Smile Again

Smile Again

Her blonde hair framed her face messily as she sat in her corner, rivers flowing from her dark ash eyes. They matched the rest of her. From her feet with white socks on to her white tee shirt and black bike shorts. Her legs were bent so that her head was propped up on her knees. She couldn't take it anymore. She was hiding in a empty examining room from them. The doctors. They poked at her. Prodded her. Kept asking her the same questions over and over again in a continuous circle, making her dizzy. She led a perfect life. Perfect parents. The best sister any one could ask for. A Wonderful job. Gorgeous boyfriend. Her family had lots of money. The perfect life. But it all came crashing down only days ago. Memories of the night flooded her thoughts slowly.

'You're worthless' her mind scolded her. 'They don't love you. You're too perfect.'

'You're wrong. They do love me.' She answered herself.

'Ha. Yeah right.'

The tears wouldn't stop. She was so lost and confused. Why? They kept asking her. Why? That seemed like the question of the day. She didn't know why. She just had.

'No it's not. There has to be other options.'

'Like what? Your parents can't stand the sight of you. They're in Italy. Your co workers think you're stupid or else they would have given you that raise. Your boyfriend saw that you'd eventually wind up as nothing and he didn't want to get dragged down as well; so he broke up with you. Your sister thinks your worthless or else she wouldn't have made the suggestion that you go to a therapist.'

'She worries.'

'Get real Megan. You can't really be that blind.' Her mind pauses for a minute. 'Or maybe you are.' It muses.

'Why do you patronize me so?'

'Oooooh. Big word.'

The memory was becoming all too clear. She pushes the hair out of her face only to have it fall back in it's original place. Looking at her bandaged wrists, the memory continues to haunt her.

"No other options." She repeats quietly to herself. She closes her eyes, bringing the blade to her wrist. Megan feels as the cold metal scrapes across her wrist sending chills down her spine. Wine colored rivers flowing from the cut. There was no going back as she made the final incision. Then suddenly her world went dark.

Chills continued down her spine as the memory came. The next thing that she had remembered was waking up in a hospital room with all sorts of things in her. From IV needles to heart monitors. Someone had found her, barely alive, in her bathroom. It was her sister. Megan was a year younger then her sister Rebecca. She couldn't imagine the look on her sister's face, and she didn't want to. It was too painful. Megan continues to cry quietly in the empty room. She looks outside and smirks. It was raining. Perfect weather she thinks.

****

"In here." The nurse directs the gurney and the people pushing it to a room. Behind them were the four people the man on the gurney considered 'brothers'. They were all worried about him. It had taken them a while to stabilize their friend and now he was passed out, sleeping. As they place the short male on the bed, one of his friends approaches the nurse.

"Is he going to be okay?" Asks JC Chasez of NSYNC.

"Mr. Kirkpatrick will be just fine. I assume you'll want to have guards posted at the entrance?"

"Yeah." Says Justin Timberlake.

"Okay then. He should be on his feet within a couple of days."

"Is there someone else here?" Asks Lance Bass, pointing to a bed about six or seven feet from his friend's.

"Uh, yeah, that's…" She notices that there wasn't anyone in the bed. "Oh dear. Not again." She says shaking her head. The nurse heads over to the wall and presses the button for the intercom system to the nurse's desk.

"Yes?"

"Hey Amanda, Michelle here. She's gone again."

"Again?"

"Yeah. Can you send Faverton to get her? She's probably in the same spot she's been in." A sigh is heard over the intercom.

"Got it."

"Michelle out."

"Amanda out." Michelle looks over at the four.

"Sorry. We've been having some trouble with this girl. Her name's Megan Stewart. She's been her for the past six days. Don't worry. That girl couldn't hurt a fly. You'll be okay."

"If it wouldn't be too much, why is she here?" Asks JC. The nurse nods her head.

"Too much. She'll tell you if she wants you to know. Now excuse me. We have to go round her up. Mr. Kirkpatrick should be okay. If you need anything, just buzz." With that she walks out of the room. The guys look at each other, then at Chris, before leaving the room and heading out into the waiting room. Soon each are asleep.

****

Megan continues to cry, lost in the black abyss of her own thoughts when someone taps her on the shoulder. Her head jolts up to see who it was.

"Hey. You ran out on us again." Says the 25 year old, red-haired male nurse. She stares blankly at him. Daniel was used to the stare. That was all the girl would give anyone, even her family who cared for her. If she would only see that. "You know this is the fourth time I've had to come get you. You're really making this a habit." Her head turns back to the ground. "Still not talking huh? Well are you going back to the room voluntarily or do I have to drag you there like last time?" Her eyes glaze to the side, away from him and she decides to stand up. Shakily she stands up, but then collapses on the ground. He shakes his head and picks her up. "Not eating for three days does this you know." He says talking to air, knowing she can't hear him. He carries her back to her room, but is stopped at the nurse's desk.

