Juicy Quotes & Wise Cracks

Enjoy the lighter side of life by reading these quotes, thoughts & ideas. If you want then exercise you mind with some not so heavy duty thinking

Here are some juicy quotes and wise cracks which are basically for fun. But there are some serious stuff as well. Initially I thought I should make two sections; one for serious quotes and the other for humourous ones, but later I realised that these quotes can serve as both depending on the person who reads it. On reading these it is obvious that they will evoke something in the mind of the reader. Quotes might evoke some interpretations, ideas or conclusions, whereas Questions might evoke some answers. It will be intresting to collect these. So please submit whatever that comes to your mind after reading a quote. Some 'good' ideas might be posted in future. One more thing 'bout your entry:THE WHACkIER THE BETTER!

Blackboard tops (Quotations that hit our classroom Blackboard)

  1. Inappropriate shyness reveals rather than conceals.
  2. Popularity among girls is directly proportional to notoriety among boys.
  3. Try, try, try until you fry by frustration.
  4. Wise men are always destructive.
  5. Wounds heal but scars remain.
  6. Inappropriate shyness reveals rather than conceals.
  7. Dhalagiri is alone, lets get Machchapuchre to acompany it.
  8. It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice

Scientific Gags

  1. Black holes were created when God divided by 0.
  2. In The Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
  3. I like angles, but only to a degree.
  4. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain. And as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Einstein
  5. Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.
  6. All that glitters has a high refractive index.
  7. Gravity... not just a good idea: It's the law.
  8. Entropy isn't what it used to be.
  9. A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go.
  10. Alcohol and calculus don't mix - PLEASE don't drink and derive.
  11. When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
  12. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
  13. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  14. A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  15. The Three Laws Of Thermodynamics, God Shoots Dice Style: First Law: You can't win. Second Law: You can't break even. Third Law: You can't even get out of the game.
  16. Color... it's just a pigment of your imagination.
  17. When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. The two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link Pokhara with Kathmandu.
  18. Particle physicists are always trying to hold a meeting, but whenever they decide on a place, the time changes.
  19. On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
  20. A red sign on the door of a physics professor: 'If this sign is blue, you're going too fast.'
  21. Be careful with water -- it's full of hydrogen and oxygen!

Indispensible Advices:

  1. Don't let yesterday take up to much of today.
  2. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
  3. Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows. - Helen Keller (Serious Stuff!)
  4. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
  5. Take the road not taken - the leaves crunch that much louder!
  6. "For attractive lips, speak words of kindness" - Audrey Hepburn
  7. Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.
  8. Find the key to yourself and every door in the world is open to you.(Serious Stuff!)
  9. Drink varnish and you'll get a lovely finish.
  10. Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.(Serious Stuff!)
  11. If you receive something that says 'Send this to everyone you know,' pretend you don't know me.
  12. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  13. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
  14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  15. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
  16. If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
  17. Save Water - Take a bath with your neighbor's daughter
  18. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
  19. We don't want a thing because we have found a reason for it - we find a reason for it because we want it.
  20. Perseverance is not a long race. It is many short races one after another.
  21. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
  22. Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. - Ambrose Bierce
  23. Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.(Serious Stuff!)
  24. You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
  25. Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
  26. Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don't complain about the draught.
  27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  28. If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
  29. Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. - Corrie TenBoom (Serious Stuff!)
  30. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  31. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
  32. When all you have is a hammer, the whole world looks like a nail.
  33. No varnish can hide the grain of the wood and the more varnish you put on, the more the grain will express itself. - Charles Dickens (Serious Stuff!)
  34. It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
  35. Patience comes to those who wait.
  36. Quit smoking on the anniversary of your birth, not the day of your death. - Corky Peterson (Serious Stuff!)
  37. If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times.
  38. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

Foolish Questions: These questions might seems foolish, but try answering them and you might end up with a bald head (You'll pull your hair out in frustration)

  1. How can there be self-help GROUPS?
  2. Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
  3. If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, who's the idiot that said: Quit while you're ahead?
  4. What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
  5. Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?
  6. When it rains, how come cows don't knock on the farmer's door and say, "Hey, let us in, we're all wearing leather out here!"
  7. Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
  8. What's the speed of dark?
  9. If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, ...how cold will it be?
  10. In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?

 

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