The Gallery of Terror.

What strikes pure terror into your hearts??? Clowns??? Ventriloquist dummies? Me? On this page, you will dip your face deep into the world of evil and purest terror. Now, get a fresh pair of underwears on the lookout, for this will indeed make you shit yourself.

CLOWNS ARE SCARY.

Clowns are indeed a frightening tool from Hell, things of Satan's doing that make grown men tremble. here, at long last, is the proof.

Does this make you think of happiness? No. it should not. As specified on funnyjenkins4, clowns are actually evil servants of Satan. Now, i hope to make you 100% aware of this fact. Clowns are scary. Clowns are pure terror. You can't put a price on that... not even your soul. terror is everywhere in a clown's face. The evil Hell makeup, the evil strength which was awarded to them from Satan for the souls they collected and the terror they caused. This is why clowns should be sent back to the shadows from which they spawned.

Here is just more proof that clowns are pure evil. The short film BINGO will answer all questions.

These two new disturbing clown images I found are undeniable proof that clowns spawned from the darkest pits of hell, forever loyal servants, or possibly familiars, of the Man goat himself. These images are so disturbing to some, they will forever singe one's soul and even retard your sleep for years to come. They did to me. Now I hope people out there will acknowledge the fact that clowns are EVIL!!!

"DR. KEBLACKENSTEIN"

Steve is in a weird day camp-type place, and they play a game Scavenger Hunt Game. Steve is teamed up with some black kid, so they head off into the woods. Soon, they come across a giant Turret, much like the ones on the chessboard. The go in, and, despite the fact that it is like 700 feet up, it only takes a few steps to get to the top. At the top there is a door, and on it, it says "DR. KEBLACKENSTEIN". They go in, and within is a metal pole, and a glowing green key. Steve asks the guy: "What are we supposed to do with these? His partner replies: "I dunno!.!." So Steve hits him with the pole, killing him, and shouts, "THAT'S FOR INSUBORDINATION!!!!!" As he says this, his face grows very large and distorted. Then , he sees a keyhole, and inserts the key into it. (By the way, on the key is a weird, angry type face, and it says "put me down, steve!") He puts the key in, and opens the door. On the inside, there's a TRAIN, and as it comes out of the room, it turns out to be a little toy train.

THE MAGIC CAR

Matt and his cousin Dave are driving down the highway in their grandmother's car, when suddenly, matt hits Dave on the shoulder, hard. Dave then shouts, "OW, what was that for???" Matt then replies, "BECAUSE YOU SUCK!!! ARARARARAR!!!" So, Matt smashes open the glove compartment, and pulls out a monkey wrench, with which he bashes off the door. He floats out of the car, still in sitting position, and says "see 'ya, Dave!!!" The second his foot comes in contact with the road, he instantaneously speeds down the freeway, on foot, at 88 m.p.h. END.

EVIL ROOM

Evil ol' Dave is standing in his room, but the walls are all painted black. His grandmother is standing there naked, with a high-heeled shoe on her head, which says "How ya DOIN', DAVE???" He opens his closet door, but rather than seeing a closet, he sees a blank, black universe with raging fire in all directions. Upon seeing this, he exclaims "OH, yeah!" Suddenly, his mother shoots him in the back of the head, and Dave falls into the fire world. His mother then says: "OH, WELL, GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO GET ANOTHER ONE!!!!" His grandmother then flips Dave the bird, saying "Fuck you, Dave!!!" END

MAGIC CAR II: ANTI-DAMAGE DEATH

Dave is driving his grandmothers car again, this time alone. Suddenly, he looses control and smashes into a sound wall. Miraculously, there is absolutely no damage done to the automobile or himself. He gets out to take a look, when, instantaneously, there are a million cops and FBI agents around him with automatics. So Dave is instantaneously back in the car, but now driving sown matt's street, where Matt is taking a stroll down the lane. Dave spots him, and mows him down. Magically, matt is then in the passenger seat, all strapped in. Suddenly, Dave's arms vanish out of nowhere!! Matt says, "I'll handle this!!!" So he takes off his face and places it on the steering wheel and drives it for a mile or so.

