CHAPTER 12

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Carter reached Abby's apartment building, or "their" apartment building as he'd begun to see it. He'd been walking home slowly, he still felt sick. As
he had turned the corner onto the street he'd known immediately she wasn't there.
His car was still gone.
He climbed the stairs slowly, dejectedly unlocking the door and walking into the empty apartment. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed the bathroom light was on.
"Abby??"
No reply.
He must have forgotten to turn it off.

He felt so alone as he dumped his bag in the corner of the room, noticing three messages on the answering machine. Maybe she'd called. He tapped the replay button and collapsed onto the couch, closing his eyes against the nausea that was still there.

"You have three messages"

Carter heard the first beep.

"Hello, this is Eleanor."
Carter started at the sound of his mother's voice
"I was worried when you didn't come tonight, Abby.  I hope everything is ok.  If you get this message, and still want to come by, I'll gladly come and
pick you up."
Carter slumped back down. What was THAT about? Why was Abby meeting his mother?

He heard the second beep.

"John .... I - It's Abby ..."
Her voice cut through him like a bolt of electricity. He sat upright, listening to every word, every breath. She was crying, no, she was sobbing.
"Oh, God, John I - I - I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you so much .... I want to come home ..... I need you .... I don't want to live without you
.... I don't want to hurt anymore ...........I - I - I'm coming straight over now, pleeease be there, I'm so, so sorry... I - I love you..."

John exhaled as the message ended. He could tell her heart was breaking.  Tears stung his eyes.  She was coming home. They were going to be ok. Oh God, she was coming back   to him. She loved him, she needed him. He knew that soon he would be holding her in his arms, kissing her, telling her he'd never leave her, that everything was going to be ok.

John was lost in a torrent of thoughts and emotions.  He didn't hear the third beep.  Didn't even hear Susan's voice as she began to speak.

"John, John ... are you there ? - it's Susan ...."

Something registered in his mind. Perhaps it was the panic in her voice, the way her voice was wavering.

"...for Christ's sake pick up John..."

Something was wrong, something bad, really bad had happened.  A knot began to form in the pit of his stomach.  His heart began to quicken.

"...John ... it's Abby - she's been in a car accident ...."

His heart was pounding, he could feel the blood pumping inside his head.

"... you need to get down here right away ... it's not good John"

He didn't hear anything else.
He couldn't breathe - couldn't shift the air that stuck in his throat.
He felt sick - very sick.
He stumbled across to the phone, knocking it off the table, falling to his knees.
He dialed the number as quickly as he could.
"Mom? It's John - I need you to take me to the hospital now"
"No ... it's Abby ...she's been in an accident"
His voice broke as he said her name.
"It's Abby" he repeated, putting a clenched fist to his forehead, tears running down his face.

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"What happened?!?" shouted Elizabeth as she burst into Trauma 1.
"Car crash" replied Haleh solemnly.
"head-on collision" added Chen.
Elizabeth quickly examined Abby.
"Head CT shows a bleed, and there's a lot of blood in the abdomen" said
Kerry handing the scans to Elizabeth.
"Yes ... yes, she ruptured her spleen"
"BP's stable" commented Chuny
Elizabeth began to bark orders at the nurses.
"ok, get her upstairs now, call surgery, tell them we have damage to the
spleen as well as possible intercranial bleed, prep theatre 2, squeeze in 2 litres, and page Romano...."
Elizabeth turned to Kerry.
"We'll have to repair the spleen before we can do anything about the head injury. We'll just have to hope the bleeding doesn't get any worse."
Kerry was clearly worried.
"Is that the best we can do?"
"If we don't repair the spleen, she'll bleed to death.
We don't have a choice."
Elizabeth walked swiftly out of Trauma 1, leaving Kerry, Jing Mei, Chuny and Haleh staring after her. They stood for a moment, the reality of what just
happened sinking in.
Kerry ripped her gloves and overalls off, and left the room, and the other three women behind.

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"Malik, have you seen Susan?"
He shook his head.
"Well, do you know if she phoned Carter?"
He nodded.

John burst into the ER, his mother following behind him, struggling to keep up.
"Kerry! - what happened? where is she?"
"She... she's in theatre"
"What's wrong with her?" He was breathing heavily, struggling to get the words out.

He hated how softly Kerry was speaking.
He hated that he knew her "prepare the relatives for the worst" voice.

"There was a lot of damage John ... her, her spleen ruptured, causing a massive abdominal bleed. They're working to repair that damage now ....."
"What else?"
Kerry looked at him sadly.  "...the...the head CT showed some bleeding .. on the brain. Even if they can repair the damage to the spleen... the - theirs always the risk that she could suffer a major subdural haematoma ..... I'm sorry John"

John nodded "thank you"
He walked outside. The fresh air assaulted his lungs and turned his stomach. He wretched, bending over and vomiting. For a second, blackness closed in on him, and he thought he was going to collapse, but he didn't.He felt an arm go around his waist and over his stomach, another strong hand
gripped hi shoulder. He heard his mothers voice.
"I'm here John, I'm here for you now."
John turned around and buried his in her shoulder, crying. He needed to cling on to someone.

Tears ran down Eleanor's face as held on to her son. This is what she should have done so many times in his life. She had let him down, she knew that - but she was trying to make things right. That's why she came to see Abby. She just wanted her boy to be happy for once. Why did this have to happen?  She hadn't been this close to him since before Bobby died.  She'd never been there for him.
"I'm so, so sorry John"

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END OF CHAPTER 12