough, they arrived. Tears coursed down her cheeks unchecked as she collapsed back on to the couch. She couldn't believe what she had done over the past few hours...she had lied to John about moving on, and then encouraged Ellen to continue seeing him.

She really was a lot more deranged than first thought.

She shut her eyes tightly; hot, angry tears leaking out as she curled up on the cushions. She could quite happily fall asleep for the rest of eternity - kinda like Sleeping Beauty, but without those three annoying fairies and that bitchy witch. What use was a good job, friends, an apartment, a family who loved her, when she wasn't with John?

She loved him. She loved him beyond words, beyond mere objects, beyond life itself. She loved him so much that it hurt her heart to be apart from him. She loved him so much that the only thing that could fill her life was his presence in it. She loved him beyond comparisons, beyond heaven and hell...it was beyond condition, beyond limitations. It was another plane of existence, it was pure, it was exhilarating and frightening and fulfilling. It was the one, it was meant to be. It was beyond clichés. It was love, pure and simple.

Which was why it hurt so badly.

*****