CHAPTER 11

did you believe me when i said they'd be okay

this my friends .... is a matter of trust :)

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"John, you really shouldn't be here - you look terrible"  Susan put her hand on his shoulder as they walked into the ER.
"Well, she might be here"
They walked in and headed straight for the lounge. John's eyes were peeled. He was looking around for her. He just wanted to know she was okay. He missed her like hell, it was the first night they'd spent apart.
Kerry Weaver was in the lounge, putting on her lab coat."Carter! you're here"
"looks like it" he said miserably.
"Well I hope Abby recovers as quickly"
John's head snapped up at the mention of her name. Susan butted in to try and stop Kerry catching on.
"oh, did you give her your virus Carter? - that was very generous"
Carter looked at Weaver, trying to control his voice.  "What did she say on the phone"
Kerry looked slightly confused.
"Just that she had a fever, she was vomiting and that she couldn't make it in today"
John put his hands in his pockets and nodded.
"She sounded a lot worse than you did, must be pretty bad"
"Yeah" sighed Carter .. "Yeah, it is"
Kerry exited the lounge leaving Carter and Susan alone.

Carter leaned back against the lockers and put his head in his hands. Susan felt so sorry for him. Even now, he didn't know what was going on. Last
night, she went round and told him everything Abby had told her earlier in the day. She couldn't help but feel like she was betraying Abby, but there
was more than their friendship on the line here. Carter was devastated. All he could say was "I had no idea" and "Why didn't she tell me?" And now he
just desperately wanted to talk to her. He was sure, no, he was positive he could make it right. He just needed to talk to her.

"Where the HELL is she Susan?"

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Abby sat in her motel room. The curtains were drawn and the light was switched off. She looked at the clock next to the bed, squinting through her
red, swollen eyes. It was almost 7pm. Abby looked at the two bottles of beer she'd drunk, and swiped them away from her. She sat crossed legged on the tiny bed, her head in her hands, crying. For hours, she'd just sat here, pouring over the thoughts, the emotions that ran through her mind.

Oh God, how could I let it come to this.
I can't do this - I can't start drinking again.
Not this time.
This is make or break Abby, you know you can't survive another relapse.

She began to sob, speaking out loud, wishing he could here her.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry"
"I just want you, I just want you ... I just want you"
She sounded like a child, words pouring out from her mouth in between the sobs, blubbering uncontrollably, unable to calm herself down.
"I can't live without YOU, I don't want to live without you....."
"I can't go on like this anymore ...I don't want to hurt anymore"

And so it went on.

It went on until she decided that for once in her life she had something to fight for.
It went on until in one instant, she started to feel angry, not simply at herself, but at whatever it was, this imaginary monster, this force that was
out to destroy her. Her own fear, hurt, her past.
"No, no, no, no" she moaned shaking her head violently
"I'm NOT gonna let you do this to me"
"Not again"
She knew she was talking to a part of herself.
She knew in that instant she had to let go, somehow she had to let go of the hurt, and hang on for dear life to him.
She needed him.
She needed him now.
She wasn't going to wait any longer.
She wasn't going to sit and cry anymore.
She was going to DO something.
Now.

Abby picked up the phone in trembling hands and dialed the number shakily. She heard the sound of her own voice, then the beep of her answer phone, and she began to pour her heart out. She told him everything he'd need to hear. Everything that mattered, finishing :
".....I - I - I'm coming straight over now, pleeease be there, I'm so, so sorry... I - I love you..."
Abby slammed the phone, pulled on some trainers, grabbed the keys to the car and ran out of the motel room, kicking an empty beer bottle out of the way .

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John grabbed his things from his locker, and slammed it shut moodily. It was 7:30, he felt terrible. He was physically and mentally exhausted. He'd had
twelve hours of hell. All he could think about was Abby, replaying her every word from last night, remembering the empty look in her eyes, how for one second she almost broke down, and then he saw it. All the fear, the turmoil, and the self-hatred. God, he was scared - terrified of losing her. He
couldn't go back, couldn't imagine a life without her.

He hoped to God she was okay.

Chuny poked her head round the lounge door
"Carter we've got a...."
Carter cut her off.
"I'm off" he stated, walking straight out of the lounge and down the corridor.
Maybe she'd be at the apartment, waiting for him when he got there.  With this thought he pushed open the ER doors, braced himself against the
wind and walked through the ambulance bay and down the street, walking intently as the blare of sirens and the flashing lights dulled to nothing
behind him.

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Susan, Kerry, and Chuny ran into the Ambulance bay as the ambulance pulled in.
"34 year old female, MVA. serious trauma to the head and abdomen....."
Susan and Kerry were looking at the paramedic, straining to hear her above the noise.
Chuny saw her first. "Oh ... oh .. Jesus Christ, its Abby!"
Kerry looked at Chuny, registering the look of shock and upset on the nurses face before looking at the body on the stretcher. Her hand flew to her mouth involuntarily.  "O - Oh my God - get her inside NOW!"
Susan could barely breathe. All she could hear was her own heart beating, as they wheeled her in, she kept looking from Abby to people who rushed past them, taking in the looks of horror, of disbelief - slowly realizing this wasn't a dream. Trying to pull her self together.
"Susan - I need a line in! Now!"
Susan tried to focus, her hands were shaking. Kerry didn't hesitate, she shouted to one of the nurses
"get Kovac or Chen in here now!"
"I'm in!" yelled Susan, her voice shaking
Kerry was racing, working quickly, diligently, her hands flying, a stream of commands coming from her mouth.
Just then, Chen came barging in followed by Haleh.
"What the hell happened?"
"Dr. Chen, I need you to intubate"
Chen shook her head, as if clearing away any emotion she felt, and then quickly nodded to Kerry's command.
"I need a head CT, tox screen and ultra sound"
Kerry probed Abby's stomach.
"Okay, abdomen is rigid and disdended - massive internal bleeding - get a surgical consult down right away! - tell them it's urgent!"
Kerry spoke to Susan "Susan, go phone Carter"
Susan nodded, her eyes fixed on Abby, and then she left.
"Dr. Weaver! - she's regaining consciousness"
"Abby, Abby can you hear me? It's Dr. Weaver"
Abby moaned in pain, her eyes barely open.
"Abby, talk to me"
"....my head hurts ... can't see properly"
"You're going to be okay, try to stay with us Abby"
Weaver turned to Dr Chen who had a grim look on her face
"Ok, there's probably a bleed due to the head trauma, we need to get her stabilized"
Kerry turned Abby's head to the side slightly, wincing at the bluish purple swelling - watching as Abby slipped back into unconsciousness.
"Where the HELL is that surgeon?!"
"SATS are dropping! " yelled Haleh
"get Romano down here NOW!"

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END OF CHAPTER 11

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