MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did that sound too happy to be coming out of me? I apologize. Wait, no I don't. Fuck you. Anyway, I thought that at this time of year we should sit around and be thankful for what we have because a long time ago some Pilgrims came and killed some Indians and-...damn it, that's Thanksgiving. Okay, Christmas is a time when we dress up like goblins and princesses and ask people for cand-...ah fuck! That's Valentine's Day. Christmas is a time when three kings visited a manger and gave a baby some stuff. And what happened before that baby was born? Childbirth. Yes, Christmas is about childbirth. And what do people do when they witness childbirth? They put their hands to their face and scream "OH MY GOD!" I figured this picture is Christmas-oriented enough.
The first thing you should notice is the fact that this stick figure has a very misshapen body and an exclamation mark is above his head to show his exclamation. Next, you should notice that he is screaming. Why is he screaming? He just saw a savior pop out of a vagina, that's why. I don't care if that baby's gonna die for our sins, that's still nasty. You ever see that "Miracle of Life" video for health class? Holy donkey crap, it's revolting. Some lady with her hair done has a face full of makeup and a uterus full of baby. After watching her sit back and chill for awhile some nurse pulls a baby out from between her legs.
I decided to include a picture of the childbirth happening, so here it is.
Note the halo above baby Jesus. That's because he's holy. Mary, on the other hand, just had a baby pop out of her and back then women who had children were considered dirty and they had to eat their own crap or something. No halo for Mary. Even if she had sex with God. And that, my friends, is what Christmas is all about.
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