Slayer, Soul & Sex-Maniac
By Fyre
TITLE: Slayer, Soul and Sex-Maniac
AUTHOR: Fyre
SUMMARY: A Sequel to 'Two Slayers, One Dead' - extreme silliness on
my part.
RATING: R
FEEDBACK: I'll do the Snoopy Dance for it!
SPOILERS: Most of S2 of Angel, for the vampette reasons.
DISTRIBUTION: You want, take, but lemme know :)
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Wah! Also, the songs ain't mine and the quotes
from random films that pop up aren't mine.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: A sequel to 'Two Slayer..' and based on challenge 186
on YGTS - I haven't seen The Host for more than 5 minutes, but I
liked him and I *had* to fit him in, so I apologise if his character
seems kinda inaccurate: I hate terrestrial TV. And - /signifies
Angelus thoughts/ - [signifies Angel thoughts]
DEDICATION: Lizz, for leaving me with all manner of interesting
challenges to take!
"Hey people!" The door of the Hyperion swung open, to reveal a
deserted lobby. Gunn frowned, stepped across the threshhold, only for
a slender arm to lock around his neck, a gleaming blade coming in
from the other side. "Whoa! What the hell's goin' on?"
Angel emerged from one of the large rooms, rubbing his eyes.
Stopping short, he blinked at Gunn sleepily, chuckled and waved his
hand. "Drop him, girl."
"You know dis one?"
"He helps us out." The vampire nodded, a small smile threatening to
break on his features.
The arm fell, leaving Gunn to stagger forward a pace, raising a
hand to his bruised throat, as he pivoted to see his attacker. Brown
eyes met equally brown, a helpless shrug raising the girl's slim
shoulders.
"I t'ought you were one of di ones who brought me back." She
mumbled, cheeks turning a rosy shade of brown. She hurriedly pushed
pased him, following Angel behind the counter and settling on the
stool to sharpen her blade.
Gunn arched a brow. "You have a likin' for rough girls, huh, Angel?"
"She was what Wolfram and Hart were so worked up about a few weeks
back." The vampire didn't even look up from his mug of blood and the
newspaper he was poring over. "Kendra, meet Charles Gunn. Gunn,
Kendra."
"I am pleased ta meet ya." The girl murmured, head still bowed.
"Right back at ya." The street-demon hunter leaned on the counter,
regarded the girl. She was small, quiet-lookin'. Dark-haired and dark-
eyed. A cute kid, that was for sure. "So, man, what did our lawyer
buddies want with your girl here?"
At that, Angel looked up. "They raised her from the dead." He
replied, then turned his attention back to the article.
"Wait a minute...you're tellin' me shes been dead?"
"For almost t'ree years." The girl put in, finally lifting her
head. "Dey screwed up di spell and now, I have ta stay wit' Angel
forever." She pulled a face. "I was t'inkin' it might have been
better ta just die again."
"Huh?"
Angel shot a glare at the girl that was belied by the glint in his
eye. "They made such a mess with the spell that they raised an
immortal, unkillable, invincible Slayer who happened to have her life
bound to mine." He sighed. "And they said lawyers can spell..."
A silence fell, but for the steady rasp-rasp-rasp of the girl's
dagger.
That was until two familiar voices sounded outside.
"Well, you could at least drive on the right side of the bloody
road!"
Heels clicked on the ground outside the doors. "I was! You and your
stupid English driving habits are all wrong! I know what I'm doing!"
The footsteps paused. "*I* am an American! I know how to drive!"
"Not on my bike!"
"Then why did you offer to let me drive it in today, last time we
went to Caritas?"
"For God's sake, I was drunk, Cordelia!" The door swung inwards,
Wesley storming in after the brunette, helmet under his arm, hair
severely ruffled. "Didn't you take that fact into consideration at
all?"
A neat brow rose. "You were making as much sense then as you make
normally. How was I meant to know you were drunk?"
