I don't know if everyone knows this, but when you (or your parents) pay a bunch of money for you to go to college, they do it so you can learn what it's like to be poor. You eat crappy food, you live in a small room, and unless you get a job you probably won't have a lot of spending cash. And just think, your yuppie ass has to be somewhat wealthy for all of this to happen.

So here at college I'm on a meal plan that usually feeds me. Three meals on weekdays, lunch and dinner on Saturday, and brunch on Sunday. I can deal with the 2 meals on Saturday because I usually don't get up until noon anyway, but on Sunday I am pretty much screwed. I can usually get up early and throw on some pants and the occasional shirt in order to cafeteria food. However, plans for dinner always suck. There's a McDonald's nearby, but I can only eat so many Big Macs before I want to die, which is convenient because I'm sure it'll kill me. Besides, I don't want tits. Not again. Oh no, never again.

So I've found a solution for all of this crap. I smuggle a bagel out of the cafeteria Friday morning and let it sit in my room for two days. Then I eat it on Sunday. It's cheap, it's inexpensive, and most of all it doesn't involve buying stuff. Unfortunately, this meal arrangement sucks, despite its economic advantages. Still, I thought the pained expressions on my face during this whole ordeal would be worth putting up as stupid filler content, so here they are. You know you want this. Ladies, please, keep the masturbating to a minimum. Or a maximum. Whatever floats your vaginal boats.