About now, Matt's face falls right the hell off the wheel and plummets to the floor below. But it's OK, for Dave's arms have grown back. Dave sez: "Boy, that was a close one, huh?" As he looks over at Matt, he gasps in shock to see that Matts face is all wooden, in the form of a ventriloquist dummy, as matt says "HOW YA LIKE ME NOW, DAVE???" Instantly, Matt is on the roof, dancing a mad dance like the lunatic he is. Adrenalin still pulsing through Dave's veins, he panics and crashes the car into a tree. Matt flies off into the street, dying instantly on impact. Again, there is no damage done to the car. Dave keeps speeding on until he crashes into an oil truck and dies. ENDENDENDENDEND.

THE FAMILY CLOBB WARS.

Steve, Dave, and John Richmond, along with Steve's parents, are in the Cradle complex from the 007 movie, Goldeneye. They are all equipped with the most up-to-date and the oddest of weapons. Steve is equipped with a grenade launcher penis, Dave is equipped with a flame thrower penis, John Richmond had a rapid-fire machine gun penis. Steve's dad has a large javelin penis designed to impale the victim, and Steve's mom has full automatic boobs. The battle begins, and Dave begins to chase down Steve with his flame-throwing penis. Steve runs in fright, desperately trying to throw him off with grenades. He spots John Richmond nearby on a platform, and runs right past him. John doesn't notice him, and luckily, Steve manages to launch a grenade at him, blowing him into many small, manageable chunks. Running further, Dave blocked off by the smoldering wreckage of Johns remains, Steve soon comes across a bloody duel between his parents, his father narrowly evading his mom's deadly chestal arsenal. Darting stealth fully out of harms way, Steve's dad makes his way in for a kamikaze mission, just as his javelin penis impales Steve's mom, a series of bullets hales their way into The father's skull; both are dead. Now it is just Steve and Dave. Steve eyes Dave approaching from some distance away; and as he attempts to line Dave up with a death blow, there is a jam in his penis, and grenades begin to shoot out in all directions. Many an item are destroyed, and half the complex his demolished in mere moments. Grenades that have yet to explode lie on the ground, making it impossible for the two to reach each other. Dave attempts to flame throw a series of blazes in Steve's direction, and activates the grenades, all simultaneously. Soon enough, the entire complex is reduced to rubble, and the Family Clobb War is over. ENDENDENDENDENDENDEND.

PILEDRIVER 666

Dave is standing in that god-awful evil spawn-house he calls a bedroom, when suddenly, a small pink alien with 12 foot long arms runs in wearing a tuxedo, and says "wanna see my piledriver?" Dave then shouts "I'LL SHOW YA A PILEDRIVER!!!" He then grabs the hapless creature and piledrives him down the stairs. Hearing the commotion, daves dad runs in, yelling "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Dave says, "Just showin' my friend here how to do a piledriver." "I'LL SHOW YA' A REAL PILEDRIVER!!!" shouts Dave's Dad, who then grabs both Dave and the alien, brings them to the top of a huge cliff right behind their home, and PILEDRIVES the both of them down the cliff, through the ceiling, into Dave's room. The alien then gets up, now wearing a Hawaiian shirt, emits several incoherent sounds, and dies. ENDENDENDENDEND

WEED IS BAD

Steve the evil killer of souls comes into school on the first day about 3 hours early, about 4:00 AM, and finds that there is a large assembly being held. Inside, the assistant principle, Mr. Harrington, is on stage, but his legs are like 10 feet long, and his hands are huge, and he is simply repeating "DON'T SMOKE WEED, DON'T SMOKE WEED, DON'T SMOKE WEED. . ." over and over again. Steve manages some sort of sentient thought from his primitive mind, through some kinda temporary chemical imbalance or something, and decides to skip much of the weed lecture by hangin' around in the bathrooms. He goes inside, only to see 2 stalls, one saying 12:30 and another saying 2:30, and he suddenly has to go really bad, and makes a run for the 12:30 stall. Right then and there, he slips on something, despite the fact that the floor is free of foreign objects and substances. When he gets up, Mr Harrington bursts through the door, this time all red and devil-like, and yells "IS IT TWELVE-THIRTY? IS IT TWO-THIRTY?! NO!!!! YOU CAN'T USE THOSE NOW, YOU MUST DIE!!!!!!!" Mr. H then begins chasing Steve down the hall with a large mace, and then there is a mob of people chasing him with guns and torches, along with several other assorted weapons. Steve runs through a fire door, and locks it shut. When he turns around, there is a guy with a shotgun, and Steve is shot and killed. ENDENDENDENDEND

WELCOME HOME, NOW DIE!!!!