"Are you insinuating that I sound inebriated?" He grabbed her arm,
pulled her round to face him, his jaw tight.
"Listen to yourself talking, doofus!" Eyeball to eyeball, they
glared angrily at one another, les than two inches between
them. "Even Giles made more sense than you."
The former watcher narrowed blue eyes. "You are the most
frustrating person I have ever met, Miss Chase." He grated out
coldly. "There are times when I just wish you were a man so I could
punch you."
"Oh, take your best shot." The gap narrowed between them, less than
an inch. "A punch from you would make Xander Harris look like a
professional boxer."
"Don't push your luck."
"What are you? Chic..."
The chill of steel skimming the tips of their noses, the thump of
the dagger imbedding itself in the door beyond them, the thrum as it
shivered in the wood halted the increasingly childish verbal battle
between the pair.
Both Watcher and Seer seemed suddenly anaemic, wide-eyed. The dark
Slayer casually skirted the desk, walking over and reaching up to
carelessly tug the eight-inch blade from its position in the thick
panel of the door.
The Englishman and former cheerleader each took a wary step back as
the petite girl turned around with a small smile, glancing from
Cordelia to Wesley. "And dat's how ye stop arguments where I come
from."
Sotto voce, Gunn murmured. "Ya know, I think I'm gonna like havin'
this kid about." Angel nodded, chuckled. The Slayer certainly did
seem to have a very forthright way with people and how to deal with
them.
And he could hear Angelus chortle in agreement.
***
"You've never done this before?"
The Immortal Slayer blushed profusely, shook her head. "Mistah
Zabuto...he had a lot of rules dat I had ta follow." She paused,
frowned. "Do ya t'ink I should tell him dat I am...er....not really
dead no more?"
"I think it would be better if we just kept you out of the
Council's way." The vampire gave her a sympathetic grin. "They'd
probably try to kill you and look very stupid and we wouldn't want
that, would we?"
She shook her head, tucked loose braids back from her face,
glancing at the vampire's hand moving over the straps that stretched
over her shoulders. "I t'ink," She murmured, reaching up to squeeze
his hand. "It is time for me ta have some fun. Dey took my first
life. I won't give dem dis one too."
"Sounds like a good idea." Dropping a kiss on the top of her head,
he gently steered her forward, to the edge and gave her a warming
smile. "You ready?"
"What...what if I smash me head on da bottom?"
Angel grinned. "You'll always be bound to me, little one. And since
you've taken to cleaning up my room so much," He reminded her
soothingly. "I'll like having you around, even if you have to have
your smashed head amputated."
"Dat wasn't di reassurance I was lookin' for." She shot a glare at
him but her grave expression melted into a grin. She took another
step towards the edge of the bridge, glanced at him. "You're tellin'
me ye've done dis yerself?"
He gave her an innocent look, the moonlight playing on his
features. "I might be immortal." He remarked. "But I'm not crazy
enough to throw myself off a bridge in the middle of the night with
just a rubber band to stop me hitting the ground."
She swung to glare at him, only to feel a large hand at the small
of her back pushing her forward, off into open air and then she was
falling, screaming that she was going to torture and maim and hurt
the vampire as much as possible.
Leaning over the edge to watch, Angel chuckled, recalling a night
in 1998 when he had been in the same position as she was now. But he
wasn't about to tell her that, unless she battered it out of him.
Which could be an option, considering he'd given her the push.
***
Laughing, the dark-haired, dark-eyed couple entered the bar, arm-in-
arm. Both were covered tufts of dry grass and dirt, but neither
seemed to have noticed as they joined Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn at a
small table near the stage.
"You look cosy." Cordelia put in dryly.
"We are." Angel gave her a predator's grin. "And were all afternoon
and now that I'm back, I'm going to kill you all and wear your scalps
as hats."
Wesley and Cordelia shot to their feet in an instant, Gunn looked
bemused and both vampire and Slayer started laughing. "Get the
feeling they're a bit paranoid, little one?" He murmured against
Kendra's throat, casting a sidelong glance at them.
