Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: Did you hear that the post office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Lawyers Creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.
What do you call 20 lawyers sky diving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician and a bad lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaeously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk of course, the other three are mystical creatures.
It was so cold last winter...(How cold was it?) It was so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50 for 3 questions," replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
For years, the young attourney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap.
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talking, and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Q: You're traped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer and you have a gun with 2 bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer...twice.
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