Steve is out at a Metallica concert late, stretching far into the wee hours. As the little heathand makes his way back into his home at like 3:00 AM, his Dad comes a'runnin', and shouts "GOOD THING YOU GOT HOME, I WAS ABOUT TO SMASH YOUR TV!!!!" So Steve, allowing his primitive mind to direct him off to a period of rest, heads toward his room. Once there, you guessed it, that Satanic hellion Dave is there, just a'sittin' on Steve's bed, and says "Good thing you're home, Steve! We can play VIDEO GAMES!!!" "OK," replies Steve. Dave turns on a sick little game entitles "Stick Porn" and sits completely stationary, staring blankly at the screen as the "game" moves on. Steve is an idiot. The end.

MAGIC CAR III: MAGICAL AIRPLANE

Steve and Dave, yes, Steve and Dave, those already familiar spreaders of evil and malice wherever they turn up, are riding on a plane. Only there's a ski lift-type ride going around the plane, which Dave and Steve are riding. Suddenly, there is a large lake below, and dave decides he wishes to take a swim. So, using his devil power, He simply lifts his arms and says "Stop!" The plane suddenly ceases, and Dave jumps down, into the water. Steve soon follows, plummeting to the Cholera-infested filth hole below. After the romp through the wonderful little swimming hole of pestilence and disease (at least now that THEY had been swimming around in it!) It was time to get back on the plane. Sadly, there was a dam approximately 40 feet high, so the two little Hellions simply summon supernatural powers from deep within their ungodly little souls and leapt straight out of the water and up into the troposphere above, back to the ski lift around the exterior of the plane. Dave simply lifts his arms a second time, and says "Let's go!!!" The plane then resumes all motion as though there had been no stop or disturbance in movement whatsoever. ENDENDENDENDEND

HOT BOILED, BABY!!!

Dave is just a'standin there, wearing nothing more than a tight-fitting black thong and a neck-tie, bobbing up and down like the sick little freak he is, singing,

Yeah, I'm hot boiled, baby!

I'm a pickled beat! I'm red but not embarrased,

and I go good with meat,

cuz I'm hot boiled, BABY!!!

ala The Brak Show. I think Steve likes The Brak Show a little too much. Or perhaps he's got a sick obsession with it, as I do with MST3K. Or maybe he takes his sick little obsession one level higher than I. I imagine that Steve self-enduces these dreams upon himself, in order to "please" his sadistic tendencies. I wonder, hmmmmm . . .

ENDENDENDENDEND

CAT SCAN

Steve and myself (!) are at either end of a huge white room, sitting in fold-out chairs. Steve whispers "We gonna do it?" Despite the fact that we're several hundred feet apart from each other, he is fully audible to mine ears. I then reply "OK, let's do it, then." Suddenly, two cats are dropped from the ceilings high above in the center of the room, and we each run out and get one. Steve's cat is black, and mine is blue. We pick them both up by the neck-skin area, and begin running with them, around the room at several hundred thousand miles per second. All the while, we hold the cats out in front of us, while they scream bloody murder. Steve then says "Wait, should we be doing this to the cats?" We both stop, and Steve pats the kittly, and it says "I LOVE YOU, STEVE!" Suddenly, we are transported instantaneously to a run down old house. Out comes Bullwinkel the Moose, who then takes out a giant syringe. He proceeds to stuff both cats into the oversized syringe, and then injects himself with it. After a few moments, he gets a giant erection. Steve is one sick bastard. END

BACK TO YO MAMA!!!!