"Hey Daniel."

"Hey Amanda."

"Usual spot?" He nods.

"Yeah. Passed out due to lack of nutrition."

"Not surprised. Oh Daniel? They put someone in the other bed next to her. Famous though. He should be waking up any minute. Those are his friends and their bodyguards." She says pointing to seven people sleeping in the chairs in front of the desk.

"That person that was causing all that commotion an hour ago?"

"One and only."

"Oh, okay." Amanda smiles as Daniel carries Megan to her room. They are stopped by the bodyguard.

"Yes?"

"Daniel Faverton, I'm a nurse here." He shows him his pass. "This is Megan Stewart. She's in this room as well." He nods and lets him through. Daniel places Megan in her bed and starts to put the IV's and rest into her.

****

JC wakes up to see a young red-haired male about their age carrying a blonde girl walk into Chris' room after being okayed by the bodyguard. Looking next to him, he notices the other three waking up.

"Boys, Mr. Kirkpatrick should be waking up any minute now if you want to be there when he does." Says a female nurse at the desk whose voice they recognized as 'Amanda's. They nod and head to the room. The bodyguard smiles and nods letting them in. The guys find a red-haired male nurse sitting by the other bed, which held a young blonde girl. He turns hearing them walk in.

"Hi, you must be for Mr. Kirkpatrick." He says standing up and gesturing towards Chris' bed. They nod. "Name's Daniel Faverton. I'm Ms. Stewart's nurse, or one of the three she has. And you are?"

"I'm JC Chasez. They are…" He points to a tall blonde. "Justin Timberlake…" To a dark brown haired with red-tips male. "Joey Fatone…" And then to another blonde with spiked hair. "Lance Bass."

"You're the people that caused all that commotion this morning." He states.

"Yeah." Answers Lance. "That would be us. We're in a band called NSYNC. Heard of us?"

"Um… Somewhere, Someday. Right?" They nod. "It's a favorite of a little girl down a ways. All she plays."

"That's us. Chris, Mr. Kirkpatrick, came down with a severe case of food poisoning. He started getting sick at our concert last night and was violently ill this morning."

"Ouch. I've had a light case of it before. It wasn't pleasant." They all turn as sounds of moaning come from Chris' bed.

"Oh god. My stomach." He says reaching for his stomach. "What happened?" He says noticing his four friends next to him and a fifth face he didn't recognize. "Where am I?"

"Mr. Kirkpatrick…" Starts Daniel.

"Chris please."

"Chris. You came down with a severe case of food poisoning. You're at the county general hospital in one of the rooms. I'm Daniel. One the three nurses you and your roommate have."

"Roommate?"

"Yeah. Till one of you is moved. Over there." He says pointing to the pale-faced blonde who was still passed out.

"What's wrong with her? She doesn't look too good." Says Chris.

"Neither do you. She… well… she will tell you if she wants you to know." If she'll speak to you.

"Oh. Okay. When can I go home?"

"In a day or so." Daniel replies.

"We are canceling tomorrow's and the next night's concerts so you can get better." Says JC.

"Okay." He yawns. "I'm sleepy."

"You want us to leave?" Asks Justin.

"Could you? I feel bad if I were to fall asleep and you guys had to just sit there and watch me." They nod, then they each give their friends hand a quick squeeze before leaving.

"Night Chris." Says Daniel as he makes some recordings of Megan's stats.

"Night."

****

Megan wakes up to talking a few feet from her. She recognizes one of the voices as Daniel's. She tries to open her eyes, but finds them sore and heavy from crying. Eventually Megan finds the strength to open them as ache from crying, not eating, and basically putting her body through hell takes its toll on her. The guys across from her hear her moaning and Daniel comes to her side.

"Hey Megan. I'm glad you came back to us. Us nurses here were getting worried." She just gives him her usual blank stare. "Ah, still not talking I see. Hungry?" Her stomach grumbles. "I'll take that as a yes. I will be right back. Okay?" He looks at her and grins. "Don't go anywhere." When he leaves, she tries moving her fingers and toes, then her arms. They were sore from disuse. A voice interrupts her.

