TITLE: Sewer Slam 2001
AUTHOR: Fyre
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Only the arrival of Gunn in ATS...oops...I just spoiled it, didn't I? ;)
SUMMARY: Angel is forced to join a Wrestling Federation Mega-Fight Deal to find an evil, skanky demon thang.
DISCLAIMERS: Its not mine and I apologise for any slur on 'The Rock' and his real life person. I only obeyed the challenger :-P
NOTES: this is challenge 110 on YGTS and - *big sigh of relief* - it is a sign of my returning muse. It's not exactly very good, but I'm out of practise and this is me feeling better :)
DEDICATION: Benji! I hope this'll be okay :) And Ragna, thanks for posting so much and forcing my mind to get in gear :)


"Just get her to a hospital. I'll go after him." Angel looked down at Cordelia, who was bleeding profusely in Gunn's arms. "You're gonna be okay, Cordy." She nodded, grimacing up at him. Gunn turned and started to run.

"Angel..."

"Go with them, Wesley. I don't want to risk another one of you getting hurt."

The Englishman nodded, turning and sprinting after Cordelia and Gunn, leaving the vampire to hunt down the Phalax demon alone. Setting his jaw, Angel started down the ladder into the sewers, ready to kill.

It wouldn't be the first time he had been left to face an extremely powerful and large demon on his own. He blew out a useless breath, descending the metal ladder rapidly. There was no sound from below but the muffled gurgling of the pipes.

"Okay...I'm here..." He grimaced as some kind of sticky liquid flooded his shoes. "And I'm covered in goo...you are so dying for that." He almost laughed at the absurdity of his words and shook his head. "Channeling my inner Cordelia...that'll make the demon shake in his boots."

Looking around the passages, he followed the trail of massive, slime-coated footprints down the largest one, briefly wondering what form the demon would take next time he saw it. It was typical that a shape-shifting demon that could make itself look like a harmless five year old was able to throw him across a room.

It was also typical that such a demon worked as an assassin for Wolfram and Hart.

Last time he had seen it, it was in his form and was savaging Cordelia, which made the idea of payback all the sweeter. If anyone in this city got to nibble on Cordelia's neck, it was going to be him.

Coming to the end of the pipes, the vampire was forced to lift a hand to shield his eyes from the gaudy, dazzling lights up ahead of him. Cheers and screams greeted him, deafening and echoing off the slime-coated walls of the sewer.

"What the hell...?" Staring around, Angel felt like he'd acceidentally fallen into a different dimension. A square wrestling ring stood at the centre of the huge chamber, row upon row of demon and humans seated or standing and screaming at the two in the ring.

"Name."

"Huh?" Looking to his right, the vampire came face to stomach with a towering black-scaled demon with four massive, muscular arms and dangerous-looking, six inch long fangs protruding from a heavy jaw. "Uh...what's going on?"

The huge demon laughed cynically. "You walk out of the Wrestler's entrance and don't even know you just walked into Sewer Slam 2001?"

"Uh..."

"Look, you must be one of the amateurs they said would be comin' kid." A small notepad appeared in one of the massive hands. "Just gimme your name and you can go and get ready for your match...you don't wanna be facin' the guy who came in before you..."

Angel's head snapped up. "A big guy? Ugly with four horns on his face?"

"That's the guy." Retrieving a pen from behind one of his concical ears, the demon cocked his head. "So, you gonna gimme a name?"

Nodding, Angel looked down at the ring. It was his only chance to find the demon. "Angelus."

"Whoa..." Three eyes stared down at him, impressed. "You're THE Angelus? The Scourge of Europe's Angelus?" He nodded, distracted. The demon chuckled throatily. "This is gonna be one helluva battle."

"What are the rules?"

"Rules? There ain't no rules, hon." The pen and notepad disappeared. He paused. "Unless you count 'Stay Alive', but most of 'em figure that one out right away..." One large, black hand gestured down a flight of stairs to it's right. "Just head down there. Wardrobe are waitin'."

As the vampire disappeared from sight, the demon shook his head and laughed. "The Angelus...this should be good...pity about the pink costume..."

***

"Can you smeeeeeeeeell what The Rock is cookin'?"

Angel looked around at the vividly-coloured-unitarded figure. "Um...no?" The demon seemed oblivious to the fact that vampire had spoken.