"Just a little." Grinning at them, she lazily reached up and
ruffled the vampire's impeccably groomed, bullet-proof hair. "We
spent di day trying to kill me. Dis monster t'rew me off a bridge
wit' a rubber band 'round me." She pouted. "I just had ta kick di
crap outta him for dat."
"So...Angelus has not returned?" Both shook their heads,
chuckled. "I must say that's a great relief." Both Wesley and
Cordelia reassumed their seats, snagging their drinks.
"Even if he did come back," Angel put in. "I don't think he'd be
able to do much damage with this lady on your side." Kendra ducked
her head, flushed. "Trust me when I say that he'd be as intrigued as
I was."
"And who wouldn't be, sweetie?" The five at the table looked up.
The Host nodded a greeting, sipped his seabreeze. "When someone makes
Mister I'm-so-broody smile, there has to be something miraculous
going on. You must be the one I've heard so much about."
Kendra eyed the green demon warily. "Who is dis?"
With a debonair little bow, the Host smiled. "I'm the Host of this
little establishment, honey." He glanced at the deserted stage. "How
about giving us a song? I have a feeling your aura will be re-e-eally
interesting."
"A song?"
"I forgot to tell you that this is a Karaoke bar." Angel grinned at
her. "You sing and the Host here can read your future, depending on
his mood." He could see her apprehensive look, taking in the vast
array of demons in the bar with them."You don't have to..."
A small, naughty smile crept onto her lips. She got to her feet,
gave Angel a wink. "If I don't die of embarrassment," She
murmured. "Den we know dat not'ing can kill me." She turned to the
Host, rose on her toes and whispered something in his ear that made
his eyes widen.
"Well, honey, we haven't had that for a while, but I'm sure we can
find it for you."
"I'm not in a hurry." She smiled, looped her arm through his,
allowing him to lead her up to the stage. "I have an eternity."
From the table, Angel watched his Slayer and the Host talking and
laughing on the stage. He didn't know what the green demon was
saying, but he was getting more than a little ticked off that Kendra
wasn't with him.
"Testin'..." Her voice carried through the microphone, her body
language screaming shyness and barely concealed nerves. In spite of
that, though, she looked every inch a warrior, her tight leather
trousers and cropped top revealing her smooth muscles. He caught her
eyes, winked, drawing a small smile from the girl.
The Host joined the group at the table. "You got yourself a feisty
one there, Broody." He murmured, settling back in the seat as the
introduction of the song rang through the bar, the girl's body
starting to sway.
And the moment she started to sing, four jaws rapidly dropped, the
voice of Etta James seeming to resonate from within the slim, young
Jamaican girl.
"I don't want you to be no slave," Husky voiced, a wicked smirk on
her face, her hips dipped, body rolling in time with the beat. "I
don' want you to work all day. But I want you to be true and I just
wanna make love to you." She ran her tongue along ruby lips
suggestively. "Love to you. Ooh, love to you..."
Feeling warm fingers push his slack jaw shut, Angel glanced
sideways, found Cordelia gazing at him with apparent amusement.
Looking back to Kendra, he couldn't believe the confidence that was
pouring off her in waves. She winked at him, continuing her seductive
swaying, moving in ways that no mere mortal would be able to.
/Damn I'm horny!/
[That makes two of us.]
/That makes everyone in the damn bar./ There was a momentary
silence, as Angel took stock of his counterpart's observation. From
the scents filling the room, the demon side of him appeared to be
right. /Told you./ Came the smug words.
Wesley and Gunn were both sitting slack-jawed, Cordelia was tapping
her feet in time with the rhythm, her body swaying slightly. As for
the Host, he was slumped back in his seat, a blissed-out look on his
features, red eyes glowing.
[Wonder what reading he's getting.]
/That she's sexy as hell when she dances like that and she wants us
to screw her senseless?/ Angel mentally rolled his eyes, as the final
strains of the song rang out and she took a step back to replace the
microphone.