"Hello. Megan right?" She had forgotten they were there. Megan turns her head and looks at the five. "You talk?" Asks the spiked haired blonde one. She remains silent. "I guess not. Well, I'm Lance." He points to his friends individually. "JC, Justin, And Joey…" Daniel comes in with a small container of applesauce interrupting him.

"Hey guys. Megan." He sets the container on the bedside and opens it. He helps prop her up before giving it to her. She slowly manages to swallow some. He smiles and nods. "Meg, you have a new roommate. His name's Chris Kirkpatrick. Remember all that commotion earlier? That was the EMS bringing him in." He looks at the guys. "Did you already introduce yourselves?"

"Yeah. Lance did. Um… Does she talk?" Asks Justin.

"I think so. Her family says she does, but ever since she came here, we haven't been able to get a word out of her. And we don't have too much longer with her. The nurses were hoping to get her speaking before she had to leave."

"Leave? Leave where? Home?" Asks JC.

"Oh… um… not quite. I probably already told you too much." He looks back at Megan. She had managed to eat half of what was in the container. He smiles. "Well that's better. More than you've eaten these past three days. Good for you. Why don't you go back to sleep?" She continues to stare blankly at him. He nods and moves away from the bed. "Um, you guys. Kind of keep it quiet. She needs to go back to sleep… Oh and before I go, one more thing: don't touch her. She is kind of paranoid and any touch she doesn't know freaks her out. If you want to approach her, do it slowly. Okay?" They nod and he leaves.Megan turns away and soon falls asleep, only to have the memories seep into her subconscious.

"Megan are you okay?" She shakes her head 'no'.

"Brad just broke up with me." Megan says through her tears.

"Oh, Meg." Rebecca pulls her sister into a hug. "You'll be okay. I know you will."

"Yeah... I'll be okay." She says still crying. Megan breaks from her sister and heads to the room she was staying in. "If you need anything, I'll be in my room." Megan enters her room, locks the door behind her, and heads into the bathroom. She washes her face to try and erase some of the stains. She looks in the mirror.

'You're worthless' her mind scolded her. 'They don't love you. You're too perfect.'

'You're wrong. They do love me.' She answered herself.

'Ha. Yeah right.'

'They do.'

'I'm sure.' Her mind takes over and she opens the medicine chest. In there, there wasn't much. Some Tylenol, toothbrushes, toothpastes, and some other odd things. And there was a shiny silver blade that rested next to a razor. Her mind presses her. 'Megan, why not? You know you hate this life. Sure there are other options, but none with guarantees. If your going to do it, do it right. This is the only way.'

'No it's not. There has to be other options.'

'She worries.'

'Get real Megan. You can't really be that blind.' Her mind pauses for a minute. 'Or maybe you are.' It muses.

'Why do you patronize me so?'

'Oooooh. Big word.' Megan studies the little piece of metal in the medicine chest. Without really thinking, she picks it up. 'Just do it.' She hesitates, looking at the shiny silver blade that she held in her hand. 'There are no other options.' Her mind pressed.

Megan woke with a start, crying. Daniel rushes into the room followed by the four NSYNC members. Chris, being woken from his nap, watches. Daniel goes over to her and hugs her, rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her.

"Megan. You're okay. It was just a dream. Just a dream." He whispers to her rocking her back and forth slowly.

"Make them stop." She whispers. Her voice hoarse. Daniel's eyes open in surprise. She had spoken.

"Make what stop?" He asks in a soothing voice.

"The dreams. Make them go away."

"Only you can do that Meg."

"I can't. Make them stop. Make them stop." She repeats, the tears flowing from her eyes like rivers. Eventually she falls back asleep on Daniel's shoulders. He lays her back down and turns to the guys who had been watching intently.

"She okay?" asks Chris.

"Eventually. She'll be okay. For now, I think sleep is good for her." They nod, not saying a word.

****

Chris looked around the room. He was bored. Plain and simple. The rest of the guys had left earlier and now he had nothing to do but stare at the white walls in the room. He was going home tomorrow. Chris was sure of that. If anything, he was sure of that. That and the fact that his stomach still hurt like hell. He looks over at his roommates bed. From what he knew and had been told, she had been there a couple of days and would be there for another couple of days. And she didn't talk until earlier when she had talked to Daniel. His mind decided to switch subjects yet again. The nurse Daniel. You didn't see many male nurses. But he guessed it was a nice change of pace. He watches as moans come from his roommates bed. He sits up.

"Hello?… You okay over there?" He asks. His answer is a groan as she turns to face him. Her eyes flutter open. She nods. "You speak? Or is that a privilege reserved for only Daniel?" He says with a smile.

"I speak." She says hoarsely and quietly.

