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I am a happy, healthy, active mother of three teens, but that is not always the way it was. I was young when my children came along and by the time I was 23 I had three little ones. I was doing all the right things to be the best wife and mother that I could be. Out of the blue I began to panic for no apparent reason. I often pushed these feelings aside and went on with the daily routine. Under all of it I was secretly afraid that I was about to die. After a few months of suppressing these thoughts and feeling I had what I was sure was a heart attack. I was only 24. My husband rushed me to the hospital and I went through the whole ordeal with the EKG and blood work. A very kind doctor told me that there was nothing wrong with my heart, but that I was probably having a panic attack. What a relief! It was just a panic attack! Well, it turned out to not be as much a relief as one might think. I was instantly put on antidepressants and tranquilizers and ordered to see a psychiatrist to find out what was at the root of my 'mental imbalance.' I hated being dependent on pills to keep me on an even keel and was very resistant to psychiatric analysis. I knew that I was not crazy! I quit taking the Prozak after only a month, but held onto the Librium. The Librium was my lifeline. I knew that if I began to panic my little green pills would save me. After about six months I became angry that I couldn't leave my home without having at least one little green pills tucked away in my purse. I would have a full blown panic attack if I found myself to be away from home and not have a spare pill. I was so angry with myself the last time this happened. The panic attack only happened after I realized that I had left my pill bottle at home. I panicked because I didn't have the lifeline I had been relying on for so long. In that panic I wanted nothing but my pills. As the attack passed and I survived it, I realized that I didn't really want to be dependent on those pills and that I needed to get to the root of my problem. I had heard that food allergies could provoke panic attack symptoms, so I began to pay close attention to what I was eating and how my body responded to it. Sure enough, within a few months I figured out that certain foods always caused me to have the symptoms of a panic attack. I continued to use the Librium through these home tests, but once I narrowed it down to the culprits and avoided them I didn't need the pills. I did carry my last Librium with me everywhere for 3 years "just in case" but most of that time I never gave it a second thought. I went on a vacation and forgot to pack it. When I noticed that I didn't have it I had a few minutes of severe anxiety but quickly talked myself out of it. After all I hadn't needed it in 3 years why would I need it now? Besides it was probably no good anyway. Panic attacks are real! I got lucky when figuring out that mine were mainly caused by certain foods. That is not the case for many!! Panic attacks are terrifying, the sufferer is sure that they are in danger of imminent death. No amount of reason will assure them. They KNOW that they are about to die. I spent three years KNOWING that I was about to die. I have felt foolish in front of doctors and nurses during trips to the emergency room. I have been embarrassed to face my husband on the drive home from the emergency room. I have been ashamed to admit to co-workers and friends that I have a panic disorder. I have been there! I finally flushed that last useless pill eight years ago and never asked for a refill. I still have moments of panic and once in a great while I lie awake at night taking my pulse just to make sure I'm still alive. The food stuffs that I found to contribute to my panic attacks are: caffeine, salt and chicken skin. Non food stuff: cigarettes, alcohol and marijuana. I'm not sure if this tale of mine will help anyone. This is the first time I have told this to anyone outside my immediate family. Julie   |