Weasel Measles
by Oren the Otter
Weasel Measles
by Oren the Otter
The air was filled with pungent chemical odors. Beakers full of strangely colored liquids bubbled away over Bunsen burners. A lone man in a white lab coat feverishly slaved over a microscope, an array of notes, dozens of vials full of dangerous looking chemicals, and a chicken.
"I think I've almost got it, George." said the scientist. "Just me try this one last..." He placed a drop of fluid on a microscope slide, then peered through the eyepiece to see a collection of avian blood cells slowly change to a more primate variety.
"YES!" he exclaimed. "This is the one!" He poured half of his fluid into a shallow dish and gave it to the chicken.
If it were possible for a chicken's face to reflect disgust, it would have, but George obediently lapped up the revolting concoction.
The scientist leaned back in his chair as the bird's beak slowly softened into a pair of human lips Bit by bit, the bird gained mass, his feathers slowly sinking into his skin. Hair grew in on his head as his comb vanished and ears emerged. His eyes swivelled around to face forward and regard the chemist with amazement and delight. "Frank?" said the chicken. "It's working!"
"Hallelujah!" Frank exclaimed tiredly. "I've discovered a cure for cluckitis!"
When George's wings had become usable arms, he quickly grabbed a spare lab coat and put it on over his increasingly naked body. "We've got to tell the world! Let's go!"
"You go." said Fred. "I'm going to stay here a minute."
"You okay, Frank? You don't look so good."
"I don't feel so good." said Frank, scratching his face. "I think it's because I've been awake all week trying to turn you human again."
"All right, then. You get yourself to bed, Frank. I'm going to go tell the world that there's a cure for cluckitis!"
Frank watched George go and leaned back in his chair. He reached up and scratched his face again. His fingers found a tiny little patch of fur.
"What the?"
Fred got up and looked at his reflection in one of the glass cabinet doors. Little patches of fur were breaking out all over his face.
Fred looked at his hand. The same furry spots were emerging. His fingernails were enlarging, tapering themselves into claws. George ripped open his coat and shirt, only to find that the spots were not only growing all over his torso as well, they were beginning to merge into a downy black and white coat of fur.
Frank made his way to the computer. He found that he had to lower his head to type, as a rapidly developing snout impaired his downward vision. He accessed the database of transformational diseases and entered his symptoms. The computer responded:
Weasel Measles
Discovered April 15, 2004 by Dr. Bryan Stein
symptoms: Tiredness, itching, growth of small furry spots upon skin, transformation into one of several mustelid species
Duration: Permanent
Cure: No known cure
"No known cure." repeated the man who was now almost entirely transformed. He crawled out of his grossly oversized clothing and back across the room. Where Frank the scientist had worked so feverishly, there was now a fluffy little skunk.
"Well," grunted the animal. "Back to the drawing board."