Chapter One
July 2004
Dear John,
This will be my last letter. Either you’re getting them and you’re not responding for a reason, or you’re not getting them, and so what’s the point? It’s been two years since you left. My only consolation is the fact that I’m not the only person who hasn’t heard from you. Everyone who’s still at County misses you. I talk to Susan quite often; we’ve become very good friends.
If you do somehow get this letter, please call me. I have some things I’d like to say to you. You’ve given me a lot, and I’m not sure you know it. Peace, for one thing. Peace and, ironically, happiness. It’s ironic, I think, because I could never give you happiness. But, then, I didn’t really try, did I?
Will is getting big. He’s still a bit wobbly, but he can stand almost by himself now. He makes noises which I think will soon be words, and he smiles at me, now, as if to get me to smile back at him. I can remember when I would smile and he would only mimic. He’s gotten so much older and, although I know he’s normal and healthy, I secretly believe that he’s just ever so slightly above-average in everything.
As I said in the beginning, this is it. I can’t keep sending these. One letter a week for two years is enough. It’s time for me to grow up. I don’t think you’re ever coming back. So goodbye, Carter. I’ve missed you these last two years, but I have a feeling I’ll be missing you more now.
Love, Abby
Abby reread the letter she’d just signed. Sighing, she folded it, put it in an envelope, and put a stamp on it, setting it aside with the rest of the mail. A knock sounded at the door. She opened the door and the babysitter, Mrs. Anderson smiled at her. “Hey, come on in. You’re right on time.”
Mrs. Anderson hung up her bag on Abby’s coat-hanger. After letting her know that Will had already been fed and was taking his after-meal nap, she grabbed the mail and headed off to work.
After she’d found out that she was pregnant, Abby had stayed in the ER for a couple of months, but without Carter there, it just wasn’t worth the constant aggravation, the gossip, the deaths, and the pain. She had too many memories there. So even before she’d started to show, she’d given her notice, effectively cutting short the gossip which revolved around her really knowing where Carter had gone.
It was actually funny because not only did she not know where he’d gone, but neither had anyone else! After he’d left her apartment that last night, he’d called Kerry at home to tell her that he was quitting! After that, no one had heard from him.
It was then that she’d begun writing to him. It started out as a confession. She’d wanted him to know about the baby. It had become an obsession. She’d written to him about everything. Every detail concerning her pregnancy, her mood swings, her job change, everything. It was like keeping a journal that was mailed off once a week. She’d sent all the letters to his grandmother’s house, hoping that they would be forwarded to him. But no reply had come.
Surprisingly, this had not deterred her. She continued to send him letters once a week. After the baby came, the letters had changed. Instead of being about her, they’d became about him. She wrote about everything. She watched him grow and learn and play and she’d recorded it all.
It was only eight-thirty in the morning, but Chicago in July was cooking. She made it to work just as Erin did. Erin Hanover was an OB/GYN who Abby had been working for since leaving the ER. It was a small private practice office and it gave Abby regular working hours, an increase in salary, better benefits, and part-time daycare.
“Morning,” she said as she slid into her desk. Karen, the other OB nurse arrived and they exchanged pleasantries. Abby made coffee and put her letters and bills into the outgoing mail pile.