Deadly Virus Alert!


If you receive an email with the subject line "Badtimes," delete it IMMEDIATELY, WITHOUT READING IT. This is the most dangerous email virus yet. Not only will it completely rewrite your hard drive, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It also demagnetizes the strips on all your credit cards, reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on you VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your soda and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio reception so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

It will cause your pets to regress to their childhood...before they understood toilet training.

When executed, "Badtimes" will also give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

It will give you Dutch Elm disease and brown patch.

It will create backups in your sinks and cause all the plumber's phone numbers to have a constant busy signal.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk, plus it will put your dirty socks on the table when the person you have only dreamed about comes to visit you.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.These are just a few signs.

In fact, if your life is experiencing trouble right now, this virus caused it, and you are hopelessly doomed to a life of failure and despair.  Sorry to have bothered you.

Be Afraid.

The experts are currently working on a fix, but for the moment, the only thing that lessens the damage is for you to kill yourself.  (It told us to say that. See how devious it is?)