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Toys & Gadgets |
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This tragedy in hot pink was Barbie's manually operated excuse for vehiculer travel. But this car was a classic. The T-bar? The yellow racing stripe sticker? The glue residue from where Mini Fro and I tried to decorate the car ourselves with My Little Pony sitckers. And the best part is, this car is fondly remembered for stealing Barbie's shoes. |
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So, as you can see, the laptops of the 1990's were bulky, useless and just plain ugly. Not to mention the screen only fit one line of text. (How the hell are you supposed to play hangman with one line of text?) Now I must explain this is a phonics game console meant for children... but I still like drawing out the comparison. |
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This craze swept the nation like nobody's business. And it was still ridiculous. You set up a stack of milk bottle tags with cartoon characters on them, then you use a plastic piece which can easily be substituted for a rock, a bottle cap or... (a shoe?) to knock them all down and you steal some other kids toy. I remember hearing a lecture about spending too much money on these things... this is the first time I'd consider my parents right. |
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"... It's a zany action, a crazy contraption, the fun is catching... It's Mousetrap! I win!" This was the lamest game ever. You had to build the friggin' board while you play. And it all fell over 'cause the rubber bands were completely ineffectual. As you can tell, this is a cherished part of my childhood. |
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Can you imagine walking through the crowd with that to your ear? And thinking you looked cool? Well, one good thing is people wouldn't mistake you for talking to yourself. |
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Has anyone else noticed they're trying to bring back all the best parts of your chidlhood, but they bring them back wrong? Since when did real children play with this stupid clay in the commericals... it was always the lame claymation kid. I liked the lame claymation kid! ( And as a sidebar, I distinctly remember my father warning me not to mix the playdoh colours. Way to stifle my creativity, Dad! ) |
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These accident prone little freaks, who consisted of children of war, accident prone freaks, and a vagrant looking candy striper, were amazing. Their shoes fell off, their heads were made only to support hats, the bed was molded to look like it was starched around somebody's body, and the only set I had was a hospital, so every time I played someone was going in for emergency surgery. It was just like General Hospital! |
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The best part of this toy was that it perfectly captured the 1990's vernacular. With such choice phrases as: "No Way!", "As if!", and the ever popular, "Yeah right!". |
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The greatest thing about this doll is it was bi-gendered. Who needed the public education system to learn about tolerance of others? My education started straight from the first time my sister confused this doll, Lynn, for a boy. |
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Apparently these troll things started in the 70's. But the revival is so 90's. No one today would subject their child to playing with this ugly ball of plastic and fake hair. It's ridiculous what we thought were cool. |
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Here's Exhibit A: Tickle Me Elmo, version: Cookie Monster. Exhibit B: Let's Pretend Elmo. These toys are useless, annoying and traumatizing when they start talking in the middle of the night during a thundestorm when no one touched them. (Creepy!) |
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The Skip-it. It was a poor excuse for a skipping rope. Suposedly, this was safer than the skipping rope which stupid American children can wrap around their necks then the door handle and kill themselves, so instead we'll just break people's ankles. |
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The large red arrows point out my sister's first digital pet. This little egg simulated what it meant to have a pet. It wanted to be digitally fed, digitally bathed, and digitally amused. Supposedly, this was fun for the child too. My pets died frequently because I just couldn't seem to make myself care about their digital whining. |
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