TITLE:
Made To Be Broken (Part 12 of `In Spite Of Me`)
AUTHOR: Ceri
EMAIL: ceriellis@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: JC
RATING: Universal
SPOILERS: Probably...
ARCHIVE: Sure, just ask
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me. Just the ideas, twisted angst, and all the
trappings of this particular Carby love-in - they're all mine, mua ha ha.
AUTHORS NOTES: Apologies for irrelevant titles and vague summaries ;)
SUMMARY: Carter gets a new toaster.
1 Made To Be Broken
Her face, her beautiful face, stared back at him, then her eyes flicked over to
Jing Mei. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said. There was something in her voice that
told him she wasn’t sorry.
The silence, which had become a regular thing now whenever he was around these
two women it seemed, was long, drawn out, and the tension was so thick he
could’ve cut it with a scalpel. Finally, someone spoke.
“I have to be at work.”
Carter tore his eyes away from Abby to look at Jing Mei. She was watching them,
frowning slightly...if Carter looked close enough, he could’ve sworn she was on
the verge of tears. Something made him want her to stay...but also want her to
leave.
Why did life have to be so damn confusing?
No one said another word, and Carter just stared at Abby as Jing Mei slipped
quietly out the door. She stared back, her face blank, her eyes empty, and it
killed him. It killed him inside to think he had hurt her, that he had ruined
what chances he had left.
“Abby – “
“John – “
They both broke off sheepishly, and Carter scratched the back of his head
awkwardly, moving away from the door. “You go first.”
She slowly made her way to the couch, perching on the edge of the seat, then
turned her brown eyes towards him. All of a sudden they were filled with
emotion, the entrance to her soul, expressing what words could not at that
moment.
She was hurt.
But why? Why was she hurt? After all, she was shacked up with Kovac, wasn’t she?
It was her own decision to be with Luka, and it was Carter’s decision to stick
his tongue down his best friend’s throat.
He shuddered. It didn’t seem like such a well-made decision anymore.
“So you’re with Dr Chen now?”
Carter frowned, meeting Abby’s eyes once more. “No.”
She let out a short, sarcastic laugh. “Right. So you kiss all your friends like
that?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s complicated, okay?”
“Sure. I’m sorry for coming over and interrupting your evening of passion – “
she started, sounding more bitter than anything else as she stood up. Carter
reached over, grabbing her hands, stopping her from moving anywhere. She just
stared at him, her gaze burning in to him accusing. “Do you even know what you
want, John?”
Once more, silence fell. Inexplicable tears stung Carter’s eyes as he considered
her question. She was right – he hadn’t known before tonight. But now, after
everything that had happened, an almost painful clarity fell upon him.
“I want *you*.”
*****
Abby had been sat in contemplative silence for about ten minutes now, staring
dully at the blank television screen. Carter watched her patiently, trying to
read in to her expression, to be able to tell *something* about what she was
feeling.
But she wasn’t an open book around him anymore. Something had happened to make
her close up, to make her freeze out any attempts at deciphering her conflicted
and confused thoughts.
She turned her gaze to him, catching his eye, and she stood up. Carter’s heart
leapt in to his throat as she moved towards the door, then stopped, bending down
to pick up a bag that he hadn’t even noticed was there. She turned, placing the
bag gently on to his coffee table, then looked at him.
“I bought you a new toaster.”
He didn’t know what this meant at first – was it code for something? Was she
trying to say she – oh. Right. Broken toaster.
“You didn’t need to do that,” he responded quietly, eyes fixed firmly on the
shiny new toaster she was pulling from the box. “It wasn’t your fault the old
one was broken.”
She placed the contraption proudly on the table, and glanced up at him, the
vaguest, tiniest smile playing on her lips. “Actually, it is. Before you woke up
I shoved a knife in there to get the bread out.”
There was a pause, then they both chuckled softly. It was strange – so long
since they had both smiled, in the same place, at the same time, about the same
thing. He had missed her smile – that smile that lit up the darkest of rooms,
that smile that was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen.
“Then I won’t let you near this one,” he countered teasingly. She smiled once
more.
“Don’t worry, I promise not to break any more of your things.”
There was another pause as the tension that had briefly disappeared returned in
full force. Abby looked away, biting her lip as she glanced around the
apartment.
“I was serious, you know.”
She looked back at him inquisitively. “About what?”
“About wanting you.”
“I know.”
Silence.
“Are you with Luka?”
Her face shot up, looking at him as if he had just suggested they should both
fly to the moon. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, a familiar frown
falling on her brow.
“No. No I’m not. Who told you that?”
“Luka.”
Silence.
“Well we’re not,” she said at last, exhaling deeply. “I mean, we’re friends. And
that’s it. I couldn’t...didn’t *want* to be anything more with him when I still
– “
She broke off, flushing red with embarrassment, and flopped down on to the
couch. He watched her, unsure of what to do – follow his heart, or follow his
head. Luckily for him, they were both telling him to do the same thing.
He got to his feet, making his way over to the couch, and sat next to her. With
a great deal of uncertainty, he reached out, clasping her hand in his. Nothing
felt more right than her skin against his, than her body so close to his. He
paused again, then carefully, methodically brushed his lips against hers.
There was a moment, a heart-breaking moment when she didn’t respond. For what
was most likely milliseconds, but felt like hours, she just sat there, letting
him kiss her, letting him hold her hand.
And then, she reciprocated.
It wasn’t an urgent kiss, a rushed liaison between two people who shouldn’t be
there. His lips gently caressed hers, her hands slowly moving to his face. All
sounds, sights, smells disappeared, leaving them alone on this elevated plane of
existence. It was right, it was what they both needed.
It was love.
*****