Chapter Eight

Abby parked on the street outside her house. As she got out of the car, Carter parked behind her and got out of his.

“You moved.”

“Yeah, I was tired of complex living. I rent the whole house very reasonably and it’s got lots of room. It’s a safe neighborhood. There’s a backyard. It’s great.”

He looked down the street at the trees and grass and the kids playing outside on their front lawns, enjoying the extra daylight that summer afforded them. He could remember playing outside after dinner as a kid. He smiled at the memory.

“Hey, you there?”

“Yeah,” he said, still smiling, “I’m here.”

“Okay, let’s go in.”

Abby walked up the walkway to her screen door and through the front porch to the big front door. Carter noticed a wicker chair on the front porch and a baby swing, the kind that mechanically rocks a baby to sleep. Almost jealously, he wondered who’d put it together for her. Shaking his head, he smiled again - he couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

Abby got the door unlocked and walked inside, holding the door for him.

“Mrs. Anderson?” Abby called. “I’m home. Sorry I’m late.”

A plump, but sturdy woman of about fifty walked out of the kitchen. “Not a problem, Abby. Everything was fine today. He ate all his carrots at lunch-time and even some pears. I honestly couldn’t believe it. You know how he feels about carrot!” Mrs. Anderson stopped, noticing Carter.

“Mrs. Anderson, I’d like to introduce an old friend. This is John Carter. He’s been a way a few years, but he’s moving back to Chicago. John, this is Mrs. Anderson, baby-sitter extraordinaire. She’s been with us ever since my maternity leave. Will adores her, as do I.”

They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. “Well, I must be off - some of the girls and I are off to play bingo at church and I don’t want to be late.”

“Have fun,” Abby called after her. Then she turned to John, “Okay, ready?”

They were still standing in the foyer of her modest home and she was leaning on the door after closing in behind Mrs. Anderson. He stood in front of her, looking at her as if he wanted to kiss her. “Ready,” he said.

Abby took his hand and led him through the house. From the foyer they walked through a long hallway with rooms off to the sides. On the right they passed a smallish kitchen and dining area. On the left a living room. At the back of the house were two small bedrooms. One was hers and the other was obviously set up and decorated for a baby, however, she pulled him into her room. Before he could ask, he saw the crib in the corner near the head of the double bed and smiled again. She slept near their son.

She led him over to the crib and there, inside he saw him. She was right. Will looked exactly like the baby pictures he’d seen of himself. He was lying there asleep, so he couldn’t see the eyes, but Abby was right about Will’s hair, it was lighter than hers, it matched his own, and his chin, forehead - God, even his ears! She was right. This was his son!

They stood there for a moment, watching Will sleep and Carter put an arm around her shoulders. “Thank you for this.”

“For what?” she asked. “All I did was give birth, admittedly not something I relished doing, but still. We did this together, we made him together.” They were standing very close now.

He stared into her perfect blue eyes and said, “I know, but you gave him back to me. I almost had decided I never wanted to see you again. I almost didn’t come to your work today. I just wasn’t sure I could handle the pain if it all went south again.”

She put a hand on his arm. “I know, I’m so sorry about that.”

“No, I don’t blame you anymore. I could have stayed and made you talk to me, instead I walked out and left. Really left. I didn’t want to be found because I thought if you cared about me even a little, it would hopefully hurt you that I was gone, and if you didn’t care at all, then you wouldn’t even notice.”

Her forehead wrinkled in grief. She put her hands on his face and said, “I loved you more than I ever thought humanly possible. I was stubborn and unhappy because I thought you would wake up one day and realize what a mistake it all was. What a mistake I was.” She laughed, “Talk about a work in progress. I never felt like I was truly good enough for you and I could almost hear your parents in the background of my mind. What they’d say to you if they ever found out about us.”

He put his hands on hers, keeping them on his face and said, “I always thought you were good enough for me. The only doubt I had was whether you truly wanted me or not. I could never tell.”

Before she could answer, Will fussed in his sleep and then abruptly woke up and began to cry. Separating from Carter, Abby reached down and pulled up Will, saying soothingly, “Oh, no, what’s the matter? What’s the matter?” He continued to cry as she walked out of the room and across the hall, setting him down on a changing table. Carter followed her and watched while she worked.

Abby continued to babble at Will while she changed him and Carter thought he’d never been happier. Will did have his eyes. They were dark brown and looked like pools of chocolate.

Abby finished changing him and brought him into the living room, again with Carter following. She sat down on the floor and put Will in her lap laying out some building blocks for him to play with. Carter sat down opposite them and watched.

Will crawled off Abby’s lap and made for the toys, babbling loudly. They played like that for a couple of hours, until Will went down for the night.

“He sleeps through the night?”

“Yeah,” she said ruefully, “it was a long, hard road, but he sleeps through the night now.” They tucked him in and left a nightlight on for him, then Abby took the baby monitor and closed the door. “Do you want to sit on the porch? It was supposed to cool off a bit tonight.”

“That sounds good.”

They walked through the house and out the front door. The lightening bugs were out in full force, looking like blinking stars that had fallen out of the sky. Abby pulled another wicker chair out of a closet and they sat close to each other, staring at the dark street, holding hands.

Finally, Abby spoke. “About what you said before. About not knowing if I ever really wanted you. You were right. I hated to talk about my feelings, but the one thing I can remember is that you were the only thing I wanted. Everything else I didn’t give a damn about. I loved you, I was just too scared of the rejection to really tell you.

“You’re not scared of rejection anymore?”

“Well, scared isn’t the right word anymore. I worry about it, but I’ve learned that if you don’t put yourself out there, and risk something, then what you end up with isn’t going to mean as much.”

In the dark he nodded.

“Can I ask you something?” she said.

“Anything,” he answered.

“Where did you go?”

“Florida. Gamma’s doctors insisted that she get to a warmer climate on the double and since neither of my parents would consider going with her, it sort of became not even an option. When I got to your place that night, the decision had already been made, I just wanted to know if you’d try to stop me, or if you would consider going with me. It was so stupid and immature. I hate admitting it even now. Anyway, Gam died a few weeks ago and now I’m back for good.”

“John, I can’t tell you how sorry I am about your grandmother. I know how close you were to her.” She squeezed his hand in the dark. “But I’m also very glad that you’re back. I can’t tell you how glad.”

He looked at her in the dark. Their eyes had adjusted and she could see the longing.