"That's good. Um… you want to talk with me? Or maybe play checkers?" He says gesturing to a checkerboard left by his bed. "The guys left it for me in case I got bored. Daniel was playing with me earlier but he had to go."

"I'll play." Megan says in her quiet voice sitting up.

"Yea!" Chris cheers. "Why I bring the game over there? Since you can't get up and I can?"

"Sounds fine." She answers, her voice a little stronger than before.

"Cool." He grabs the game and carries it over to her. Chris sets it up on the table next to her. Megan sets up and uncovers herself. He notices the bandages on her wrists but doesn't ask anything. They play for a few minutes, talking about various things while they do so. She sees him glancing at her bandages every so often. Chris finally decides to ask her about it. "Why do you have those bandages on your wrists?" She breaks out into tears. He immediately regrets saying it. They were becoming friends and he felt bad for causing her to cry. Chris grabs her and hugs her, telling her he was sorry. Eventually she falls asleep.

****

She wakes up to Daniel nudging her. She opens her eyes to see him sitting on the edge of her bed offering food.

"Hey."

"Hi." She says in her usual quiet voice. She looks around and sees Chris and his friends talking over by his bed

"I hear you played checkers today."

"Yeah. With Chris. It was fun." She says with out smiling.

"Well I'm convinced." Daniel says sarcastically. "Why don't you smile when you say that?"

"No reason to." She says shrugging looking at her wrists.

"Hmm. Really? I can think of quite a few." He says as his friends come over to her and Chris looks on from his bed.

"Are you okay? Chris told us that you fell asleep crying. He was worried." JC asks with concern in his voice.

"um…" She looks between her wrists and Daniel a couple of times. "They said when I came in I should talk about what happened. Do you guys have some time?" They nod and sit down, making themselves comfortable. All six of them just sit and listen as she relives the night in her mind, letting a burden off her shoulders. Megan felt better; she just wondered if they would still want to stay with her. She had problems. Everyone does. She just couldn't handle them too well. She told them of her breakup, the attempt, the days in the hospital, and where they were sending her to help her heal. When she finished, they sat there in silence digesting what they had heard.

The silence scared her. Megan didn't know how they'd react. So she laid back in bed.

"Thank you for a least listening. I feel better." She says over her shoulder. Right before she falls asleep. She hears Chris voice say something that made her feel a lot better about the situation:

"We still care."

****

Megan wakes up to see Chris standing up in normal clothes. He was leaving today. They had become friends or at least she was pretty sure. Megan wondered if her confession last night before she fell asleep had changed anything between them. Chris glances over at her and smiles.

"Morning."

"Um, Morning." He walks over to her and gives her a hug.

"We're still friends. Why wouldn't we be?" He whispers into her ear. "We'll still be here when you get out. Just call us and we'll come running. All of us. Justin, Lance, Joey, JC, and myself. Okay?" Chris says with a smile. She nods. "Oh and before I go… here." He hands her a wrapped present that looked like a CD case. "Bye girl."

"Bye guys. Bye Chris." She waves. He waves back before leaving with his friends.

****

Megan opens the package Chris had left for her. It was a CD with a message written on it. 'Hey Meg. Smile sometime for us, okay? Listen to this. You'll have that reason to you've been wanting. We mean every word. Me especially. We do love you girl. I will always be there for you. As soon as you get out, come visit. Daniel has my cell phone number. I love ya girl. Always, Chris'. Her face grows a concerned look, and she puts the CD in her CD player. Soon Mariah Carey's voice fills her ears. She listens to the song.

If you're lonely
And need a friend
And troubles seem like
They never end
Just to remember to keep the faith
And love will be there to light the way

Anytime you need a friend
I will be here
You'll never be alone again
So don't you fear
Even if you're miles away
I'm by your side
So don't you ever be lonely
Love will make it alright

When the shadows are closing in
And your spirit diminishing
Just remember you're not alone
And love will be there
To guide you home

Anytime you need a friend
I will be here
You'll never be alone again
So don't you fear
Even if you're miles away
I'm by your side
So don't you ever be lonely
Love will make it alright

If you just believe in me
I will love you endlessly
Take my hand
Take me into your heart
I'll be there forever baby
I won't let go
I'll never let go

Anytime you need a friend
I will be here
You'll never be alone again
So don't you fear
Even if you're miles away
I'm by your side
So don't you ever be lonely
It's alright
It's alright

"Anytime You Need A Friend" as sung by Mariah Carey

By the end of the song, she was crying.

She had friends.

She was loved.

Megan had a reason to smile again.

And for them, for Chris, she smiled.

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