"And the Rock is gonna make your knees freeze, your liver quiver and your..." The overly-muscled, baby-oiled humanoid paused, pursing his lips. "I don't know...what rhymes with 'lungs' and sounds painful?"

"Don't ask me." Angel grumbled, tugging at the pink spandex that was stretched over his body, his hands lingering self-consciously over the front of his groin. The creature beside him who was trying to rhyme body parts eyed him.

"Oh don't be so shy." He drawled. "The Rock isn't ashamed of his assets."

"Wow! The Rock's a demon?" One of the shorter demon's in the dressing rooms stared up at the wrestler in awe. "You're amazing! You are so cool! And your hair! How do you make it look like a solid block like that?"

Angel - who, up until this point, had been wondering what a stone had to do with anything - took a look at the demon's black hair. It was indeed a solid mass and a rather impressive looking one at that. It also held more gel than Angel used in a full week and that was truly an incredible feat.

The Rock - if that was indeed his name - started to swell. "Yeah, shorty! The Rock is a demon and a demon like no other at that. He's the biggest and he's the strongest and he's the most physically attractive..."

"And he's the one who talks about himself in the third person like a prick." Angel muttered, still picking at the unitard and purple bobbles stitched onto it.

Immediately, the Rock's size was reduced. "The Rock thinks that wasn't nice!"

"Let me guess." Angel looked at him thoughtfully. "You'd be a Negobu'sta, correct?"

The Rock raised one eyebrow suspiciously - as was his trademark - and asked. "How do you know what The Rock is?"

"Maybe it's because you are so big and strong and..." The Rock started to swell again, a cocky smirk creeping onto his lips. Angel crossed his arms over his chest. "See, your inflating ego gives you away."

"The Rock can tell you're one smart demon."

"Can the Rock?"

Taking Angel aside, one arm around the vampire's shoulder, the Negobu'sta made certain no one was listening. "The Rock can also tell you that there's only a coupla guys in this for the killin', so leave 'em to the Rock unless you wanna form a tag team."

"The Angelus knows that he can kick some demon ass if he nee..." Angel shook himself. "I mean, I can kick ass if I have to."

The Rock pursed his lips again. "The Rock has gotta admit you've got balls...he can see 'em through the spandex." Angel hastily shielded his groin again. "But The Rock is in this for the acting, not for the reality."

"You could have fooled me."

The Rock looked pleased, as if this were a backhanded compliment. "Well, the Rock is saying he'll watch your back...he has heard of the Angelus and knows that the Angelus wouldn't be here unless he was looking for someone."

"For someone who always speaks in the third person, you're pretty smart."

"The Rock had to practise for years before he could speak like this without screwing up at least once a sentence." He half-grinned at the vampire. "The Rock wants to know if the Angelus would want to form a tag team, if he needed some back-up since he lost his humans in the sewers."

Angel looked the wrestler up and down. "Can the Rock fight?" He asked dubiously, the brightly coloured unitard the huge man was wearing daring him to ask the wrestler if he just blinded his opponents instead of actually fighting them.

"The Rock usually acts, more than fighting." He shrugged. "But when the Rock has to, he can kick demon ass along with the rest of them...he got big shiny belty things for it..." His eyes glittered greedily. "The Rock likes big shiny belty things."

Angel desperately tried to think of anything but sex toys.

The Rock rolled his shoulders and flexed his massive arms. There was no doubt that he was a big guy. "The Rock thinks the Angelus should eat some...thing before entering the ring. Sewer Slam is rough, even for the Rock...he got a black eye last year..."

"And the ladies found The Rock even more rugged and manly than usual?" The Rock swelled a little, grinning. "I'll take that as a yes."

"The Rock thinks that the Angelus is too smart for his own good." Clapping Angel on the back, the Rock steered the vampire towards the refreshment side of the dressing area. "The Rock also recommends that the Angelus tries out the folding chairs that coincidentally happen to be propped beside the ring..."

"Sit down in the middle of the fight?"

The Rock gave the vampire a quizzical look. "The Rock may have been mistaken when he thought Angelus was too smart for his own good."

"Hey! Did you just insult me?"

The wrestler looked innocent. "The Rock has no idea what you're talking about."

