The Bag Lady
by Oren the Otter
Thelma stepped into the little restaurant and immediately, all heads turned in her direction. It was embarrassing, and made the poor woman feel ashamed for being there.
"May I help you?" asked a waitress, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
"I'd like a table, please." said Thelma.
The waitress stared at the pauper for a moment, taking in her ragged appearance and especially offensive smell. "One moment, please."
The waitress disappeared into the back for a moment, and re- appeared with the manager in tow.
The pudgy restauranteur looked at Thelma and had to suppress a gag. "I'm sorry." he said. "We'll have to ask you to leave."
"But I just want to eat. I got some money today and I really had my heart set on a hot meal."
The manager breathed in a little too strongly and began to cough violently, waving Thelma away as he did.
The bag lady turned and sadly departed.
*****
Loki and Dagon were laughing out loud as they walked down the street, invisible to the mortals around them. They'd been having a blast for the past two weeks, ever since they'd turned a whole football stadium full of people into humanoid animals.
"Hey!" said Dagon, the paper-mache weasel-god. "Let's stop here for lunch."
"Here? Why here? They don't even have a playground at this restaurant. How good can it be?"
"Good! The waitresses here have BIG hooters!"
"Dagon! You uncultured barbarian." It's not polite to say 'Hooters'. The correct term is 'tracts of land'."
"Oh. Right. They've got HUGE tracts of land!"
"Hee he hee heh"
"Hm! MM hm!"
Just as they were entering the eatery, Thelma left the building. The two godlets grabbed their noses.
"HOOOO_EEEE! What a smell!"
"Das killen my nosen!"
Dagon chuckled as he let a bolt of magic fly from his paw.
*****
Thelma paused in the middle of the sidewalk. Her body was feeling tingly. She looked down at her hands. The blemishes and wrinkles were disappearing, but in their place, a coat of black fur was forming.
Her ragged clothing seemed to just disintegrate, giving way to a lush, thick coat of black and white fur.
Thelma felt her face. It was growing triangular. A tail burst from her rear, eliminating the last traces of her garments.
Thelma had become a humanoid skunk, and a rather shapely one at that. She shook her altered head in surprise and continued on.
*****
At the second restaurant she came to, the waitress once again turned to the manager.
"She's a skunk-morph." the manager whispered. "She can't help the way she smells. Give her a table away from the other guests and treat her extra-nice."
"Yes, sir."
"I mean the morphs have it bad. I can only imagine what life must be like for a skunk morph. Give her the beverage and desert on the house."
"Thank you, Sir!" said Thelma, still marveling in the difference the change had produced in her voice.
Thelma was seated and promptly served. She enjoyed her meal immensely, though she could not help but notice that an owl-morph across the room was staring at her the whole time. When she could stand it no longer, she looked back at him and asked "what?"
The owl ducked his head. "I'm sorry. It's just that you're so... so beautiful."
"Me?"
He nodded.
"But I'm a skunk. I didn't smell all that great before, but now..."
The bird pointed to an upswept cluster of feathers on his head. "I'm a great horned owl. I'm immune to stink."
"Really?"
"Honest."
Thelma looked at the seat across from her. "Would you like to join me, Mister..."
"Call me Hamish. I'd be delighted."
*****
"Well done, boys!" said Zeus. "You morphed that poor lady and turned her life completely around. She and Hamish are now in love and soon to be married, and she has a promising career as a model for TV commercials."
"Wow." said Loki. "We did that?"
"You... DID do it on purpose, didn't you?"
"Actually, we were just kind of... you know... making fun of the way she smelled."
Zeus pointed to the door and sent the godlets back to Earth once again.