BLOND JOKES Two blondes were walking down the street when one picked up a compact they had found. The blonde opens it and seeing that its dirty cannot make out who it is. "I wonder who this is?" asked the blonde. The other blonde snatches it from her and cleans it off, "Duh!" she says "Its me silly!" 11 people were clinging precariously to a wild swinging rope suspended from a crumbling Mount Everest. Ten were blondes, one was brunette. As a group they decided that one person should let go of the rope b/c otherwise it would break. Finally the brunette gave a touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself for the others. Crying, the blondes all applauded! Q:Why can't a blonde make Kool-Aide? A: She can't figure out how to put 2 quarts of water into the little package!  Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry a red pen? A: To draw blood! A neighbor is outside gardening and the blonde next door comes out and checks her mail. A little while later, she comes out again and checks her mailbox. This continues every half hour until the neighbor goes over and asks her is she's expecting a package. The blonde replies "No, my computer just keeps telling me that I have mail!" A woman walks into the doctor's office and says "Doctor, I hurt all over!" The doctor replies "That's impossible." "No really, just look, when I touch my arm, my arm, OUCH! My arm hurts. When I touch my leg, AHH!, that hurts too. And when I touch my chest, YAH, it really hurts." she says. The doctor just shakes his head and says, "You are a natural blonde, aren't you?" "Yes I am, how did you know?" asks the woman. The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken!" A blonde is driving her car when she stops at a stop light. Oblious to all that is going on, she stays where she is. People behind her are honking and yelling and traffic is just piled up. The blonde only smiles and waves. Finally someone gets out of their car with a bat and starts circling the blondes car. He takes the bat and hits her car. Finally he stops and looks at the blond who was just laughing. "What" he asks. "Well," laughs the blonde, "while you were busy, I snuck out of my car!" Q: Why do blondes have square boobs? A: They forgot to take the tissues out of the box! A blonde and a brunette are in a burning building, who leaves first? The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy. Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. Q. How does a blonde part their hair? A. By doing the splits. Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? A. Nothing, they haven't met! Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables. Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme? A. Humpme Dumpme Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room! Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? A. They chip their teeth. Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? A. Fertilized Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? A. More headroom Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob? A. Because everyone gets a turn. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball. Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets! Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A. Frosted Flakes Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A. An airbag. Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day? A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil. Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? A. They both swallowed a lot of semen. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board. Q. How did the blonde burn her nose? A. Bobbing for chips. Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass? A. Brain tumor. Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A. So she can have a doggie bag for later. Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry.... Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A. Because they both drip when they're fucked! Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A. "Way to go team!" Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? A. FULL Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A. She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper? A. So she could lip read. Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A. You get to park in the handicap zone. Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A. Pregnant Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? A. Not everyone has been in a 747? Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde? A. Butter is difficult to spread. Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A. Artificial intelligence. Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A. A brunette with bad breath. Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common? A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex? A. She opens the car door. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!! Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are? A. Play ball! Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common? A. You always hear about them but never see them. Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? A. Cause it said concentrate. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? A. They know how many went down on the Titanic. Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? A. The joystick is wet. Q. Why do blondes wear underwear? A. To keep their ankles warm. Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it. Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money? A. She sold her car for it... Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A. "Are you sure it's mine?" Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons? A. Because they have blond boyfriends Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A. Their both empty from the neck up Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A. Get'em on their back and their both fucked. Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails? A. A blow job with handlebars Q. What do you call a blond with a brain? A. A golden retriever. Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet? A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion. Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax? A. It has a stamp on it. Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections? A. A wine and cheese party! Q. How do you drown a blonde? A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool. Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio? A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too. Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor? A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again! Q. How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? A. There is white out on the screen. Q. Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores? A. Open 24 hours a day. Q. Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet? A. To feed the toilet duck! Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sun glasses? A. The sun glasses sit higher on your face.