An elephant's life is tedious, laborious and slow.
I'm been an elephant all me life so I blooming well ought to know.
He never forgets a name or face (ooh!)
He knows his way from place to place (ooh!)
Remembers to be dutiful
And when to push and when to pull
And when he's dead the dealer calls
And buys his tusks for billiard balls (oooooh!)
And all because an elephant's got a perfect memory.
That wasn't the life for me!
So I'm suffering from amnesia, my mind's a perfect blank
Life is very much easier, amnesia's to thank!
I'm being psychoanalysed, I lie on a divan.
I flap me ears and try to look as barmy as I can
[chorus]
I'm an introverted elephocentric hypochondriac
And I'll stick in the elephants' nursing home
Till I get me memory back!
I'm suffering from hysteria, it nearly split me sides
To see the others get wearier of giving the children rides.
I've told my psychoanalyst that I'm a sacred cow.
I'd like to carry a Howdah, but I can't remember how
[chorus]
I'm an introverted elephocentric hypochondriac
And I'll stick in the elephants' nursing home
Till I get me memory back!
I suffer from schizophrenia, it comes on me in spells.
Sometimes I'm king of Armenia, at others I'm Orson Welles.
I tell them I'm Napoleon, and all that sort of bunk.
They'd never guess that all the time I'm laughing up my trunk
[chorus]
I'm an introverted elephocentric hypochondriac
And I'll stick in the elephants' nursing home
Till I get me memory back!
Tra! Tiddle tumpty tumpty. Tra! Tiddle tum!
Practising me trumpet half the night
Tra! Tiddle tumpty tumpty. Tra! Tiddle tum!
And I'll stick in the elephants' nursing home
Till I get my memory back!
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