The applause was deafening for a change, Kendra giving a jerky
wave, blushing and leaping down from the stage to run back to the
table. Finding the grinning Host sprawled in her seat, she shrugged,
settled on Angel's lap, drawing his arms around her waist.
[Oh God! So don't need this!]
/Ditto!/
"So," Looking around expectantly at the five faces, the Immortal
Slayer raised her brows hopefully. "What did ya t'ink? Was I any
good?"
/Angel, buddy, friend, you have to let me have sex. I *need* sex
after that! Please!/
"You did great, Kendra." Cordelia was the first to reply, nudging
the two men on either side of her. "The guys thought so too, but
still can't get passed the caveman response." She smiled sweetly as
they both indignantly grunted.
"Yeah." Angel put in. "You didn't tell us you could sing like
that...or dance..." [No, you're not going to have sex. I'm not going
to have se-eek!] The Slayer pushed herself back in his arms, her
leather-clad backside rubbing against the front of his trosers.
/Eek? And we wonder why they think you're gay. Re-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!/
[Just noticing, huh?]
/Mmm-hmm./
"What's da matter wit' him?" Oblivious to the effect she was having
on the vampire, she wriggled slightly, raised her hand to run it down
his cheek, as if she were petting a large, fangy, grr-y cat. Her
other hand directed their attention to the Host, who had glazed over
somewhat and was staring into space, a small smile on his face.
"Uh..." [She's moving...sex is sounding very, very good...]
/Doesn't it always?/
The Host seem to shake himself out of his trance, looked from
Kendra to Angel and shook his head, then spoke. "Sweetie, I don't
know what death does to you, but if it gave me a voice like that, I'd
pay you to kill me."
"T'anks." She blushed prettily. "I t'ink."
"You got some hot stuff in store." He continued, swirling his drink
in the glass, gazing into the distance, as if watching the future in
his mind. "First, though, you got an old friend to see. And you're
sittin' in her poppa's lap."
/He mentioned you, pal. Snap outta of the drool-fest./
[Mind your own business.] "What did you say?"
The Host gave him an amused look. "Nice to see you so focused on
your surroundings, dreamboat." He drawled. "Ask your friend what you
missed."
"Drusilla." Kendra murmured, eyes dark and cold. "She's here. In
L.A., somewhere."
"Crazy vamp chick?"
"And di vampire who killed me." Her hand slipped to her thigh and
abruptly rose, a long, narrow silver bladed-sword gripped in her
hand. She laid it on the table, smiled slowly. "I t'ink I'm ready to
fight her again." She crossed her legs daintily, the blade out of the
way, hand curving around the handle of the sword.
"Nice piece of weaponry you got there." Gunn glanced at the blade
appraisingly, then back at the girl. "You say this chick killed you?
And you ain't a vamp?" Kendra nodded. "Shit, sister, she's gonna piss
her pretty panties when she sees you."
"Dat's di idea."
"She's got company, sweetie. Daddy's momma in younger form." The
Host grimaced. "God, that vampire's a bitch."
Kendra shrugged, glanced back at Angel briefly. "Den I'll kill her
too." She shrugged. "I'm di Slayer. It is my destiny to kill
vampires. Or somet'ing like dat. Me memory ain't been what it was
since I died."
/Whoa, wait a minute. She's gonna kill Darla!/
[It's her job, precious. You don't mind she's killing Dru, so why
care about Darla? She'd been dead for three years anyway. She shoulda
stayed that way.]
/So...we have a choice of helping this undead, kickass Slayer whose
wriggling in your lap and letting mum die, or we try – and fail
– to
kill the wriggly Slayer critter and have our asses truly kicked?/
[You say that's a choice? This Slayer is better company than Darla
ever was. All blondie wanted was the sex and blood.] Angel grinned
slightly at the memory of pushing Kendra off the bridge and the fight
they had after. [This one knows how to have fun and fight too.]