***

"I see what you mean about those chairs."

The Rock tossed another on across the ring to the vampire, who used it to decapitate one of the Phalax demon's tagteam members. "The Rock thinks that the Angelus has learned to fight pretty good."

"Well, I learned from the best." The Rock swelled. "I meant my ex- girlfriend." The Rock deflated. "But you're damn good too." The swelling increased and Angel used another of the metal chairs to smack an opponent across the head. "Why do they leave these chairs out?"

"The Rock thinks they like bloodshed."

"The Angelus thinks The Rock might be right." The Phalax demon leapt into the ring. "Hey! He didn't wait to get tagged! That's cheating!"

The Rock sniggered. "The Rock thinks that it might have been a bit difficult, since his tag partner is dead...and he had no hands for tagging." He ducked under a blow from the Phalax, who slashed out with ragged claws. "And the Rock think that guy needs a manicure."

"Reason enough to kill him, don't you agree?"

"The Rock most definitely thinks so."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrargh!"

"The Rock also thinks that guy needs a breathmint."

"I don't think he'll need it if he's dead, Rock..."

"The Rock thinks thats a good point."

Two more folding metal chairs, a filing cabinet, an ax, several butcher knives, a snake in a sack, a mouse (hey, someone was bound to be afraid of it - it would be a deadly weapon in that case), a ton weight suspended over the ring and a pair of scissors appeared in or around the vicinity of the ring, where the fight was growing progressively messier.

A clawed paw went sailing out of the ring.

"The Rock has taken care of the need for a manicure."

Angel's watch beeped one o'clock and the mouse ran up the demon's nose (I would rhyme a body part with clock, but we want to keep this semi-respectable).

"The Angelus' watch has stopped."

"The Rock doesn't see the relevance of that."

"It was timing when that ton weight was going to fall."

"The Rock sees the relevance now."

A folding chair snapped closed around the demon's head.

"The Rock wants to know how to kill one of these guys."

"The Angelus remembers something about a filing cabinet."

A filing cabinet flew through the air, effectively squashing the Phalax demon.

"The Rock hopes that was the right idea."

Demon goo - which might have been brains, blood or bogies...no one could be sure - was oozing from beneath the filing cabinet. Angel and The Rock stepped out of the ring a second before the ton weight fell and splutted the remainder of the filing cabinet...and demon.

"I think it worked."

"And The Rock thinks he might have just won himself another big, shiny, belty thing."

"The Rock can have it."

"I can? Thanks!"

"Wait a minute! You just spoke normally!"

"Oh crud!"

***

"Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"

Cordelia made a sound of disgust. "Puh-lease. I'm not staying in one of those places again." A large strip of white gauze was stuck across her neck. "I got stitched up and sneaked out as soon as I...uh...Angel, whose your friend?"

"Who? Oh, him..." Glancing back at the door of the hotel, Angel gestured his tag-team partner in. "He helped me beat that Phalax demon in Sewer Slam 2001 and..." He trailed off, noticing the interest in the brunette girl's eyes. "Rock, this is Cordelia. Cordy, the Rock."

Wearing only a vest and sweatpants, the Negobu'sta seemed to grow larger as Cordelia hurriedly stepped out from the desk, smoothing her hair with one hand and extending the other to shake his. "Uh...hi..." She gaped at the muscles in his arms. "Wow...you're big...I-I mean, I don't mean you're big that way, but you might be, but...er..." She blushed.

"The Rock is pleased to meet such an attractive young lady." He flashed a dazzling smile at her and Cordelia blinked. Apparently, her being speechless was having the same affect as her impressed words and The Rock's muscles rippled.

"Uh...would you...you know...like to go for a coffee? You could...um...tell me about how you beat the Phalax demon."

"I did most of the fighting." Angel put in uselessly.

"The Rock would be delighted." He purred. Offering his arm to her, he winked at Angel. "The Rock hopes the Angelus doesn't mind him stealing his employees." Angel waved them away with a low groan. "The Rock is grateful."

As the two headed towards the door, Angel started banging his head on the desk when Cordelia's words reached him.

"Talking in the third person...oh, that is so sexy."

He was amazed that the wrestler's body - head included - managed to fit out of the door. The doors clicked shut and he released a groan.

"The Angelus is never going to get laid."

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