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Message-Id: <199708221231.FAA10205@lists1.best.com>
From: FRASER@vax.library.utoronto.ca
Subject: Vampyres: Fluff:  The Breakfast of Vampions
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 1997 8:31:02 -0400
To: vampyres-l@lists.best.com

One thing I _can_ tell you about Drac 97 without giving anything away is 
that I tried Nutri-Grain bars for the first time and liked them.  Upon 
reporting this and two cracks I made about them (one is the title, the 
other the punchline of this poem), she challenged me to turn it into a 
poem.  Nobody tell Kelloggs, okay?
______
The Breakfast of Vampions
copyright 1997 by Anne Fraser
________ 

At the crack of dusk, the coffin opes;
The vampire emerges, for a candle gropes.
His faithful Renfield hovers by;
Swallowing his evening fly.

"Master," grovels the whiny one,
"I hunted for you under the sun.
Not a victim found I, near or far."
So he hands the vampire a breakfast bar.

"What is this, Renfield?" the Count inquires.
"It takes blood to stoke my fires.
I want to chomp down into a vein,
Not into this... Nutri-Grain."

"Try it, Master," Renfield urges.
"It's good for giving sugar surges.
I bought you raspberry, so at least it's red.
Try it, Master, then you'll be fed."

With expression dubious, the vampire nibbles.
Out through his fangs, red stuff dribbles.
He chomps, he chews, his fangs at work.
Hm, it's tasty, Renfield's no jerk.

"I like it, Renfield!" the Count proclaims.
"This is even better than sucking veins.
These Nutri-Grain bars are breakfast champs,
I must spread the word to other vamps."

So now the Count sells breakfast bars,
One of Kellogg's best selling stars.
Vampires everywhere attend to his spiel:
"Nutri-Grain's tasty... and it's nae oatmeal!"


______________
I HAD to do it, don't hurt me...

fraser@library.utoronto.ca




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