/She can kick our ass any day of the week./
[And you're complaining about this? C'mon. We both like strong
women. Darla isn't what she once was. Who knows, she might not manage
to kill her anyway. She just wants to get rid of Dru. Revenge and all
that.]
"Angel?" Waving her hand in front of the vampire's eyes, the Slayer
tweaked his nose. "Hey, you, in der. You comin' wit' me to find
Drusilla?"
He glanced at the Host, who shrugged, smirked slightly. "Not my
decision, dreamboat." He said with a red-lipped smile. "You can help
the kid that your future is linked with or you quit the home team and
go back to your roots." He chuckled. "Remember she's a cutie to spend
eternity with."
"I t'ink you are tryin' ta get me ta sing again wit' all dis
flattering." Kendra leaned forward with a smile and patted the Host
on the head. Three pairs of human eyes exchanged worried glances with
a vampire. Surely patting the Host was against the rules?
To their surprise, he chuckled, raised his glass. "Looks like
you've got me all figured out, honey." He gestured to the stage. "We
hardly get anyone who can sing, so if you want a showbiz career, I'm
sure we could set you on your way."
"I t'ink I'll do what I'm best at." She smiled.
"And what's that, sweetie?"
"Takin' da piss out of Angel here." She arched her back against his
chest and glanced up at him, the wicked glint in her eye suggesting
that she more than knew what she was doing to him in the pelvic
region. "An' killin' t'ings dat try an' kill me."
[We really have to move.]
/Where to? Bedroom or on the bar? Its wide enough.../
[Sounds like you've made your decision.]
/Decision?/
[You're thinking about sex with Kendra over sex with Darla.]
/Um...well, she dances good. And she is sitting in our lap right
now./
"What's he grinning about?" Gunn peered around Kendra's mass of
hair at the vampire she was sitting on.
The Host stifled a smirk. "Trust me, handsome, you don't want to
know."
"Wha...?" Angel shook his head, blinked, found all of his friends
grinning knowingly at him. "I was listening. Honest. What did I miss?"
Kendra stood, standing between his knees, facing him. "We," She
said, ruffling his hair even more. "Are goin' ta find your kiddy and
den..." She paused dramatically, hand over heart. In a blink, a stake
had emerged from her cleavage and was pressed to his chest. "We kill
her."
/I'm starting to love this girl./
Raising his hands to her hips, Angel drew her forward, until the
tip of the stake was pressing through the shirt, into the flesh of
his chest. [Is that so?] "Well, we better get going then, shouldn't
we?"
/That's so. If I'm gonna be stuck with someone for eternity, I can
imagine worse people. That Slutty for one./
"If you stop wit' di internal conversation, I t'ink we should
spread di word dat you have di Slayer visitin' ye." Kendra's smile
was devious. "No doubt, Darla will want to have revenge for bein'
staked. And Drusilla will come wit' her. And den, we fight at di
Hotel."
The Host applauded politely, receiving bewildered looks from the
three humans present. "You finally picked the smart one, didn't you,
dreamboat?" He winked at Angel and got to his feet. "I need you to
come back here after you meet the girlfriends. I might have news from
the upper reaches for you."
He offered Kendra a hand, bent and kissed the back of hers in
feigned noblesse, red eyes glinting with humour. "Saw that in a
Nickelodeon." He quoted, then strolled away, leaving the little group
in confused silence.
"What are waitin' for?" The Slayer enquired, tugging Angel to his
feet. "I t'ink we should go and get di welcome party ready for my old
friends."
"You are the smart one, after all." Wesley remarked dryly, rising
to his feet. "I wonder, why wasn't Buffy as intelligent as you..."
Kendra grinned. "She was blonde?" She suggested, looping an arm
through Angel's. "Dat always seems to explain everyt'ing."
/Lovin' this bitch./
[Shuddup.]
"Angel, where's di car?"
Glancing down at her, he pulled a face. "Where you crashed it."
***
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